Silver Dew (36 page)

“But you underestimated how close David and I had become,” Sebastian stated in a cold, flat voice. “He was like a brother to me. He wanted me to escape from you – he told me who you were and he willingly let me block his memories so that you would not suspect his betrayal. And now he hates me for it, he blames me for it all even though he was the one who told me how you had manipulated me, how you had encouraged the Others to manipulate me also, how you had confused my thoughts and made me forget Caoilinn and my quest. I should have killed you.”

“No,” Mags whispered in shock. “No, you would never want that. You couldn’t.”

“I couldn’t go through with it,” he agreed, sounding angry and ashamed. “The strength of our abilities were almost perfectly matched. You didn’t want me to leave but I wanted to be as far from you as possible. Our conflicting wants cancelled each other out. You’d manipulated me so thoroughly with your magic that the only way I could forget you was to convince myself you were dead. And so I was able to run and run, as far from you as possible, wanting to forget you and the Others and everything else. I was so sickened by what I had become, by what I had done, by how many people I had hurt and betrayed.” Sebastian’s voice began to tremor. I could virtually feel the pain and darkness radiating out from him as he remembered.

“And so you hibernated,” I finished. “That was the horrible thing that happened that you could never remember. It was what made you want to hide from the past and from the world for hundreds of years, buried beneath ice and snow.” Mags looked at me strangely, obviously surprised by this revelation. I remembered how shocked I had been when Sebastian had first told me of his hibernation. And now it seemed to make such perfect sense in a crazy and distorted sort of way. “And what about you? What did you do after Sebastian left?”

“I searched for him,” Mags calmly replied. “I looked everywhere I could think of. I wanted to find him so badly but I never did. I kept an eye on the Others from a distance and once it was clear that they were starting to remember Sebastian, I approached them.”

A quiet gasp of shock escaped my lips before I could stop it. Mags sneered at me before continuing.

“I negotiated a deal with The Order. I would bring you to them, Caoilinn, and Sebastian could go free. Those two idiots in Kulata nearly ruined it all. The Order must not have trusted I would follow through on my promises. I was to bring you to the ceremony in three nights time where I would assist The Order in attempting to strip you of your powers and your life.”

A chill ran down my spine as she spoke.

Sebastian stood, an expression on his face that I had never seen before, an expression that welcomed death and destruction, his fury immeasurable and awesome.

“You were going to hurt Gracelynn?”

He spoke softly but his tone was terrifying. Mags somehow became even paler. She shook her head, her wavy hair bouncing off her shoulders but no words reaching her lips.

“Caoilinn had many secrets but her love for me was pure,” Sebastian continued. “But you - you tarnished my memories of her, you stole and manipulated my thoughts and you tore away a piece of who I am. You took everything from me, all in the name of some sick and twisted love. You tricked me into creating the Others and living an unforgivable life that haunts me still. You destroyed me!” he thundered, his voice booming around the room. The candles on the altar flickered, the pews began to tremble. “And you tried to keep me and Gracelynn apart. Despite what Caoilinn may or may not have done – it is Gracelynn who I love now and nothing else matters. That you tried once again to make me doubt her, to make me question my love for her – you would have destroyed any hope of happiness I ever had! And then you planned to kill her? To betray us all? I swear it Madailein, you will pay for this!” he raged.

I wasn’t certain what Sebastian was doing, but I knew I needed to step in fast before he wanted something to happen to Mags that he most certainly would regret. It was difficult to think rationally as I was nearly as furious as he. To realize how Mags had lied to and used Sebastian, to see how much pain and darkness she had caused him and how close she had come to leading me to my death – it was unforgivable. I knew in my heart that she deserved to die for all she had done.

I stepped forward, reaching for her with a steady hand. My necklace blazed and burned against my chest as the fury raged in my heart. And I realized then that it was not just my anger fueling my actions but it was also Caoilinn’s and Sebastian’s and even the Others’ as they had been betrayed not by Sebastian, but by Mags. Mags was the cause of Sebastian’s nightmares, of his guilt, she was to blame for everything – even the dire situation that we faced now. Mags had hurt too many people, she had told too many lies and abused her power, and she deserved to pay.

