Skaia (22 page)

Skaia paused to look at his master. Was it that bad, that Thaddeus would be worried? He knew the pain was awful, but Thaddeus’ concern made him feel even worse. He pulled on his tunic and bowed. “Thank you, Master.”

Thaddeus shook his head. Perhaps he was wrong… But it was better to take care of Skaia than not. He refused to examine his reasoning, only assuring himself it was not because he had feelings for the slave. Getting up, he washed himself quickly with the cold water, dressed and headed to his office, determined not to think of the boy again.

Castor was silent as he looked at Skaia’s back. He wished Skaia had said something last night—or that Thaddeus had sent the boy to him rather than just asking for ointment.
Too late now…
Still, Castor hoped it was not as bad as it looked. Thaddeus had certainly struck hard, but had only cut the skin in a few places. And only two had reopened. On top of existing welts unfortunately, which, he could admit, made it look worse.
Not so bad,
he thought again. No doubt the cream he’d given Thaddeus last night had helped. Skaia would be in pain, there would be even more permanent scars, but he thought there would be no lasting damage that would seriously inhibit the boy’s movement or his ability to work.

He sent for special oil that would ease the burning and also treat the soreness and bruising. And when it came, he worked it carefully and gently into Skaia’s skin. “Do you feel better?” he asked when he finally set the oil aside.

“
Yes, sir.” Skaia looked at Castor over his shoulder. “It… it’s almost cold.”

“
Yes,” Castor agreed. “It puts out the fire and I suspect you’ll feel much better in a day or two,” he smiled. “That is, if you can manage to obey Thaddeus today.”

“
He said I have no duties today, sir. I think I can do that,” Skaia smiled as he turned to face Castor again.

“
Skaia,” Castor said seriously. “You
must
obey him. You already have scars that will be permanent. If Master Thaddeus is forced to beat you again, on top of what he’s already done… ” Castor hesitated to tell Skaia the worst possibilities. “If your skin is constantly lacerated like this, I may not be able to stop an infection if it starts. Behave yourself, boy.”

He’s not forced into anything,
Skaia thought as he walked to Thaddeus’ chamber.
He planned it all.

Returning to his pallet, lying carefully on his side, Skaia thought about what Castor said. It wasn’t as if he had deliberately disobeyed. He had just not been able to control the reaction of his body when the men spilled down his throat. Especially after the pain they caused with their entry—stretching his throat wider than he’d ever thought possible.

If I just didn’t have to vomit. If I could just swallow, like I did this morning.
Then I wouldn’t be beaten.
Suddenly, he was determined to get better at what Thaddeus wanted. And not be so badly scarred when Glaucus came home.

He was almost asleep when he began to think of Glaucus. Remembering how his young master would come home drunk from his friends’ homes. And would talk about his exploits while he was away. How he fucked their slaves. And pushed down their throats.
Oh, Belenus… Glaucus treated other slaves as Thaddeus had treated him… Without any concern for them at all.

It was normal. Thaddeus was right—Glaucus had protected him. Tears welled in his eyes again. For all these years, he’d thought he knew what it was to be a slave.
And I knew nothing…

A few days later, when Thaddeus looked at Skaia’s back, he made another decision. “The cuts are healing, but the bruising is still… terrible and I’ve seen how stiffly you move.” He sighed as he ran a single finger gently along a healing welt. “I’m not willing to send you to Castor constantly…”
I will not let others see I care.
“But I want you to continue to rest here. You can still go with Castor as before in the mornings and afternoons, but I’ll have someone else come to apply the oil in the afternoon. It must be massaged in deeply while you stretch as much as you can bear.” He touched Skaia’s shoulders to turn him around. “Do you understand me?”

“
So I won’t remain so stiff, sir?” Skaia asked quietly.

Thaddeus nodded. “Yes, so you won’t be permanently crippled.”

Crippled?
Skaia’s eyes filled with tears. “Can such a simple thing work?”

Thaddeus ignored the question. “I was thinking of having Gotus attend you. Is he acceptable?”

What am I supposed to say?
Skaia did not want Gotus drawn to Thaddeus’ attention in any way. “Thank you, sir. I’m sure I’ll be fine, sir. I… I’m sorry I have caused so much trouble.”

