Silent Dances (22 page)

Tesa smiled at that last sentence.

"I've taken six old cameras that were
left by Jamestown Founders
,"
Sco
tt'

s notes read
, "
and placed them at three diffe
re
nt unoccupied Aquila
nests on the f
ri
nges of the old-growth forest
,
about two hours
'
flight
from camp
.
Dr. Li would have my ass if she knew
,
since we
'
ve been
`

officially' ordered to discontinue any research on the Aquila
.
The gove

rn
ment is scared senseless that our expressing any interest in that

taboo subject will jinx our contact with the Grus--at the same time they
'

re so wor
ri
ed about ange
ri
ng the Founders that they're wrapping this
whole ventu
re
in tons of red tape.

"Anyway,
the cameras a
re
n't official gove
rn
ment equipment
,
so Dr
.
Li
can
'
t forbid something she doesn't know anything about
.
Even Meg's

forgotten about these relics. Then, if I can get enough data
,
maybe I

can find out once and for all if these creatures have even a shred of

intelligence."

Tesa read how Scott had set those cameras up with heavyduty batteri
es

and extensive memo
ry-
storage capabilities.
Those things might still be
out there,
she realized,
waiting for someone to scan them
.
So where are
they?

"
This is the first secret I
'
ve kept from Meg," Sco
tt
wrote. "After the
cameras are set up
,
I'll record the coordinates."

110

Tesa signed in frustration. She'd have to look through all Scott'
s stuff to

find those markers
-
volumes of material! Reaching for her Miza
ri

voder, Tesa interfaced the two computers so the voder could search

for the coordinates hidden in Scott's files. The Mizari voder should only

take minutes to find the electronic markers Scott would have used to

connect him to the cameras
.
Once she got those markers, she could

remote control the cameras-turn them back on, if they'd been shut

down
.
She was excited
,
as though she and Scott now shared a secret.

Suddenly feeling the eeri
e sense of another's presence, she jerked her

head up
. Thorn
stood
ri
ght in front of her
,
watching her over the back
of the small terminal.

"
How long have you been there?" she demanded
,
sta
rt
led.
"
A
moment," he signed apologetically
,
his face colo
ri
ng. "Not even a
minute
.
I ... uh, that is Meg and I
...
tu
rn
our nullifiers off at night
.
I
called you ... but I forgot that you ... uh ..." He stood with his hands

poised clumsily in the air, at a loss for words.

Of course.
He'd forgotten she was deaf.

"After that,"
he went on lamely
, "
I didn
'
t know how to get your attention
without sca
ri
ng you
.
Now I feel like an idiot
!"
He looked bemused and
uncomfo
rt
able
,
obviously perplexed by a code of behavior he'd never
encountered before.

Casually,
Tesa blanked the screens and moved away from the terminal
,

gathering her quilt around her like a buffalo robe.
Relax,
she thought.
He

doesn
'
t have the faintest idea of what you were doing
.
She moved
beside him
,
taking his role.

"When you want to get the attention of a Deaf person," she signed, "
you
can wave
,
like this." She flapped a hand vigorously at the chair she'd

just vacated
. "
Many Deaf people have some hearing
,
so you can

shout
,
but that won't work with me. The most effective way to get my

attention is to stomp the floor
."
She thumped her foot against the slick
tiles.

Thorn glanced guiltily in the dire
ction of Meg
'
s qua
rt
ers. When Tesa
looked at him questioningly he explained, "She's probably sleeping
.

Wouldn
'
t want to wake her..."

Tesa smiled at him tolerantly.
He's so transparent!
Glancing at the terminal, Thorn
asked
, "
Are you studying

Scott
'
s stuff?" Tesa nodded.

111

"I hope Meg and I didn't make you paranoid about that--really, you should be

sleeping ... like Meg."

"So, why
aren
't you?"

He shrugged, moving aimlessly around the area, then turned quickly toward

the open window. "A rousette's calling! That's a golden red, night-flying

mammal that looks like a cross between a fox terrier and bat. It makes a

hauntingly lovely sound."

As he signed away in biologist mode, Tesa watched, amused. "The Grus

call them," he made a double hand motion, "'little ones with a big noise,' or,

`they wake us up.' Scott and Meg were frequently roused at night by that

piercing sound ... so Scott called them 'rousettes.'" He looked out the

window again with an expression that indicated he was listening.

"They sound so sad," Thorn signed. "Like ... someone who's lost something, or never had something. No-like someone who wants something he can't

have."

Tesa looked at him, smiling. "Why do I get the feeling that you've come to tell

me something? Ever since we were introduced, you've been barely holding

something back. Just-tell
me!"

Thorn's eyes moved quickly around the room. "My ... His hands fumbled.

"She got ..." His cheeks reddened again.
"I can't sign it in Grus."

Tesa handed him some paper and a pencil.

Gratefully, he scrawled across the page, handed it to her. "My wife got

married yesterday," it read.

It was Tesa's turn to look befuddled. She could see why he hadn't been able

to sign that in Grus.

