Tessa nodded. At least he hadn’t just tossed it over the railing. The idea of a pile of butts littering the base of the lighthouse wasn’t appealing in the least. She didn’t like the habit, but she could tolerate it as long as he kept his smoking outside.
“You been smoking long?”
Shaking his head, Kenneth turned and leaned into the rail. “Off and on,” he said. “Mostly on lately.”
“So is that part of the story you’re going to tell me?”
He didn’t get it. “Story?”
“The one about who you are, where you came from, and how you ended up here.” Tessa’s reason for asking wasn’t entirely because she was interested in his life. She wanted a few details. Details she knew Gwen was already checking on the Internet.
As owner of By the Sea, a hotel on the mainland, her sister often ran background checks on applicants. No doubt Gwen was already doing a search as they spoke. Gwen was more trusting of the human race—but only so far. It helped that Kenneth had been staying at Gwen’s place. Her sister would already have his driver’s license and vehicle plate on file.
If there was anything lurking in the man’s past, Gwen would find it. But Tessa also wanted to run her own litmus test. Just how honest would he be, face-to-face?
She already knew looks were deceiving. She’d been misled before by a handsome face and charismatic personality. And one time was enough. She wasn’t anybody’s fool anymore.
Hr shrugged. “Not much to tell. I was born. I grew up. I moved to Maine. End of story.”
“Not much of a story.”
“It’s pretty boring.”
The man played his cards close to his vest. Tessa wanted a peek. “If I were to ask you if your life was a drama, a comedy, or a tragedy, what would you choose?”
A long silence ensued. By the look on his face, her question struck a definite nerve. She already knew what the answer wouldn’t be. Like a lightbulb shorting out, his expression instantly darkened. Whatever was going through his mind wasn’t pleasant.
The sun was beginning to disappear on the far horizon, bathing the lighthouse in cool shadows. His face, too, was shadowed, closed. The easy rapport of the last few minutes had vanished like a ghost in fog. “You really want an answer to that?”
“Yeah.”
He scrubbed his face with his hands. “Tragedy.”
Tessa’s stomach curled into tight knots. She’d seen him at his weakest. Whatever his past held, it was enough to bring this strapping man down to his knees. “Would it have anything to do with what happened last year?”
Fidgeting a little, his mouth pulled down. “You could say that.” The turn in conversation appeared to be making him uncomfortable. She wondered when he would snap, tell her to back off and mind her own business.
Tessa considered, wondering just how much she should reveal from her point of view. Lying, pretending she hadn’t seen him go into the water, simply wasn’t an option. She didn’t want to downplay the seriousness of the day. If the man required help—real help—she needed to know. The island was remote, not readily accessible. If any emergency arose, she was on her own.
“I was in the tower and I saw you go into the water that day,” she admitted at last. “I’ve got a pretty good view up here, as you now know.” Not wanting to spook him, she tried to keep her tone noncommittal. All she could do was show a willingness to listen and hope he wanted to talk.
Kenneth barely suppressed a groan. “I didn’t think anyone actually lived on the island. All the signs say ‘private property’ and ‘no trespassing.’ ”
A vague sense of uneasiness rippled through her. “Well, now you know differently. That’s the way life is on an island with a working lighthouse . . . that and the shore patrol I handle. All part of the job of being a Lonike.”
Amazed, he shook his head. “I can’t believe you rescued me all by yourself.” He was trying to take a detour, turning conversation away from himself.
Tessa motored straight ahead. “Training. I knew when you went under you didn’t intend to come up again.” There. She’d said it. He wasn’t the first suicidal person she’d pulled out of the murky depths of the bay.
A deep, body-shuddering sigh suddenly moved him. “At the time, I didn’t intend to.” His muscles perceptibly bunched with tension. He clutched the railing with such a tight grip his knuckles began to turn white.
Holding him at arm’s length was going to be difficult. He understood the pain of being alone, feeling lost in this world.
“I think we’ve all had those moments.”
Kenneth’s right hand moved to his left, fingering the plain gold band he wore. “I’ve had more than my share, that’s for sure.”
Tessa’s eyes followed the movement. It was the first time she’d noticed. He wore a wedding ring. “You’re married,” she murmured, unaware she spoke aloud.
