Authors: Regina Carlysle
“Good morning, Stephen. What brings you about so early?”
“Business, I fear. Business of the vilest sort. Seems I am bound to pay my debts and, in the paying, lose my hunting lodge,” he said with a grimace. “Due to my current near-penniless circumstance, it is in need of repair but I assume you can manage.” Sprawling unceremoniously in a plush leather chair, he withdrew a document from his breast pocket. “My deepest apologies for intruding so soon after your wedding, but I felt it best to settle things between us.”
Seating himself again, Nicholas saw in Stephen the same cool demeanor, yet tempered with a softness he’d not noticed before. Something was different about him. Once again, Stephen seemed the carefree boy he’d known years ago. Whatever had occurred within his life had made an obvious impact. Nicholas waved away his words just as a below stairs maid brought in tea and biscuits.
“What change has come over you?” He peered over the rim of his cup as Stephen stirred two lumps of sugar into his own tea. Finally the man gave him a direct look.
“I met someone. Not long after you began courting your Eliza, she drifted into my life and nothing has been the same.”
“Then congratulations are in order?”
“I intend to marry the lady if she will have me.”
Nicholas knew Stephen lacked fortune and desperately needed it to maintain the Darlington estates. “An heiress?”
Stephen shook his head with a faint smile. “Sadly no, but I find I cannot live without this particular woman.”
Admiration for his brother grew and this reason perhaps, prompted his next words. “How would you feel about traveling to the Orient to tend to some of my business ventures there? I find there are few men I can trust to deal with things fairly. If everything works out well, you could possibly invest and make a healthy profit.”
Shock registered briefly before carefully being masked. “Charity is not my way, Nicholas. You know this.”
“Please,” Nicholas said, holding up a hand. “Do not consider it such. We both have known for some years that we share a father. Manipulative beast that he was, he managed to do something right when he gave me a brother. It has taken me long to admit it, but I always hated being an only child.”
Stephen smiled faintly. “We do have that in common. Perhaps, it is not too late to begin again. Let me think over your proposition. Much depends on whether or not the lady will agree to marry me.”
Nicholas’s expression turned solemn. “Eliza does not have an inkling about our ridiculous bet. I would prefer we keep this a matter between gentlemen.”
“Certainly,” Stephen replied. “She is not a woman who would take this particular deed in stride. As proud as she is, she would, no doubt, pull a pistol and do you some harm. The bet was not well done of me. Of us. True gentlemen would never place a lady at the center of a bet. You were fated to marry her and worked much harder at winning her hand than I did.”
“You did seem a bit ambivalent.”
“Do not mistake me. Your wife is a beautiful woman. Well-spoken and refined. She is a true diamond of the first water. It was just that after we made the bet, I met and fell in love with another. My heart was not involved with Eliza where, I suspect, yours was.”
Nicholas grinned wolfishly. “Most definitely. I am happy in my marriage.”
“And the title? I imagine all is yours, the title, properties, everything, now that you have married according to your father’s will.”
“You mean marriage by midnight of my birthday? Yes, the old bastard got his way in everything, did he not? Eliza, of course, does not realize that haste in our marriage was imperative. She never shall, either. She would have difficulty understanding my deceit.”
“Indeed I would. I do.”
Nicholas bolted from his chair at the sight of his wife standing in the doorway, her face pale. “Madam!”
Stephen stood as well and after a quick look between the newlyweds, tossed the deed to the hunting lodge upon Nicholas’s desk. Making a brief bow, he excused himself, brushing past Eliza on his way out the door.
Nicholas didn’t know what to say.
Riveted by her stricken expression, he took in the way her hands shook. Moving slowly around the desk, he stepped toward her only to halt as she held up a hand.
“A bet? You made a bet as to who would win my hand?”
He gritted his teeth, felt a small tic begin to jerk in his jaw. “Yes.”
She stood in silence, damp eyes mirroring her hurt, and he wanted to weep along with her.
“Then I was to be a prize brood mare for one of you? How foolish I must have seemed to you,” she said softly, her voice trembling. “Our dance that first night and the conversation in the gardens, was so easily attained by you. I must have seemed a weak-spirited cow to you.”
“No, I—”
“Silence!”
