Silence: Part Two of Echoes & Silence (4 page)

“Because if I show you that, you won’t want to see the rest. And then Lilith won’t give me my apple,” I said.

“And that’s all you care about?”

“Right now? Yes. Because you freaking out is inevitable. Losing my baby or Jason’s soul is not.”

“Ara.” He turned my chin with the tip of his finger and held my gaze with a stern eye. “What the hell did my uncle do?”

“Like I said,” I muttered, opening the door to the last memory I had as I jumped from the lighthouse. “Let’s start at the end.”

I watched David’s face as he relived the moment I hit the rocks, steadying him when he jumped out of his skin. I’d relived that moment so many times it no longer bothered me, but to see the one he loves essentially
die
sent waves through David, like I never expected.

“I thought you threw it away,” he said softly, stilling as the shock left him.

“Threw what away?”

“The locket.”

I closed my fist around the memory of it. “It was ripped away.”

He nodded, reaching out blindly to squeeze my hand. “I saw.”

We both watched in reverse then as my past self stumbled, whimpering and crying, through the field toward the lighthouse. I saw the heartbreak in his expression as he realised just how badly the events before that tore me apart. Just how badly I didn’t want to be in love with Jason.

When we came to the moment Jason left my room, David’s brain mixed the two versions—Jason’s memories and my memories—together. He showed me the way Jason saw me in that moment: so broken and so damaged. Damaged by him. And I felt nothing but empathy in David’s touch as he recalled the two scenes from different perspectives.

“This is the reason I didn’t kill him,” he said. “When I saw how much he hated himself for having convinced you to… sleep with him, I decided that would cause him suffering enough for the rest of his days anyway.”

“Does he still?” I asked, opening my eyes. “Suffer, I mean.”

He just nodded once, slowly.

We moved on then to the conversation and the guilt after the sex, and he sped things up until right before the point Jason took my clothes off, then slowed it all down. “I want to see that conversation in real time—see it all from the start.”

“Okay,” I agreed, resting back a little as my cheeks filled with hot shame.

David’s jaw stiffened and I could hear his teeth grinding as he watched his brother fooling around with me on the bed, like little kids—tickling and laughing—the shirt I was wearing coming up to reveal my nakedness.

“He had you figured from the start, Ara,” he said in a toneless voice. “He knew exactly how to get you where he wanted you.”

“He didn’t intend to have sex with me, David.”

He just exhaled. “What’s he talking about?” I saw him tilt his head as if trying to listen closer.

“Saving you by conceiving with another—to make them king by right of heir,” I said. “I…” This was the first round of the truth. “I… Arthur offered.”

David’s fist tightened. “You threatened me with that—a long time ago. Threatened to make him the father. You never said he
offered
as well!”

I could hardly breathe now. My chest felt so tight. “Jason was disgusted too. He said he’d rather it was him.”

“Were you actually planning to take Arthur up on this?” he asked, completely stopping the memory for a moment.

Every cell in my body wanted to lie. But I couldn’t. I had to tell the truth. “I planned to, yes—”

“Argh, Ara!” He put both hands on his brow and rubbed his hair back, banging his head on the trunk a few times. “Fuck!”

“David,” I said cautiously, reaching out to touch his arm. “Just forget that, okay? You need to see the rest or Lilith—”

“Fine.” He put a hand over my mouth for a second until I stopped, then flicked the memory back on.

My arms and hands shook so fiercely it was hard to keep my walls down so he could watch—like standing naked in front of fifty dirty old men. I just wanted to cover it all up.

David’s jaw dropped a little as he watched his own brother go down on his wife—from his wife’s perspective—then he opened his eyes again and looked right at me, holding back a smile. “More
passionate
than me?
He
is more passionate than
me
?” he squeaked, but his tone was thick with amusement, not anger, so I smiled at him.

“Well, it was true—back then. You might’ve thought you had me fooled, but you
never
showed your true self. And I could feel it. It felt like maybe you just…”

“Didn’t love you like he did.”

I moved one shoulder up. “Maybe.”

“And now?”

“Well—” I bit my lip. “After what we did last night, I can safely say you are much better in bed than your brother.”

He tossed his head back, a bold, boyish laughter filling the air. “That’s what every guy whose wife slept with his brother wants to hear.”

I giggled. “I’ll remember to write that down in my new book: ‘Top Ten Ways to Ruin Your Marriage’.”

“Good. And you can dedicate it to me.”

“I will.”

He kissed my hand and leaned his head against mine. “You stole Jason’s memory of this night, didn’t you?”

“I did,” I said softly.

“All of it?”

“Yes. Why?”

“Because I only have fragments. And I’m not sure I can handle seeing a replay any further from your thoughts, Ara. It’s like having sex with my own brother.”

I laughed aloud. “Okay, I’ll show you his memory then.”

He sat back again. “Thank you.”

Instead of letting David go alone down the road of retrieval, I went with him—reliving each passionate moment through Jason’s eyes. When he entered me, I jumped, fusing the two memories together accidentally and finding myself a little put off.

But David, he nearly cried. He covered the sound, the shock, the emotional agony well enough that if I hadn’t opened my eyes at that exact moment, I would never have known how his lips turned down, his jaw shook and tears glistened on the ends of his lashes. He ran one hand through his hair repeatedly, his other fist as tight as a rock, holding his breath as though to take in air would let out the emotion.

