Sidney Chambers and The Dangers of Temptation (20 page)

‘It’s not for me to say, Ronnie. It’s for you.’

‘I don’t know what I’m doing any more. But I’d like to earn some money back for her. Leave her a bit to be going on with.’

‘Do you mean that you’re planning to move on? You’ve only just got here.’

‘I’m not sure she can keep me. Besides, none of us carry on for ever.’

‘You’re not old.’

Ronnie began to cough and reached for his packet of cigarettes as if it might contain the cure. ‘I’m nearly seventy. I’m not in the best of health. I can’t take anything for granted, Sidney. You know that. I’m sorry you’re involved in all this. You’ll tell me the right thing to do, won’t you?’

At the same time, Hildegard was seeing Mrs Maguire. They had not found it easy to adjust to each other in the past, but a mutual respect had taken hold over the years and both women knew that this was not a relationship that benefited from confrontation. Hildegard recognised that she was going to have to proceed carefully if Sylvia Maguire was to confide anything personal.

Both Anna and Byron had been left at home with a babysitter (the original idea of taking them had been mere bravado) and Hildegard, like her husband, began by complimenting her
host on her appearance, her cottage, her tea and her cake. ‘I was expecting more sign of a man.’

‘I’ve got my husband trained. We’ve also had a bit of a clear-out. Sold some of my sister’s clutter.’

‘I see.’

‘Gives us room to move. I only hope we don’t have to set up a bedroom down here. Ronnie’s finding the stairs a bit difficult.’

‘Is he unwell?’

‘He gets breathless. We’ve had the doctor round. They had a bit of a chat but I’m not party to what they tell each other.’

‘I’m sure you could ask questions afterwards.’

‘I think I’d rather not know if it’s anything serious. I don’t like the future ruining the present.’

‘And I imagine you have a lot of the past to catch up on.’

‘Oh yes,’ Mrs Maguire continued. ‘We talk about what it was like all the time. I’ve got a few photographs and we keep going through them: the school, the shop, the farm. Would you like to see? There’s one of me on a pony and Ronnie pretending to be a scarecrow.’

She fetched out an old album. ‘We can’t remember who everyone is, that’s the only thing. Ronnie tries to help out and sometimes I think he makes up stories just to please me. I’m sure I never pushed Nancy Spooner out of a boat, but he says I did and it was the funniest thing he ever saw. My memory isn’t what it was. Normally it’s the recent things. I used to think I was quite good at my childhood, but sometimes memories are like those propeller seeds that get caught in the wind. That’s one of the first things I remember. We called them whirlybirds. I was running along a line of elm trees trying to catch them with my friends. Whoever got the most was the winner. The
sun was so bright. I had a little green dress, I think. I must have been about five, the same age as your daughter, Mrs Chambers. I don’t know if Ronnie was there or not. I get so confused about time. Sometimes I don’t know if it’s morning or afternoon.’

Hildegard hesitated to bring up something she had already noticed, but the conversation gave her the opportunity. ‘You used to have a very fine carriage clock on the mantelpiece. Has that disappeared in the clear-out?’

‘Ronnie said he’d get it valued. He mentioned something about insurance. He took a bit of jewellery too. There’s not much. I’m not a rich woman, as you know. I’ve always had to live carefully. I’ve only got a few valuables: my mother’s silver candlesticks and a set of cruets. I think there’s a cup and saucer from Queen Victoria’s Diamond Jubilee somewhere. You know that I was born on the day she died?’

‘I did.’ It was the one fact Mrs Maguire shared almost every time they met. ‘Did your husband take all that to be valued as well?’

‘I think so. He had on his mysterious face, the one that doesn’t like to be interrupted. He said it would be useful to know.’

‘And did he say when he might bring the items back?’

‘A couple of weeks, I think. He wasn’t very clear and I didn’t like to ask. I don’t want to make him cross.’

‘It was good of you to let him back.’

‘Didn’t have much choice if I wanted company, did I? And vows are vows. Not that they matter much to Miss Kendall, I hear – or rather, Mrs Richmond.’

‘That has been unfortunate. Divorce is never easy.’

‘Did Sidney really go all the way to Scotland to fetch her back? That’s what people are saying. She’s led him a merry dance. It’s a pity her husband couldn’t do it himself.’

