Authors: Dorothy Garlock
“Milo will be lucky if James sees him before I do.”
The flat statement jolted her. “What will you do?”
“Depends on when and where.”
Ben leaned against the end of the wagon, his arms folded across his chest. His eyes were on a level with Dory’s. She swung
her legs until they touched him, then she drew them back and they remained still.
He stood and she sat thus in an awkward silence broken only by the usual night sounds: the hoot of an owl, the snorts of the
horses and the wind rattling the tin roof of the shed. The sky was studded with a million stars, and a half moon was making
its way up over the treetops.
“This is the first time we’ve been alone.”
“We were alone the other night.”
“Not like this. There isn’t much chance of someone walking in on us out here.”
In the silence that swirled around them, Dory closed her eyes. She wanted to hold onto this moment for as long as possible.
“Do you like looking at the stars?”
“Yes. I have one of my own.”
“Which one?”
“That one.” She lifted her arm and pointed with her finger.
“The little one or the big one next to it?” Ben’s voice was low and warm and had a chuckle in it.
“The little one. It looks lonely.”
“Like you’ve been lonely?”
“Yes.”
“So have I. I thought my lonely days were over.”
“Are you saying you’ve changed your mind about wanting us to be a family?”
“Never! I’ll never change my mind about that. But things have come up now that will make it hard, if not impossible.”
Dory took a deep, painful breath. “What things?”
A tremor in her voice caused him to ask, “Are you cold? I’ll get another blanket.”
“I’m not cold.” Her voice now was small and resigned.
“I told you about the summer I was at the boardinghouse in Seattle. I didn’t tell you all of it. That summer Milo and Louis
were there. They didn’t pay any attention to me, but they paid plenty of attention to the girl who was to be Odette’s mother.
She swore to me that I was the only man in her bed that summer, but I can’t be absolutely sure.”
Dory turned her face away from him and for a long moment there was silence. He heard her catch her breath as she had done
before. Finally she spoke.
“What were they doing there?”
“Seeing the sights, they said.”
“What was her name?”
“Virginia.”
“Would she lie?”
“I’ve thought about that. She might have decided that I was the best out of those she had to choose from.”
“You think she’s Milo’s daughter or Louis’s?”
“I don’t know for
sure
whose daughter she is. Look at me, Dory.” With fingers beneath her chin he turned her face toward him. “But I took her for
my daughter when her mother gave her to me.”
“She
could
be my niece, and James
could
be her uncle. Is that what you’re saying?”
“I guess it is.”
“Then she can’t marry James.” Tears rolled from Dory’s eyes. Silent tears.
“It would be against the law of God and man.”
“You wouldn’t have to tell anyone.” The whispered words barely reached him.
“But I would know, sweetheart. And you would know.”
“Are you in love with her? Are you making this up so she won’t marry James?”
Her words hit Ben crushingly. He remained absolutely still, then he said quietly, “You know better than that.”
“But I don’t understand why you kept her with you when you didn’t know if she was yours or not.”
“What else could I do? What chance would a young, deaf girl have in a place like Seattle? She would have been raped before
:he week was out. After that she would have been grabbed up by some money-hungry hustler and put in a whorehouse to be used
by any jack-tar that had two bits. Even if there was only one chance in a hundred that she was mine, I couldn’t let that happen
to her.”
Dory was crying silently. Ben moved closer and put his arm about her shoulders. She didn’t resist. He pulled her to him and
held her against his chest, cuddling her, rocking her, stroking her hair, whispering to her.
“Ah, sweetheart!” The words seemed torn from him. “I don’t know what to do about us.” He placed small kisses on her forehead.
He took a deep, quivering breath. “There’s something about you that makes my insides melt when I look at you, makes me long
to touch you, hold you.” Dory heard a tinge of resentment in his voice.
She tilted her face up to look at him. It was too dark to see his eyes, but she knew they were looking into hers. She placed
her palm against his cheek. The love, the warmth, the yearning was all there in her touch.
“You may not want to hear this, but I feel I must tell you that I love you.” The words rumbled out of her mouth even as tears
rolle I out of her eyes. It seemed to Dory that everything she had ever dreamed of having was within reach, and yet it was
slipping away.
