Sia (28 page)

At the same time, I’m furious. How could she have stolen money from me—stolen money from charity? Even for Amber, this is a new low. I glare at her, trying to feel something charitable myself, but I’m completely fuming.

“
I’m trying to find the words.” My voice is quiet. The shushing of the traffic is reduced to a hum in the background. “I can’t believe you did this. I mean, thanks for bringing it back, but . . . Amber, this is serious.”

She stares at me, miserable. “It’s okay,” she says. “I know what I did was beyond evil. I’m not sure I can forgive myself, either.”

Kyle clears his throat, and I glance back at him. He nods, his mouth curving a bit, which seems odd. Then I realize the irony of the situation: I was once where Amber is now. I had behaved cruelly to Kyle and his friends, tormented them. Yet in a way, they’ve forgiven me. Surely I can do the same for Amber, can’t I? A calmness has settled in Kyle’s eyes, and it gives me the strength I need.

I take a deep breath. “Of course I forgive you, Amber. You were confused.”

“
You do?”

I nod. “Everyone deserves a second chance. I mean, I got mine, thanks to the amnesia. Now it’s your turn.”

She hugs me again, then steps away. “Oh my God,” she mutters with a grimace. “My face must be a mess.”

“
It kinda is,” I assure her, and we both giggle. It’s a small step forward. We still have a long way to go, but at least we’re moving in the right direction. “But Amber, you have to realize something. If we’re going to be friends, things aren’t going to be the same.”

Her eyes search mine. “But when your memory comes back—”

“
I’ll fight to hold on. I want to be who I am now.” I pause. “Can you handle that?”

She sniffs. “I think so. I really want to try.” She smiles faintly. “I’ll just remember what you said about the two friends on the road.”

I hear Kyle’s shoes kick the gravel behind us. Almost forgot. “And you’ll have to accept my new friends, too,” I say.

She thinks it over. “I can do that.”

We stare at each other for a moment, neither of us speaking.

Then I turn around and face Kyle. He’s leaning against the truck’s grill, arms folded. I can’t read his expression, but it’s not hostile. It’s more curious than anything.

“
Kyle, would you mind driving alone the rest of the way? So I can ride with Amber?”

He shakes his head. “Not a problem. I’ll see you in San Fran.”

Inside Amber’s car, she grabs a scarf and hands it to me. “Don’t want your hair to get all tangled,” she explains. I hold her hand a little longer than I need to, and I smile. She’s trying already, being considerate. Baby steps.

“
Thanks, Amber.”

She smiles back. “Sure.”

We follow Kyle as he pulls out into traffic. “So . . . ” she says, sounding casual, just two friends on a regular Saturday drive. “Tell me about this guy. I’ll admit, he’s kinda cute.” She raises an eyebrow. “Has he kissed you yet?”

“
None of your business.”

She just laughs. “Must have been some kiss.”

As we drive, we do a lot of talking. It’s like I have a whole new friend—except she knows everything about me while I’m still learning about her. None of that matters during the ride, though. We talk the whole way, touching on some of the same topics. But we also branch out a bit, telling each other what’s been going on in our lives. Before we know it, we’re in San Francisco.

“
This is a beautiful city,” I say.

Amber glances at me. “You’ve been here before, you know.”

“
I have?”

She nods. “We vacationed here last year. But it’s kind of cool, right? You get to rediscover the place all over again.”

Ground zero is another story. Nothing beautiful there. We must drive carefully, steering around fractured roads and collapsed freeways, following detours. We really get to see the earthquake’s jarring aftermath. Tall, majestic buildings have been reduced to heaps of gray rubble. Chipped sidewalks are littered with broken glass.

Everyone who was reported missing has been found, so the official search-and-rescue team has finished their job, but the streets are far from empty. We arrive at suppertime and park across the street from a lineup of ragged people. They’re waiting outside a building with a large Red Cross banner on the side. The lineup reminds me of waiting outside the soup kitchen with Carol. Only this one is much, much longer.

“
Are you going to hand out food?” Amber asks.

“
I think so.”

She clears her throat, eyeing the dirty crowd. “Do you think I could help?”

“
Definitely,” I assure her.

“
I wouldn’t have to touch them, would I?”

I stifle a chuckle, reminding myself to be patient with her. “No. You can just pass out food.”

“’
Kay,” she says with a nod.

Kyle hops down from the truck in front of us and walks toward the building. A woman in a bright red shirt comes out to meet him. She must be Sheila, our contact. They talk a few minutes, then Kyle comes back and tells us to get back in the truck and follow him. He leads us to an alley where Sheila has already set up an assembly line of volunteers. It’s a good thing, because without them, it would take much longer to unload our food and supplies. Thirty minutes later, our trucks are empty and the food donations are sorted inside the building.

Amber, Stacy, and I join the other volunteers outside. They’re busy distributing food to an endless line of people. As I set up, I study them. From the look in the peoples’ eyes, the earthquake has shaken a lot more out of them than their homes. Their expressions are desolate, and the children cling to their parents, obviously afraid to be left alone. Then I remember how scared I had been at the rehab center. The mere aftershock had sent my parents and me scrambling under the tables. How much more fury had the actual earthquake unleashed here? These poor children. It must have been a terrifying experience.

Stacy’s passing out bottles before I can blink. She smiles and chats away the whole time.

Amber is more cautious. The sight of all these despondent souls clearly makes her uncomfortable.

I squeeze her arm reassuringly. “You ready?”

“
I don’t know how to help them,” she whispers.

I give her a water bottle. “Simple. One at a time.”

