Singing in the Wilderness (20 page)

‘
Yes
!
’

‘And it’s your nature to be careful
?
But now you’re not afraid any more? You told Idries I’d do my best for him, so you must have come to the conclusion that I’d do the same by you, and so I will. I promise you that, Stephanie.’

‘I know,’ she whispered. ‘Part of me always knew it, but part of me had to be convinced—’

‘And now it is
?
’

She knew that nothing but the truth would serve her now. ‘I think so. It doesn’t matter any more.’ She dealt a final death-blow to her pride and found it much less painful than she had expected. ‘I want to be your wife more than anything, you see, and I can’t only be half married to you. It’s all or nothing, and I want it so badly that there isn’t room, for any reservations, like laying down conditions about how it has to be. I don’t expect it to be perfect all the time, but I’ll be with you and that’s all that matters.’ She met his eyes and it was as if there was nothing else in the world but the two of them. ‘I’m not just in love with you,’ she added. ‘I love you too.’

He pushed back her fringe from her face. ‘And you still think it’s only a physical thing with me
?
’

‘Isn’t it?’

His smile was very gentle. ‘It helps, honey. It surely helps, but it isn’t the whole deal. Come on, eat up, love, and we’ll be going. Are you ready?’

Stephanie slept for part of the afternoon. Cas had agreed to Idries driving for a while and had pushed her over into the window seat where she had room to curl up against him in relative comfort. He and Idries talked about the job that was in hand and for a while Stephanie tried to follow what they were saying, but the language was too technical for her to understand, and her mind soon wandered to other things, like the width of the gold band on her finger and how much its plainness pleased her eye against the smooth honey-coloured tan of her hands.

Cas’s hand, shaking her awake, brought an abrupt end to her dream. In it, she had been running like a crazy thing from something that distressed her, though she couldn’t for the life of her remember what it was. It could have been the hint of a woman’s scent, or it could have been a chance remark that someone had made in her hearing. Whatever it had been, there was no reason that she could see for it upsetting her. But then dreams were like that. They didn’t mean anything in themselves. They were no more than an outlet for the mind and didn’t have to make sense.

‘Where are we?
’
she asked.

‘We’re nearly there. Idries says there’s an abandoned village on ahead where we can camp. One of our teams
is quite close by and we can get in touch with the office over the wire.’

‘Oh,’ said Stephanie. She wondered why he should want to. ‘I must have been asleep.’ She moved into an upright position, suddenly aware that she had been making use of his arm as her pillow. ‘You should have woken me before!’

He grinned. ‘No need. I’d have shifted you if I’d wanted my arm back for anything.’ He looked at her curiously. ‘What were you dreaming about?’

‘I can’t remember. That was the trouble, it was something I should have remembered, but I didn’t know what it was. I think it was something I smelt.’

‘The usual excuse is something you ate,’ he chuckled. ‘What kind of thing?’

‘Scent, I think. I can’t remember.’

‘Scent? Somebody’s perfume? Like the kind Amber wears
?
’

She shook her head. ‘Amber’s is unforgettable,’ she said dryly.

‘
Little cat, he said without heat. ‘So is Fatemeh Ma’aruf’s—to me, at least! You don’t wear much, do you?’

‘Sometimes.’ Her mouth relaxed into a smile. ‘I have very expensive tastes in scent. Cheap ones can smell horrid after an hour or so—That’s it! It was
cheap
scent, all cloying on the top and bitter underneath.
It was Gloria
!’

Cas didn’t move a muscle. ‘What was Gloria?’

‘In my office. She’d been in there. It was her scent I smelt!’

‘You’re probably right,’ Cas agreed, rather less excited than she was. ‘We’re going to need more evidence than that. I think we’ll get it too!’

‘How?’

He fondled the lobe of her ear. ‘You’ll find out. Good, it looks as though we’re here. Do you still feel like cooking us a meal
?
’

She nodded. ‘Something for three
?
’

‘Something for two. Idries can sleep with the other men. I’ll drive him over while you’re settling in. Oka
y
with you
?
’

She didn’t say anything at all, not even when he shoved all the things she had carefully packed in the back of the Range Rover out on to the ground, heaving the camping cooker after them and opening and shutting boxes with a grand contempt for her efforts to have everything in its own place.

‘There were a couple of comforters in here somewhere. Where did you put them?’

She looked completely blank, not knowing what he was talking about, and found it funny when he triumphantly pounced on a couple of quilts and dropped them on the top of the pile. She began to sort the bedding into two piles, giggling happily.

‘Well?’ he demanded, standing over her and looking at least seven feet tall.

‘You’ll have to teach me to speak your language—’ She gasped as he lifted her bodily to her feet. ‘Cas, I wasn’t laughing at you!’

