Silence In Numbers: File One (19 page)

Katsumi smiled at him. “You have a way with words, Sano…”

“I try, Captain,” Sano smiled.

“I appreciate it. I…” Katsumi looked away. “I’m sorry… for running off, and leaving you to deal with everything. I shouldn’t have…”

“Hey, it’s fine. You got angry and I understand. It’s over now though, and I was able to take care of stuff.”

“Good.” Katsumi smiled at him again. “I’m proud of you. It sounds like you handled the team as well as I expected you to. I… appreciate it.”

“Thanks, Katsumi.” Sano smiled back. “I appreciate your appreciation.” He looked around. “You wanna get down off this roof now? I’m freezing and other people are waiting to hear you’re alright.”

“I suppose I should talk to them, then… But…” She looked at Sano. “Right now…”

“Right,” he said, looking at her tear-stained cheeks and reddened eyes. It made sense she wouldn’t want others to see her this way. “Hey, weren’t you hit?”

“That’s why I’m sitting down,” Katsumi said with a smile, pointing to her bloodstained midsection.

“That’s gotta be bad by now…” Sano shook his head. “Anyway, we’ll have Reno pick us up on this roof and take us back now so you can get fixed up. Rufus and Law can meet you later.”

Katsumi sighed in relief. “That’s perfect. Thank you, Sano.”

“Eh, they have jobs to do anyway.” He called Reno and put Katsumi’s arm over his shoulders, helping her stand. He looked at her as he helped her towards the landing helicopter. “You really hate this, don’t you?”

Katsumi smirked at him. “I really do.”

“Well don’t worry, soon you’ll get fixed up and you’ll be back to not needing anyone again.”

Katsumi sighed sadly. “I always need someone.” She climbed into the chopper, leaving Sano standing there trying to figure out the meaning behind her words and the sadness lacing them.

Reno looked back as she got in, grinning. “Captain! I was beginning to think you’d left us all for a younger, hotter team.”

Katsumi sat down heavily in a chair, glad to finally relax a bit. “Don’t be silly, Reno. You know very well I like being the hottest person on a team.”

“Well thank God you’re back, then. We’ve got, like, no hotness rating without you. Drops like a rock.”

Sano climbed in and headed for the back, nodding towards the front.  Katsumi sighed as she understood his meeting, standing slowly and moving to take a seat in the co-pilot’s chair. Reno smiled at her. “Hey boss. Making sure I don’t run into a building?”

“Reno…” Katsumi looked away from him, out the window, so he wouldn’t see her face.

Reno blinked. “You sound serious.”

“You can take off. Just… listen.”

He nodded, taking the chopper into the air and heading back towards HQ as he looked at her.

“I’m… sorry,” Katsumi began in a soft voice as she looked out the window. “I should never have left like I did.”

Reno glanced over at her. It was now that he noticed the signs of tears on her face, which made it the first time he’d ever seen such on his boss. He was shocked speechless for a few moments before he was able to stutter out a response. “Captain, I…”

“There isn’t an excuse, Reno. I have a responsibility as this team’s leader and I failed it.” Her voice grew quieter. “I failed all of you.”

“I don’t think you failed, boss, you just…”

“I let my emotions get the better of me. It was… wrong. And I need to apologize for that.”

Reno nodded. “Alright. I understand your reasons, then. I accept your apology. Honestly though, boss, I’m just glad you’re okay.”

Katsumi smiled a little. “I know, Reno.”

“Lenora will be relieved, too.”

Katsumi looked at him curiously. “Lenora?”

“Yeah. She said she was really hoping you two could be friends. She’s been worried all week, like she gets with me when I’m not back on time.”

“Oh…” Katsumi looked out the window thoughtfully. “I should probably talk to her, too, then…”

Reno smiled. “I’d appreciate that, as would she.”

“I am… very thankful to have her care about me. I’ll let her know that.”

“It would mean a lot. Maybe you two should have lunch or something.”

“Lunch?” She looked back to him. “What are you trying to do?”

