Sins and Scars (Sinners Book 1) (25 page)

“Did you ever think to try and tell her the damn truth? Or are you too much of a coward?”

“Fuck you, Nikolai.” I yell before hanging up on him. Getting off my stool, I make my way to my room alone, and slam the door behind me. Throwing myself on to the bed, I look around the room, and my eye catches the photo that Harlyn forced me to take with her years ago. Getting up, I make my way over to the mirror that she taped it to, and pull it off.
 

Her plump lips are the first thing I see, and I crave them. I crave the taste of her sweaty skin after I fuck her long and hard. Closing my eyes, I take a minute to think about all the shit we’ve gone through in the last eight and a half years. We’ve had some of our best moments together, and now we even have a little boy who is the mirror image of both of us.
 

A text brings me back from my thoughts and when I see the number that Nikolai gave me for her, I hit the open button and stare at the words.
 

Harlyn:
Stavros I’m sorry. I don’t want to lose you. I was a bitch, and I’m afraid of jumping in head first with you again. My heart can’t take any more heartbreak. We both need you in our lives. Please.

Staring at my phone, I don’t even know how to process this shit anymore. I’m tired of being the reason behind her tears, and I don’t want to be the reason she’s unhappy either.

Me:
You’re not a bitch babe. You’re protecting yourself and our son. I get it.

Harlyn:
No! Stav, please. I just want to start over.

How the hell do we start over? There is no way in hell that we can ever start over. She knows the deep dark secrets I keep inside of me. Raising a son with me isn’t something that she should want, and, fuck, she doesn’t need me to fuck everything up again.
 

Instead of writing her back, I shut off the screen to my phone and set it on the table next to the bed. Stripping down, I get under the covers and try to think about anything but her sweet face. Finally being able to fall asleep a few hours later, I’m just happy to have them both closer to me.
 

The door clicks shut quietly and I reach for my gun. I watch the shadow come closer to me but before the person can get too close, I point my gun right at the shadow. She gasps, and I put the gun down on the table next to my phone. “What are you doing here?” I ask reaching over to turn on the light.
 

She walks closer and then crawls into bed with me. “You stopped answering, and I couldn’t leave us like that. Stav, I love you too much to let you go. I know my actions over the last four years probably don’t make you think that I’m serious this time, but watching you walk out that door earlier was the hardest thing I’ve ever done.” Her sad eyes look up at me, and her cold body touches mine.
 

“I cried for hours until Nikolai showed up. He told me about your conversation with him, and I finally understand that I’m just over dramatic. I never asked you for the truth, I just assumed that you were doing all those things. He told me that you swore that you weren’t the one I walked in on, and I want to believe that. I need to.” She looks away almost like she’s embarrassed that she admitted that.
 

“Harlyn…” I start, but I don’t know what to even say to her anymore.
 

“No don’t. I know you’re going to tell me that we just need to move on, but I don’t want to. I know you don’t really want to either Stav.” She has me there. I never want to let her go, but right now I don’t think I have a choice.

“Harlyn we don’t work together. We haven’t since…” I trail off and she absently rubs her neck. I’m thankful they never fucking hurt her while Flint and his gang of fuck ups had her. The scars of the past still hit me like a ton of bricks though, and I hate knowing that she went through that because of me. I reach out and stop her hand from rubbing the scar on her neck.

“We do work together. I call you a selfish asshole, and you tell me I’m being a pain in the ass. We love each other. Doesn’t that count for something?” Closing my eyes, I lay back against the headboard. I can feel her watching me, but I still don’t open my eyes.
 

“You’ve also told me that I was ruining your life.” She frowns at my words, and I can’t help but move the hair out of her face. She looks down at my chest and doesn’t say anything for a few minutes.
 

“I was angry. I had just seen Dex kill the guy I was dating because he tried to get in between Dex and I. Your best friend all but dragged me out of my apartment with a dead body on the floor. You can’t honestly hold what I said to you after that against me. You took away my choices and I hated you for it, but I know you did it to protect me. You always do what you have to in order to protect me.” A tear slips down her cheek and she quickly wipes it from her face. “You even gave me time when I’m sure you didn’t want to.”

Grabbing the picture that I had earlier, I hand it over to her and I hear her start to cry. Moving down in the bed, I pull her cold body into mine and hold her close to me while she cries. She never lets the photo go, and I know that she misses us, just like I do. The old us was unbreakable until it was shattered on the floor of a warehouse in the middle of fuckin’ nowhere.
 

“The only good decision I’ve made in the last three years was Ruslan. Having him made me feel like I was finally doing something right. I kept him from you, and that is something I’ll have to live with. I’ve made so many mistakes Stav, but I don’t want letting you leave to be one of them. I would do anything to be able to raise our son together as a family.” I can feel my body heat at her words and I want to say fuck it and give in, but I don’t.
 

“If we do this, we need to both be all in. No more going back and forth and walking out when shit gets fuckin’ hard. Babe, it will never be easy for us. If you really want to do this, then we play by my rules.” Her eyes meet mine and she waits for me to continue. “We go slow. I live here, you and Ruslan stay at the house.” Her head drops, and I cup her cheek forcing her to look at me again. “I don’t want to keep fucking this shit up. I want us to finally get through all this shit and be together, but the way we’ve been doing it doesn’t work. Let’s just give it a go and start over.”
 