Hildegard was silent for a moment, deciding that it would not be wise to talk too much about the ways in which a reluctant spouse could be persuaded to return home.

Mrs Maguire continued. ‘I’m glad he found you. The alternative doesn’t bear thinking about. Miss Kendall was always too posh for him.’

‘And I’m not?’ Hildegard asked spontaneously, unable to check herself.

‘I don’t mean that. You’re a first-class woman in every way.’ (Hildegard knew Mrs Maguire had not always thought this but kept her discretion.) ‘I sometimes wonder how you put up with him.’

‘I think we all have to find ways of coping with our husbands; and most of the time we have to disguise the fact we’re doing it.’

‘That’s where Miss Kendall went wrong. She didn’t have the patience.’

‘And is that the secret of marriage, do you think, Mrs Maguire?’

‘You have to keep hoping it will all come right even if you have to wait until the very end. Ronnie always loved me. Why would he come back if that wasn’t true?’

‘Did you always know he was alive?’

‘I suppose I did, but I didn’t like to admit it, especially not in public. It was easier to blame his absence on the war. He was in the Far East. A lot of men never came back. My sister told me she thought he was up north somewhere but I didn’t believe her. If he was in England then why wouldn’t he want to see me
again? Then she said she thought Ronnie was in South Africa. Gladys never got her story straight and I didn’t know where she was getting her information. She said it was his sister. I was sure Ronnie never had a sister. Perhaps it was the other woman, but I never liked to talk about that.’

‘You knew there was one?’

‘It was obvious, I suppose. But I didn’t want to imagine such a thing because I knew if I thought about it too much it would be all I would remember. I had to hold on to what we’d had ourselves. Then I could hope for the future.’

‘And are you glad he’s come back?’

‘He’s taken his time about it, I must say. It’s not an easy thing to forgive. I’ve been on my own so long.’

‘I suppose it depends on how many sacrifices you are prepared to make.’

Mrs Maguire had a thousand-yard stare in her eyes. ‘The reason I married him was because he gave me a feeling of being safe, even when I was a child. I didn’t like being on my own. I was always afraid something bad would happen. Then Ronnie came along. That was a good thing. I knew where I was when I was with him. Then he went away and I was a child all over again, trying to catch propeller seeds in the wind, not knowing how I would ever get home. And that’s where you need to be, Mrs Chambers. That’s enough of my prattling. Anna will be needing to be bathed and put to bed.’

Ten days later Geordie popped up to see Sidney in Ely. He felt like a bit of a chat, he said, and wanted to get away from his normal routine and talk about something different over a couple of pints in the Prince Albert.

‘Ronnie Maguire?’ Sidney asked.

‘Could be, but I never quite know what I’m going to get with you. It could be cricket, jazz, marital secrets, trips to Scotland, who knows?’

‘I’m sure you can enjoy just as much conversational variety at home.’

‘You’re wrong, Sidney, and I like this pub. It’s small enough to be snug, they do a good beer and they leave you alone. What more could a man want?’

‘I wish you lived here,’ said Sidney. ‘I don’t have anyone else to have a drink with.’

‘I’m sure that’s nonsense. There must be the odd clergyman with a need to get away from it all.’

‘Alas, the only other priest prone to distraction has his eyes firmly set on the ladies.’

‘And you don’t?’

‘Steady, Geordie.’

‘Any news on the returning hero?’

‘He’s a rogue, of course. Hildegard’s seen Mrs Maguire and suspects he’s been pawning her valuables . . .’

‘With her agreement?’

‘It seems so, but that’s always a grey area. Hildegard also thinks he’s a bit of a drinker. She noticed a whisky bottle in the bookcase.’

‘That’s very observant. At least you and I haven’t got to that stage; unless your wife’s had a bit of practice already, spotting these things at home.’

‘It’s a slippery slope, I’m told.’

‘Indeed. Fancy another?’

Once they were on to their second pints the men discussed gambling, the pawn shop and the possibility of alcoholism.

‘I like to think I’m all right when I know people who are worse,’ said Geordie.

‘You must see a lot in the force.’

‘It’s not just the police. There were a couple of Scots blokes. Actors. They used to come in at opening time for a sharpener to get over their hangovers. Three double white spirits: that’s a double rum, a double gin and a double vodka, poured into a pint glass and topped up with Guinness. That set them up. Then they were ready for the day.’

