Authors: Robert T. Jeschonek
*****
Adam and I walked all day
,
sweating and puffing beneath the hot summer sun
,
stopping only when we came to a stream or needed a drink of water from the goatskin bag he carried.
Though it had been many winters since either of us had been through this particular region
,
we remembered enough landmarks between the two of us that we were able to find our way. It was a welcome distraction
,
piecing together the route
,
recalling our journey from Nod to the new camp; it kept my mind off the troubles at hand
,
at least a little...and believe it or not
,
it even got us laughing as we reminisced.
I say
"
believe it or not
"
because Adam and I hadn
'
t laughed together--or done other things together
,
if you know what I mean--in a very long time...and I
'
m talking about long before Abel
'
s death. Do the math: our youngest child was fifteen winters old
,
and we had no way to prevent pregnancy back then. We didn
'
t even know what caused it.
In other words
,
Adam and I weren
'
t exactly the picture of togetherness. Imagine my surprise
,
then
,
when we ended up telling stories and laughing...and
,
later
,
when he wiped a tear from my cheek as I cried about my boys.
I can
'
t tell you how long it had been since he
'
d kissed me
,
but he even did that. And I let him.
It happened that night
,
when the two of us were lying side-by-side on the grass
,
staring up at the starry sky. The air was thick with the sweet smell of lush
,
leafy greens and night-blooming flowers. The trickle of a nearby stream intermingled with the buzzing of insects and the croaking of frogs. The ground was hard beneath us
,
but we shared a rolled-up fur for a pillow under our heads.
"
What a beautiful night
,
"
he said
,
pulling my attention away from thoughts of Cain and Abel.
"
Just like Eden.
"
I always wished he would stop dwelling on Eden...but I decided to indulge him this once.
"
Yes
,
"
I said.
"
It gives me a good feeling.
"
Adam chuckled.
"
Remember how God used to make the stars dance for us? And the angels would lift us high above the Garden
,
up up up
,
and carry us among them as they flickered and swirled?
"
I smiled.
"
That was pretty amazing
,
"
I admitted.
"
Look!
"
said Adam
,
jabbing a finger at the sky.
"
Look there!
"
I just caught it out of the corner of my eye: the flash of a falling star against the blackness of the sky.
"
There
'
s another one
,
"
I said
,
spotting a second streak of light.
"
And right after we were just talking about them!
"
Adam said with childlike exuberance.
"
Wow!
"
"
Quite a coincidence
,
"
I said
,
watching for more flashes overhead.
Adam propped himself up on his elbow and smiled down at me.
"
Maybe it was a sign
,
"
he said.
"
Maybe everything will work out okay
,
after all.
"
Staring up at him
,
I didn
'
t share his hope for a moment. With Abel dead
,
it was too late for things to work out okay.
But I have to admit
,
as he looked down like that
,
I saw the old sparkle in his eyes
,
the one from before we
'
d left Eden. He wasn
'
t drunk
,
he wasn
'
t depressed
,
he wasn
'
t dying inside.
He reminded me of the man I
'
d loved.
Reaching up
,
I traced a finger over his lips
,
and he kissed it. Dipping his head lower
,
he pressed his lips against mine.
And in spite of the fact that we were in the middle of an ongoing nightmare
,
with one son dead and one son missing...and we were far from home
,
with only each other to rely on...and the next day might bring us unguessable suffering...or maybe because of all that...
We kissed. And more.
As things heated up
,
I slid the dagger from my leg when he wasn
'
t looking and hid it under the goatskin bag. Unencumbered
,
I moved with my husband upon the earth
,
exploring his body as if for the first time.
Everything that had come between us was forgotten
,
at least for a while. All my doubts and suspicions and fears about him were set aside. Inexplicably
,
unexpectedly
,
we had a night of actual happiness together.
And I swear
,
though I might have been the only one who saw it
,
that the stars in the sky whirled around just like in the old days in Eden. At least a little.
*****
When we reached Nod the next day
,
I at first thought we had made a mistake in going there.
Standing on the crest of a ridge
,
I gazed down into the fertile valley that had once been our home...and saw no sign of my missing son. Nothing but the glittering river snaking through the grassy plain
,
the stands of trees thickening into forest that carpeted the opposite slope.