But he didn’t stop watching. He didn’t look away. Because as much as Lilith wanted this to tear a rift between us, David only wanted to see it in order to rebuild what was broken by it. I knew he was strong enough to continue. I knew it was tearing him up to see me hold Jason that way—to feel the love I had through his brother’s own thoughts. But I also knew he wouldn’t feel even half the love in Jason’s memories that he felt last night when we made our own.

As things came to an end, he switched back to my memory—to me kneeling on the floor, a mess of guilt and hurt—and he took my hand and cupped it to his cheek. I’m not sure if he just wanted to comfort me or if he wanted me to feel the tears there, but I felt them. Felt his lips kiss my palm. Felt the many different meanings he intended in that one gesture.

“So…” He swallowed the break in his voice. “Why were you half-naked when he came to your room—in a shirt that very clearly isn’t mine—or Falcon’s?”

“This is… where things get hard. You need to go further back.”

He put his forehead against mine and went to the place in my past where I opened my eyes to see the concerned face of Jason, who rescued me after Mike slapped me that day.

David sat a little taller, his brows pinching over his nose. “Mike
hit
you?”

“I told you this, remember?”

We both went back to a moment by the piano in the Great Hall—shortly after all this happened—where we had one of only a few chats at that time. But we were interrupted and never finished talking about it.

“I remember now. But… Ara, I
know
Mike.” He leaned back to look at me. “He would
never
hit you without a damn good reason. What really happened?”

“Heeee—” I dragged the
e
out as long as I could. “He thought I slept with Arthur.”

The memory cut off with a sudden darkness. David went cold and silent beside me until, in a calculated tone he said, “Why would he think that?”

I felt myself getting smaller.

“Ara!” he said firmly. “What would lead Mike to think you had sex with my uncle?”

“Go back,” I said, and the emotion swelled up in me like rising water in a tube, so consuming I started sobbing. “I can’t tell you. I need you to see.”

The cold wind broke through his bubble, drawing a small scream from my lips as it stung my skin.

David shoved both hands into the grass and stood up, a haunted look in his eye. “No.”

“What do you mean ‘No’?”

“Look what it’s done to you—” He motioned to my tears. “Don’t visit that memory. Ever. Leave it in the past.”

“But I have to show you, or else Lilith—”

“Then deny her help, Ara.” He backed away. “I don’t
want
to know what happened—I don’t
want
to see.”

“Too bad,” I yelled. “No more secrets. I can’t have
any
more
secrets.” I balled my fists and flashed right back to the moment Arthur slid his finger inside me.

David had no choice. He saw it—felt it, felt everything as if he were me, and it ripped right through him.

He jolted back and then folded quickly in half just as a pile of vomit hit the grass.

“Oh God.” I moved my feet back. “David. I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have—”

“Just don’t, okay?” He backed away, covering his mouth with his wrist. “Don’t.”

“David, I—”

“Please!” He tripped sideways, holding one hand up as a warning, and without looking at me, stumbled away like a drunkard.

I made myself small, hugging my knee, and watched until the horizon ate him up, while the guilt and shame consumed me.

“Are you happy now?” I said, when a blue bird landed in the tree.

“That’s all I needed to know.” Her voice entered my thoughts. “Come see me at dawn.”

***

It’s where I would’ve gone, if I were him. I could feel his energy radiating from the lighthouse, but it wasn’t where he’d been all afternoon. As the sun set on a cold night and the scent of smoke thickened the air, I stood on the balcony outside my room, scanning the hillsides for any sign of him—sent my knights out to look under every rock, but no one had reported back yet. It was all okay now, though. I was pretty sure that warm tingle on the lighthouse was him.

“Ara?”

I turned my head and looked back at Falcon, leaning on the balcony door, arms folded casually across his chest.

“Hey,” I said. “I found him.”

“Have you spoken to him?” he asked.

“Not yet.” I shook my head. “But I can feel him—he’s on the lighthouse.”

“I know.”

“Oh. You do?”

“Yes.” Falcon lowered his arms and walked over to me, bracing his hands on the marble ledge before continuing. “I spoke to him about ten minutes ago.”

“Where? What did he say? Did he—”

“He’s been down at the Training Hall.”

“I thought you looked there! I thought—”

“Well, I guess we looked at the wrong time. But I found him, so stop worrying.”

“So he’s okay?” I toyed with my Tree of Life talisman. “He just went down there and slammed it all out on a punching bag?”

“Something like that.” Falcon’s mouth twitched, trying to retain a grin.

“What?”

“He uh…” he started, then stopped and shook his head at me. “What
exactly
did you show him today, Ara?”

“Only what I already told you about: the Arthur…”

“Thing.”

“Yes.” I cleared my throat.

He buried his face in both hands for a second, exhaling. “I still can’t believe it. How did you keep that from us all this time?”

I shrugged.

“And you say he didn’t actually… that you didn’t…”

“No. We didn’t have sex.”

“Then… I just don’t understand what David’s so mad about. So you
nearly
had sex with his uncle, but all he did was undress you. So what?”

I shrunk a little. “I kind of maybe didn’t really tell you the whole story.”

His brown eyes were usually always warm and kind, but when they went cold, it was in stark contrast to the norm. “You let me, and my knights, go after The Mad King without the full story?”

My teeth showed in an apologetic grin. “You wanna see what I showed him?”

“Honestly? Not really—not considering how mad it made David. But.” He clicked his tongue and shook his head in annoyance. “I probably should. At least so I know which version of David I’m up against.”

“Up against?”