Skulduggery Pleasant: Kingdom of the Wicked (40 page)

“That’s not really how it works. Think of it like this – ages ago, Argeddion sat us all down and had a conversation, and during that conversation he made us see that we were wrong, and he was right. Whether or not we
were
wrong, or he
was
right, is completely irrelevant, because now it’s what we believe. That’s what it’s like.”

Elsie frowned. “So you
know
you’re being controlled? Why don’t you try and get free?”

“Because we don’t want to.”

“Why not?”

“Because we don’t have to want to.”

“Why not?”

“Because Argeddion has taken that want away from us.”

“I don’t... I don’t want to insult you,” said Elsie, “but I don’t think I could live like that. Don’t you want to be free just for the sake of being free? There has to be some part of you that wants to do whatever you want to do.”

“No,” Lament said, “there isn’t.”

“I doubt that’s entirely true,” said Ghastly. “Our Sensitives have noticed a weakening in the link you have with Argeddion. The longer he spends away from you, the less control he has. Do you feel it? The weakening?”

“I’m dreadfully sorry,” Lament said, “but no, we can’t feel any such thing.”

There was a girl to Lament’s right, a small blonde girl, and she raised her head. “I can,” she said.

Lament turned his head a fraction. “Lenka?”

The girl, Lenka, hesitated. “I can feel it. Argeddion’s control is fading.”

The man at the other end of the line nodded. “I can feel that, too. I’ve been having my own thoughts recently. A strange sensation.”

“Interesting,” said Lament. “Do all of you feel this?”

“I feel a change,” said the other man, the man with dark skin. “Not quite at the level of Kalvin or Lenka, but a definite change. At this rate, it’s conceivable that we all break free of his control completely over the next day or so.”

“All of us?” Lament asked.

The man smiled. “All of us.”

Lament looked happy. “Now that is interesting. Freedom, eh? Well, I’ll be looking forward to that, even if I don’t particularly want it.”

Lenka grinned. “But might the fact that you’re looking forward to it be the first sign that you’re achieving it?”

“Lenka,” he said softly, “you’ve just blown my mind.”

Ghastly looked back at Elsie, and shrugged. “And this isn’t even the weirdest conversation we’ve had this week.”

Redhood took her to the dungeon beneath the Palace, to where darkness was kept at bay by only a few sputtering torches in rusted brackets. The cells were open and prisoners lay within, most of them too damaged or weak to attempt an escape. Those who were strong enough were chained to the walls. The stench of pain and filth and terror made Valkyrie’s eyes water and brought bile to the back of her throat.

The shackles that bound her wrists were in turn bound to a long chain in an empty cell and that’s where the Redhood left her. She covered her nose with her hands and breathed through her mouth.

“You get used to it,” said a voice.

There was a man in the cell opposite. He had long grey hair and a long grey beard and looked like he’d been there for a long grey time. His body was bony and old, and he hung from his wrists but didn’t seem to mind the discomfort.

“The smell,” he said. “You get used to the smell. A few days here, you won’t even notice it.”

Valkyrie walked to the door of her cell and looked at him in the gloom. Her mouth opened but she didn’t know what to say. Someone was crying. Someone else was muttering. There seemed to be a light-hearted conversation going on somewhere in the dark, and she wasn’t entirely certain that it was between more than one person. She bit her lip.

“You’re trying not to panic,” the old man said.

A ghost of a smile rose from within. “Yeah,” she answered.

“Keep trying,” said the old man. “You’ll panic soon enough, but at least you’ll know you did your best. Most people panic immediately when they’re brought here, and I think it’s the embarrassment that gets to them in the end.”

There was something about him, something about his voice, that suddenly clicked in her mind.

“Grand Mage?” she asked, frowning.

Eachan Meritorious laughed. “Grand Mage? No one’s called me that for a very long time. You must be older than you look, my dear. What’s your name?”

“Valkyrie,” she said. “Valkyrie Cain. What... what happened to you?”

“I’m afraid you’re going to have to be a little more specific with your questions.”

Her chain was long enough to allow her to step into his cell. “You weren’t always like this.”

“That’s very true,” he said. “Sometimes they hang me upside down.”

“That’s not what I mean.”

“They think it’s funny. I suppose it is, in its limited way. When you’re a guard in a dungeon, you have to make your own fun, don’t you? So, tell me what you did to get thrown in here. Not the most original topic of conversation for a dungeon, I admit, but I’m afraid I’m a little behind on current affairs.”

“I tried to help someone.”

“A noble gesture.”

“I tried to help a mortal.”

“A futile gesture. Why ever would you want to do something silly like that? These cells are filled with noble and silly people like you, plus the mortals they tried to help.”

“Grand Mage, I’m not from here.”

“Sightseeing, are you?”

“I’m not from this reality.”

“Hmph,” said Meritorious. “This place didn’t take long to send you round the bend.”

“I’m not crazy.”

“I’m not judging you, my dear. Some of my best friends are crazy.” He nodded to the corner. “Take Wallace, for example. He’s crazy as a loon, aren’t you, Wallace?”

Valkyrie frowned. “Uh, there’s... there’s no one there.”

Meritorious sighed. “That’s what we long-term prisoners call dungeon humour. You learn to appreciate it after a few years.”

“I’m not crazy, and I’m not lying. I’m from another reality. Look.” She took out her phone and showed it to him. “This is a phone. See the screen? That’s not magic, that’s technology. That’s mortal technology. Have you ever seen anything like it?”