Quiet fell as he watched her expression change from hurt to one of fury. No, the hurt was there, buried somewhere behind that cool look of disdain. Tears filled her eyes. Her lips, still swollen from last night’s love play, were compressed tightly. Finally she broke the silence that fell between them. “Please explain if you can, what was contained in your father’s will that meant you must marry and marry quickly.”
Resigned, Nicholas stared into her eyes. “My father’s will stipulated that I must marry by midnight of my thirty-fifth birthday or lose my title and lands and the fortune that it entails.”
“Your birthday was yesterday, was it not?”
“Yes,” he gritted out. “But I would have wanted you anyway, Eliza. You were the only woman I wanted from the very first moment I laid eyes upon you.”
“Liar,” she hissed, stepping closer. “Any woman would have done quite nicely. No, it was not affection that you felt for me. I was simply handy. If I do not miss my guess, I imagine the biggest motivating factor in your choosing me was pure lust.”
He stood rooted to the spot. It was true. He couldn’t deny that he’d felt lust. But he’d admired her, too. He’d admired the way she held herself, the way she stood up to Edward. Everything about her had called to him that night, but she would never believe that now. “Yes. I wanted you.”
“To bed me, you mean?”
“Yes.”
While he stood there, feeling his life crumble around him, Nicholas watched Eliza move toward him. Her stride was long and fraught with purpose. Tears poured heavily from unblinking eyes as she stopped before him. Raising back her hand, she slapped him.
The silence that followed the cracking sound of flesh against flesh was absolute.
“Have your heirs upon dockside harpies, you bloody bastard,” she whispered. “For you shall not have them on me! Enjoy your title, Your Grace, and the fact that you have managed to humiliate me. Enjoy your victory as much as you shall enjoy your very lonely bed.”
She whirled around, skirts flying, and stalked from the room.
He had the terrible feeling that she’d taken his heart with her.
Chapter Sixteen
Willows hung languidly over the country dirt road to dapple a single white horse along with the passengers of the fashionable, bright red curricle. An Li watched her new friend carefully, hating the overall pallor of her skin. Eliza’s eyes were red-rimmed from crying; her lips were tightly compressed as if withholding a wealth of misery.
It was uncomfortable in Nicholas’s house these days. Both Eliza and Nicholas were short tempered and testy, an unusual state for either of them. He stayed away from the house most of the time only to return in the small hours of the morning. She, on the other hand, kept to her rooms, refusing all visitors, food, and comfort.
Oh, An Li had heard the tales servants spread regarding the huge argument several weeks ago, and she realized that something horrid had come between the two people for whom she most cared. They had been so very happy after the wedding, but now they seemed to be strangers.
“Thank you, m’lady, for bring me here this day,” she in the silence. “Charlotte House is a beautiful place and the ladies are very nice. They made me feel like lady, too.”
Eliza’s eyes widened as she turned to her. “Why you are a lady, An Li. In every sense of the word, you are well mannered and kind.”
“Like a pet.” An Li giggled, as leaves rustled overhead.
“Hush. Not like a pet at all, you ninny. You are a lovely human being and an exceptional friend.”
She studied Eliza’s hands as they knowledgably commanded the curricle’s ribbons. Today Eliza drove the vehicle instead of Thomas. The conveyance’s black leather hood separated them from the servant, who sat behind them on a small platform provided for grooms or chaperones.
Breathing in the early afternoon air on this bright summer day, An Li looked back on her short friendship with Nicholas’s new wife. On most days, she felt just a bit jealous of Eliza and hated herself for it. It was only that his new wife was everything that she was not, and An Li was quick to recognize it. Well-spoken, lovely, and virtuous, Eliza was sure of herself and her place in the world. Beside a woman like her, An Li felt like a simpleton.
But she liked Eliza very much. So when she’d approached An Li about a ride in the country to visit friends, she had not been able to refuse. Eliza no longer seemed to be a woman who had everything. She was heartbroken, and An Li wanted to help. Getting out of the house and around others would do them both good.
“My friends at Charlotte House like you very much, could you not tell?”
“Yes,” An Li nodded. “I believe. They all have good hearts.” She patted her chest for emphasis, happy to see Eliza smile. “It is good place and the ladies like gifts we bring. Yes?”
Eliza clicked her tongue and moved the ribbons. “For a certainty, they did. You see, they do not go about in society as many of them are in hiding. No one must ever learn of their whereabouts. I try to come out often and each time, I bring items they might enjoy. Today we brought materials for needlework and the latest novels.”
