Silent Night: Vampire Holiday Romance (The Night Songs Collection Book 4) (18 page)

I closed my eyes, letting my head fall to the side as he parted my legs. He fumbled against my thighs, worming out of his jeans. The more he moved, the worse he smelled. I wasn’t used to this anymore. Maybe I didn’t feel so numb after all.

“Do you want to do this in the shower?” I asked.

“No,” he said quickly, panting as he worked himself to readiness. I couldn’t even give this pathetic loser a hard on. He’d done too much junk already. His body protested.

I squinted at him, grossed out by the sight of him playing with himself. My arm came up over my face, self-defense maybe? “Hurry up. Get this over with.”

“I’m working on it, princess. I guess your sugar daddy likes his girls pleasantly plump. It’s not making this easy,” he said between breaths.

“You’re an asshole.”

Matt leaned down close to my ear. “But you’re still going to fuck me.” Little drops of spit landed on my face, and I cringed. I didn’t even hide it. He slapped me in response.

My eyes flew open at the shock. Even more shocking, Matt seemingly lifted straight to the ceiling. I could hear the others in the house protesting and screaming in the background, but it swirled and echoed like it was in a tunnel. Matt fought and punched at air, looking more foolish than ever, his pathetic, tired penis at half-mast in the midst of it all.

A pair of legs in dress pants far too nice for this house rose from the floor, the body attached to them holding Matt up like a rag doll. My mouth dropped when I looked at Aidan’s red eyes.

Red eyes.

He seethed at Matt, opening his mouth and baring fangs.

Fangs.

What the hell did Matt give me?

Curling on to my side to protect myself from my own imagination, I shut my eyes again and tried to ground myself against the hallucination. The others had come into the room now, and I wished I had something to cover myself with. I had no idea what was happening, but I wanted to crawl inside the foul mattress and hide from all of it.

Matt wasn’t screaming, and that seemed weird considering what was going on. I had to be imagining this. I had to be. When I opened my eyes, I raised my arms over my head, to make sure I really couldn’t feel him, that Matt wasn’t still on top of me. Nothing had changed. I still saw Aidan, or a monster that had taken over Aidan’s body, Matt in midair, and everyone else on the sidelines, still freaking the hell out.

“Quiet!” The monster roared in Aidan’s voice. No one dared move.

“Aidan,” it came out in little more than a whisper. He looked down to me; those red eyes actually looked
sad
. I wanted to die inside. I’d let him down.

Now he knew who I really was. Just a useless junkie with no self-respect.

Aidan pushed Matt’s head down with his free hand. The crack of Matt’s neck echoed through the room. Everyone gasped as Aidan tossed Matt’s body into a pile of trash. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw them all rush to Matt’s aid, but I didn’t take my eyes off of Aidan. He didn’t look back at the crowd, either, he looked nowhere but me, still rolled in a ball.

“What the fuck!” Matt’s sister screamed, shoving Aidan, but she couldn’t make him budge. He turned to her, baring those nightmare teeth again, and snarling.

“You saw nothing.” His voice came out in a controlled roar. Not Aidan’s voice. Not human. “When the police come, you’ll tell them you found him this way.”

She nodded, wide-eyed and frozen, and no one else had the balls to protest, including me. Aidan turned his attention back to me.

“Aidan,” I managed one more time as he knelt down beside me. He’d taken off his jacket and urged me to put it on.

After I threaded my arms through the too-long sleeves, he wrapped it around me and buttoned the jacket. I went limp. It felt good to let someone take care of me. It was exactly what I needed after the last few days.

The monster wore Aidan’s cologne. The red glow had faded from his eyes, and he looked human again. I reached out to touch his cheek, the stubble of his beard prickling my skin. I couldn’t stop touching his face. His expression softened, and once again he was my Aidan.

If only I could taste him, then I could be sure this was real.

I’d never been this fucked up before. My body felt weak and sick as my heart raced and sputtered in my chest. I wrapped my arms around Aidan’s neck, and braced myself to die.