And
,
of course
,
the one sight that could completely derail Adam from our purpose. The land upriver
,
misty and twinkling in the distance
,
visible and reachable yet forever barred to us.
Eden.
Naturally
,
Adam
'
s gaze fixed on it as soon as we topped the ridge. Shading his eyes against the light of the midday sun
,
he stared longingly at the only place he could not enter in the world
,
the only place where he wasn
'
t welcome...the only place where he really wanted to be.
"
I think I see angels over the treetops
,
"
he said breathlessly.
"
It
'
s hard to tell from here. Or are those griffins?
"
I knew he could have stood there all day
,
spying on paradise. He
'
d certainly done it often enough in the past.
Which was one of the reasons I
'
d insisted we move.
"
Come on
,
"
I said
,
grabbing his arm
,
pulling him down the slope.
"
We need to get down there.
"
He resisted at first
,
then gave in with a sigh and another glance upriver.
"
Maybe we could go there next
,
"
he said wistfully.
"
Just to have a peek from outside.
"
"
And maybe we can get back in and get thrown out again for old times
'
sake
,
"
I said
,
dragging him into the valley.
"
In the meantime
,
why don
'
t we concentrate on finding our son?
"
Adam didn
'
t answer. When I glanced back at him over my shoulder
,
he was staring toward Eden again.
I was feeling more charitable toward him after the night before
,
but I was still tempted to haul off and slap him across the face just then.
*****
The valley seemed just as deserted when we walked through it as it had when we
'
d gazed into it from above. We found nothing to suggest that anyone had been there recently--not a shelter
,
not the charred remains of a campfire
,
not even the bones of a fish or the rind of a piece of fruit.
We walked along the riverbank
,
spread apart to cover more ground
,
but found no sign of human habitation. Even our old campsite looked as if no one had ever been there; everything had been picked clean
,
washed away
,
or covered over. It made me sad to realize how time could wear away every trace of a home that had once been the center of our lives. Our memories were all we had left of it
,
just as they were all we had left of Abel.
At a rocky notch in the river
,
we crossed to the other bank to continue the search. We followed the bank well beyond the point where we
'
d descended into the valley
,
but turned up absolutely nothing.
Unwilling to give up
,
I proposed that we double back in the direction of our old campsite
,
only this time cut through the edge of the forest. Adam cast an impatient look upriver toward you-know-where
,
then gave in with a heavy sigh and led the way.
At my urging
,
we followed the treeline for quite a distance past the campsite. After a while
,
as afternoon leaned toward evening and this strategy proved no more fruitful than any other
,
Adam made a suggestion that didn
'
t come as a surprise to me.
"
Let
'
s go upriver
,
"
he said.
"
Maybe Cain
'
s in Eden.
"
I covered my face with my hands and shook my head back and forth in frustration.
"
No
,
think about it
,
"
said Adam.
"
What if it
'
s only you and I who can
'
t get back in? Maybe exile doesn
'
t apply to our children.
"
Lowering my hands
,
I rolled my eyes skyward.
"
What am I going to do with you
,
Adam?
"
"
I can
'
t believe I never thought of it before
,
"
he continued.
"
I
'
ll bet Cain
'
s in Eden.
"
At that moment
,
we both heard the crackling of branches and turned toward the forest...just in time to see Cain charging toward us.
The instant I laid eyes on him
,
I knew we were in trouble.
The expression on his face wasn
'
t one of joyful recognition. Clearly
,
he wasn
'
t running toward us because he couldn
'
t wait for a tearful reunion.
Instead
,
his features were twisted in a grimace of rage. His eyes were glazed over
,
his nostrils flared
,
his teeth clenched and bared like a predatory beast
'
s. His long
,
black hair flew behind him as he ran
,
and his shaggy beard bounced against his chest
,
adding to the impression he gave of a ravenous animal on the attack.
In one hand
,
he brandished a thick branch
,
swinging it overhead. He was naked
,
and he howled with violent purpose as he raced toward us.
My heart pounded. In a matter of seconds
,
I flashed from shock and confusion to relief that he was alive to fear of what he might do to us...
And resignation
,
for his appearance and behavior left no doubt in my mind that he had murdered his brother.