Burke paused, looking at James, trying to decipher his mixed expression. The outcome of this entire discussion wasn’t going to be pretty given the recent turn of events, but it was time to clear the air, and let James in on the truth.
“The survey team had detected what appeared to be large deposits of several precious metals, and that was the motivating force behind the decision to colonize a rock that was scarce of water and nearly devoid of natural vegetation and wildlife. KS-433 had erratic and violent temperature swings with accompanying weather patterns, and the indigenous population, a race of primitive subterranean quadrupeds, was immediately hostile towards human occupation. One year after the colony was established, Star Drop Colonial, or Burke Industries depending how you want to look at it, pulled the colony’s charter, it wasn’t profitable in the long run. The indigs refused to communicate peaceably and were resisting human expansion more staunchly than anyone expected. Security and terra-forming costs skyrocketed, and the expected mineral deposits proved to be a bust, nothing but sub-surface veins.”
James shook his head in disbelief. “Your brother is a real cocksucker, you know that? I assume you didn’t know about their charter being revoked?”
“Of course, it was Donovan, and I didn’t have a clue at the time. To be honest, I had no reason to care. I was just about to graduate from Officer’s Academy and already had orders assigning me to my first combat command. I doubt it was anything more than a fleeting decision on his part after reviewing pre-prepared reports on the colony’s status. Hell, it was just a minor crisis in his big world that he might not even have known about until after the fact. Either way, Snake has always blamed me personally for what happened to her, growing up in that hell-hole, after being assigned under my command.” Burke took another deep breath, resigned to see this through to the end. “That’s just the tip of the iceberg. Everything I’ve said thus far is a matter of public record if you go looking, but there’s more.
“After the money dried up and the independent and corporate owned security forces were withdrawn, the colony fell into disarray and nothing short of war-torn anarchy ensued over the next four years. Seventy five percent of the colony’s initial population was killed in a civil war, with three groups vying for power, fighting over supplies, while fending off attacks by the indigs. Snake’s psych eval indicates there is a 90% probability that she was sexually assaulted on multiple occasions while in her mid teens, as all this was going on. She also lost several close family members and loved ones as a result of the fighting, while being baptized in blood as nothing more than a child soldier. There wasn’t much left of the colony by the time the Federation relief force arrived with a Regular Army detachment to quell the indig’s and restore order.”
“Goddamn you…” James hissed vehemently. “You knew all this and never said a word to me?”
“It was personal information, classified, and I respect that privacy. If she had wanted you to know—”
“She did tell me, just a little while ago! And since we’re in the middle of soul baring session,” James’ voice dropped to a harsh whisper, “I want to know what the hell really happened on Meridia. Sandy said she was following your orders, is it true?”
“You don’t want to know, Jimmy, trust me.”
“Yes I do, dammit!”
Movement out of the corner of his eye caught Burke’s attention, and his face dropped in momentary shock. James turned in his seat, drawn by his unexpected reaction.
Sandy stood just inside the kitchen with red puffy eyes, deathly pale, naked and soaking wet. Her arms were outstretched, slashed vertically from the inside of her elbows to her palms. Rivers of blood ran down them in thick, dark trails becoming a watery bath pooling at her feet.
“James? I’m sorry. I… I didn’t know what else to do.”
Burke sprang to his feet just as Sandy’s eyes started to roll back in her head. She wavered unsteadily for a moment, before falling unconscious into his arms.
The room was cool and smelled lightly of purified air and disinfectant. James sat on a stool beside the hospital style bed, head downcast, holding Sandy’s hand. His sagging eyelids fluttered, fighting sleep and emotional fatigue as he had for the last several hours while maintaining a silent vigil at her side. He glanced up at her vitals display on the monitor above the bed, satisfied all was well, lowering his head again. All he wanted her to do was to wake up so he could hold her and tell her everything would be fine.