Twenty-One

So thirsty. And sick. My muscles screamed as I stretched involuntarily, conscious for the first time in I don’t know how long. I hadn’t expected to be greeted by dark when I forced my eyes open. Maybe I was dead, and this was hell.

It took a few moments to adjust to the darkness. I was in a bed, swaddled in blankets and my own pink pajamas. When I took a deep breath, I knew Aidan was nearby.

Maybe it had all been a nightmare.

No, I knew this feeling all too well. The emptiness, the regret. I was definitely coming down from a high. I just didn’t know what had happened during it, so I couldn’t yet adjust the self-loathing accordingly.

Rolling over on my back, I bumped into Aidan. He lay on his side, his head propped up by his elbow.

“Sorry.” My words were garbled.

He leaned down and kissed my forehead. “Good evening, sleepy head.” I jumped when he turned on the light. He smiled down at me in a way I’d never seen before, like he looked at me for the first time.

“I feel like I’ve been asleep forever.” I sat up a little too fast, and my head swam. Aidan put his hand on the small of my back to steady me, and handed me a glass of water.

“Drink that slowly,” he instructed. “You’ve been asleep for a while.”

The cold water cracked the dry plain of my mouth, almost burning it. As I swallowed, my body slowly found the will to come back to life, like a plant that hadn’t been watered in a month. Not listening to him, I gulped it all down, and then handed him the empty glass.

He squinted to make sure he actually did see the bottom of it, but didn’t say anything when he put it back on the nightstand.

“What day is it?” I felt stupid and helpless having to ask that question.

“Tuesday.”

My hand flew to my mouth as I gasped. My heart hurt my chest with its pounding, and the water began to revolt in my stomach. I scrambled, trying to get up in time to make it to the bathroom, but after a few steps I fell to my knees and got sick in the hallway.

I crumbled into a heap behind the mess, so embarrassed that I didn’t make it. Defeated that I couldn’t account for the last four days. Confused because I didn’t know how I’d really gotten here. Aidan’s hands were on my hips, but I pushed him away out of shame, and because I needed to get sick again. I was going to ruin his wood floors, just like I ruined everything else.

He rubbed my back and let me cry. He was superhuman for being able to sit there, next to a sea of vomit, and not get sick himself. When I tired, he drew me closer to his body, holding me close and rocking me back and forth just enough to be comforting.

Aidan helped me to my feet, despite my protests about cleaning up the mess, and brought me back to bed. He pulled the blankets back up over me, and I couldn’t protest anymore. This is where I needed to be right now. His cool palm ran over my forehead just lightly enough that maybe he could erase my stupid decisions. He disappeared, and I didn’t have the energy to cry out for him. I hated being alone when I was sick. Even if I wasn’t good company for anyone, I just liked knowing someone was there.

I saw his silhouette in the hallway, pushing a mop and dunking it into a bucket, cleaning up my latest disaster. He disappeared again when he finished, and I was relieved when he crawled back into bed with me.

“I missed my appointment.” My eyes felt like they might pop out of my head, then I realized he might not even know what I was talking about. “Did I tell you I got that job? All I needed to do was take a drug test.”

“No. You told me a lot of things when I brought you back here, but not about that.”

And I didn’t even remember. What
had
I told him? I dissolved into tears. My chances of ever getting that job back were less than zero. I’d wanted it so bad. Everything would have been perfect, but of course I had to sabotage it.

Aidan held me, shushing me. “They called and had to reschedule on Friday, so I moved it to yesterday.” He shook his head when I cried harder. “I called them to let them know you were sick, and couldn’t make it.”

“How?” I didn’t believe him. “How did you know? What about the hospital?”

“You left your phone behind when you snuck out of here.” He smiled when I opened my mouth. I snuck out? This all happened? I still had hoped for delirium from the flu and not coming down from a high. “I answered it, hoping it was you. Then I checked your call log to call the hospital.”

