Silent as the Grave (14 page)

The dejection was in part due to my lack of success and in part to my feeble condition. The major cause however was Eve's sudden tantrum and desertion of me. Although I pondered the possible reasons for her behaviour throughout my search, by the time I quit I was no nearer a solution than when I started.

After I left the library I decided to visit Charlie in his sick room. His room was on the second floor and by the time I reached his door I was panting for breath and felt a little sick. I didn't stay. I could hear the sound of a rugby league match on his TV, and knew he would be enjoying the game. And I was ready to return to my own room for a lie down.

I made it safely down the stairs to the first floor. I made it safely to my room. I made it safely to my shower room. I made it to my knees in front of the toilet. I put the seat up and was violently sick. The room or at least the small part of it I could see from a kneeling position was gyrating wildly. My vision blurred and I passed out.

I came to, briefly, and was aware that someone was bending over me, trying to lift me. I managed to get to my knees and was about to look round when I was violently sick once more. This time however my luck had run out and I remember nothing after that.

When I woke again I was back in bed. I considered lifting my head up to look round but the persistent feeling of sickness warned me off. There appeared to be just a single lamp burning. I wondered if this was because it was night time or in view of my obvious illness. I wanted to know if there was anyone in the room but dare not move. My throat felt sore, from the vomiting I supposed. I tried clearing it. My throat felt little better, but I succeeding in catching someone's attention for I heard movement across to my left. This was followed by footsteps then Harriet appeared in my limited field of vision. ‘Hello, Harry,' I greeted her. My voice sounded little more than a pitiful croak. ‘How did I get here?'

‘Eve and I found you lying on the shower room floor. When you hadn't come down for dinner we came looking for you. At first we thought you'd disappeared or were still working in the library. This room was deserted and all in darkness. I went down to check the library and when I returned I found Eve trying to lift you up. You'd been sick and were in a dreadful mess. We managed to get you cleaned up and put you to bed. I've taken your clothing down to the laundry room and stuck it in the washing machine.'

‘Where is Eve?' I asked.

‘She was a bit upset by finding you in that state and she'd got herself in a bit of a mess trying to clean you up on her own so she decided to take a shower.'

Eve came in a few minutes later and Harriet said goodbye. ‘I'm off on my ward round,' she told me with a smile. ‘I can't afford to neglect my other patients, Sister will be cross. Do take care, Adam, and try to get some rest. You mustn't try to do anything strenuous until you're positive you're up to it.'

I watched her leave. So too did Eve. As soon as her sister closed the door Eve rounded on me. ‘You are a selfish, thoughtless bastard. Don't you realize how worried I was, how everyone was? Don't you think poor Tony and Harriet have enough on their plate without you adding to their problems? First we thought you'd vanished. Then I saw you collapsed on the floor I thought you were dead. Do you realize how awful that feeling is? For a dreadful moment I thought the killer had attacked you again. Then you were sick all over the place. Harriet and I had to clean you up, undress you, and get you to bed. Then I had to scrub the carpet in the shower room with disinfectant. All this because you thought you were big and brave and tough. Well it wasn't big; it wasn't brave, and it certainly wasn't tough. What it was, was pig-headed, arrogant stubbornness that led you to think you could go dashing around the place as if you hadn't been seriously injured. I hope you're thoroughly ashamed of yourself.'

I closed my eyes. I really didn't need this. I felt too ill to cope with the fight Eve was obviously spoiling for. I felt the rising tide of nausea welling swiftly within me. I opened my eyes again and looked round in desperation. An enamel bowl had been placed on the bedside cabinet, its purpose obvious. I reached for it, sat up, and just got the bowl positioned in time. I fumbled the bowl back onto the cabinet and closed my eyes again. I hoped this would quell the nausea and stop the room dancing a jig. It didn't, or not for some time at least. The last thing I remember is muttering some sort of apology before I passed out once more.

The room was still in semi-darkness when I woke up again. I felt marginally better. Or to be more accurate I felt slightly less unwell. I turned my head and as soon as I moved Eve got up from her seat under the window and came across to the bedside. I watched her in some apprehension. Which Eve should I expect, I wondered? Would it be the ministering angel of the previous day or the raging virago of a few hours ago? I hardly dare speak. For one thing my throat felt terrible. For another I didn't want to provoke her.