“No,” said Meritorious, “but that might be because I’ve been stuck in this dungeon for the last few decades. What does it do?”

“It lets me talk to people that aren’t here.”

Meritorious looked unimpressed. “We can all do
that
, my dear girl.”

“Yeah, but they answer me.”

“I’m sure they do.”

“But not in a crazy way,” she said, getting irritated. “It’s for communication. I can talk to anyone around the world with this.”

“Wait, wait, wait,” Meritorious said. “Are you talking about a
tele
phone? My dear, I’ve seen a telephone, and while progress is a wonderful thing, there are some inescapable truths. If that is a telephone, then where are the wires?”

“It doesn’t need any.”

“And yet you say it’s not magic?”

“Telephones don’t need wires any more.”

“Then how does anyone hear you? And how do you dial? Where are the numbers? It’s a very small object to be capable of doing many wonderful things, don’t you think?”

“It does much more than that,” Valkyrie said, opening up a game and showing it to him.

His eyes widened. “What wonder is this?”

“It’s called Angry Birds. Now do you believe me?”

He took a moment. “Mortal technology, eh?”

“They’ve been allowed to flourish,” she said, pocketing the phone. “A Dimensional Shunter sent me here. In the reality I’m from, Mevolent’s been dead for a very long time. Without him enslaving everyone, civilisation has evolved.”

Meritorious nodded. “And this, these Angry Birds, is the pinnacle of mortal evolution?”

“Uh,” she said. “It’s one of them, I suppose...”

“Astonishing. Please forgive my scepticism. From what I know of Shunters, the applications for their powers are limited. The chance of any Shunter even finding another dimension that is
liveable
is quite remote, never mind a dimension that has run almost parallel.”

“I know how rare it is,” said Valkyrie, “but this guy managed it, and he sent me here.”

“Unfortunate, to say the least. And in your world, Mevolent is dead?”

“Yes. You were there when he died. You were part of it.”

He laughed. “Well, that is heartening to hear. At least some version of me didn’t fail. And you know that version of me, do you? I’m still Grand Mage in your world?”

“You were,” Valkyrie said after a hesitation. “Then you died.”

“Ah.”

“Bravely.”

“So, in the dimension where good triumphs over evil, I’m dead. And in the dimension where evil triumphs over good, I’m in a dungeon. I can’t help but feel slightly aggrieved. Existence, it seems, is a harsh mistress.”

“I think it was Mevolent. That’s the one big difference. In my history, he died. In yours, he didn’t. And then he took over, and everything changed from that moment on.”

“Well, as you can see, in this dimension, he won the war,” said Meritorious. “He either killed or imprisoned those who fought against him. Some escaped his clutches, but not many. From what I’ve been told by my fellow prisoners, the Resistance is not quite as strong as one might believe.”

“If he’s so powerful, how come he hasn’t brought the Faceless Ones back?”

“Thankfully, he hasn’t been able to. Some secrets are still beyond him.”

“What about the Book of Names? Can’t he use it to find out whatever he needs? Or he could just find out his true name, and eventually he’d be so powerful he’d just have to
want
them to come back and they’d be here.”

“All true,” Meritorious said, nodding. “But the Book of Names has been safely hidden away, and I’m the only one who knows where it is. Why do you think he hasn’t killed me yet, the same way he killed Morwenna and Sagacious?”

“Sagacious Tome?”

“The bravest man I ever met. They tore him limb from limb and he still wouldn’t betray me. Does Sagacious live, in your world?”

Valkyrie thought about going into detail, then decided against it. “No,” she said. “Neither of them does.”

“My poor friends,” Meritorious said. “But at least for them it’s over. He tortures me every few months now. I’ll never tell him, of course, and his psychics will never be able to break my mind. I think he tortures me more out of habit than anything else.”

“But he has Teleporters, doesn’t he? And if he has Teleporters, then he can just open a portal once he has the Grotesquery.”

“I’m afraid I don’t know what a Grotesquery is.”

“Oh,” she said. “Well, in my history, Vengeous found the remains of a Faceless One and it was later used as an Isthmus Anchor to—”

“Stop!” he whispered suddenly. “Don’t say anything. If you know where the remains are in your reality, then they’ll find them in this one and—”

“But I don’t,” Valkyrie said, keeping her voice down. “Vengeous found the remains during the war. I don’t know where they were originally.”

“Then that must be another difference between the timelines,” Meritorious said. “So the point where our realities diverge was not Mevolent’s death, after all. It was something else. Interesting.”

“Is the whole world like this? Is everywhere as bad?”

“Some places it’s even worse. Africa is no more, did you know that? They were the last to fall, and Mevolent made an example out of them.”

“It sounds like hell.”

“It has similarities. And your home, to me it sounds like heaven. A paradise where the mortals control their own destinies and fire angry birds at pigs in little boxes. May I see them again?”

She took out her phone. “How about we listen to some music instead? I’m thinking ‘Apple of my Eye’. Do you have Damien Dempsey in this dimension?”

“I’m not really sure.”

“Well, then,” she smiled, “this’ll be an education.”

She had dozed off with her back to the wall. When someone shook her awake, she opened her eyes to a figure in darkness.

“Valkyrie Cain?” the man whispered. “Your reflection asked us to get you out of here.”

Before she could answer, he stood and moved further into the gloom to wake another prisoner. The dungeon was suddenly a very quiet hive of activity. People hurried through the torchlight, chains rattling as shackles were unlocked. It was a prison break.