In the history of the cell phone age, so many girls had bawled out their boyfriends for doing what he did. But he might have just saved my future.

“What did they say?”

He pushed a damp lock of hair out of my eyes. “That they hoped you felt better, and to call and reschedule when you did. They really liked you, Kyndra. I talked to your new boss for a while. You really knocked that interview out of the park.”

“I did?” I didn’t want to feel hopeful. My bloodstream was a polluted river of illegal substances, which would take the shine off of any first impressions in a hurry.

“Why are you surprised?” Aidan looked so loving. And I thought he’d been crazy. Maybe I was the crazy one. I didn’t deserve this. “We all see it. We’re just waiting for you to catch up.”

“What happened?” I asked him. “I don’t know what’s real, and what I imagined. You say I snuck out, which means I actually did go to Matt’s house?”

“You did,” Aidan confirmed.

That didn’t tie things up in a nice, neat bow. It made it worse. “But how did you find me? I thought I imagined you coming in and saving me, and” I had to stop and let my brain replay the memory to make sure it was right. “Did you kill Matt?”

“He drugged you and was about to rape you,” Aidan answered, but didn’t tell me anything.

“But what you did, it wasn’t real. You weren’t human.” I felt foolish, telling him about my hallucinations. “What I saw, it scared me. I thought I was going to die.”

“I’m not going to let you die, Kyndra,” he whispered, snuggled in so close to me, his words caressing me as his hands massaged my scalp. “I won’t let you die.”

“We all die eventually.” I sighed as he nibbled on my earlobe. How could he still want me after what he saw? How could I relax after what
I
saw? He said I snuck out, which I’d done because of what he told me. “The way you had Matt, up in the air by one hand like a piece of paper—“

“Do you believe me now, Kyndra?” He pulled away, as the shock of his words rolled through my body. “Now that you’ve seen it with your own eyes?”

I bit my lip hard and concentrated on the pain. When did this nightmare end?

“No.” I knew my words broke his heart. “I’m sorry. I love you, Aidan,” I surprised myself, saying it out loud, but Aidan melted and I knew it was the right thing, “but I just can’t believe that’s real.”

“Do you know how long I’ve waited to hear you say that?” His face brightened. “That you love me?”

“Yes.” I struggled to sit up. Lying in bed with him helped alter reality. “Since Christmas Eve.”

“Okay, you’ve got me. This time.” He laughed and sat up. “I’ve been waiting to hear you say it, again, since Gilles took me away from you. The chance of hearing it again is what kept me going.”

I frowned, and the laughter left his eyes. “Aidan, we can’t go on like this. We need to get you help. I just fucked up my life royally by getting high. And I did it because you scared the hell out of me. Do you have any idea what you told me? I can’t stay here with you, if you can’t see the truth. I want you to get better. I do. I’m willing to do what it takes to help you. But I tried to walk away from one bad situation with Matt. I can’t just run to another one. It’s not fair.”

He didn’t respond to my plea, frustrating me more. He said he’d be right back. I didn’t have the strength to follow him, so I waited. He came back a few minutes later, carrying a platter with toast and tea for me. He lowered the legs on the tray, placing it over my lap. “Breakfast in bed.”

“Thank you.” I didn’t trust eating yet, even though my stomach danced at the chance of food. Then much like I had minutes before, I collapsed in nausea. Still, I needed to at least try. I nibbled, the buttery, crunchy bread tasting like heaven. I played with the teabag until the steam subsided, then took a tiny sip.

So far, so good. I proceeded with caution. Aidan sat in the chair in the corner of the room, giving me my space. He pulled his computer into his lap and started to work. Business as usual. Maybe he didn’t want to talk to me after what I had said.

Maybe I was the crazy one.

No. I refused to turn this around on myself.

But I couldn’t blame him for my piss poor judgment, either.

It took me forever to finish the toast, but I did it. I took one last swallow of now tepid tea, then moved the tray off to the side and lay back down. Aidan put the computer on the floor so he could clear my plate.