My breath comes out in a staggered pant as I feel his lips touch my neck, feather-soft. My legs almost buckle when I feel the bare trace of kisses along my jaw, as if he's exploring, savoring.
I feel his nose skimming along my pulse. “Mmmm⦠lilacs.”
My hands clasp his powerful shoulders so I don't fall down, although, somehow, I know Luke will catch me if I do. His lips touch the corner of my mouth and I nearly embarrass myself by moaning. I'm melting. And then his lips move across mine.
Tires crunch at the edge of the driveway and my eyes snap open. Luke is instantly next to me, his arm still in place, my anchor. Headlights slice the night open like a lightsaber.
“My dad.” What would Dad think of me standing in the dark with a boy?
“Most definitely interested,” he whispers against my temple. I feel the pressure of his hand fade. He's gone. The darkness swallows his form as he jogs across the road toward his house.
My mouth is gaping.
Oh, God!
“Julietta?” Dad asks. “What are you doing out here?”
“Um⦔ I turn toward Dad. “Just thought I heard something.”
Dad chuckles. He almost sounds like his old self. “Turning on the light helps, you know.” He reaches inside and flicks on the porch light. I blink at the piercing brightness. Dad looks at me. “You okay? You look kind ofâ¦dazed.”
Dazed? Try frickin' shocked, flooredâ¦thrilled? My mouth finally works enough to smile. I shrug and walk inside. “How's Mom?”
Dad's parental concern melts into a smile and he nods. “Eating. Better. What made you think about getting her to sing?”
“I haven't been singing, you know. Mom said not to. And I've feltâ¦bad.” I shrug again. “When I cut my foot the other day, I sang to take my mind off it.” Dad looks at my foot. I forgot I didn't tell him. “It's nothing. Pre-med Carly patched it up. But when I sang, I felt so much better. I thought it couldn't hurt for Mom to try it.”
Dad steps up and envelops me in a hug. I'm stiff at first, wondering if he can smell Luke on me. He kisses the top of my head. “Thank you.” He pulls back and smiles into my face. “It really helped. Her oxygen levels and blood pressure are normalizing again. Her doctor is going to make sure she sings a concert every day.”
“Will she come home soon, then?”
Dad nods. “If she continues to improve physically and doesn'tâ¦well, say anything that makes the doctors wonder, she could come home the week after next.”
“Let's take her a lot of milk shakes.”
Dad's smile broadens. “That's the plan.” He glances around and spots the two glasses. “Did you have company?”
Crap
. “Um, Carly stopped by.” Dad seems too happy to press further. “I'd better go upstairs and get ready for bed.” Before his euphoria wears off and the overly intelligent, “can't hide anything from me” Dad resurfaces. “Five-fortyfive comes early.”
He turns toward his computer. “I'd better check my homework, too,” he says as he boots it up. “I left the lab pretty early today.”
I heft my book bag and trudge upstairs. Once the door clicks shut I flop onto my bed and let my chin drop open.
OMG! Luke kissed me!
And not just some grope-in-the-dark, fumbly, slimy, tongue-down-the-throat kiss. I sit up and go to my full-length mirror, push back my hair and stare at the spot his lips traced below my ear. I can still feel the feather-light movement along my jaw. God, what would have happened if Dad hadn't ended it with his mere presence?
I grab my cell and punch speed-dial #1.
“Hey, Jule. What's up?”
“God, Carly, you won't believe what just happened!”
5
“O, swear not by the moon, the fickle moon, the inconstant moon, that monthly changes in her circle orb, lest that thy love prove likewise variable.”
~William Shakespeare
The sun shines low on the horizon, promising a beautiful day. It's Friday, the last day of the first week of school. What a week. I smile as I tip my head out the window and let the wind blow-dry my curling hair. I sing a few lines of the song on the radio while Carly's stopped at a light.
“It's green, Carly,” I say to break her from her daze.
“If you're going to sing, Jule,” Carly says, shaking her head and hitting the gas a little too hard, “you're going to have to drive.”
I laugh. “Sorry.” Is it ridiculous to feel so happy when life is still so utterly insane? Can a kiss have such impact? Apparently, yes. I smile wide into the breeze and feather my hair out the window. Long curls twist and shine a glowing brown as I run my fingers through the wild mane. My mom says that the fresh, wind-blown look complements my pixie-like face. Lately I've been too much of a control freak to let my hair dry naturally, but today I'm taking the risk. Ooooh, I'm living on the edge.