“I’m not trying to do anything, it’s just that Lenora isn’t the type of woman to have a lot of real friends. I know I can’t be everything to her, there are just some things she needs a friend for.”

Reno glanced at her. “And no offense, boss, but I think you’d benefit a lot from having her as a friend, too. Besides, she likes you.”

“Mmm.” Katsumi looked away again, smiling. “I like her too. Tell you what, Reno, when you talk to her tonight tell her to come up with a time to meet me tomorrow. Her choice. Tell her to call me and I’ll be there.”

Reno smiled. “Thanks, boss. I really appreciate you giving it a chance. I know you’re not really fond of getting to know random people.”

“Lenora isn’t a random person, Reno, she’s your wife. She’s as close to family as any of you are.”

“She’d be ecstatic to hear that.”

“Yes, she does seem to be a very caring person… I agree with your belief that she’d be good for me. Even if she is a little too good at seeing through me for my liking.”

Reno grinned. “Yeah, she has a habit of doing that. She doesn’t like to let painful things lie, she prefers trying to fix them.”

“So I’ve seen. I hope she’s willing to let some things lie, though. There are some things I don’t talk about, friend or not.”

“Hey, she’ll learn like the rest of us did, right? Just, uh, don’t hit her like you did the rest of us, please.”

“Honestly I’m not sure who would come out on top if I did,” Katsumi responded dryly, eliciting a laugh from Reno.  Katsumi was grateful that the conversation ended there, allowing her to go back to thinking. She was starting to believe she’d have to give up a little of her “acting strong” in order to gain some more actual strength, otherwise she wasn’t sure how much longer she could take everything.

That meant opening up a little, a thought that both angered and scared her. In the end, though, if it helped keep her sane, it would be worth it.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

It didn’t take Katsumi too long to be fixed up, which she was thankful for. For once she was actually feeling like lying down for a while. It’d been two weeks since she’d really slept; she’d only had about eight hours total since then and it was really wearing on her by this point. On top of that she was on the verge of breaking down more than she’d done in front of Sano, barely keeping control of her emotions – and she needed to keep that locked down until she could get to Ayane. She stood in the OR of Aegis HQ, staring out the window as she flexed a recently-repaired wrist, deep in thought as she often found herself these days.

She felt a presence behind her and turned to see Law standing in the doorway. She’d known this conversation was coming… She’d been dreading it since she left, but she wasn’t going to avoid it. Law walked into the room until he stood right in front of her, staring down at her. “We’re a team.”

“I know,” Katsumi responded quietly. “I’m sorry.”

“You’re sorry?” he asked a little incredulously. “You just ran off. You didn’t ask me to come, didn’t take anyone else with you or even tell us what you were doing. Is that how a leader acts?” Katsumi looked at the floor and Law sighed, running a hand over his bald head. “You messed up.”

“Again,” Katsumi said softly. She didn’t even look back up at him. Law was her oldest friend; she’d known the man for well over a decade. He knew her, knew why she did what she did, but still… “You deserved better,” she voiced her thoughts. “You’re right, about everything you just said.” Law watched her as she sat on the windowsill. “I’ve spent the last two weeks wondering if I’m the right person for this job… Hating myself for mistakes and failures… Even now, none of my questions are answered and none of my emotions are solved.” She looked up at him. “I lost control, Law… I abandoned my responsibilities, my duty and my team because of my emotions. It was wrong… childish, even… but I feel like I’m beginning to break down bit by bit.”

Law set a large hand on her shoulder. “I didn’t mean to be so harsh…”

“Yes you did,” Katsumi smiled sadly. “Don’t start making excuses for me just because I feel like this. Just…” She looked away. “Tell me… if you think I’m unfit to be leader now. I’ll listen to you. Be honest…”

Law took a step back, shaking his head. This really wasn’t what he’d been looking for at all. He’d just been angry. “No one’s perfect. You’re just going through a rough patch right now. Everyone’s got a rough patch. I don’t think you’re going downhill or unfit to lead us.”