Thaddeus frowned at the temerity of the response, but he knew Gotus and Skaia were friends. Gotus it would be. He left for his early breakfast with his father, leaving Skaia to fall back into a restless slumber.

Gotus’ arrival woke him abruptly, and he twisted on his pallet. “Get up,” his friend told him. “I can’t see to do anything here in the dark.”

Skaia got up carefully and walked into Thaddeus’ main room, close to the large window. He heard Gotus’ gasp of surprise. “It’s not so bad,” Skaia assured him.

“
It’s worse than anything I’ve ever seen,” Gotus disagreed sharply. “Menion said nothing about you being torn to pieces.” His hands touched Skaia gently. “Just because you couldn’t keep your own vomit down?”

“
Menion told you?” Skaia asked angrily, turning to face his friend. “He shouldn’t have.”

“
Stop it, Skaia. Menion was not the only one there. Thaddeus’ behavior that night is the talk of the household. Even Castor’s strap cannot stop it,” he smiled.

At Gotus’ insistence, Skaia turned again and felt the soothing oil being massaged into his skin. “What do they say about
me
, Gotus?” he finally asked. “What am I now?” he almost begged as he tried to make sense of his life. “Has Thaddeus made me so despicable that Glaucus… that he will never want me again?”

Gotus would have hugged Skaia, except the oils would have ruined his tunic. “Do you despise Menion and Castor? Or Meera? Or me?”

“
You?” Skaia whispered.

“
What?” Gotus asked as if offended. “You think I never attracted attention?”

“
I didn’t mean it like that,” Skaia said softly as he looked down and blinked away tears.

“
Yes you did,” Gotus replied, but there was no anger in his voice. “I was young once,” he almost laughed, “just like Castor and Menion.” He punched Skaia’s arm in jest. “Much younger, mind you, but I was a pretty child.”

Skaia looked at him and let his tears fall. “I’m sorry.”

“
I didn’t tell you to make you feel sorry for me, Skaia. I’m just saying there are very few slaves who have not obeyed orders that shamed them at some time. You just can’t live your life in shame. You are a slave. You had no choice. You still don’t. Now, bend over and twist. Until it hurts.”

Skaia felt better as the oil soaked into his skin. Somehow, it felt looser. He could move more easily. As he lay on the pallet again, he thought about Gotus’ words. Could it be true that even Menion and Gotus had been forced to take their masters’ sex into their mouths? Reluctantly, he thought they had. Obviously, it was a pleasure that Thaddeus, Flavius, and Antius, enjoyed regularly. Even Glaucus, with other men’s slaves.
But never with me.
What meaning could that have?

Gotus thought Skaia looked better the next day. “The bruising is fading. Even the scarring. You may end up marked no more than me.”

But I had no marks at all when Glaucus left me,
Skaia thought, little comforted. “Gotus,” he suddenly asked, “do all the slaves have marks of some sort? Was I the only one who didn’t?”

Gotus thought about it… “Well, I haven’t seen all the women naked,” he said finally. “I suspect many of them are free of scars. Women are not beaten so often. Castor is reluctant to have them strip down in front of everyone.” He hesitated… “But you may be the only man.” Gotus’ voice dropped as if he were telling something he shouldn’t. “I even saw Lucius in the garden one day with his tunic dropped. He had old scars crisscrossed over his back.”

Lucius? Would Paulinus have beaten Lucius?

In just another day, Gotus suspected he would not be sent again. “I can hardly believe it. Most of the bruising is gone completely and you can stretch as well as I can.”

Skaia turned to face him, ignoring his words. “Gotus, am I a whore now, like Master Thaddeus says?”

“
What?” Gotus asked in surprise. “You are what you have always been since I’ve known you. You are a very pretty
slave.
One who attracts men’s attention. One, who like all the rest of us, must obey orders. Glaucus… Glaucus was just overly kind.” He shrugged, not knowing what else to say.

“
You don’t think he ever loved me?” Skaia’s eyes were brimming with tears.

“
Oh—so that is what you’ve hoped for?” Gotus shook his head. “I don’t know, Skaia. Glaucus may have cared for you, but you can hardly count on that.” He looked into Skaia’s stunning blue eyes, most definitely not wanting to destroy his dreams. “I… I think he cared for you, but he was very young. Who can say how he will feel when he gets home?”