Helen watched as she could see the battle being fought in Lily's mind being played out across her face. Lily leaned in, her lips almost brushing Helen's. As she neared she felt the Helen stiffen in her arms. Suddenly her nerves hitting like a train at full speed, she pulled her head back quickly.
“I should get back. Adele will be wondering where I've got to,” she reluctantly removed herself from Helen's embrace and re-entered the bay to collect her violin. When she came back out Helen had gone.
As soon as Lily had entered the bay, Helen was overcome with the need to get away and get some space between them. She had been sure that Lily was about to kiss her and her entire body had tensed at the anticipation of finally feeling those lips on hers. It felt as though her entire world collapsed on itself when Lily had pulled away, so she took to her heels and ran as fast as she could, sprinting round the corner of the bay where they'd watched Foster doing her nightly sweeps only weeks before.
She pressed her back against the wooden building and dropped her head allowing tears to fall freely down her face; slowly she lowered herself down towards the ground holding her knees against her chest tightly.
Time seemed to hold no consequence as she wept softly. She was so lost in her thoughts she didn’t hear the approaching footsteps; it wasn’t until a pair of shiny boots replaced the stones that her gaze was focused on that she realized she wasn’t alone. Her eyes trailed slowly up the legs bearing the standard beige trousers until she reached sympathetic blue eyes.
“Hey Hell’s Bells, how you holding up?” Peggy asked, moving to Helen’s side and dropping down beside her.
“Please, Peggy, leave me,” Helen pleaded.
Peggy pulled two cigarettes from her pocket, put them both in her mouth, and lit them. Removing one, she held it out to Helen who reluctantly accepted it. Taking a long drag on her cigarette Peggy stared off into the distance, “It’ll never happen sweet cheeks. She’s not like us.” Before adding softly, “You’re going to get your heart broken.”
“Going to?” Helen laughed bitterly.
Peggy toyed with the loose tobacco sticking out of the end of her cigarette, “That bad?”
Helen blew out a long trail of smoke, “I can’t stop thinking about her, the way she smiles, her entire face just lights up. I was dancing with her and our bodies just fitted perfectly, like we’d been made to fit together.” She dropped her cigarette to the ground and let her head drop, clasping her hands at the nape of her neck.
“It’s always the ones you can’t have,” Peggy said wistfully, she gave a small laugh. “I’m the last person to give you advice I’m in love with one of my bay mates.”
Helen looked up and saw her pain mirrored on her friend’s face. “We’re a right pair,” she smiled, wiping her tears. “So what do you do?”
Peggy shrugged, “What can you do, I want her in my life and the only way that I can have that is to continue to lock away the fact that I want toss her onto my cot and ravage her.” She stood up slowly, groaning as her knees straightened, “Let’s go back and pretend to be the best friends our girls will ever have.” She tossed her cigarette and held out her hand for Helen to take.
Taking the outstretched hand Helen pulled herself up, “Lead on McDuff.”
“You do realize that I hear that all the time,” Peggy replied, rolling her eyes at the common phrase lobbied at her once people knew her surname.
Grinning Helen swatted Peggy’s backside, “Margaret McDuff don’t be such a moan.”
Peggy shook her head. Looping her arm through Helen’s, they started the walk back to the hangar.
***
Lily re-entered the hangar and swept her eyes around looking for Helen, unable to spot her blonde curls in the crowd.
“Why there you are…I was just about to come lookin’ for ye,” Adele grinned.
Lily held up her violin case. “You wanted this?” she said, distracted by the emotions coursing through her body. “Have you seen Helen?”
Adele accepted the violin. Gripping the handle she did a quick spin, a confused look dominating her face, “Nope, not since just after you went off. Sorry.” She headed off towards where a stage, of sorts, had been erected. Standing on the stage were two other women one with a guitar and the other a fiddle, at the side was the piano from the recreation room that had been pushed across to the hangar. Adele jumped onto the stage and removed Lily's violin from the case. Lily looked up towards the stage startled by the familiar sound of her violin being tuned; it was only then that she realized that she had not asked any questions of Adele and had handed over her treasured instrument without a second thought.
