Sleeping With Paris (34 page)

“Please don't apologize, Marc. I'm not here to make you feel bad about something that was my fault. I shouldn't have written that article and still expected to earn your mother's recommendation. And I just wanted to apologize to you for any drama I may have created between you and your mom. I don't expect you to want to have lessons with me anymore. . . but I don't want to lose you as a friend.”

Marc didn't say anything. Instead he leaned forward and hugged me.

It felt so nice to have a hug after everything that had happened the past few days . . . or the past year for that matter.

“Charlotte, what you need to understand is that I don’t always agree with the way my mother sees the world. In her eyes, everything is black or white. Good or bad. There is no in between. That is not the way I see things though. I know that you have had a difficult year, getting over your ex, trying to move on. Ever since Delphine left me, I have done a lot of stupid things too.”

“You? The overachiever medical student? What kinds of stupid things?” Marc and I had never discussed what had happened with Lexi that night in February, but I couldn’t say I wasn’t just a tiny bit curious to hear his side of the story. And I was tired of thinking about all of the ways I had royally screwed up my life. Time to focus on someone else for a change.

“Yes,” Marc responded. “Like the last time we all went out. You know I was interested in Fiona, and instead I spent the evening with Lexi. And no offence, I know she is your friend, but that woman is
folle
.”  

I laughed. “Spending the night with a crazy woman at least made for a good time, right?”

Marc shook his head. “No, it was not fun at all. She got really drunk, and I was afraid to let her go home alone, so I took her back to my place and let her sleep in my bed while I slept on the floor. Then I woke up in the middle of the night and heard her crying in the bathroom. I tried to get her to tell me what was wrong, but she wouldn’t talk to me. It was really strange.”

“So the two of you didn’t . . .?”

“No, nothing happened between us. Well, besides what you saw on the dance floor.”

“Really?
Nothing?
” Lexi had clearly told me they’d slept together. So one of them had to be lying.

Marc shook his head as we strolled further into the park. “
Je te jure
. How do you say this in English?”

“I swear.”

“I swear, nothing happened. I would never do something with a girl who is that drunk. I do have a little bit of my mother’s morals in me, you know. Why do you ask? You thought we . . .?”

“I made a wrong assumption, that’s all. I’m sorry.” Marc seemed sincere, so it was his word against Lexi’s. And if she hadn’t really slept with him, what was the point of lying to me?

Underneath Lexi’s tough façade, she must’ve really been hurting. Over what, I wasn’t sure. But girls didn’t lie to their friends about who they were having sex with and lock themselves up crying in the bathroom for no reason. I didn’t care that she had lied to me, I just hoped she would be okay.

I tucked my long hair behind my ears and decided to keep being nosy. “So, have you talked to Fiona recently?”

“Yes, I called her, but she seemed angry and then she told me she was back together with her boyfriend from London.” Marc frowned. “Is that true?”

“Yes, she’s back with Andrew. But, if it makes you feel any better, she was really jealous when you were dancing with Lexi that night.” I knew I was violating girlfriend rules by revealing Fiona’s feelings to Marc, especially since she was back with Andrew now, but I couldn’t help it. I liked Marc, and he and Fiona would make such a cute couple. If only I could get her to dump Andrew.

“Well, it doesn’t matter now if she has a boyfriend.”

“True, but you never know what might happen down the road.”

“Either way, my life is so busy right now. I really do not have time for a girlfriend. I have too much work to do and too much English to learn. Do you think I’ve gotten better?”

“So much better. You speak much more naturally now. You sound like a native.”

“Really? You wouldn’t know I’m French?”

“Barely. You still have a hint of a French accent, but you’ve come a long way.”

“Thank you, Charlotte. It is all thanks to you.” He wrapped his arm around my shoulders and pulled me close as we finished our walk around the park.

And for the first time all day, I smiled. At least I hadn’t lost all of my friends.