‘How do you feel now?' Eve's tone was neutral.

‘Awful,' I tried to say. It didn't seem to register with her. I wasn't surprised. Even I could barely hear it.

‘What was that? You'll have to speak up.' The tone convinced me; it wasn't the ministering angel.

I moved my hand, gesturing to my throat. If I'd expected sympathy I wasn't getting any.

‘What do you expect? You may have been asleep but your stomach wasn't. I've had to clean you up three times. Charlotte's been to look in on you. She says you've got delayed concussion.'

I don't know whether it was through shame at being sick and losing control or whether it was part of the effects of the concussion, but Eve's curt and angry tone was the last straw. A great tide of depression came over me suddenly. I could feel tears running down my cheeks. I turned my head away to hide this stupid weakness. Of course Eve took this for a stubborn refusal to accept the criticism she had doled out. The next thing I heard was the door slam.

As the minutes ticked by a great feeling of loneliness and abandonment swept over me. It was illogical but I was in no condition to argue logic. I wept unrestrainedly in great waves of self-pity. My emotional state was as feeble as my bodily condition. Eventually, some semblance of calm made the tears abate. It was then I realized with a shock that Eve had returned to my room and was standing watching me, her eyes wide with surprise. I turned away, mortified at being caught out in such weakness. She had expressed her feelings earlier without much by way of restraint. The contempt she must surely feel now was something I couldn't cope with. Unwilling to provoke yet more hostility, I began to drift off to sleep.

When I woke again daylight was etched around the still drawn curtains. I looked round. Eve was still seated in one of the chairs by the window. She saw I had woken up and crossed to the bedside. ‘Hello, how do you feel this morning?' she asked, her voice sounded more like the Eve of earlier; the one I liked.

‘I don't know yet,' I replied, or at least attempted to. The pitifully weak sound was barely distinguishable even to me. My throat felt as if I'd set fire to paraffin inside it. My body seemed to have developed a trembling shakiness and I was cold. My headache had returned as strongly as ever. ‘I don't feel very well,' I added.

‘Can I get you anything?'

‘Water,' I managed to croak. It was a success. Eve fetched me a glass from the dressing table then helped me to sit up and drink.

‘You're cold and you're shivering,' she exclaimed.

She laid me down on the pillow and went out of the room. She returned a couple of minutes later with a couple of blankets and a hot water bottle. She piled the blankets over the duvet and put the hot water bottle under the duvet close to my feet.

She sat on the bed alongside me and watched me. I tried a smile. I'm not sure if it reassured her or not. ‘I'm sorry I was such a cow yesterday,' she said quietly.

The water seemed to have done wonders for my speaking voice. ‘I deserved it,' I told her.

She looked at me for a long silent moment then patted my hand, ‘No, you didn't, Adam. Nobody deserves that sort of treatment. Please forgive me?'

I grasped hold of her hand. ‘There's nothing to forgive,' I said. It was a long speech for me in my feeble state. It tired me so much I went back to sleep.

When I awoke the curtains were open. Not that it made much difference for the day was dismal and grey outside. What could be seen of the day that is, for there was a thick wall of fog clinging to the castle surrounds. I expected to see Eve but the room was empty. I felt a mild sense of panic, a slight pang of loss. As I struggled to recover from my fall I had come to rely on Eve. I sat up. At least I could do that without the nausea that had been my unwelcome companion for so long. Eve appeared at the shower room door; towel in one hand. ‘Ah, you're awake,' she said and disappeared back into the room. There was a flushing sound and she reappeared. ‘Sorry. I had to use your loo but I didn't want to wake you by flushing it,' she smiled.

‘What can I get for you?'

‘Water, please. My throat still feels sore from being sick.'

‘I'm not surprised.' She handed me the glass. ‘Drink it slowly, I don't want a repeat performance.'

I sipped the water slowly, as instructed. Eve was watching me; her expression one of concern. The ministering angel was back. That in itself cheered me up. I preferred her to the virago. ‘What time is it,' I asked. ‘I've lost track altogether?'