An Li sighed as birds flew from branch to branch. “I love read, too.”
“Do you?”
“Oh yes, very much. Reading was denied me in China but Nicholas taught me. Good man, him.”
Eliza glanced away. “Yes, he can be a good man, but there is deceit in him, too. It seems his needs alone are of tantamount importance.”
“You do not believe this. Please tell me you do not.”
“Please, let us talk of something else.”
An Li fell silent, wondering how she could help. It hurt to watch them tear at each other this way. Love was not meant to turn into an ugly thing.
And she knew about love. Each evening, she slipped from the house and deep into the garden where she met the man she loved. Stephen was so handsome, was so gentle when he took her body one night not so long ago. Just the memory of his touch, of the new feelings he brought to life within her, sent her reeling for breath.
But along with those incredible feelings was an infinite sadness.
As if her thoughts had magically conjured him, he drove up the lane in a soft yellow Highflyer Phaeton racer. They were almost to the outskirts of London by now, and An Li was surprised to her toes to see him appear from out of nowhere this way.
“Good day, ladies,” he said, drawing the reins to slow his horse to a stop. Tipping his hat, he nodded his head in a brief, but polite bow. The brisk wind had given a reddish glow to his bronzed cheeks, and her breath caught on a helpless sigh. “I must admit that my being here is not an accident. Nicholas gave me your direction. Although he did not reveal your destination, he did say that I might run upon you here on your way home.”
“Good day, Lord Darlington,” Eliza murmured politely. “I confess to surprise. I was not aware you had taken such an interest in my activities.”
“Well, actually, Your Grace, I thought only to converse with Miss An Li for a moment, if you have no objection?”
Eliza’s eyes widened. “I wasn’t aware you knew each other.”
An Li couldn’t speak. She could see that Eliza was curious about her relationship with the man.
“We met some time ago,” Stephen said. “May I speak with her?”
“An Li, is this acceptable?”
She slowly nodded.
Stephen’s smile was near blinding. “Would you come for a drive with me?”
She could not believe a polite gentleman would dare such a thing. What would people think of his interest in a poor, ill-bred Chinese girl? He would be shunned by those of his class, scorned and ridiculed. She was not fit company for Stephen—at least, not in public.
Casting a long look at Eliza, she saw no censure. Indeed, a slow, sweet expression settled on her face, a look of wonder, perhaps. “Please, dear, do not let me interfere with your enjoying this lovely day with such a nice gentleman. Go, if you wish.”
“Yes,” An Li whispered softly, gazing into Stephen’s intense dark eyes. “I go, sir.”
With a grin, he leaped from the phaeton and took her hand. “I shall not have her long, Your Grace,” he said to Eliza. “And she shall be quite safe.”
She laughed. “Of that, I have no doubt. Good to see you, Lord Darlington, and have a care for my good friend.”
With a firm click, she sent the horse in motion, leaving the two of them standing in the lane.
“Come,” Stephen said in a low voice. “I have found the perfect spot for us to talk.”
An Li simply nodded and stared at the toes of her proper English shoes, vaguely recognizing they needed a good polishing. When he took her hand, she realized that he’d removed his riding gloves, and the feel of his warm skin brought to mind vivid memories of his hot, fevered touch on her body.
The shaded clearing was peaceful, a fallen log providing the perfect place for them to sit together. Wildflowers graced the romantic bower and a timid gray squirrel set up a clicking sound as it sat up in alarm and raced frantically up the nearest tree.
“You look beautiful in your English dress,” he said, smiling as he studied the yellow dimity gown she wore.
“Eliza, she give. You like?”
“I like very much.” Leaning closer, he brushed her lips with his own, then spoke softly against them. “But I also like you wearing nothing at all. Your skin is sweet perfection; your fragrance disarming. Oh, my dear, I love everything about you.”
Her world tipped on its axis. Did she dream? Could this be true?
Despite how she thrilled at his words, fear set hold deep in her heart. It would not do for this fine gentleman to love her because there was simply no future for them. If Stephen did not realize it, she surely did.
He continued to smile as he removed an ivory stick pin from her chipped straw bonnet. “Be still,” he said as he removed the article and set it on the ground upon a crop of clover. “I have a surprise for you.” With barely a pause, he lifted a floral wreath of white and yellow daisies. An Li blinked away tears as he set it upon her head like a delicate crown.