“Does that mean I’ll finally get a date with you?” her mouth inches closer to mine, and all I can do is stare at her perfect mouth.
 

“I’ll take you wherever you want to go as long as we can start over fresh. No using the past to piss the other off, only focusing on Ruslan and us.” I whisper against her lips.
 

“Okay, I’m in. Does that mean we can’t have sex either?” She asks with a raised eyebrow.
 

“Did you put out the first time we started hanging out?” I grin.
 

“No, someone wouldn’t let me.” She pouts. I bite her bottom lip and suck it into my mouth.
 

“Sorry babe, but I wouldn’t want an easy lay as my future wife.” Her eyes shoot to mine and she just stares at me in shock.

“Future wife?” She asks hesitantly.
 

“Yeah, I don’t like her having other men’s names on her either.” She looks down at her wrist and then back up at me.
 

“That I can definitely take care of.” Her grin is wide and I know that someday I will make her my wife.

Two Months Later

The last two months I’ve spent more time taking Harlyn and Ruslan out on dates. Every day that I get to spend with them is like getting a second chance at life. They make me a better man, and I couldn’t thank Harlyn enough for that. Without her showing up at the clubhouse after I walked out, I would have never given us the real shot at this happiness that we both wanted so damn much.
 

Walking into the clubhouse, I see Romeo and Dex talking at the other end of the bar. When I make my way over to them, they both look up with smiles on their faces. “What are you two doing?” I ask, taking a seat on the barstool.
 

“You seem different.” Dex states. Romeo elbows him and I can’t help but laugh.
 

“Seriously? That’s what you two are talking about in the fuckin’ corner?” They both give me a look and I just ignore it.
 

“So how are things going on the home front? You finally going to move in with them and become a family man?” Dex asks. He motions for a beer and the prospect brings us each one. “And don’t fucking act like you and Harlyn aren’t fucking still. I ain’t blind and you can’t hide your white ass behind a wall.” They both start to laugh and the doors to the clubhouse open.
 

“Fuck you. Maybe if you stayed the fuck out of the back you wouldn’t have to see my ass.” I laugh. I hear something fall to the ground behind us and when I look back, I see Ruslan picking up a box that he must have dropped. Getting off my stool, I walk over to him and look around for Harlyn. “Where is your momma?” I ask, helping him pick up the spilled contents.
 

Looking at a few of the things, I look up and search for Harlyn, but still don’t see her. “Momma me to give you.” He hands the box to me, and I pick him up.
 

I walk him over to the couch and we sit down as he opens the box for me. We start to pull out each item individually, and every time I hear someone coming towards us, I look up hoping that it’s Harlyn. She’s been moody the last few weeks, and now I know why. “What box for?” Ruslan asks.
 

He hands me the last item that is a stack of Polaroid pictures. The first one is of Harlyn in a dress that I bought her six years ago. She has a bright smile on her face and I remember why. She had just told me that she wanted to marry me one day. The next picture is of us kissing that she took when I was trying to get her pants off of her a few days later. The third photo is of Ruslan that only looks like it is a few days old. Going to the last photo, I feel my heart start to hammer against my chest.
 

Getting up, I motion for Romeo to watch Ruslan for a second, and I go outside to find Harlyn. When I finally lay my eyes on her, she has a nervous smile on her face. She’s ringing her hands together and I can’t imagine why she’s hiding out here. She’s never been one to stop from telling me what she’s feeling or telling me that she’s mad, hurt, or anything else.
 

Walking over to her, I pull her in my arms, and look down at her face. She doesn’t say anything at first, but I can tell she’s trying to figure out what to say. “The box…” I pause for a second and watch the way she gets nervous. “Are you trying to tell me something?” My lips turn into a grin and she smacks my shoulder.
 

“Stav.” She whispers.
 

“You either want to tell me that you want to get married or that you’re pregnant.” Relief floods her features and she looks away for a second before she looks at me again.
 

“Which one do you want?” her voice is quiet, and almost unsure of what my answer will be. She still has no fuckin’ clue how I feel about her.
 

“Personally, I don’t care which I get right now, but at some point I want both.” Her eyes widen with my answer and her fingers dig into my sides. “But I’ve been wondering why you’ve been so fuckin’ bitchy lately, and now I know. Did you really put my brother through this much when you were pregnant with Ruslan?” She slaps my chest, but I pull her closer to me. There is no fuckin’ way in hell that I’m letting her leave now.
 

“No. I don’t know why I’ve been a bitch other than I was scared to tell you. We’re supposed to be starting over, not having another baby.” I feel her intake of breath, so I lead her over to a bench by the door to the clubhouse. Sitting her down, I kneel down in front of her, and take her face into my hands.
 

“Harlyn, everything will be fine. Sure we never seem to be doing shit the right way, but these last few months have been amazing. I’ve gotten to know you better than I ever did before, and I get to be a father to Ruslan.” I wipe a stray tear off her face with my thumb, and lean closer to place my lips against hers. “I love you, babe. That will never change. Another kid won’t change that. This time I won’t have to watch you go through it from afar, I’ll get to experience it with you.”