***

On the way back to my dorm, I dialed Lexi’s number. I knew I had bigger, more important fish to fry, like apologizing to Katie and trying to make Luc understand how sorry I really was, but what Marc had told me about Lexi had left an ominous feeling in the pit of my stomach. I wanted to make sure she was okay.

“Charlotte?” A deep male voice answered, making me wonder if I’d dialed the wrong number.

“Yes, who is this?” I asked.

“This is Brad, Lexi’s brother. I’m glad you called.”

“What’s going on? Is Lexi okay?”

A heavy pause traveled through the line.

“Brad?”

“Alexis is in the hospital, Charlotte. Last night, she overdosed on anti-depressants.”

I stopped walking, my breath catching in my throat. “She overdosed? Was it an accident?”

I already knew the answer though. 

“No. She knew what she was doing.”

I gripped the banister by my side to steady myself. This couldn’t be happening. “Is she going to be okay?”

“They stabilized her last night, but she hasn’t woken up yet. Can you come?”

“Of course. Which hospital are you at?”

“It’s the hospital Hôtel Dieu, right across from Notre Dame.”

“I’ll be there in ten minutes.”

I hailed a cab on boulevard Jourdan, my heart pounding inside my chest.

“
Hôpital Hôtel Dieu. Vite, s’il vous plaît
.”
Fast
, I told the cab driver.

The city I’d grown to love whizzed by the window, but I only noticed it in flashes, my brain trying to comprehend the gravity of what had happened. The trees lining Parc Montsouris. The tall green fence surrounding Jardin du Luxembourg to my left. The looming Panthéon building to my right. The crowded cafés on Boulevard Saint Michel. The Seine river and its dark waters lapping up toward the gothic Notre Dame Cathedral.

Lexi had tried to kill herself.

Lexi didn’t care if she saw Paris ever again.

How? How could this have happened?

Suddenly my mistakes, my rules, my blog, my grudges all seemed so trivial. So inconsequential.

As the cab pulled up to the hospital, I thrust a wad of euros into the front seat and bolted toward the main entrance. I weaved through the hallways, the scent of illness and plastic water pitchers and stale food making me nauseous.

Please let Lexi be okay. Please.

When I reached her room, I found Brad sitting by Lexi’s bedside, holding her hand.

I knocked lightly on the door.

 “Hey,” Brad said, rising to his feet. His dark hair was a mess, his eyes bloodshot and exhausted. This wasn’t the same Brad I’d met at the hotel Christmas Eve night.

I didn’t say anything. I just hugged him.

“Thank you for coming.”

I nodded as I peered around his broad shoulders. Lexi lay underneath a pale blue sheet in a metal hospital bed, her cheeks chalky white, gray circles lining her sunken-in eyes. “Is she going to be okay?”

“Yes, she’s stable anyway. She took a lot of pills. The doctor said it was a really rough night. I just arrived from Rome this morning.”

I walked up to her bed and laid my hand on hers. Her skin was so cold it made me shudder. Gone were her beautiful, smoky eyes, her olive complexion, her gorgeous, silky black hair. Instead, she looked sick and fragile, like a withered up rose, void of life.

Lexi was completely broken. I squeezed her hand. I was so glad she was still here.

“I’m so sorry, Brad. I can’t believe this is happening.”

Brad joined me at Lexi’s bedside, where we both took a seat. “This has happened before, you know. A couple of times.”

I opened my mouth, but I had no words.

“I’m the only one who knows about it though,” he continued. “She’s never told anyone else. I know she’d be mortified if she knew you were here, but I couldn’t do it alone this time.”

I placed my hand on his arm. “I’m glad you asked me to come. You shouldn’t be alone right now. What about your parents? Do they know?”

Brad shook his head, a look of frustration passing through his coal black eyes. “Lexi didn’t tell you?”

“Tell me what?”

“When I was fifteen, and Lexi was only thirteen, our parents died in a car accident.”