‘It’s amazing they survived.’

‘They didn’t. They were both dead before they were sixty.’

‘I’ve spent some time with Ronnie,’ said Sidney, returning to their principal subject. ‘He carries a hip flask and likes to keep himself topped up, but I don’t think he’s that bad. I’ve never seen him late in the day, mind you.’

‘I hope Mrs Maguire doesn’t have to put him to bed.’

‘He’s been going there of his own accord quite recently. Not as fit as he once was. He has difficulty breathing. There are mood swings too, I fear. He can say some very dark things.’

‘And are they directed towards other people in any way?’

‘No. Only to himself.’

‘I wouldn’t want any violence towards his wife. Then we would have to step in.’

‘I think he’s quite capable of beating himself up. I think that explains the drink and the gambling; life hasn’t turned out as he had once hoped.’

‘These things often become self-fulfilling prophecies.’

‘He’s hoping to make some big money on the horses, he said, “before it’s too late”. I don’t know whether that means before he runs out of money or before he dies. I know he placed some
tremendously large bets on the racing at Haydock yesterday. He had some sure-fire tips and was hoping to make as much as two or three hundred pounds.’

‘Haydock, you say. Yesterday?’

‘That’s right.’

‘Well, he won’t have made any money there.’

‘How do you know?’

‘Fog. The racing was abandoned. He’ll be no better off than he was at the start of the day.’

‘At least that means he won’t have lost the money. But it might make him do something desperate.’

‘What’s he playing at?’ Geordie asked. ‘It just doesn’t seem right. Do you think he’s planning on disappearing all over again?’

In early December Hildegard saw Mrs Maguire once more and reported on their conversation at bedtime. ‘She told me she wasn’t sure why Ronnie had come home, but then she said to me, “Why ask too many questions? Does anything matter if we’re happy? It’ll soon be Christmas.”’

‘Perhaps it doesn’t matter. People are sometimes content with delusion. It could be the fear of hurting each other. I wonder if we’d do that.’

‘I’m not sure, Sidney. Would you like me always to tell you everything I think and know?’

‘I don’t always know what you are thinking.’

‘It would be terrible if you did.’

Sidney climbed into bed. ‘I think there is a right and a wrong time to say things. I have always been honest, but there has to be some privacy in thinking. We cannot always control
our thoughts and sometimes they rise up, embarrass and frighten us. We have to judge when and what to say. We can’t just blurt out all our feelings. That would be terrible.’

Hildegard turned on to her side to face her husband. ‘It would, even from you.’

Sidney stroked her cheek and continued: ‘Not everything needs to be said out loud. There is such a thing as silent understanding and I’d like us to think we both know each other better than anyone else.’

‘That doesn’t mean we take each other for granted.’

‘Certainly not.’

‘Because I know you’d tell me things if you had to.’

‘Of course.’

Hildegard cuddled in to her husband. ‘I wonder how much the Maguires have said to each other. It must be so difficult; what to say and what to leave out; how to be honest and how not to cause hurt. They are both so proud and so vulnerable.’

‘And I’m not sure how much time they’ve got left. At least it’s not too late.’

‘I don’t know, Sidney. We need to look after Mrs M. I don’t think this can end well.’

Any attempt at resuming normality the following morning was undone by the fact that both husband and wife had forgotten Amanda was coming to lunch. They had to pretend that they had always known and rustled up a quick shepherd’s pie they had been planning to have that evening.

‘Don’t worry
at all
about me,’ said Amanda. ‘I know perfectly well how busy you both must be. Would you not prefer it if I took you out?’

‘No, I have it all prepared,’ said Hildegard. ‘Unless you’d like to see Sidney on your own?’

‘There’s no need for that. I’ve spoken to him quite enough recently. And we have to catch up, Hildegard. You know I love you
equally
.’

It was clear that despite a certain brittleness, and a fear of being caught off her guard, Amanda did not want to make too much of the recent trip to Scotland. Nor did she particularly want to discuss her failing marriage. She just wanted to spend time with people she loved.

‘That’s the point of our friendship. It doesn’t matter which one of you I am with. I can talk, knowing that you will tell each other anything I say. That’s right, isn’t it, Sidney?’

‘He did tell me about Scotland; and about your decision,’ Hildegard replied.