“You’d tell me if I were, wouldn’t you?” she asked quietly as she looked at him.

“I wouldn’t risk your life and our lives by lying if I really thought you should step down. You just need to relax a bit, take a little break and get some actual sleep. When was the last time you slept?”

Katsumi smiled softly. “I’ve been trying to remember.”

“Then go home and do so. That’s my honest opinion. That’s the repayment I want for this little stunt of yours.”

Katsumi smiled at him. “Thank you, Law.” She stood up and looked into his eyes. “I’m sorry, again… I’m disappointed in myself and… I hope you’ll forgive me and let me re-earn your trust.”

“You’ve had my trust for years. You can’t lose it that easily. As for forgiveness, you had it when you apologized the first time. I was just angry and needed to hear you say it.”

“I understand. Thank you… Do me a favor? I’m going to visit Ayane, and then crashing… Tell the team they have the week off. Let Reno stay home with his family and you do whatever you want. It’ll give us all a week to rest up, and it’ll give me some time to get myself back together.”

“Will do, Captain.” Law smiled and waved her off. “Have a good night.”

Katsumi nodded and left the building, not planning to stop - until she ran into Rufus outside. Both of them stopped for a second, staring at each other until Rufus spoke. “You went emotional.”

“I did.”

“Try not to do it again. That was not a valuable sacrifice.”

“Value wasn’t in my head.” Katsumi smiled slightly. “Are you including underworld clean-up in your calculations?”

“I can factor it in.” Rufus smirked. “Although I wouldn’t call anything you did ‘clean-up’ considering the amount of cleaning that is now required in your wake.”

“You’re just upset at the kill-count difference.”

“Perhaps.” Rufus paused, tilting his head.

Katsumi was silent as well, meeting his gaze. He understood why she’d done what she’d done, so that didn’t need to be said – and ‘I’m sorry’ wasn’t something she had to say to Rufus. She knew that all he was looking for was an acknowledgement – and that she was willing to do. “I made a mistake,” she stated, watching him nod. “I’m looking into the reasons.”

“We both know it wasn’t the kid.”

Katsumi smiled sadly. “Of course it wasn’t… Not entirely, anyway. We’ve both seen things like that many times before.” She looked off to the side. “Unfortunately I’m not sure about anything… A combination of stress, fatigue, frustration and pride is looking possible.”

“Maybe.” Rufus walked closer, stopping beside her and adjusting his shades. “Keep an eye on it. We can’t always afford weakness.”

“Understood.”

Rufus moved past her but stopped after a few steps, looking back. “Glad you’ve returned… But I won’t forgive you the next time you decide to ignore the law and go on a killing spree and don’t allow me to join in the fun.”

Katsumi smirked over her shoulder. “I’ll keep that in mind.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Reno arrived home and got out of the car in a far better mood than he’d been in for the past two weeks. The terrorist was gone, Katsumi was back and he’d just been told he had the week off again, this time without interruption. He walked up to the door and smiled as his wife greeted him at it again. “Any news?”

Reno nodded and took off his coat. “We found her, and she’s more or less alright.”

Lenora sighed. “Thank God. What does ‘more or less’ mean?”

“Well she wasn’t really injured, but… she’s definitely not back to normal. I don’t know if I should really talk about this, but I know you won’t tell anyone.” Reno folded his arms, looking troubled. “When we picked her up it looked like she’d been… crying. Which is ridiculous, she doesn’t do that.”

“Everyone does that.”

“Not Katsumi,” Reno corrected. “Not Captain Sama. She didn’t seem like herself. She apologized to me for leaving and she was all soft-spoken while she was doing it.”

“All of this has affected her, Reno, even though she tried not to show it. I hope you were understanding.”

“Of course I was. Oh, by the way, she wants to know if you’d like to have lunch with her tomorrow.”

Lenora blinked. “Lunch?”

“Yeah. Just you two, I’d be watchin’ my little girl.”

“Well, yes, of course!”