Silenced 2: The Overtaking (Silenced Series) (14 page)

The rest of the meeting flies by. Most of their names I won’t remember
, except for Kristen. She made herself known. As we’re preparing to leave, Kristen asks me to stick around. I wait quietly while she gathers her stuff and makes her way over. She sits down with her purse and bible in hand while gleaming with happiness.

“
How do you do it?” I ask.

“
Do what?” She replies, like I caught her off guard.

“
You say you cut for seven years, and have been free for two. I’ve been cutting for several years as well. I haven’t come up to any urges I could beat, although I really haven’t been at this for long. You make it seem easy. How could someone so happy, have such a dark past?” I ask pressing my lips together, waiting for her reply.

“
Oh, that’s easy. I put all my troubles and worries into Christ’s hands. He takes care of it.” She replies.

“
Right...” I reply raising an eyebrow in disbelief to the nonsense she’s blabbering.

“
Seriously, I do. At one time, I was like you. I smoked. I drank. I cut. I hated my life. But it all turned around the day I gave my heart to Christ.”

“
I have to go. Thanks for chatting with me,” I say, beginning to feel uncomfortable.

“
Please, don’t let my beliefs run you off. It’s not why I wanted to talk with you.” She replies, gently grabbing my arm. “I honestly didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable or anything.

Seeing desperation in her eyes, I sit back down. For some reason, I get the feeling she needs someone to talk
to.

“
I’ll stay.” I say, smiling.

“
I want to say, you’re on the right path, and it’s excellent you decided to join us. At first a few members can seem harsh or outright mean, but eventually you get used to it. After a while, overlooking a few flaws is easy to do. Oh and don’t let Daniel stop you from sharing anything with the group. He’s always like that. I overlook it because of the type of life he has to live,” she explains.

“
Type of life, what do you mean?”

“
He’s a foster kid who’s forced to be here. He was caught cutting one night by his foster mother, and she freaked out. They forced him into a mental hospital where they crammed pills down his throat when he would refuse to take them. Before he found himself in his current home, his foster dad abused him for no reason at all. This dude was a drunk and had anger issues that he would take out on Daniel.”

“
That’s sad. No wonder he’s an ass. I would be too.” I say, not sure of what else I can articulate.

“
Now, Mark and Kevin aren’t ones to worry about. Most of the time, they stay to themselves. They speak out when someone expects them to but to actually begin a conversation, no they won’t do it. We’ve tried to get them to open up, but Daniel makes it hard.”

“
What’s Rachel like?”

“
Oh, she’s the best mentor. She was in our shoes at one time. Cutting was her way of life, until she had enough of it. She told her husband about it, and he supported her in every way he could. Eventually, she came to this support group and went to therapy. It took her a little over a year to overcome the urges, and gain the ability to overpower the need to cut. After the therapy and group meetings, she became a mentor for those who struggle like she did. That’s how she became the mentor of our group.”

“
That’s amazing. Just hearing her story, gives me hope for myself.”

“
What’s your story?”

“
I started cutting for fun. Sarah and I did it together. It became a need when I moved here. I found out my mom lied to me about my father, and depression took over. I cut all the time. At times, it was even for the thrill of cutting. After so long, the darkness I felt on the inside grabbed ahold of me, and started to control me.” I tell her, while playing with a strand of my hair.

“
So, how did you end up here?”

What am I supposed to say?
I hesitate. “My close friend from back in my home town passed away. The event stressed me so much I cut, and I ended up in the hospital.”

“
What’d your mom do?”

“
She freaked. I was sure she was going to place me in a nut house.”

“
I thought the same thing because my parents are Christians. They expected me to follow their ways. At first, I was hardheaded and didn’t want to, until I ended up in a coma for about a month. The blood loss and trauma I caused my body put me there.”

“
Wow, glad to see you’re okay.”

“
I’m better than okay. When I woke up, I felt like a different person. For the longest time afterward it felt like I was walking on a cloud, weightless. Nothing bothered me. My parents noticed, and mentioned it. I remembered a dream that seemed like I was in heaven. I had no idea I was in a coma. This place was peaceful, and I never wanted to leave.”

“
How was it peaceful?”

“
It was so bright and welcoming. The grass was soft and dazzling green. The sky was clear. There wasn’t a cloud in sight. Birds flew everywhere while chirping lovely songs. The smell of sweet flowers, grass, and clean air engulfed me. The warmth of the sun warmed my skin while the gentle breeze cooled me at the same time. There were wild animals running around, but I didn’t fear them. They seemed to enjoy my presence. I walked around enjoying the scenery, when I came up to the clearest blue pond I had ever seen. There were fish swimming around, and a few deer drank slowly from it. I relaxed beside this pond for hours, and worried about nothing. Pure calmness came over me.”

“
That sounds amazing.”

“
It was. The animals were so friendly. Then, this guy appeared to me, and talked to me about what I did, and how my body was being affected. His voice was unlike any I have ever heard. His touch was tender on my arm as he assured me, things would be different as long as I opened my eyes to the path I was meant to walk. When I woke up, I felt differently, and I could still feel his gentle touch on my arm.”

“
Who do you think it was?”

“
There is no doubt in my mind. It was Jesus.”

“
Really
?”