He touched his lips to her. ‘American isn’t the only language I’m going to teach you, honey. Will you be all right on your own here until I get back?’

She nodded violently. ‘I want to cook something splendid and I can do that better on my own!’ Her eyes misted with a new shyness. ‘Will you drink beer with it?’ She held her breath waiting for his answer. ‘I brought some for you—’

‘I’ll drink wine with you.’ He sighed heavily. ‘I’d better get used to it! I can see I’m not going to drink much beer with you around!’

It was lonely when the Range Rover had disappeared in a cloud of dust across the plane. Stephanie spent a lot of time arranging their camp to her complete satisfaction, until everything was in apple-pie order and all she had to do was heat up the meat and vegetable stew she had ready on the gas-ring. There was nothing to do then but wait for his return. He seemed to be a long time away.

She wandered into the deserted village, crossing a rickety bridge that traversed a ravine that must have split the village into two. The spaces between the houses were only wide enough for two people to walk abreast and some of them were rutted and difficult to traverse at all. She turned to her right and came to an abrupt halt
as she found herself on the very edge of a cliff which now stood bang in the middle of a row of houses. No wonder the villagers had moved out!

The back of her hands were still pricking with fright as she made her way back to the camp. She put her head down and ran the last few yards, sinking to her knees by the cooker. It was only then she realised the Range Rover was back.

‘Cas, half the village has fallen over the cliff!’

‘Is that all? I thought you’d met a pack of wolves at least!’

She felt better and managed a rather feeble smile. ‘Two-legged ones?’

‘The other kind are dangerous enough in some of these mountain passes in winter. I’ll be glad if we’ve finished putting up all these posts by the time the winter sets in. We’ve had enough delays, without wolves adding to our problems.’

She blinked. ‘Have you re-ordered the equipment?’ she asked him.

‘Not personally. I’ve left instructions for it to be done while we’re away. I laid it on the line that this time the order had to go through without a hitch if we are to fulfil our contract. I don’t intend to let our rivals in if I can help it.’

She presented him with a worried face. ‘Does everyone know
?
If Gloria knows—Oh, Cas, supposing something goes wrong again! I couldn’t bear it if anyone suspected you of anything!’

He sat back, enjoying the picture she made against the orange sky of the approaching night. ‘I made a point of telling Gloria myself. As she’s the only other English girl there, I didn’t want her to feel that she wasn’t being appreciated. Now, what’s the matter?’

She pointed an accusing finger at him. ‘You think she has something to do with it too!’

‘I
’ve
thought so all along,’ he said.

Tomorrow, he had said, was another day, but she was very much afraid it would be like the tomorrows of her youth. That was the worst part about tomorrow: tomorrow never came!

She washed the dishes and put them away and filled the kettle ready for the morning. There was nothing else she could do now, but she made a great deal of noise pretending that there were umpteen things that were claiming her attention. She felt rather than saw Cas moving behind her and turned swiftly, as nervous as a young doe.

‘What do you want?’ she asked him, her eyes enormous.

He reached down for her, lifting her high against his chest, and deposited her on top of the two sleeping-bags he had somehow managed to zip together. He lay down beside her and pulled one of the quilts up round her, smiling down at her.

‘I want you,’ he said.

CHAPTER XI

Stephanie awoke to a sense of well-being and a strong smell of coffee. She opened her eyes reluctantly and found her husband’s head only a few inches from her own. His eyes were bright and full of laughter at her confusion.

‘Well, my love, how did you enjoy your night in the wilderness
?
’

She turned over on to her back to give herself time to think up a sufficiently quelling answer. ‘Very much,’ she said at last. She made it sound as though politeness was everything.

Cas wasn’t bluffed at all. He reached over and kissed her leisurely and very thoroughly.
‘
And Thou Beside me singing in the Wilderness
,’ he mocked her. ‘My, but what a song the girl can sing!’

Stephanie sat up and strove to restore some kind of order to the disarray around her. ‘It was the wires overhead. The wind gets in them—
’
She found herself unable to continue. It was bad enough that he could laugh and joke about it, but she found it much more shocking to remember her own abandonment to his lovemaking. What would he think of her
?
Especially as she had insisted on going to sleep with her body curved intimately into his. She distinctly recalled her sleepy protest when he had turned away from her because she had wanted the warmth and comfort of the feel of him against her.

‘Honey, I do know about telephone wires.’

She straightened the bedding, not daring to look at him. ‘It was only because we were out in the open, and the deserted village, and the talk of wolves, and—and everything,’ she tried to explain it to herself, at the same time excusing herself to him.

He hooked a lazy arm about her waist and pulled her close, ignoring her tense protest as she tried to push away from him.

‘Stephanie, if you dare to belittle anything that happened last night, I’ll turn you over my knee and give you
a hiding you won’t forget as long as you live. Now, how about kissing me good morning?’