When I round the corner to my locker and Luke's nowhere in sight, I ignore the small dive in my stomach. Dropping my bag, I spin the combination and jerk the metal handle up. The door swings open and I'm slammed with a wall of incredible fragrance. Lilacs, everywhere! Taped to the walls of my locker are bunches of my favorite flower. Mounds of them fill the bottom.
Lindsey stops behind me. “Holy purple flowers!”
My hand flies to my mouth in an attempt to stop the trickle of giggles I feel bubbling in my cheeks. I dig through the soft petals, but there's no note. It has to be Luke. For one thing, who else could get into my locker? These surely aren't from Mrs. Rozinski. I collect the flower bunches off the floor of my locker so I can store my backpack. I turn and toss the lilacs out to the girls nearby.
Madison sniffs dramatically at the one she caught, like an excited bridesmaid. “Lilacs, I love them. Pretty extreme though, Jule,” she says, staring at my still lavender-bedecked locker.
I shrug and grab my chemistry book. “I didn't put them in there.”
“Who did?” Her eyes sparkle at the mystery. She glances around like the culprit might just jump out of hiding with an uprooted bush of lilacs in hand.
Shrugging again, I walk toward homeroom. “No note.” I enter the room, lilacs still in my arms, and my smile fades. Luke's not here. I leave the bouquet on Mrs. Rozinski's desk and slide into my usual seat.
When I enter chemistry, Taylin just scowls at me from the back. Again, no Luke. Is he ditching? He must have shown up to put the lilacs in my locker. Taylin whisks past me as soon as the tone sounds. I walk slowly toward my locker to exchange chem for lit. Maybe Luke
did
leave a note saying why he isn't here. I'm nearly trotting when I round the corner. Matt and Taylin have my locker open.
“Hey, what the hell?” I yell and they turn toward me, mirror frowns across their faces. “Get out of my locker.” It's one thing to not like their friend's girlfriendânot that I am his girlfriend, but he did kiss meâbut a whole other thing to commit breaking and entering. “What are you doing?”
They stare me down. Do they think they can intimidate me enough to make me take my chem stuff to lit? Hell, no!
“We thought we smelled something bad in there,” Taylin says. “Where'd you get the flowers?”
I shove my chem book in, rifle around, still finding no note, and grab my lit notebook. Matt and Taylin loom on either side of me. I don't have to answer any of their questions. Pissed, furious, disappointed, I slam the door with a resounding metal echo. “Stay out of my locker.”
“Did Luke put them in there?” Matt asks. His voice is different than Taylin's, more worried. It tamps my wrath down a notch.
“There's no note,” I say.
Matt exhales and leans back. “Bloody hell.” His voice slips into something like a British accent.
“Do you know where he is?” I ask Matt. “He hasn't been in class.”
Matt and Taylin exchange a glance. Matt looks at me. There's definite concern in his eyes, pinched lips, wrinkled forehead. “He left this morning before the bell. Heâ¦wasn't feeling like himself.”
“He's sick?”
Taylin rubs her temples in small, circular motions. “He needs to get away.”
“Why? What's going on?” God, has someone followed him from Boston?
“It's none of your business,” Taylin snaps at me.
“Actually Tay, it
is
her business,” Matt says, resigned.
“Shut up!” Taylin yells and pokes a finger in my face. “Listen to me, Jule.” She points to Luke's locker, Matt and herself. “We three are a family. We will do anything to protect our family. Stay away from him.”
“Luke is his own person, not just part of your weird little group.” I'm not going to back down just because she's loud and pierced.
“Stay the fuck away from him or you'll be sorry.” Taylin breaks eye contact. She stomps away and I'm not gutsy enough to stop her. She just threatened me. I should report her or something.
Matt leans into me and inhales. “You do smell nice.”
Shock glues my feet to the linoleum. There's no innuendo in his comment, just an observation. He studies me. “Look, Jule,” again with the British accent, “I know this all seems bizarre. But Tay's right. Luke isn't good for you.” My eyes narrow at him. “I'm not saying I'm good for you, either; far from it, actually.” He gives a sad chuckle. But then he grows serious and shakes his head. “But Luke⦔ He bites his bottom lip as if wondering what he should say. He lowers his voice. “He can getâ¦out of control sometimes. You're a nice girl.” He pauses. “Just be careful.”
