I
want to die right now.
“I didn’t mean it the way it sounded,” I retract hastily while Dean just looks at me.
“Even if I did feel something for you, other than friendship—obviously, nothing can happen between us.”
He runs a hand over his face before speaking hesitantly.
“Are you saying you feel something for me other than friendship?”
“Nooo,” I draw out
. “I said ‘if.’ Oh—maybe. I don’t know.”
I move to start pacing again, but Dean takes my hands, and gives a little tug. He spreads his legs a little and pulls me
into the space between them. All systems go into hyper drive—bright and hot, and completely out of control at his touch.
Touch…holy shit, Dean is touching me—and it feels like every kind of forbidden pleasure.
He looks steadily into my eyes. “What are you trying to tell me, Juliet?”
Oh, my god, he smells so good.
We’re standing so close, the heat radiating from his body is like a physical caress. I’m shaking. Is it guilt and nerves, or…something else? I don’t know!
“Say it,” he orders me, gaze dropping down to my mouth.
I am hypnotized by his proximity. “I feel something for you,” I whisper, lowering my eyes. “But this can’t happen. We can’t happen.”
“Because of Johnny.” Dean’s voice is flat, a statement, not a question.
I nod, trying to pull away, but he won’t let me go. “I’m not going to come between the two of you,” I say, frustrated. “You guys are brothers now. If anything were to happen between us, it would destroy that.”
A stubborn light suddenly comes into Dean’s eyes. “I’m willing to take that risk. It’s mine to take.”
“But I’m not.” Shaking my head, I attempt to create more space between us. “I’m not worth it, Dean. I don’t want to hurt you, and I don’t want to hurt Johnny. I’ve already…it just can’t happen.”
Before I know what I’m doing, I find myself shame-facedly confessing to him about that night with Nick. Though his eyes seem to darken when I get to the part about waking up naked in Nick’s bed, Dean doesn’t show any signs of judgment.
“See?” I say weakly, looking up at him. “I’ve done it once before. I can’t do it again.”
Dean shakes his head impatiently. “I don’t care about what happened in the past.
”
“Well, I do!” I toss my head
, agitated. “I feel like shit about it. First Johnny, then Nick…now you? Who’s next—Mack? I might as well make the rounds, right? Don’t want anybody feeling left out. Slut.”
“You’re not a slut.”
“You haven’t been in my head.”
I can tell Dean really wants to ask what I mean by that. He opens his mouth, shuts it, then looks away
. “You made a mistake,” he says finally. “Forgive yourself, and get past it.”
“I’m working on it.” I look down at our joined hands. Mine look s
o tiny clasped in his big strong ones. It does something fluttery and scary to my chest to see us connected like that. “Let go of me, Dean. I shouldn’t have come here. I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be sorry.” His squeezes my hands.
“I want you here. Stay.”
My eyes widen at the pleading note in his tone. I stare at him in amazement. Is this the same Dean I once accused of being a cyborg? His face is full of e
motion now, and that uncertain vulnerability in his eyes is killing me. I’m floored that it’s there because of me. Why me? I’m glad he’s got my hands trapped, because otherwise I’d be tempted to do something crazy with them. Like trace the scars on his bare chest with my fingertips.
I have to get out of here before I do something really stupid. “Please—I have to go. I told you—”
“You told me all the reasons why we can’t be together. Now let me tell you why we have to.”
I know what he’s going to do, his intention is perfectly clear. Yet I’m powerles
s to stop him, caught in a deep trance that makes my limbs feel both heavy and languid. I could stop him—but I don’t want to. Dean lowers his head, and I turn my face up to him. Then his lips are on mine, and…oh, god…
A liquid dark heat pours into me, filling me up until I’m lost in a violent sea of sensations
that threaten to drown me. I didn’t expect it to be like this.
It’s too much.
That is my last coherent thought. Dean pulls back, slants his mouth over mine, changing the pressure, becoming more demanding. Everything in me opens up to him. My hands creep up to his chest
, gliding across hard muscles.
So smooth
. I feel him shudder under my touch.
I
want
him
.
Deans hands settle on my hips, and the heat from them scorch through the thin fabric of my pajama pants, and brand my skin.
He pulls me closer—
“What. The.
Fuck
.”
******
Chapter 39
Dean and I are torn apart from each other by sound of that achingly familiar voice.
Oh, please, no…
What had moments ago felt like a beginnings of an amazing dream, is rapidly turning into my worst nightmare. Johnny stands in the doorway of Dean’s bedroom, looking both stunned and furious. He glares at us disbelievingly for the span of a few heartbeats—then he’s striding into the room, his azure eyes blazing with deadly intent.
In a flash, Dean is standing in front of me, s
o that all I can see is the fascinating planes and ridges of his back. I quickly dodge around him. I am not going to hide, damn it. Run, maybe.
“You know, I’ve spent weeks wracking my brain, trying to figure out who the mystery guy you banged was,” Johnny says,
his tone biting and caustic. “Never once did I think it’d be my own brother.”
Dean’s eyes narrow in response. Before he can say anything, I jump in. “It wasn’t him
. This—” I gesture wildly between us. “—
just
happened. I swear.”
Johnny’s glare unlocks from Dean and zeroes in on me again. “Yeah, right. And it was an accident, right? You tripped and fell?”
I wince, but gaze at him steadily. “It wasn’t an accident. But this is the first time anytime like this has happened between us. I’ve never had sex with Dean, I promise.”
I can feel Dean tense beside me, but I’m too focused on Johnny
right now. I have to fix this somehow! It’s all my fault. I can feel Johnny’s temper shooting into the danger zone, the air around him practically pulsates.
