Shrinking Violet (Colors #2) (27 page)

“Enough!” Kal bellowed, effectively halting everything. “Carson, go get your ass cleaned up before Willow comes out here and sees you like this. And I suggest you take the time to calm your ass down.”

Jerking his shoulder out of Kal’s hold, Carson stormed off in the direction of his house, and I felt like my world had just crumbled.

Turning my anger on Seth, I walked over to where I’d dropped the papers on the ground, snatching them up before slamming them on the hood of his fancy car and flipping through to the correct page. “Where the hell is a pen?”

Seth pulled a black pen from the front pocket of his soiled polo shirt and handed it over. Snatching it up, I scribbled my name on the lines indicated and slapped the documents against his chest as hard as I could, but not before taking the opportunity to dig the ballpoint end of the pen into his pretty paint job and drag it all the way across the hood.

“That’s a rental, you crazy—”

“I suggest you don’t finish that sentence, boy,” Kal told him as he stepped into Seth’s personal space. If I hadn’t just had my happiness ripped out from under me, I might have found enjoyment in watching Seth cower before my giant uncle, but I didn’t.

“Get the hell out of here, and don’t you
ever
come back,” I growled.

“Gladly.” Seth scampered around to the driver’s side, muttering something that sounded like
psychotic hillbilly assholes
. He had the car started before his door was shut all the way and reversed out of the driveway so fast, he spit up gravel in his wake.

“You okay, baby girl?” Kal asked, placing his hands on my shoulders and looking down at me.

“N-no,” I cried. “I need to talk to Carson.”

I could see he wanted an explanation, but wasn’t about to push for one. “Go on, sweetheart. But if you need me, you know where to find me, yeah?”

I gave a quick nod before taking off at a full run toward Carson’s house. My heart thumped a rapid beat against my ribs, apprehension clawing at me the closer I got, and once I stepped onto his porch, I knew that whatever was about to happen wasn’t going to be good.

“Carson?” I called through the screen door. When I didn’t get an answer, I slowly pulled it open and walked inside, blood whooshing in my ears with each hesitant step. “Oh, God,” I gasped as I entered the kitchen to find him leaning against the sink. His grip on the edge of the counter was so tight his knuckles had gone white.

I rushed to him and turned his face toward mine. His left cheekbone was marred with a deep purple bruise and blood trickled from the cut on his eyebrow. His bottom lip was busted, swollen red and puffy, but if I had to guess, I’d say Carson fared much better than Seth had. The cuts and bruises on his face were nothing in comparison to what I’d seen on Seth’s before he’d jumped into his car and sped away.

“Are you okay?” I asked, reaching out to gently touch his cheekbone, hoping it wasn’t broken. Carson’s hand shot out, wrapping around my wrist to stop me before I could make contact.

“Tell me what that guy was saying isn’t true, Cassidy.” His voice was cold, his mossy eyes dark with rage as he stared down at me. Never once had Carson looked at me with anything but warmth, but the coldness in his eyes right then sent a chill down my spine.

“Carson…you have to let me explain—”

“I don’t
have
to do anything, Cassidy. Clearly you’ve been lying to me all this time.”

“I wasn’t lying!” I cried out. “You don’t understand. What I grew up with—”

Carson interrupted me yet again. “Of
course
I don’t understand!” he shouted. “You’ve never told me a damn thing about yourself from before moving here!”

“I’m telling you now,” I insisted. “If you’d just listen—”

“Jesus, Christ, Cassidy! I don’t want excuses. Just tell me he was lying.” He demanded harshly. “Because the person he described isn’t the person I thought I knew.”

“It wasn’t a lie,” I admitted weakly, no longer attempting to explain myself. It was clear he didn’t want to hear it. I rushed to continue when he let out a sting of curses. “But I’m not that person anymore, Carson. I swear!”

He pushed off the counter and came to stand in front of me. “Did you really get pregnant on purpose just to trap him? Tell me the truth.”

“You have to understand,” I sobbed, “I was so lonely back then—”

“Jesus! So you lied about being protected and got pregnant? Christ, Cassidy! What about with me, huh? When you said you were on the pill, did you lie to me, too?”

“No! God! No, Carson. How could you even think that?”

“Because you’ve been lying to me!” He began to pace the kitchen, pulling at his hair in frustration. “Who the fuck does something like that?”

“I wasn’t trying to trap him!” I yelled as the tears streamed down my cheeks. “It wasn’t even about Seth…not really, anyway. I was just…I was so alone. I never had anyone who loved me unconditionally, and I know how messed-up it sounds, but I just thought that if I had a baby I could love it with all my heart and get that same kind of love in return. I was only eighteen years old, Carson. I was a stupid kid.”

His lip curled up in disgust. “You brought a baby into the world because you were
lonely
? Do you have any fucking clue how many kids are in the foster system for that very reason? That’s the most selfish thing I’ve ever heard!”

I clenched my fists at my side and lifted my chin in indignation. “There are a lot of things I did in the past that I regret, but I’m not going to let you make me feel bad for my choice. It might not have been a good reason to have a baby, but I’m a
damn
good mother. I’ll never regret having that little girl.”

“And what was all that shit about blackmailing your ex-boyfriend?” he continued as if he hadn’t heard me. “I want the whole truth, Cassidy, not some watered-down version that’ll make it sound like it wasn’t as bad as it was. Tell me
exactly
what you did.”