Gaze dropping to his hand, he hesitated an interminable moment. “Widowed. My wife died about a year and a half ago.” He swallowed thickly. “You must have thought I was a cheat for hitting on you.”
Tessa felt like a twit. She’d judged him on looks alone, and had been totally wrong. “I honestly didn’t notice. I was too busy being pissed off at you.”
He nodded in agreement. “I did kind of invite myself.” A pause. “You want me to leave?”
Tessa considered the idea, then shook her head. “I’ll cut you some slack. At least two weeks’ worth.”
Relief brightened Kenneth’s eyes. He nodded. “Thanks. I’ll take every bit I can get.”
“If you just want to kick back—”
With a shake of his head, he cut her off. “Thank you for the offer, but I actually want to work. It’ll help take my mind off the pity party I’ve been throwing for myself since Jen died. I know I’ve got to get my shit together and bag it. I’ve just been dragging my ass.”
Tessa studied him, taking in the beginnings of gray sprouting at his temples, the fine lines beginning to etch themselves at the corners of his eyes. She judged him to be in his late thirties, which meant his wife must have been young when she passed away. “You mentioned your wife is no longer living,” she ventured. “Was she ill?”
His jaw tightened seconds before he shook his head. “Murdered,” he grated. “Some punk robbing a convenience store needed a getaway car. Jen had just pulled in to grab a cup of coffee, just like she did every day before work. He shot her and took her car. She didn’t survive.”
His answer was one Tessa hadn’t expected. “That’s horrible. I hope they caught the man who did it.”
Shifting away from her, Kenneth dragged a hand down his face in agitation. His fingers rasped against the stubble he’d neglected to shave off. “They did, and the bastard got the death penalty. But it wasn’t enough in my opinion. He didn’t just kill Jen; he killed our baby.” His words tumbled out unchecked, a burden he seemed incapable of bearing any longer than necessary.
His words delivered a jolt. Shock ran through her, a dismay so sharp she had to gulp down the sudden rise of bitter acid.
Tessa reached for the crystal hanging from her neck. “By the goddess.” Events such as he’d narrated would bring even the strongest man to his knees. Losing a wife and a child to a random act of senseless violence had rightly torn his soul asunder.
Human beings can be such savage, horrible beasts
.
A breathless moment passed before Kenneth’s dark gaze met hers. He tried to smile, but failed. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to lay all that on you.”
“I did ask,” she reminded him. “I’m the one who should apologize.”
“Don’t. It happened and I can’t keep sticking my head into the sand.” A deep line formed between his brows. “That day I went into the bay . . . I’d looked at my life and didn’t see anything beyond the water. All of a sudden the answer was there. I wasn’t thinking when I did what I did.”
Tessa glanced at his face. His brown eyes were shadowed, sad. He’d lost his place in the world, belonging nowhere. She realized his search had brought him back to the island. “I’m sorry to remind you.”
Giving no reply, Kenneth shifted his attention back toward the water. “Thanks for saving my life. I appreciate it.”
Tessa quickly shook her head. “Don’t even mention it,” she mumbled. Of course, there was no way to tell him the real truth: that she hadn’t immediately dragged him ashore. Because of the storm’s severity, she’d ended up pulling him far beneath the waves, taking him to an underwater shoal. She’d held him in her arms, sharing her breath with him, keeping him alive until the waters calmed enough to return him to the mainland beach. Chances were he had no memory of the event whatsoever.
He shook his head. “From my side, the chance to say thank you is absolutely necessary. I was really wearing my dunce hat that day.”
Wondering how thin the ice beneath her feet might possibly be, Tessa ventured, “Do you remember much?”
Frowning, he shook his head. “Nothing’s really clear until the hospital in Port Rock. I got admitted on a 5150, an involuntary psychiatric hold.”
Working with mainland search and rescue, Tessa knew the emergency codes all too well. “That must have sucked.”
He laughed shortly. “Yeah, it definitely did. I had a lot of explaining to do to the resident shrink. Somehow I managed to turn my vacation into a one-way trip to the nuthouse.”
“Sorry. I had to tell them what I saw.”