“Oh my gosh, but Lexi said . . .”

“She doesn’t like to tell people the truth. She doesn’t like to open up or let people in. She’s too afraid she’ll lose them.” Brad blinked his watery eyes as he gazed down at his sister. “It’s no way to live.”

As I glanced back at my friend, the wires sticking out of her arms, the beeping machines at her bedside, suddenly everything that had happened in my life this past year came into focus. I realized that life is a total mess. And in trying to avoid love, I thought I was avoiding that mess. But the events of the wedding weekend compounded with Lexi’s scary situation were both proof that avoiding love only made the mess that is life that much more unbearable. The only way we were going to get through this crazy journey was if we all stuck together. And the only way any of it would
matter
was if we opened ourselves up to love.

Even if it meant getting our hearts broken from time to time.

Because the alternative, as Brad said, was no way to live. And Lexi, lying here in the aftermath of her attempt to end her own life, was more proof of that fact than I’d ever needed.

Brad left the hospital room to eat, so I stayed with Lexi, stroking her hair and telling her it was all going to be okay. I didn’t know if she could hear me, but I wanted her to feel loved. I wanted her to know that she mattered.

A few minutes later, I noticed her eyes blinking.

“Water,” she whispered as she cleared her throat.

I reached for the pitcher and handed it to her. She sucked down three huge gulps before coming up for air and meeting my gaze. “Charlotte, how did you . . .?”

Squeezing her hand, I smiled softly at her. “I spoke with Brad. I hope you don’t mind that I’m here.”

She shook her head, tears instantly spilling over her cheeks. “I’m so sorry. This is so embarrassing.”

I leaned forward and hugged her tightly. “You have nothing to be embarrassed about. I’m your friend, and I’m here for you. This is what friends do for each other.” I knew I hadn’t always been the greatest friend to Katie, Hannah
or
Fiona this past year, but I figured I could change that streak now.

“Thank you,” she sniffled as she plopped her head back down on her pillow. “God, I can’t believe I’m here again. I’m such a mess.”

“You’re going to get through this, Lexi. You are.”

She wiped her eyes and gazed up at me, the wall she’d built around herself completely torn down. “I’ve lied to you a lot this year, Charlotte. I’m not a good person.”

“It’s okay,” I said. “Brad told me about your parents. I’m so sorry.”

“It wasn’t only that though. I never slept with Marc that night. I don’t know why I told you I did. I just . . .” she paused to gaze out the window, tears still streaming down her cheeks. “I push people away. And I know it’s stupid, but I don’t know how else to be. Like Christmas Eve night in the hotel room with Dylan. I know you heard me crying the next morning.”

“What happened that night, Lexi? I was worried about you.”

“Dylan and I, we have a history. We’ve dated off and on for years, but I always fuck it up. It’s what I do. I fuck things up. And that night, he told me he loved me. That he’s loved me forever. And what did I do? I told him I didn’t love him. Then I asked him to leave.” Lexi’s lip quivered as she continued. “I’m just so scared, you know. What if he leaves me one day for someone else? What if I’m not enough? Or what if something happens to him? I don’t think I could handle it, Charlotte. I know I couldn’t.”

I handed Lexi a tissue, seeing myself in her eyes. We had a lot more in common than I’d originally thought. “I understand, Lexi. I really do. If it makes you feel any better, I realized I’m in love with Luc, but I screwed it all up this past weekend too.”

“I knew you were falling for him,” she said, wiping underneath her eyes. “That’s why I wasn’t in touch these past few months. With you and Fiona both in relationships, I couldn’t handle it. But then where did that get me? Here. In a fucking hospital. Ugh. Sorry for being so pathetic. It’s so sweet of you to be here for me.”

“If you’re pathetic, then I am too,” I told her with a smile.

“Alright, so tell me what happened at the wedding? How did you screw things up with Luc? And did you trip that bitch who stole your fiancé?”