“There,” he said. “Now you resemble the fairies who surely occupy this place.”
Moved beyond anything, she reached up to finger the delicate petals. “Pretty thing this. Thank you.”
“I confess that I have not done such a thing since I was a small boy, but I found that I had time on my hands while I waited. Now that I have your complete attention, I feel I must speak with you on a very important matter.”
An Li ached with love but along with that tender feeling was heartbreak. Terror shook her as she noted the intensity burning in his eyes.
His hand found hers and she stilled as he rubbed her palm with the pad of his thumb. “Surely, An Li, you realize how deeply run my feelings for you.”
“I believe you care for me.”
“Look at me, please,” he whispered. She forced her gaze to meet his, dreading this revelation with her whole heart. “I am a hard man, so hard that I never believed in anything remotely resembling love. You have changed everything. Your sweetness and compassion, even the simple touch of your hand brings me to my knees. I find that I cannot live without you, dearest. Please say that you will be my wife.”
Stricken, she opened her mouth to speak, but he placed a finger over her lips. “No, do not answer yet. I know how you feel, how you worry about the differences between us. We can go away. We can find a place without prejudice; I know we can!”
She shook her head, dying a little inside. “Such place does not exist. There is nowhere in this world where we would be accepted. Never will I be able to change the shape of my eyes or the color of my skin. You see beyond that and I and most grateful.”
“You are beautiful.”
“No. I am different. I am an outsider. I am also a woman with a terrible past. These are things that I cannot change. There will be no acceptance here for me and whether you wish it or no, there is no future life waiting for us. No matter how I love you or how I want you, there is no way to change what I am. Do you not see?”
“I only see the woman I love!” He gripped her shoulders, frustration clear on his face. “I want you. I must have you, my darling girl.”
She shook her head. “No. We can never be, Stephen, and you must accept. Today I met women who have suffered as I have and my place is with them. Since coming here, I have worried about my future and where I fit. I have found where I belong. They need my help.”
“But I need you. Do you not see?”
An Li found a smile in the midst of pain and reached up to touch his cheek. “I see everything. Better than you, my lord. Though you do me great honor, you must find your way to another who will make you happy for I cannot. I am sorry.”
Stephen recoiled and she easily recognized the pain in his eyes. It was a perfect match to the pain in her heart.
* * * * * * * *
Standing before the cheval mirror, Eliza gazed at the dress she wore for tonight’s ball honoring her marriage to Nicholas. She did not want to attend, but since her parents hosted the affair, there was no polite way to refuse. Hopefully, they would never know how empty her marriage had become.
Empty and hopeless. Much like herself.
The past two weeks had been an abomination, a drought of the heart from which she thought she might never recover. An Li had removed herself to Charlotte House and with her absence she felt she’d lost her one true friend.
Not long after An Li’s meeting with Stephen over a week ago, she’d asked to go to live at the haven she’d established. Something, Eliza knew, was dreadfully wrong with her, but An Li had remained silent. Despite protests from both Nicholas and herself, An Li was set on leaving them. Eliza wanted to learn what had happened, but she wasn’t in a position to offer advice considering the morass of her own life of late.
Nicholas avoided her as if she were diseased, and though she professed this to be her wish, it was all a dreadful lie.
Never, at least not since Lottie’s death, had she felt such grief. Vacant eyes stared at her reflection as she considered the mirror image. The beautiful peach gown did nothing to hide the circles caused by sleepless nights.
Tonight how was she to mask the sham her marriage had become? Hiding from the world so soon after being wed was not unusual for newlyweds, therefore, her parents had no inkling of the trouble between them. Now she and Nicholas must face polite society and pretend to a love match when they both knew their union was not. She had never been a hypocrite, so she dreaded the evening like one would dread having a tooth removed.
Surely he felt the same, although it was hard to know considering they’d spent barely ten minutes together since the altercation in his study. The moment of truth had been a bitter blow indeed.
She had never really believed that he might actually love her, but neither had she imagined his feelings would be so cold, so calculating. No, he’d used her to secure his own place in the world and, naturally, he’d wanted her to warm his bed.
I love him still.
The words echoed through her brain as she swung away from the mirror and walked to an open window. Leaning there, letting the evening air cool the heat in her face, she cursed herself for her stupidity.
Moron.