"To someone else, I mean," Thorn signed, not looking at her, then held up

his hands as though he wanted to start over. "I took this job to get away from

Earth." He scribbled
another
message. "My wife wanted a divorce," it read.

"I didn't," he signed. "I was still in love with her. There was another man ... it was a mess. I wanted to get as far away as I could."

"This is pretty far," Tesa agreed noncommittally.

"Yes ... and no. When I first came aboard the
Crane,
Lauren made a play for me ... and I thought, why not ... but I wasn't ready. I handled it badly. After

Scott died, I took Meg's place and was happy to be alone. It gave me time to

recover."

Tesa was surp
ri
sed at the tu
rn
his sto
ry
was taking
,
knowing that
telling it was costing him something.

112

"When you'
re hu
rt
really bad," Thorn signed
, "
sometimes you just w
an
t to hu
rt
someone back
.
Then you only w
an
t work
--
no emotion
,
no love, no hate. When you hit that stage, you c
an'
t even notice when

you sta
rt
to feel better
."
His eyes met hers for a second
. "
When you
stepped out of that shuttle
an
d tu
rn
ed around to look at me
-
all of a
sudden
,
I knew I w
as
over it
.
I felt emotions I didn't think I
'
d ever
enjoy again. A stunning wom
an
smiled at me
-an
d I liked it!"

Tesa blinked at him,
standing there in her nightshi
rt
and old quilt
.
She
ce
rt
ainly didn
'
t feel stunning.

"
I didn
'
t mean to tell you all this
," Thorn
signed
, "
but ... I thought we'd
have days to get to know each other. Now, in a few hours you'll be

leaving
.
I couldn
'
t let you go without saying
...
something
..."
His
hands fumbled
as
he stared at the floor
. "
I just wish
...
we didn
'
t have
this l
an
guage barrier."

"What barri
er?" she signed
. "
You've been quite eloquent." He shook
his head
. "
I feel clumsy, groping for phrases I know instead of

speaking spont
an
eously
.
If only you--" He broke off abruptly.

"
Could hear
?"
Tesa felt a coldness steal over her. Thorn
'
s expression
softened
. "
It'd be easier
.
Meg says you're having corrective surge
ry
done next year."

"Meg's
wrong!"
Tesa flashed the signs
, an
ger taking her so quickly she
couldn
'
t think
,
only react
. "
And who would it be easier for? For
you,
that'
s all. You and your damned Moza
rt
. You wish I could hear
?
Well, I
wish
you
were deaf.
Then I'd know whether the things I see
i
n your eyes
were the
re
on purpose
.
I'd t
ru
st your signs, instead of wonde
ri
ng
what you really mean
.
Hearing people hide behind words and sounds."

"You don
'
t want the surge
ry
?" Thorn was sta
rt
led.

"No! And I'
m sick of eve
ry
one telling me to get my ears
fixed!
They're
not
broken
as far as I'm concern
ed
!
I'm tired of being defined as a
walking malfunctioning ear. I
'
m
a person!
No,
I don
'
t
want the surgery
!

Not in a year
,
not ten years, not
ever
.
I'm Deaf
!
I'm Indi
an.
I'm damned
proud of both those things
!"
Tesa stopped suddenly
,
realizing that
halfway through her tirade
,
she'd lapsed into ASL
,
that Thorn couldn't
follow her signs
.
In anguished f
ru
stration
,
she yelled
, "
OH, SHIT!"

Thorn gesture
d desperately at her to be quiet and then tried futilely to

supp
re
ss his own shocked laughter
. "
Okay, okay

113

you don
'
t have to have to have it done if you don
'
t want to.
They'
re
your
ears!
I sure don't care."

Tesa found her anger evaporating. "
You don't?"

"Why should I? You've obviously
functioned quite well all these years

without hea
ri
ng
.
If you feel that strongly about not changing
,
then I'm
on your side
.
Just stop yelling
,
please!"

Tesa began to smile in spite of herself. "
You're just saying that to placate

me."

"No, I swear. You've
got to do a million things in this life
to make other

people happy. I lived in New York for two years
to please my wife
,
and

look where that got me
.
Somewhere
you've got to draw the line. And I can see where you've drawn yours. I admire that."

"Aren
'
t you going to give me a hard time about Moza
rt
?"

"
Who?" Thorn asked, obviously confused.

She spelled the name again. "You don
'
t know Mozart? He's a

composer of classical music. I thought hea
ri
ng people couldn
'
t live
without that expe
ri
ence."

"The only music I care about is the loon'
s, or the meadowlark's ... or the

rousette's."

Tesa
sighed and relaxed
. "
It's my own fault Meg thinks I'm having the

surge
ry
. I didn
'
t want to argue with her
...
or my parents, either."

"Your parents think you want it?" Thorn looked surprised.
"It means so
much to them. I said I
'
d have it done next year
... but it's just not right for me. You're the first person I've told this to since leaving StarBridge ...

actually, you're the
first hea
ri
ng person who hasn
'
t t
ri
ed to change my
mind."

"I can't believe anyone would try to change
your
mind." Tesa looked rueful.