She couldn’t be sure if he meant it or not but, as her eyes met his, she thought perhaps he did.

‘But—’ she pulled herself together with difficulty.
‘I’ll
clear up the camp,’ she volunteered.

He put a hand on her breast and smiled as he felt her thudding heart. ‘Tell me first that you still love me.’

She shivered with a desire she couldn’t hide from him. It was humiliating that he could arouse her so easily without once telling her that he loved her, or felt any tenderness for her. ‘Sometimes I think I hate you!’ she declared.

‘Like last night?’

She tore herself free of him and got unsteadily to her feet. ‘If you lay one finger on me, I’ll—I’ll sue you for
assault!’

He lay back, looking up at her, his expression an enigma to her. ‘Don’t you mean,’ he said, ‘for daring to upset my wife’s beloved dignity?’

‘Nobody’s ever—ever
smacked
me. She looked down at him uncertainly. ‘You wouldn’t, would you?

For a big man he could move very quickly. Stephanie found herself caught by the ankles and fell in a heap on top of him. His arms held her hard up against him and she had no choice but to submit.

‘Shall I make love to you again now? he asked her. His caressing fingers on her back were very seductive.

‘Somebody might come,’ she havered.

He kissed her on the lips, pushing her away from him. ‘You won’t always have the dark to hide your real self in Mrs. Ruddock. You’re too tempting a piece for me always to wait for night to fall!’ He gave her a slow sidelong smile. ‘Poor little Stephanie, you don
’
t know if
you’re on your head or your heels, do you? Do you really think I’d risk bruising that luscious skin of yours? I only wanted to stop you fretting and tearing yourself to pieces because you’ve found out a little of what goes on inside you. Did you doubt that you were less passionate than Amber, for instance?’ He spoke the name deliberately, watching her closely.

‘I suppose you know all about her too
,’
she said, fighting to hold back the tears. ‘As if I don’t know that you do!’

‘Then you know more than I do! Amber has never been my mistress.’

Stephanie winced at the term. ‘Why
not?’
she blurted out.

‘For two very good reasons. One, she’s very much in love
with
her own husband, and two, she doesn’t appeal to me in that way. I like her very much, and I admire the way she’s coped in the last couple of years even more. Life hasn’t been kind to her, but I’ve never heard her complain. She’s a nice person.’

Stephanie made an involuntary movement towards him. ‘Fatemeh said her husband used to travel with her, but he doesn’t any more. She spends a lot of time away from him.’

Cas nodded. ‘They used to appear together. Then he got blown up by a bomb that went off in the street where they live and lost the use of his legs. He couldn’t go on with his act, so he decided to go back to school and set up in electronic equipment instead. Amber’s been supporting him until he’s fully qualified. She must have told you that she’s going to retire next year and go back to being a wife and, she hopes, mother. She can hardly wait to be reunited with Gregor!’

‘But she’s so beautiful,’ Stephanie murmured. ‘I don’t believe she’s indifferent to you. I don’t see how she can be!’

Cas laughed, pulling her back into his arms. ‘Idiot! Is that why you insisted on comparing yourself to Amber all the time, and always to your disadvantage
?
I thought you knew about her husband
?
’

‘No, I didn’t. I didn’t know she was married until Fatemeh told me yesterday.’ She pleated the front of his shirt beneath her fingers. ‘I thought that was the reason you married me?’

‘Because I couldn’t have Amber?’

She veiled her eyes from him. ‘Not as your wife,’ she amended carefully.

He forced her head up and his blue eyes blazed into hers. ‘My peculiar American morals allowing me to marry you in such circumstances, I suppose
?
’

‘But, Cas, she’s so lovely! How could I blame you for wan
ti
ng her?’

‘And what about yourself?’ he demanded in a funny, tight voice.

‘I’m your wife. It’s me you’re taking to America with you. I thought I could build on that. Only I was afraid too! I’m not beautiful like Amber is, and I haven’t much to offer you. I’ve always been alone—’

‘Not much to offer! Since I first saw you I haven’t touched anything that hasn’t been you! Even when you’re out of sight and sound, you’re still there inside me, driving me out of my mind because I need you so much!
I had to marry you, honey, to get some peace!’ He fondled her gently. ‘I thought last night you knew something of what I’ve been feeling?’

She went as white as a sheet. ‘I didn’t know,’ she whispered. She had only known how she felt about him. How could she have known?

‘I had to keep you with me,’ he went on. ‘Even if I couldn’t make love to you, I had to know you were there. You’ll never be alone again, my diffident darling, not if I can help it! You’re mine for ever!’

Stephanie flung herself closer into his arms, nuzzling her nose against his ear. ‘Oh, yes please, Cas! Yes, please!’