The immediate threat had passed. Sandy would live and make a full physical recovery, but if it hadn’t been for the Colonel’s quick reactions and the fact that he had a fully stocked medical bay in his wing of the house, it would have been a much different story. She had been within minutes of bleeding out and Nathan had saved her, while he’d simply froze up like a cherry recruit after their first exposure to the grizzly business of war.
“Talk about falling short at the moment of truth,” James said softly, shaking his head in disgust. It’s so much different when it’s someone you love.
Light footfalls from behind drew closer, stopping at the entrance to the medical bay. An annoying, snapping crunch cut the dreary mood of the room grating on James’ frayed nerves.
“How’s she doing?” Nathan asked through a mouthful of apple.
“Fine, wounds look good. No permanent nerve or tendon damage.” He glanced down at her closest forearm covered in transparent syntha-flesh. The scars had already faded to the point of erratic, soft pink lines against her pale skin. In a month the casual observer wouldn’t even be able to tell they’d been laid open to the bone.”
“You need to get some sleep, Jimmy. I’ll sit with her for awhile.”
“No, I won’t leave her. I need to be here when she wakes up.”
Nathan placed his hand on his friend’s shoulder, patting it lightly.
“There’s nothing you can do for her, but you on the other hand need to get some rest. Go,” Nathan continued with an air of authority in his voice. “That’s an order.”
“With all due respect, Colonel, not just no, but hell no. I left her alone and… This is my fault. I should have known better, and I almost lost her because of it.” James looked back at Nathan with a pained expression, caught in a hopeless situation between love and friendship. “She needs me now more than ever.”
Nathan nodded sympathetically.
“I figured you might say that. It’s all right, I understand.” Nathan turned and paused, lowering his head, regretting his next words and the effect it would have on James. “Plans have changed, I’m leaving in the morning, but you and Snake are welcome to stay here as long as you like.”
“Damn, you don’t waste any time, do you? Nathan, I’m...”
“Don’t say it; you have nothing to be sorry about. A man has to do what he feels is right. That’s all anyone can do.”
“Thank you, Nathan. That means a lot.”
“If you need anything or her situation changes before I leave, just beep me. I’ll be in my office.”
“You still trying to get through to your sister?” James asked in honest concern.
“Yeah. Local weather says they’re experiencing an extended period of solar flare activity again, and all outer system transmissions are spotty at best. The thing is, I was able to get through to an old friend of mine in Port City, twice, and the interference shouldn’t be bad enough to keep me from contacting the ranch. I’m going to try again in a little while, but something’s wrong- I can feel it.”
“Tell you what, in a day or so when Sandy is feeling better, she and I will head that way and check it out. We’ll keep an eye on your sister until you get back.”
“Thanks,” Nathan smiled back at him. “I appreciate that. I shouldn’t be long, with transit time a month at most.”
“Are you sure you can handle this one on your own? Maybe you should call Martinez in for some extra firepower, and who’s going to pilot the ship?”
“No time,” Nathan shrugged unconcerned. “And I’ve already talked to the techs on the shuttle. They’re en route as we speak and will upload the coordinates in the autopilot before we make the switch. Worse comes to worse, I still have the AI to fall back on. A man has to do what a man has to do, right?”
“Goddamn, Colonel… if there was any other way… I hate running out on you like this.”
“You’re not.” Nathan turned to leave and took another bite of apple. “You just take care of Snake, finding that special someone is a once in a lifetime thing, and you have yours right in front of you. See you soon, Jimmy.”
“Drinks are on me when you get back.”
“Damn right they are.”
James’ eyes began to drift closed again, returning to his vigil. He couldn’t shake the feeling of being a shit-heel no matter what Nathan said, he was abandoning him in a crucial moment of need and they both knew it.
“You’re a stubborn old goat, you know that?”
The soft whisper of Sandy’s voice sounded dream-like, floating delicately around his fading senses.
“That I am, kiddo, and proud of it,” he chuckled lightly, just before his eyes snapped open, and he nearly fell out of his chair. “You’re awake!”