“So if it wasn’t Dean, who was it then, Teeny?” he says with an ugly smirk. “Another one of my friends? Do you have a list, or are you just randomly going down the line?”
I can’t help the little gasp that escapes me. Oh, my god! That’s almost exactly what I said about myself! And it’s totally true. I hang my head in shame.
“Leave her alone,” Dean interjects angrily. “It’s not like that.”
Johnny suddenly gets in his face, neck muscles corded. “What’s it like then,
brother?
” He snorts derisively. “You wanna tell me what the fuck, huh? I trusted you, man. You promised you wouldn’t go after her.”
What?
Dean’s eyes flash, his face inches from Johnny’s. “And you promised you’d never hurt her. Guess we’re both fucking liars.”
And just like that, Johnny’s temper snaps like a rubber band. I find myself being moved to the side, and then he’s swinging on Dean.
I shriek like a little girl when his fist makes contact with Dean’s face. Dean takes the first couple of hits without defending himself—but when Johnny keeps coming at him, he switches to evasive mode, blocking the punches being thrown at him.
I stand there uselessly, hands clamped over my mouth. Thankfully, Dean seems to be keeping his cool. That is, until Johnny growls something in his ear.
Dean stiffens noticeably, his face darkening with rage.
Uh-oh.
Now Dean is fighting back, and all hell breaks loose. I’ve seen lots of fights between guys—mostly they wrestle around, their fists flailing wildly. That’s not what’s going down now. These two are using fists, elbows, knees
—and throwing each other into stuff: the walls, the desk, a lamp—oh, no, not the aquarium! Oh…phew!
“Stop it!” I scream, loud as I can, dancing anxiously around them. It’s not so much a fight as it is a torn
ado of destruction. “Please stop!”
Oh, god, Dean just tackled Johnny into the hallway. They are seriously trying to kill each other. What do I do?
! Shit!
I run back into Dean’s room and grab a cup from the bathroom. I fill it with cold water, then run back out, and throw it at them, hoping to shock them out of fighting. There is absolutely no effect.
Johnny throws an elbow in Dean’s ribs while shaking the water out of his eyes. I drink what’s left in the cup.
Jelena comes running up the stairs
, probably alerted by the crashing and thudding noises. Her eyes bug out when they land on Johnny and Dean kicking the shit out of each other. “What happened?!” she cries, standing at the top of the landing, and wringing her hands anxiously.
“Do you have a fire extinguisher, or something I can spray at them?” I ask her hopefully.
She shakes her head. “I’m calling the cops!”
“No, don’t!”
But she’s already scurrying down the stairs. No! I don’t want either of them to get in trouble for this—it could screw up their football scholarships if they get arrested. I have to do something.
Not letting myself think about it, I lunge in front of Johnny, just as Dean’s
getting ready to land a punch. My eyes are screwed tightly shut, my entire body braced for what is sure to be an incredibly painful blow.
It never comes. I open one eye. Dean’s huge fist is about an inch from my nose. He stares at me, horrified at what almost happened.
“Stop,” I whisper, my expression pleading. “Please.”
Dean’s expression changes. His eyes suddenly go blank, and he lowers his arm. I breathe a sigh of relief.
“Oh, fuck this,” Johnny mutters from behind me.
He gently pushes past me, then deliberately rams his shoulder into Dean as he walks by
him. He stalks down the stairs, disappearing from view.
Dean and I look at each other wordlessly. I quickly appraise him for damages. One side of his jaw is red and starting to swell up, and there is a trickle of blood at the corner of his mouth. The cut below
his left eye looks nasty and painful. Blood is smeared on his chest.
“Are you okay?” I ask quietly, reaching a hand out to him—then letting it fall away.
The walls are back up. Dean’s got his blank cop face back on. “I’m fine,” he replies tonelessly.
I nod once. I can’t help but throw an anxious glance at the stairs. God, I hope Johnny doesn’t do anything stupid. Again.
“Go after him.”
I turn to Dean in surprise. “But…”
He stares at a point above my head. “I know you want to. It’s okay.”
“Dean. What about you, and—?”
“It doesn’t matter.”
Dean turns, and walks back into his bedroom,
quietly closing the door behind him.
I stand there indecisively. Then I decide to follow my instincts, and I barrel down the stairs, praying I’m not too late.
I catch up to Johnny just as he’s about to get in his truck. I skid toward him, and he glances over his shoulder at me. I wince at the sight of his battered face, illuminated by the bright fluorescent garage lights. One whole side of his face is puffy, and his bottom lip is split.
“Just save it, Teeny,” Johnny says tiredly. “I’m not talkin
g about this right now.”
I bite my lip, forcing myself not to grab his arm and make him look at me. “I
t’s not Dean’s fault. I was the one who came over here to talk to him,” I state emphatically. “I started this.”
He closes his eyes, and leans his forehead against the driver’s side window. “Do you like him?”
I hesitate for a long moment. “Yes,” I say finally. “I honestly didn’t mean for this to happen. I’m sorry. I don’t want to hurt you…”
“I know.” Johnny lifts his head, and looks at me. The pain in his eyes brings tears to my own. “
The really fucked up thing is that I deserve this.”
I shake my head vigorously, reaching out to touch his arm. “No, you don’t. I—”
“Yeah, I do,” he interrupts, pulling back from me. “More than you know. Look, I gotta get out of here.”
Johnny
moves stiffly, sliding behind the wheel, and carefully shutting the truck door. He glances briefly at me before starting the engine. “Careful driving back home.”
I back away, watching him reverse out of the driveway. When he gets to the end, he swerves the Dodge around, and punches the gas. He peels out with a screeching of tires, and I’m left staring at his tail lights.