“Please,” she whispered as I grabbed her face firmly by the jaw, glaring down upon her. Her smooth, ageless skin was ash-white, her eyes huge and round, tears streaking down her lightly freckled cheeks. “Please.”

“Gracelynn,” I heard Sebastian say from behind me in a tight but calm voice. I felt him move forward and knew he was reaching to stop me. But he was far too late.

“Goodbye, Madailein Driscoll,” I murmured without emotion.

“Stop!” Sebastian cried out as Mags’ eyes rolled back into her head and her body slumped to the ground. “NO! Gracelynn, stop! Don’t do it!” he yelled, wrapping his arms around me from behind and pulling me back from Mags.

I blinked, confused and disoriented as a wave of exhaustion hit me. I fell weakly back into his arms, allowing him to pull me down onto the pew where I leant against him heavily.

“Oh, Gracelynn no,” he whispered into my hair. “No. Why did you do it?”

I couldn’t make sense of what he was saying.

“Why did I do what?”

“Mags. Why did you have to kill her?”

“What?” I shook my head, struggling to find the strength to sit up. I turned to him in confusion, glad that his warm and firm arms were around me still.

“She may have deserved to die but how could you do it? You know the toll it took on you when you had to kill Walter but to do it again… there must have been another way,” he quietly murmured, his blue-gray eyes sad and heavy with regret. He kept glancing at me with a strange expression on his face, like he didn’t really know who I was.

I pushed away from him, sitting up on my own and scowling in annoyance. “I didn’t kill her.”

His eyes widened in surprise and disbelief.

“I didn’t – check for yourself if you want to. She’ll be awake again soon. Her mind was just too shocked to remain conscious,” I explained. I swallowed down the hurt feelings that were rising within me. How could he think I killed her? I had told him I would never, ever use that spell again – hadn’t I? Did he no longer trust me at all?

“Her mind was too shocked by what?”

He was definitely looking at me strangely now. My eyelids were growing heavier and the church was starting to spin around me. I could feel myself slipping away from the conscious world and struggled to speak, to answer him.

“By the loss of her memories – she won’t remember much beyond her name now. She can cause no more harm,” I tiredly assured him. I started to slip out of my seat, my body sliding weakly downwards as if I were melting. Sebastian grabbed me before I hit the floor, gently pulling me up and into his arms. I had forgotten how wonderful, how truly amazing just his embrace could be and I relaxed, closing my eyes and resting my heavy head against his chest.

“How long for?”

“Hmm?” I asked sleepily. My thoughts were thickening, my brain slowing down as I fell towards the silent darkness. Sebastian’s voice carried to me, chasing me into that quiet, peaceful place and as always, demanding to be heard.

“How long will she forget for?”

I sighed, mumbling out the answer as I let myself fall deeper into the darkness, deep enough that he wouldn’t find me, at least for a while. “Forever.”

I
AWOKE SLOWLY,
opening my eyes a fraction of an inch at a time. I was aware that I had awoken in an unfamiliar place, the scent of wood polish and fresh flowers just barely present in the air. I automatically sensed that this was a safe place, one of healing and peace. I could feel the calmness of this place sinking into my bones and soothing my torn and aching heart.

It was so quiet and peaceful, that at first I thought I was alone but then I realized even though my body was lying along a hard, unyielding surface, my head was supported by the firm warmth of someone’s leg. My heart skipped a beat as my mind caught up to the present and I realized where I was and who I was with. In that same instant, I remembered everything that had just happened. My eyes flew open.

I was lying along a pew with my head in Sebastian’s lap and looking straight up at the high, arched, bright white ceiling above me. The memories came back to me like a flash of light, momentarily blinding my eyes and piercing my mind. My lips parted in a nearly-silent gasp.

“You’re awake,” Sebastian quietly commented. He was looking down at me now, his eyes a hazy shade of gray. He looked exhausted and sad and somehow, happy to see me. “You collapsed. Are you feeling alright now?” He gently smoothed my hair back from my face as he carefully studied my expression.

“I think I’m fine. Is Mags…?” I whispered, my voice sounding far too loud still within the church’s peaceful sanctuary.