Amber smiles at me, and her face tenses with new determination. Her long, aqua nails look a little out of place, digging into cardboard boxes and reaching out to dirty hands. But after a while, she moves just as quickly as everyone else. Her fear seems to dissolve with the realization of what she’s doing—helping people.

CHAPTER FORTY-ONE

I continue handing out water bottles. I’m glad we’ve brought so many. Alyz has sent along one other special carton, which I’m keeping between my feet. It’s filled with chocolate bars, and I hand them out to children as they pass.

One little girl stops in front of me and looks up with huge brown eyes. I squat in front of her.

“
Here’s your water,” I say. “It’s nice and cold.”

“
Thank you,” she whispers. She looks at me like I’m a ghost.

I try to warm her with my smile. “I have something else for you. Do you like chocolate?”

Her mouth drops open, a silent answer. I reach into the hidden box and pull one out. I offer it to her, but she doesn’t move. Her deep eyes flit from the chocolate bar to my face.

I nod. “It’s for you.”

“
Really?” Again, her voice is just a whisper. The sheer sweetness of her tugs at my heart. After a moment, her little hand reaches out and her fingers close around the treat.

“
What do you say?” her mother asks.

“
Thank you,” the little one says.

Suddenly, she flings her arms around me, and I feel her pudgy fingers grip my back.

I can’t move. That hug swallows me whole: her fear, her hope, her gratitude, her innocent, boundless love. Emotions radiate from her, flowing like warm syrup through my body.

Then she steps away, following her mother. I stumble backward. I’m overwhelmed by the sensation. When I’m far away from everyone, I collapse to my knees, feeling disoriented. Out of nowhere, images start coming to me, popping into my head. Pictures that make no sense.

Then I realize they make a lot of sense.

They're . . . my memories. They’re coming back.

I see a sweet little girl in long blonde pigtails, laughing and playing with her dolls. I watch her transform into a rebellious teenager, overflowing with independent but misguided thoughts. I hear the callous words I’d carelessly slung at my parents, and I see how they withdrew from me, unsure how to deal with what I’d become. I see how I treated Beatriz, John, and everyone else around me with disdain. How I felt entitled to walk over anyone who got in my way. I feel the swell of my ego as it grew and took control. I’m a witness to my transformation into a heartless bully, unconcerned with how I hurt people.

My entire body shakes with the effect of what’s happening. Tears stream down my cheeks, but I try to keep my sobs quiet.

The little girl had put so much of herself into that hug. She had given all she had, hugging a perfect stranger. Except now, I am no longer a perfect stranger. I know who I am, and I am crushed by the reality. Everyone had tried to tell me, tried to show me the person I’d been before, but I’d never really understood.

Now I do.

Not until this moment have I actually
felt
what I’d been. It’s too much. My mind struggles to absorb everything.

“
Sia?” says Kyle, his voice soft with concern.

I feel his hand on my arm, but I turn away, my eyes squeezed closed. I can’t face him right now. I wish I could disappear. I am sick to my stomach.

But he persists. “Sia? Are you hurt?”

“
No, I’m not hurt,” I manage. I open my eyes.

He’s crouched in front of me, frowning. “What happened?”

I shake my head. “It’s nothing. Go help the others. Don’t worry about me.”

He takes my hands in his. His green eyes seek mine. There’s a caring in them I haven't seen since . . . “Don’t worry about you? How can I not worry about you, Sia? Tell me what’s going on.”

I shake my head.

“
Please tell me. Let me help you.”

I take a deep breath, and it comes back out in little shudders. “I remember, Kyle,” I say quietly. “All my memories are back. I remember . . . everything.”

He sucks in a breath and his jaw tightens. He’s bracing himself. This is it. The moment he’s been dreading all this time. “I see. And . . . how do you feel?”

“
Overwhelmed.”

He nods slowly and lets go of my hands. “If you want to leave, I’d understand.” He swallows. “We all would.”

I see resignation in his eyes. He is expecting me to revert to who I’d been before. He’s sure of it.

He stands up and takes a step back. “I’ll get Amber to take you home.”

When he turns and starts to walk away, I stand. “Kyle.”

“
What?” he asks, pausing midstride.

“
Can we talk about this?”

He turns to me and shakes his head. “Nah. It’s okay. I get it.” He nods to himself. “It’s probably better this way. We come from two very different worlds.” He starts walking again.

Suddenly, my heart is drumming frantically. “Kyle!” I cry.

“
There’s nothing else to say, Sia.” He’s not facing me, but at least he hasn’t gone any farther. This is my chance. Possibly my only one.

“
Yes, there is.” I speak from my heart. “I love you.”

He spins around with a gasp. “What?”

I walk toward him, gazing into his beautiful eyes. The closer I get, the braver I become. I know what I have to do. I have known all along.

“
I love you,” I repeat. Inches away, I reach out and touch his cheek with my fingertips. “I loved you yesterday. I love you today. And if you’ll let me, I’ll love you tomorrow.” My own words roar through me, filling me with hope and strength.

The next thing I know, he’s hugging me, his arms around my waist. He rests his chin on my shoulder, trembling slightly. “God, I was so afraid. I thought I’d lost you for good.”

I inhale, breathing in his sweet, familiar scent. “I’m still here. The old Sia is here, too, but I am stronger. And I’m not going anywhere.”

He brings his face to mine. “I’m glad.”

All that time, all those days and nights when I’d worried that he hated me, that he couldn’t stand to be near me, and all along . . . “You know what?” I say.

He shrugs and waits. The tension is gone from his face.

“
It’s so weird. My mind is racing with memories, but there’s only one I truly want to recall.”