I lost all steam at the callousness in Carson’s voice. Dropping down into one of the chairs at the kitchen table, I kept my gaze on the intricate grain of the polished wood, my shoulders slumped in defeat as I confessed the ugly details of my past.

“Parker and I dated for two years in high school. I’d convinced myself that I was in love with him, and when we broke up…I guess you could say I didn’t take it very well. We kept hooking up for a little while after and I convinced myself that we were going to get back together, even though it was just sex for him. Our senior year, he started dating this girl, Freya, and I—I kind of lost it…”

“What did you do?” he asked after I’d trailed off. I blinked away the tears in my eyes and looked up at him. His body stood rigid, his arms crossed over his chest, feet planted firmly. Nothing about his stance was welcoming, but somehow I forced myself to hold his gaze as I told him the rest, hoping and praying he’d see the regret in my eyes.

“I found out his dad was having an affair and took pictures. I told him if he didn’t break up with her, I’d show them to his mother. She was…she was sick. She’d had a breakdown a few years prior, and I knew Parker would have done anything to protect her. So I used that. After he broke up with Freya, I did everything in my power to make her life hell. My friends and I spent the rest of the year tormenting and bullying her just because we could. I knew the whole time that what I was doing was wrong, but I got this sick…gratification out of making her feel as bad as I did every single day.”

I laughed humorlessly, appalled by the person I used to be. “You know that saying, misery loves company? Well, it’s true. I thought that if I was stuck living a miserable existence day after day then it was only fair that she was miserable, too.”

The sound of the screen door slamming pulled our attention to the living room, where Navie stood with a shell-shocked expression on her face. “How could—how could you do that?” she asked quietly, unshed tears glistening in her dark blue eyes.

I swallowed audibly, trying my best to speak past the bile rising in my throat at the realization that she’d just heard every word I’d just said.

“I’m so sorry, sweetheart,” I croaked as more tears streamed down my face. “I’m so, so sorry.” I’d always expected Carson’s hatred once I told him the truth about me, but I’d convinced myself that I could somehow keep it all from Navie. I knew the pain she struggled with at school, and I never wanted to risk having her look at me like she was looking at me right then—like I was a stranger, like she had no clue who I was.

“You need to go,” Carson’s voice rumbled, drawing my gaze back to him. “Now. You need to leave, Cassidy.”

With a nod, I stood from the chair, heartsick and beaten down. I wiped at my face as I made my way past Navie and to the front door. With my hand on the knob, I looked over my shoulder. There was just one last thing I needed to say.

“I can’t excuse the things I did, and I’ll spend the rest of my life regretting my actions. But I’ve spent the last four years doing everything in my power to be a better person. You know me,” I said to the both of them. “You know the
real
me. And you know the person I am now would rather die than hurt someone else.”

With that, I walked out the door, silently praying with each and every step that what Milly had said was true, that Carson would find some way to look past my sins to see the good that was in me.

Because a life without Carson in it was just too sad to consider.

“You okay?”

I turned from where I’d been standing, staring out the kitchen window for the past…well, I honestly had no damn clue how long I’d been standing there. I’d lost all track of time since Cassidy walked out the door the previous afternoon. I’d gone about my evening like a zombie, not saying a word to anyone. For the first time in what felt like forever, Navie and I didn’t eat dinner at the main house. I’d woken up this morning feeling empty as I went about making coffee and preparing for the day, only realizing once I looked out the window at the beautiful land around me that I wasn’t even sure if I still had a job. Navie stood in the doorway, regarding me pensively.

“I’m…” I didn’t know how to answer. I wasn’t sure what I was. In that very moment, I was numb. “I’m fine, little bit,” I lied, not wanting to cause her any more grief than she was sure to already be in after witnessing the scene the day before. She’d looked up to Cassidy like she was some sort of hero. I didn’t want to think about how finding out the truth could have crushed her. I could see it in her eyes the night before that she wanted to go, wanted to be around the people she’d formed such strong bonds with, but she didn’t say a word when I told her I wouldn’t be heading that way for dinner. Loyalty was one thing we held strong to, growing up in the system, and I watched with a broken heart as she firmly planted herself at our kitchen table and didn’t say a word about it. Navie felt her loyalty should be to me, unwavering. Guilt washed over me when she said with a fierce determination that if I wasn’t going, neither was she, despite my insistence that she go anyway.

“Do you think…do you think they’ll make us leave?”

It was a question I’d been wondering myself. Unease coursed through my blood at the thought of what would happen if the Sheffields put us out after Cassidy told them what happened between us. I hated the idea of dipping into the money I’d saved up for Navie, but if they put us out on our asses, I wasn’t going to have much of a choice.

Sucking in a deep breath, I tried my best to come off calm and reassuring, even though I was a mess of anxiety inside. “Everything’s going to be fine, little bit. I promise.”

“But—”

“No buts. We’ll be fine. You’re going to be late for school.”

“Carson, I think I should stay with you today.”

The insecurity in her voice was like a blade dragging across my skin. “No, you need to go to school. It’s almost over, Navie. Just a few more weeks. I’ll take care of everything here. There’s nothing you need to worry about.”

She stood silent for several seconds and what she said next practically tore me in two. “You know, I thought the happiest day of my life was the day I got my acceptance letter from NYU. I was so excited at the chance to finally get out of this damn place.” Her expression grew pensive as she stared off into nothing. “But I’ve started thinking that maybe leaving is a mistake.”