Adrienne walked up to her and handed her a soda.
“You okay, you look like you've seen a ghost,” the redhead remarked. “Or are you worried that short Stott there is going to wreck your violin?”
Lily's breath caught as she spotted Helen re-enter the hangar with Peggy, her eyes obviously red from crying.
“No, everything is okay. I've got to go.”
She handed the soda back to a confused Adrienne and pushed past her to get to Helen. Adrienne took the bottle, shrugged, and watched as Lily approached Helen who was standing with her arms crossed pointedly trying to ignore the other woman.
Sensing that she was no longer required Peggy gave both Helen and Lily a quick glance, she gave Lily a wide smile and announced, “I’m off to get a drink.”
She turned to Helen and gave her a cautious look, “Come get me later for a dance Hell’s Bells.”
Realizing that Helen was not going to speak first Lily took the initiative.
“Look, I have no idea what's going on,” Lily said standing in front of Helen trying to get the other woman to look at her.
“Please. Helen look at me.”
Helen half-heartedly looked up at Lily, her jaw tightened.
“You're my best friend here and I don't want there to be an atmosphere between us, I'm sorry I shouldn't have asked you to dance with me and….” Lily struggled to find the words. “We've probably just been stuck in Cochran's convent for too long,” she joked trying to make light of the situation and the tension between them that she didn't understand and couldn't describe.
Helen gave her a weak smile.
“It's fine, you're right,” Helen agreed. “Things get blown up out of all proportion, let's forget that anything happened. Friends?” She bit at her bottom lip to stop it quivering and revealing her true feelings.
Lily felt a mix of relief that their friendship would still be in place but at the same time a deep sense of loss, the reason for which she wasn't willing to address.
“Ladies and ladies, and you couple of gentlemen, wherever y'all are,” Adele yelled. “Since we're here in the south we southern gals here thought that we'd bring a little bit of our music to you, this one's Soldiers Joy, go git a partner.” Adele looked over towards the women that she shared the stage with and nodded, her foot tapping the quick beat. She lifted Lily's violin and rested it in the crook of her arm, her fingers started to move at lightning speed up and down the fret board.
Lily's eyes widened in surprise, she was impressed with the speed and nimbleness of Adele's fingers as she picked out the quick tune on the instrument. The dance floor started to arrange itself as Adele's voice rang out as she shouted out dance calls.
“How bout we dance and enjoy the rest of the night?” Helen said quietly taking Lily's hand and leading her out to where their fellow cadets were hooting and hollering and they tried to master the dance steps being called out.
Lily gave her a quick smile, “I'd love that.”
Chapter Six
September 1943
Dearest Maria,
It's been six weeks now since I arrived at Avenger Field, you probably wouldn't recognize your dear old sister anymore; we do a couple hours of exercise a day. I'm fitter than I've ever been and more tired than I ever thought possible. We had good news yesterday our whole bay passed our first Army checks. There's only two bays that still have all their occupants in them and thankfully we're one of them.
We got paid…sort of! Two thirds of it went straight back to Uncle Sam for our accommodation and food. Good job I'm not doing this for the money! We also got our dog tags, feels like we're in the Army proper now. We've heard that they're still pondering over whether to accept us as a branch of the Army Air Corps, watch this space I guess.
Did I tell you that Adele (she of Tennessee) plays the fiddle like a dream? She never mentioned it and then we had an impromptu dance in one of the hangars as we were all base bound and she played my violin like it's never been played before. She's currently teaching me to play; it's as technically difficult as classical but really liberating at the same time.
The temperature is starting to cool here now which is a relief, especially in the afternoon when we're exercising or doing drill.
Lily paused; resting her head on her hand. She sat at one of the desks in the bay, her back to the beds, desperately trying to block out the rhythmic thumping that was pounding to her right and concentrate on finishing her letter. She thumped her pen down onto the desk and swiveled round in the chair.
“Helen, will you knock it off!” she yelled.