“She’s still sleeping.”

“Oh.” I pushed myself up and off Sebastian’s lap so that I sat on the pew beside him. For several long seconds we both stared straight ahead, the daunting image of Jesus on the cross rising up behind the altar before us. I managed to get my emotions somewhat under control before I spoke again. “Sebastian, I’m not sure what Mags will be like when she wakes up. I was so angry and I acted instinctively – I’m not even sure what exactly I did. I just know she won’t remember much of the past… probably nothing. She might not even know who she is.”

He didn’t immediately answer. I glanced at him sideways to read his expression but was distracted by the sight of Mags, laid out along the pew just a few feet away from him. She slept so peacefully, so innocently… I could hardly believe what I had done to her.

“I don’t know how you did it either. There aren’t any markings on her.”

“No,” I agreed, already knowing that there wouldn’t be. “This spell didn’t require a design because I wasn’t changing anything or twisting the way fate is meant to play out. I was removing her memories, severing her from her past. There is a permanent mark that has been left on her mind but we won’t see it or know the full extent of the damage I’ve done until she wakes up.”

Sebastian flinched at my harsh words but even though I was ashamed and uncertain about what I had done, I refused to lie or downplay the details to him. From now on, I wanted nothing but the whole and all-encompassing truth between us.

“It’s no less than she deserved but still…”

We sat in silence a while longer, Sebastian’s words hanging in the air and haunting my thoughts. There was barely an inch of space left between us on the pew but right now, it felt like that gap were a mile wide.

“Everything that’s happened – it’s hard to believe,” I commented, thinking of Mags and the shocking truths she had shared.

“Yes,” Sebastian agreed. “I never realized how confusing it could be to have someone else’s wants influencing your own so powerfully. It’s daunting to feel so powerless and to have those choices taken away from you… I’m sorry I ever did that to you, when I once tried to make you forget me. It’s still so hard for me to understand how you could do it to me.” There was no accusation in his voice, just an intense hurt that throbbed with each word he spoke.

He stared straight ahead, refusing to look my way but I sat and waited patiently until he finally met my teary eyes.

“I was so afraid of what the truth might be, I didn’t want to know it,” I tried to explain. “I thought you just loved me because Caoilinn’s magic was making you feel that way and I didn’t want that. It felt like every time I tried to help, every choice I made was hurting you somehow and I was so afraid I was using you just like I thought she had. I didn’t want you to love me – I didn’t love myself anymore. I thought Mags could make you happy, that she would be better for you. I thought you wanted to be with her so that’s what I tried to want to.”

“And that’s exactly what she wanted,” he agreed, a slight bitter twist to his words. “There was just enough hesitation in you though that I had moments of clarity – and periods of intense confusion. I never stopped loving you but I could feel you pushing me away. I thought you didn’t want to be with me anymore because of my past, because of the mistakes I had made – because of Mags. However misguided, I did love her, once upon a time and she wanted me to remember that. There must have been a small enough part of me that wanted to be happy with her again that she was able to push me towards the wrong decision – with your help. It never felt right though. Life doesn’t make sense without you. How could it?”

“I thought I was doing the right thing. I thought it was what you wanted,” I whispered.

“You were wrong. How could you ever doubt my love for you?”

“But with everything Mags had revealed about Caoilinn, combined with what I’d experienced in my dreams when I was remembering her life…”

“This has nothing to do with Caoilinn,” he stated firmly and quietly. He reached over the invisible barrier between us and took up my left hand. Somehow, the beautiful, silver engagement ring that had been hidden in the bottom of my bag had reappeared in his hand. “And it has everything to do with us. How many times must I tell you that I love
you
, Gracelynn Stevenson? I love you more than life, more than death, more than love itself. I love absolutely everything about you, how innocent and naïve and wise and stupid you can be. And I can never, ever, live without you. So please, don’t ever try to make me again.” And with that, he slipped the small, silver ring back onto my ring finger, squeezing my hand tightly in his. “I am not asking you again – I am telling you. I will marry you, whether you want to marry me anymore or not,” he added with a small smile that twisted up the corner of his mouth.