Before I can process the horrific message wrapped up in the whispered, friendly package, Matt disappears around the corner and the tone sounds, meaning I'm late for class.
* * *
“Jule! You came!” Derek calls as I pad down the dark aisle toward the stage.
“Umâ¦I wouldn't ditch class,” I mumble.
“But you
are
auditioning, right?” Panic laces his words.
I walk over to Ms. Bishop and hand in my forms. The parental signature has, of course, been forged. Can she tell? I'm sure she won't call me on it. Relief mixes with mild annoyance on her face. “Not ditching, but tardy,” Ms. Bishop says.
“I was sitting in the back by the door. I didn't want to interrupt.” I glance at Madison, who has just finished her song. She takes a seat. “You were great, Madison.”
“Thanks,” she smiles. “Let's hear you sing, Jule. It's been a while.”
“What will you sing?” Ms. Bishop asks. “Do you need the music?”
I shake my head. I usually sing
a cappella
. “âMasquerade.'”
Ms. Bishop nods. “Whenever you're ready.”
I climb the steps to the stage. The lights are dim. A single spotlight shines white light down on me. I close my eyes against the glare. I feel the magic of the notes form in my lungs. They take on a life of their own, like birds held captive for too long. They flutter excitedly and expand as the familiar opening cadence plays through my mind. I latch onto the end of the introductory stanza and fill my body with breath, the birds growing, dying for freedom; they fly up through my body and out between my lips. The sweet sound is born and euphoria and ecstasy mix to fill me. I wonder briefly if this is what getting high feels like.
With each breath my muscles melt and stretch, relaxing, moving with the internal beat that is as familiar to me as my own heartbeat. In fact, the music becomes my heartbeat. Absently, I'm aware that my arms are moving with expression, adding to the spell of sound that gushes like a great lyrical waterfall from my mouth. I understand the words, the emotion behind them. I've studied them my whole life, living with them as my mother rehearsed and explored her talent. They are as much a part of me as my clearest memories. Totally consumed, my mind floats with the notes. As I reach the end of the chorus, I blink but can't see too much with the strike of the spotlight. I move to the edge of the circle of light. The technical guy doesn't follow me.
My lungs fill again and I continue through the next stanza. My eyes glance across the still faces, locked eyes, like mannequins, spooky in their trance. Like their lives are suspended on the notes. Even though I would prefer to continue, I let the chorus end. The last note dissolves on my tongue like the last speck of a sweet candy.
A few kids shake their heads. Others blink. Lindsey mouths “wow” to the girl next to her.
Crack
! I jump, my calm splintering away at the sound of rock fracturing somewhere in the back of the auditorium. Luke stares at me from the doorway. I can't breathe. I can't swallow. I can't move. His eyes seem to glow with a strange light where he leans in, hands gripping the door support above his head. The muscles of his arms contract as if he's lifting weights. But it's the lock of his jaw, the scowl, accented by his piercing eyes, that manacles me to the stage. The tables have turned. Now I'm the one unable to break free. My heart takes on the frantic flutter of the bird, again trapped inside.
“Bravo!” Derek claps loud. No one looks toward the back. Didn't anyone hear the impact?
I blink and Luke breaks the stare, turning. He's gone.
Ms. Bishop shakes her head and smiles dreamily. “As usual, Jule, that wasâ¦spellbinding. Lovely.”
My legs are numb sticks that barely hold me. “Thanks. Umâ¦I have to use the restroom.”
Ms. Bishop flaps her hand toward the back, her nonverbal permission. “Who's next?”
I ignore the whispers of the kids as I race past them. I stop at the top. My fingers trace a hole, the size of a fist, in the concrete wall next to the exit. “Luke?” I murmur. Eyes wide, I glance both ways down the hall. I take off toward my locker. As I round the corner, I catch sight of Luke's back as he bangs the door to the side exit open.
“Luke!” I run after him. The halls are empty, since last period is still in session. I push out into the sun, my head whipping left and right. One of the picnic tables is overturned, and a large limb from a tree touches the ground, angled and broken but still attached to the trunk. I dodge them both as I jog to the parking lot.