Her eyes were cracked open, shining up at him from a colorless face. The blanket covering her to just above the top of her breasts rose with a deep breath.
“What do you expect, the way Burke was munching on that damn apple like a cow. It could wake the dead.”
“Cows don’t eat apples, they chew cud, but that’s beside the point.” James sat up, sliding closer to Sandy, gripping her hand tighter with a solemn expression. “You shouldn’t say things like that. What were you thinking? I almost lost you.”
Sandy pinched her eyes shut, straining with all her might. As hard as she tried, and as much as she prayed, the re-awoken shame and humiliation of being repeatedly used as a pass around girl swirled perversely behind her eyes, very much real and disgustingly vibrant.
“I’m ruined… no one will ever want me again,” Sandy mouthed silently, afraid to open her eyes and look James in the face. “How could you mean what you said to Burke,” she continued aloud. “How could you, after knowing the truth?”
“Of course, I meant it! I’m here, aren’t I?”
Sandy took another deep breath, forcing herself to speak. “Stop patronizing me- I know how filthy I am. I tried to wash it away, but couldn’t. It’s still there, slithering through me, on me, I can feel it, and it won’t go away. It never will. That’s why I got my knife, I knew the blood would make me clean again.”
“Stop it, right goddamn now,” James said harshly reaching for her cheek. “Look at me.”
Sandy shied away from his touch, rolling over.
“No. Just leave me alone. Can’t you understand why I have to do it? I just want to die clean and be done with it once and for all. After I’m gone, no one will even know the difference.”
James was beside himself with grief, he’d never seen her act this way, so broken and hopeless, lost in the turmoil of her recreated horror. This was so unlike the strong woman he knew her to be. Then it came to him, so obviously clear now that he felt stupid for not realizing it sooner. Sandy had never actually faced the events of her past head on, and come to grips with what had happened to her.
There comes a point when the human mind finally says enough is enough and shuts down, slipping away from reality as a self-defense mechanism to hide in any way it can. James had seen it happen with old friends, veterans, numerous times before. Even he wasn’t immune the sickness festering in his soul, waiting for the moment it would return and threaten his sanity. Sometimes it happened within minutes after experiencing an overload of traumatic events, other times it took years, or even decades to resurface. One thing was a guaranteed constant, at some point, when least expected, it would return.
In Sandy’s case she’d grown numb to the pain, withdrawing inside a cold, emotionless shell of outward hate and indifference. It was no wonder that she had excelled as a cold-blooded killer during the war; that was her only way of keeping the hounds at bay. That meticulously constructed defense had slowly begun to crumble over the last few weeks, because of him, because she had allowed herself to start feeling again. All it had taken at this point was one simple phrase to trigger the resurgence of a tormented past, inadvertently condemning herself.
James stood and back-stepped away from the bed, squaring his shoulders with a deep breath. He knew he had to do something drastic to snap her out of it, or she might never return from the darkness.
“On your feet!” He boomed in a deep, parade ground voice that he hadn’t used in years. “Front and center, or I will personally kick your sorry ass into next week and back again!”
It brought no response from Sandy, other than a muted shake of her head, no. This only forced James to delve deeper into his military past for the proper method of ‘motivating’ her.
“I said,” James lunged forward with a professionally crafted expression of mock rage and hit the retract button on the bed’s controls. It smoothly slid back into its enclosure in the wall, dumping Sandy on the floor in a disheveled mess of limbs and bedding. “On your feet!”
Sandy flopped about like a naked fish out of water in an effort to untangle herself, but she was moving far too slowly, James didn’t want to give her a chance to think, only to react. He decided to give her a helping hand.
“What the hell’s wrong with you, you fucking maniac!” Sandy screeched when James grabbed her upper arm yanking her unsteadily to her feet. She was dragged unceremoniously to the center of the room trailing a sheet wrapped about her ankle, before finally being released.