Stephanie heard the approaching vehicles as a faint rumble in the ground beneath her. She stirred reluctantly lifting her head to see who was coming. The plume of dust in the distance told her that they were coming towards the deserted village at speed. She was immediately concerned at the state of the camp and struggled to her feet, packing things away in a sudden fever of activity.

‘Cas, someone is coming! Get up! They’ll think it odd to find us still sleeping at this hour!’

He chuckled. ‘I don’t suppose they’ll find it odd at
all!’

S
carlet in the face, she pulled the quilt away from him and folded it carefully, her back towards him. He shook his head at her rigid stance, smiling at the prim set to her head.

‘They all knew why I wanted you to myself,’ he laughed at her. ‘We could have shared their camp otherwise.
That
would have been an experience for you to remember! Have you ever slept on a
korsi
?’

‘No,’ she said. ‘I don’t know what it is.’ Her prudish tones were so much at variance with the passion that still lingered in her eyes that it was impossible not to tease her further.

‘It’s a kind of communal bed,’ he told her. ‘It’s made of rough boards on legs, under which is a pail of hot charcoal with a perforated lid. You sleep on it like the spokes of a wheel, with your feet towards the heat and your head looking outwards. How does that appeal
?
’

‘Not at all,’ she said primly.

‘It has its points when it’s cold.’ He stretched himself and jumped to his feet, going over to the stove and examining the coffee he had made earlier. With an expression of disgust, he poured it out on to the ground. ‘Shall I make some more?’ he asked her. ‘What will you have with it?’

She set about folding up his bedding as fast as she possibly could. ‘I like the flat bread that Idries brought yesterday, though it was better when it was crisp and hot.’

Cas grinned at her.
‘
A Jug of Wine, a Loaf of Bread
—’
He raised his eyes to heaven.
‘
And
Wilderness is Paradise enow
!’

It had been for her too. She stowed the bedding away in the Range Rover and came back to him. ‘I’m glad we came here,’ she said.

He looked up from where he was squatting in front of the stove. ‘You think old Omar Khayyam knew a thing or two after all
?
’

She shook her head. ‘He wouldn’t have done for me at all. I prefer Casimir Ruddock.’ She smiled shyly at him. ‘It wouldn’t have been paradise without him.’

What he might have said in reply was lost in the noise of the approaching vehicles. ‘
Aga
!
Khanim
!
Har che zudtar beya
!’
The shouted words were cut off by a wave of the hand from Idries. ‘Aga, Madame, we have news for you! It came over the wire for you! You must come as quickly as possible to speak to Khanim Amber! She says her husband’s equipment worked very well—’

Cas stood up straight, shutting his eyes against the glare from the sun. ‘So soon,’ he said softly. ‘Thank God for that!’

Stephanie jumped with sudden glee. ‘Was that why she was at the office yesterday? Cas, please tell me it was!’

‘She helped me set it up,’ he answered. ‘With any luck we’ll have photos, everything, of anyone who went into your office last night. And once we know who, we’ll know why!’

‘Gloria!’ Stephanie stated with certainty. ‘But I don’t see why.’

‘Probably Gloria,’ Cas agreed more cautiously. ‘She seems the most likely candidate. Something must have brought her out here, something other than the travel which she isn’t the type to enjoy. Maybe she was sent out here by someone else. Who knows
?
’

Stephanie was beside herself with excitement. ‘A spy! she breathed.

‘More a successful nuisance,’ he drawled. ‘Spying is too dramatic a name for the limited amount of sabotage that’s been done to us.’

‘Limited? What about my father?’

‘He’d lost the zest one needs to enjoy a challenge like putting this contract into effect, love, long before this happened to him. He’ll be happier back in England with his wife. The company realised that some time ago. It wasn’t by chance that I was available to come here in his stead. His was always meant to be a holding operation until I arrived.’

Stephanie felt more confused than indignant. ‘No one told me that. Didn’t they think I’d be interested?’

‘I guess they left it to your father to tell you. He obviously thought you’d be better off working for someone else.’ He grinned at her. ‘You don’t regret it, do you?’

‘I don’t exactly work for you any longer,’ she retorted.

‘Not exactly,’ he agreed.

One day, she vowed, she’d have the last word between them and it would be he who retired embarrassed. That would be a day to remember! The glint in her hazel eyes told him what she was thinking and he laughed out
loud, not a bit afraid. The message was clear: she could try to get the better of him any time she wanted to, he had her measure, and the seeds of her defeat lay in herself. He could overwhelm her physically any time he chose, and it was she, as much as he, who relished the fact.

Idries took a step closer to
Cas
.
‘
Aga,
you must come at once. The Khanim Amber is waiting. Do we go back to Isfahan?’

Cas nodded briefly. ‘Put the rest of this stuff in the Range Rover. No, I’ll drive! Hop in, Stephanie, and hold tight! Ready? Let’s go!’