“I never wanted to make you cry.” A low moaning sound came from his throat. His lips moved to sip at her tears. “I wanted
you tc know why I acted as I did. I told James. He isn’t thinking straight right now.”
Dory pulled back from him. “Do you love me? Or do you just want to take me to bed? I’ve got to know,” she asked in quiet desperation,
discarding all pride.
“I love you and I want to take you to bed,” he said harshly. “I like to think that I’m a normal man. I have the urge to mate
with
my woman
like any male. You are the woman for me.” He held her tightly to him, giving her no chance to resist. “Why do you think I
stayed here when every instinct told me to take Odette and go? I was ready to leave the night we came here, and then I saw
the loneliness in your eyes. I was almost grateful to the storm. The second time Odette was sick, and after that I was hooked
good and proper. I couldn’t leave. I wanted to be with you and the little mop-head.” The last words were a husky whisper against
her cheek.
“I don’t want you to feel
hooked
or
obligated
to stay because you think something will happen to me if you leave. James will get the mess straightened out with the judge.”
“Dammit! I am hooked. I am obligated to take care of the woman I love.” His arms had tightened to the point that she could
scarcely breathe. “I could have killed Milo as easily as I would a rabid dog for what he did to you. Then I thought of prison,
of being locked up away from you. That’s what made me decide to use my fists and not my gun if I didn’t have to.”
“If you love me, then why did you say it was impossible for us to be together?” She tried to push herself away from him, but
he held her tightly.
“Be still!”
“No! You’re casting me aside because one of my brothers could be Odette’s father.”
“Are you willing to go away with me? Far away?”
“Why? To put distance between Odette and James? Or is it that you want to get me away where it isn’t known that I had a child
out of wedlock?”
“I could shake you for that. Answer me. Will you go away with me?”
“I would go to the ends of the earth with you for the right reason. Tell Odette what you suspect and let her and James decide.”
She snuggled back in his arms and pressed her face to his neck. “I don’t want to lose you.”
He embraced her roughly, but there was nothing rough in the way he kissed her. It was a tender kiss. His lips touched hers
like some newfound treasure. He fit his fingers around her soft breast and squeezed gently. He didn’t know what to say to
her. He held her for a long time, hoping to quiet his pounding heart, wanting and loving her in silence. After a while she
moved her face so that they were cheek to cheek.
“Ben…” She held him as if he were a dream that would fade away if she let go. “Don’t let anything come between us.”
“Shhh… Don’t think about it anymore, sweetheart.”
“I can’t help thinking about it. I’ve thought of you every night and wished that you were with me.”
“I’ve thought about how it would be if you were all mine, and I had the right to touch your breast, your belly, your secret
places. I’ve wondered if you’d want me or would just let me have my way with you. Right now I want to hold you, feel all of
you, kiss you—”
Her arms encircled him. “Is that all you want?” Her voice was thick and unsteady.
“No, dammit!” He groped for her hand and pressed it against his elongated organ. “I’m rock-hard and aching.” he said hoarsely.
“But I’m a man, not a rutting stag. You needn’t fear me.”
“It never entered my mind to be afraid you’d force me. Sit up here with me and hold me.”
He lifted his head. “You sure, honey? It could lead to something you may regret.”
“I won’t regret it. I lost my pride minutes ago when I realized that I might lose you.”
“I’ll get another blanket.”
He was back in seconds. Soon they were sitting with their backs to the sidewalls of the wagon. He took off his gunbelt and
placed it beside him within easy reach before he put his arms around her.
Dory delighted in the sensation of being cuddled against him, feeling the warmth of his body. The blanket he spread over their
legs and pulled up to her shoulders closed them in their own private world. Never had she felt so safe, so filled with tenderness.
And never had she been more determined that nothing or no one would take him away from her. She slid her arm up about his
neck and kissed the corner of his mouth.
He didn’t know what to say. He held her, hoping to quiet his pounding heart, wanting and loving her in silence. After a while
she moved her lips to his ear.
“I do love you.” Her voice was merely a breath of a sound.