“
Yes, after I woke up, I saw my mom’s tired, tear-streaked face, and it hit me. She looked so worried, and like she hadn’t slept that entire week. I felt bad about everything I put her and my dad through. My coma scared the crap out of them, and I didn’t want them ever feeling like that again.”

“
So what did you do?”

“
I told them I was sorry. They forgave me. While I was in the hospital, my parents would study the bible with me, and thank the Lord for allowing me to return to them. At any moment he could have called me home, therefore; I’m grateful he gave me the chance to deliver his message. I stopped being disrespectful and began listening to my parents. I was tired of the way my life was going, and I wanted to be happy. I just didn’t know how to do it.”

“
You seem happy now.”

“
I am. I finally found my way. I found happiness when I decided to live my life for Jesus. I gave myself to Him and I’ve been living His way ever since. You wouldn’t believe the changes in my life that started happening the moment I gave my heart over. I felt like a great load had been lifted from me.”

“
That's awesome,” I say not knowing how to reply because I’m unsure of everything she’s saying.

“
What's your plan?” She asks.

“
I'm not sure,” I say in a jittery voice. “I haven't thought about it. I hope to free myself from the darkness. I will stay in therapy, and these group sessions, but afterward I'm just not sure.”

“
I felt the same way once too. But I'm sure it’ll come to you.” She says, encouraging me.

“
I want it to be over. I don't want something controlling my life. Even though I haven't come up to an urge yet, I'm sure it'll be tough.” I add, shifting in my seat.

“
I'll tell you what,” she says. “Here is my number. If you feel an urge, call me and we can talk while you deal with it. It’ll be tough but trust me, it's worth it,” she hands me a card.

I glance down at the card and notice a hot pink cross off to the side of her information. It's crazy but in this small amount of time, she has me curious
about the life she lives. Her attitude is enough to draw anyone to her, including me.

“
Thank you and I’ll add your number to my phone. I have to go. I have a lot to think about, and I'm sure my boyfriend is worried about me. I haven't called him since I got home.” I say standing up, and putting out my hand to shake hers.

As I'm walking to my car, I can't help but to think about my life. I've done so many different
things; Jesus won't forgive any of it. I've lied and disrespected my parents. I've drank and smoked. The words that come out of my mouth are nowhere near Christian. I'm too broken for that kind of thing.

The new life I'm walking into scares me. I've been used to doing the same things, I'm not sure if I can do new. I've never been
an outspoken person who dives into new things without hesitation.

The sound of a horn pulls me back to the present. I d
on't realize I’m stopped in the middle of the parking lot and cars are waiting to get through. I wave as I say, “I'm sorry. I didn't mean it.”

I hurry to my c
ar. While rushing to get in, I bang my knee against the door and look around making sure no one saw. Cars are flooding Main Street. Several people are stopping on the curb, waiting for the signal to switch, allowing them to cross. I hear cars shuffling by and horns blowing. The smell of hot pavement and food from restaurants nearby flood my nose.

T
he ride home feels like it’s taking forever. I didn't think there’d be a traffic rush this late in the afternoon. While waiting at a traffic light, a billboard catches my eye.

Dear whomever is reading this,

I hope you know you're not alone, and somebody out there loves you more than you will ever know. There's no wrong that can't be forgiven.

                                                             -God

If this isn't a sign, I don't know what is. Not only is i
t literally a sign, but I think maybe God’s trying to speak to me. It's weird I haven't really learned much about him, and I've never gone to church before.

As I pull in the driveway, I notice the curtains mov
ing in the living room window. Mom must be waiting for me. I walk in the front door, place my keys on the hook, and venture into the living room. She’s sitting on the couch with sadness in her eyes.

“
Is everything all right?” I ask, slowly sitting down next to her on the sofa.

“
Nothing more than normal. Landon called for you. He tried to reach you on your cell, but it was off.” She says as she pulls a throw pillow onto her lap.

“
I shut it off during group.”

“
How did that go?”

“
It wasn't bad. I met several nice people, but some weren't as friendly as others. I was nervous though.”

“Why?”

“I wasn't sure what to do.”

“
What’s the group like? The people I mean.”

“
They’re nice. Some are disapproving at first, but once the opening introductions were over, I began to loosen up. Our mentor Rachel seems nice.”

“What did you do
?”

“
We’re not allowed to talk about anything that happens. So, I can’t be sharing details of the meetings. I’m sure you understand.”

“
I do. Did you meet any potential friends?”

“
I think. Her name is Kristen. She’s pretty much the only one who welcomed me. We talked a bit afterward and she gave me her card.”

“
That's impressive. I'm thankful this went well for you. When’s your next meeting?”

“
It’s Friday. Dr. McKinley signed me up for each day they have it. The extent of my cutting caused a bit of concern. I'm guessing they think the more I talk to them, the better this will become.”

“
I think it will. Give it time, and don't rush it. Healing isn't something you do overnight.”

“
Thanks for saying that. It means a lot to me.”

“
You're my daughter. Of course I want to lend a few words of encouragement.”

I pull my cell phone out of my purse
as it rings.

“
I have got to get this. Be right back,” I say standing up and walking into the foyer.

****

“Hey honey!” I say answering the phone, breaking off the song.