‘Just after three o'clock in the afternoon. You've been asleep or unconscious ever since we found you yesterday. Tony, Harriet, and Charlotte have all been to see how you were doing, Becky too. You slept through every visitor.'

‘Good Heavens, I really did go out like a light; didn't I?'

‘You did, and had everyone worried into the bargain,' Eve's expression turned fierce suddenly. ‘Don't ever scare me like that again, do you hear?'

No sooner had she said it than she realized the significance of her words. A rich crimson blush flooded up from her neck to the roots of her hair. I pretended not to notice either her discomfort or what she had said. From out of the corner of my eye I could see she was panting slightly, as if she'd been running. As she thought I'd failed to take the hidden meaning of her remark on board she relaxed and her colour returned to normal. ‘Let's forget about it, Adam. What we need to do is concentrate on getting you fit again.'

She smiled at me; a smile of radiant brilliance. ‘How about something to eat? I'm afraid the menu's limited. For the time being you're rationed to light foods; soup perhaps, or scrambled eggs.'

I grimaced. ‘Not scrambled eggs for sure. I dislike them at the best of times and at the moment they'd just remind me of what I've been getting rid of.'

‘Don't be so revolting.' Although she reprimanded me Eve was smiling still. ‘Can I assume soup won't offend you?'

She locked me in the room and returned fifteen minutes later with my belated lunch, or breakfast, or whatever it was. She was accompanied by her niece. ‘Becky's going to sit with you whilst I take a shower,' Eve told me. ‘She's a very experienced nurse. She's been looking after her brother and sister. I've told her to stand no nonsense from you.' Eve accompanied the words with another light-hearted smile. Her mercurial mood changes left me floundering, wondering which facet of her character she'd reveal next.

The soup bowl was the size of a young swimming pool. I sipped at the chicken and vegetable broth, cautiously to begin with. After my recent experiences I was uncertain how my stomach would react. The soup was obviously homemade. It smelt and tasted delicious. Hunger soon overcame caution, my stomach behaved itself, and I felt much better once I'd eaten. I offered the bowl to my new nurse with a smile. ‘Thanks, Becky, I really enjoyed that,' I told her. I watched her place the empty bowl back on the tray. ‘Since we're on our own, Becky, I want to have a word with you about your brother's accident.'

I saw the guarded expression descend on her face. ‘Don't worry,' I reassured her, ‘this is strictly between you and me. I promise I won't tell another soul, not even your mum and dad.'

She looked at me in silence for a long time. I could tell she was torn, wanting to speak; afraid of who to trust.

I prompted her, ‘You saw something, didn't you, about the time Charlie fell?'

When Eve returned twenty minutes later I said goodbye to Becky. ‘Thank you for sitting with me and don't worry, I won't break my promise.'

When she had gone, Eve asked, ‘What promise was that?'

‘If I told you I'd be breaking my promise.' I smiled. ‘That soup has made me feel so much better. I wondered about getting up if that's allowed.'

I didn't really feel that good. I didn't really want to get up. I merely wanted to distract Eve's attention from my conversation with Becky. I only half listened to the reasons for me to stay put as Eve listed them. I was still trying to absorb the implications of what Becky had said. When Eve eventually paused for breath, I capitulated. ‘OK, Matron, I promise to stay here and behave as long as you promise not to desert me as you did yesterday.'

‘I couldn't help that; I wasn't well,' Eve said defensively, then saw I was teasing her. ‘Just try and get rid of me,' she threatened.

‘No, Evie, I certainly won't do that.' There must have been a ring of sincerity in my voice because she smiled; that secretive smile I liked so much.

I dined on chicken, rice, and broccoli that night. Soon after I'd eaten I went to sleep. I woke next morning feeling much better. Eve had opted to sleep alongside me. She had gone so far as to strip off to her bra and pants and joined me under the duvet. She must have been worn out because she fell asleep as soon as she got into bed and didn't stir even when I awoke. I looked at her lying there and marvelled at the resilience of women. Someone as scarred by experience as Eve still found the courage to stay in intimate proximity with a man little more than a stranger. I smiled at the thought of being so trusted.