Helen plucked the small rubber ball from the air as it rebounded off the wall and brought it down to her chest, she tipped her head back on her pillow so she could see Lily albeit upside down.
“Sorry,” she replied, dropping her chin back down and inspecting the small ball, rubbing her thumb across a small rough patch on the rubber.
Adrienne lay on her bed reading a letter from her husband, one hand absently toying with the gold ring that now hung beside her dog tags. She looked up at Adele, who was lying on her bed opposite studying, and raised a single eyebrow.
It had been over two weeks since the dance and in that time there had been a subtle shift in the dynamics in the bay. Lily and Helen seemed to be keeping their distance from each other, as much as they could with their living arrangements. There had been no blow out and nothing obvious but, as the women practically lived on top of each other almost twenty-four hours a day, subtle shifts were cataclysmic.
Turning back to her letter Lily looked at what she'd written so far, she closed her eyes and swallowed, she hadn't meant to snap at Helen but ever since their dance she struggled to be around the blonde. She refused to acknowledge that she had almost kissed Helen. However, despite her steadfast refusal to admit to it, in quiet moments she found herself replaying the incident, wondering whether she was more disappointed in what didn’t happen than what did.
The ease of their friendship had given way to an awkwardness that neither was willing to address and instead had resulted in her finding fault with Helen for the smallest of things. Helen for her part was studiously avoiding making eye contact with Lily and would only speak to her when spoken to.
“You gonna come?” Adele asked closing her book and looking over towards Helen.
Helen turned her head still turning the small ball over in her hand, “Nope.”
Adrienne folded her letter up and pulled herself up into a sitting position, “You've got to come, we've been paid, we've got a full day’s pass, and we're allowed off the base.”
Lily collected her things together and walked over to stow them back in her locker.
“Tell her Lily. She's got to come.”
Lily glanced over her shoulder towards Adrienne who was prompting her with her head, sighing and rolling her eyes, she turned round to face Helen.
“You should come.”
Helen raised her eyebrows slightly at the tone of Lily's voice, for the first time in two weeks there was the sound of genuine care there. Lily shrugged, “What else you going to do?”
Marjorie and Lucy burst through the door to the bay giggling carrying two buckets with ice in them.
“One of the girls says that Casablanca is playing in Abilene,” Lucy gasped between giggles.
“Now you have to come,” Adele said picking up her pillow and tossing it towards Helen.
“What do you mean?” Lucy asked confused before turning to Helen with a confused tone. “You weren't coming?” She stopped staring at Helen to check the clock, wishing that the minute hand had reached twelve so that their official leave could start and they could get off the base.
“Of course she's coming,” Marjorie smiled, picking Adele's pillow from Helen's bed and throwing it back.
Helen huffed before sitting up and spinning her legs off the bed. She glanced up at the clock, “Well we have two minutes before our leave starts, we should get ready to go.” She slapped her thighs and stood up, smiling towards her friends, evading Lily's stare as she did so.
***
“I remember when I shopped for girly things,” Lucy mused, as she swung her brown package containing her newly purchased long johns.
The girls laughed as they paid their entry to the Paramount movie theatre and entered through the wooden doors, making their way towards the theatre where their matinee would be playing.
Helen hung back hoping that she wouldn't have to sit next to Lily. However, her ploy backfired as the other women edged their way into the row leaving them at the end. She gave Lily a small smile and held her hand out to indicate for her to go first, then slipped in behind her.
They watched the film in silence, each transported to Rick’s Café and enchanted by the love story unfolding before them. Lily stiffened in her seat as she shifted slightly causing her bare arm to rest against the hot skin of Helen's arm. She closed her eyes tightly, listening to Ingrid Bergman tell Humphrey Bogart how much she loved him and still loved him.
Lily tried to control her heartbeat, which was racing at the most innocent of touches. The sensation of Helen's skin next to hers had restarted the fire inside her that had been ignited when she'd been held in Helen's arms. A fire that she could not comprehend and was trying desperately to quell, swallowing she opened her eyes as Rick and Llsa kissed.