“I never thought I’d hear a woman say that to me.”
“Odette loves you.”
“It isn’t the same. She depends on me.”
Their lips met in joint seeking, her mouth as hungry as his. His hands roamed over her, caressing every inch of her back and
sides. One hand shaped itself over her breast, the other flattened against her hip and held her to him. Moving her hand between
them she worked on the buttons on her dress, then took his hand and slipped it inside. His palm was rough, but warm, and the
feel of it against her nipple sent waves of desire through her.
“Dory. Oh, sweet Dory.” The words came from his tight throat in a tormenting whisper. “Godamighty! Sweetheart!” A tremor ran
through him as if the earth beneath the wagon were shaking.
“I like for you to touch me. I want you—” Her hand worked its way inside his shirt. With spread fingers, her palm stroked
his chest. “Have I shocked you?” Her mouth sought his in a soul-searching kiss as an insistent, primitive desire grew in both
of them.
“Honey, you smell so good.” He sniffed her neck, her hair, her breast. You smell like a sweet woman should smell.” His voice
trembled.
“When I was with Mick… it was out of pity. I want to be with you because I love you.” She pressed her hand against the hardened
evidence of his desire and felt the jolt that passed through his body.
Then he was kissing her, his mouth taking gentle possession of hers. Every instinct urged him to bury himself in her body,
but an even stronger need overrode the physical one— the need to have love and trust. He whispered her name. His long lingers
slid into her tangled curls to hold her head so that his mouth could part her lips in desperate search for fulfillment.
She met his searching lips and surrendered to the excitement of his touch, her mouth responding to the insistent persuasion
of his. She clung to him, bonelessly melting into his hard body. The kiss deepened. His hunger seemed insatiable, and his
caressing hands became almost savage. An acute aching sensation gathered in the region between her thighs. She moved restlessly
closer to him, a hunger gnawing at her relentlessly.
The kiss went on and on as if it were impossible to end it. The taste of her, the smell of her tilled his senses. Ben wanted
to pull her inside him and keep her there forever. His heart was pounding against her soft breast. He hadn’t meant for this
to happen when he had brought her here. Even as he was kissing her, a small voice told him to stop. She deserved more than
to be taken in a shed on a waaon bed.
“Dory… sweetheart. As much as I want to join with you… I’ve got to stop.”
A small growl of protest came from her.
“No, don’t stop. I want this night with you. It may be all I’ll ever have.” Even as she spoke, her hands clutched him; her
breathing and her heartbeat were all mixed up.
“Honey, listen. There will be other nights.”
“Are you sure? I’m afraid to believe it.”
“Believe it, sweetheart. When we’re together for the first time, I want to hold you in my arms without anything at all between
us. I want to see your face when we’re joined together. I’ve never done this when it was an act of love. I want it to be our
special time that we can remember always. Afterward I want to hold you while you sleep, wake you up and love you again.” The
words were groaned thickly in her ear.
“Will that happen, Ben? Will that really happen?”
“Yes, sweetheart. I’ll make it happen.”
“Promise me.” Her hand against his cheek kept his face against hers. “Promise you won’t let this thing with James and Odette
come between us.”
“I promise. Now kiss me again.”
His kisses came upon her mouth, warm and sweet. Dory heard his harsh breathing in her ear, and his hoarsely whispered words.
He told her that he wanted to hold her naked in his arms and feel every inch of her against him. She murmured that she wanted
it too, and said that she would thank God every day of her life for bringing him to her. He trembled and groaned a muted,
strangled, incoherent sound and moved his lips from her warm wet mouth.
Ben shifted his body slightly to form a more comfortable cradle for her. They sat quietly. Passion ebbed. They were content
to be close. As the moon shone on her face, he could see that her eyes were closed, her lips slightly parted. He was certain
now that she held his heart, and he could never let her go.
There wasn’t another woman in the world like this woman, Ben thought. She was not only lovely, she was proud, calm, and intelligent.
He had not met many men that would have been more courageous than she had been. The thought of another man putting his hands
on her, hurting her, caused Ben’s arms to tighten around her, his muscles to quiver, and a feeling close to panic to knot
his stomach.