Kenneth started to say something, stopped, then shrugged. “Don’t be. The rest of the story’s pretty simple. I went home to Jersey, but I couldn’t get back on track, couldn’t get a grasp on normal. It took a lot of sessions in therapy for me to figure out my life would never be normal again.”
The breeze off the sea shifted, bringing his personal odor to her nostrils. He was standing so close she could smell the clean scent of his body spray, the alluring combination of musk and sandalwood.
Close enough to breathe in his masculine scent, Tessa licked her suddenly dry lips. Her inhumanly acute senses zeroed in on the pheromones emanating from his scent. He smelled like sex—a rich, dark, ravenous scent that emanated from every pore.
Breath catching in a hitch, need immediately surged through her. Knees weakening, her head began to spin.
Fighting to regain control, Tessa pressed her fingers against her temple.
She forced herself to take in air, tamping down her body’s response to the silent but urgent call. Acutely aware of his longing, her body’s response was natural, one she couldn’t control. As a Mer, Tessa was extrasensitive to a male’s unspoken reaction to her presence. It helped her gauge the suitability of a prospective mate.
And there was no denying Kenneth Randall’s unconscious craving. All the verbal and physical signals pointed in one direction.
He wanted her.
The only question that remained was whether or not she intended to respond. The temptation was certainly there.
Kenneth caught her move. “Headache?” Concern laced his words.
Hearing his voice, Tessa’s hand immediately dropped. “A little.” She cast around for a quick excuse. There was no way she’d ever admit she was suffering the effects of intense arousal. “I’ve been fighting with the damn swamp cooler all day.” The sensible thing to do right now was keep her distance.
Toying with his cigarettes, Kenneth sifted out a fresh one. Lit it. “Sorry. I guess I kind of barreled in on you.” He took a deep drag. Smoke rushed through his nostrils, reminding her of the steam of a boiling volcano. His movements were suddenly awkward, uncomfortable. “Guess I was wondering what the hell I thought I’d do when I got here. Sold the house, quit my job, and hit the road. Sounds like a plan, right?”
Tessa cleared her throat before allowing a brief smile. “Just stay out of the water, okay? I’m not saving your raggedy ass twice.”
He drew another lungful of smoke. The tip glowed red before dying in gray ashes. “What I’m looking for isn’t there anymore,” he said quietly.
Tessa recognized the strain in his eyes, the uncertainty hovering beneath his calm facade. He’d obviously picked up the vibes her body was giving off, but hadn’t yet recognized the tension humming between them to be erotic in nature.
Heart doing a war dance in her chest, a little laugh slipped past her lips. Every nerve in her body was stretched taut. A thousand emotions were all tangled up inside her psyche, but she froze at the thought of acting on a single impulse. If he touched her now, she’d shatter.
She took a step back, putting a little distance between them. It wasn’t easy to resist the electricity flickering between them. It was taking a supreme effort to pull her thoughts together, keep them coherent. This was something she wasn’t ready to deal with. The day was already crazy enough without having to have sexual pressure added to the mix.
Back off
, she warned herself.
And take things slow
.
Tessa’s heart sped up. She swallowed hard, panicky yet intrigued by the expression on his face. “What are you looking for?” she asked, almost afraid of what the answer might be.
Kenneth shook his head. “I’m not sure,” he admitted. “But I hoped by coming back I’d be able to find it again.”
Chapter 3
C
areful not to make a sound, Tessa crept toward the western edge of the island. There, craggy boulders gave way to a small cul-de-sac, the eroded remnants of a sandy reef. At low tide smaller rocks dotted the white sand, nature’s perfect seat for sitting and just gazing at the ocean. Before the lighthouse had been constructed, this side of the island had caused a lot of damage to ships attempting to make landfall.
Because of the abundance of water in the Port Rock area, fishing and swimming were among the most popular activities. Sea kayaking and boat tours were also popular, which often meant the island saw more than its share of trespassers. Drawn by the lighthouse, many tourists chose to ignore the warning signs. If someone was in need, Tessa was glad to offer help. Otherwise she’d been known to get snappish, especially when people pulled out their cameras and started tramping around to get shots of the popular landmark.