Slow Sculpture (30 page)

“Ah. Ah.” Dr. Poole nodded vehemently. “Good thing we—he cleared it up as soon as he did. Anyway, it’s reformulated completely and if anyone should ever make the same mistake again we can straighten it out in a matter of hours. To put it as simply as possible, we now have something which nullifies conception in any warm-blooded vertebrate—but only for the current cycle. It doesn’t affect the cycle either and it has no side effects. It can be taken as an individual dose or fogged—the way we did it at West Ecuador—to affect millions. We can bend the population curve downward anywhere—to any degree.”

“And now who gets it? Government? U.N.? Or just you?”

“You don’t want to know that.”

“You’re right.”

The drinks came. Rather happily they silently toasted one another. “Now,” said Dr. Poole, “tell me. How did you do it? Matter of fact, what did you do?”

“Maybe I should keep my secrets, too.”

“There are two kinds of secrets,” Dr. Poole reminded him.

Most uncharacteristically, Merrihew laughed. He did not do it very well. Not enough practice. “
Touché
. Uh—I drew a hell of a slice out of that account you set up. I wouldn’t want you to regret paying out all that money for the little I did.”

Dr. Poole waved that away. “There’s an old story about a mechanic who fixed a big rotary printing press by going inside and whacking something once with a hammer. He billed for $2500.25, and when they asked for an accounting and itemization, he said the quarter was for whacking it with the hammer. The $2500 was for knowing where to whack.”

“Goddam,” said Merrihew. “I was going to tell you that very same story.”

“Tell me what you did.”

“I studied your envelope pretty carefully. Your Lasvogel shows an interesting pattern. He’s a multi talented man—and I don’t think his talents are completely under his conscious control. Some people
blow up under stress. Some people sharpen up. Lasvogel sharpens. The tougher the problem—and/or the more urgent—the sharper he gets. The West Ecuador problem could hardly have been tougher or more urgent. Every second it got more so. Lasvogel, I think, began to get a little frantic. I think that maybe for the first time in his life he began to feel that the problem wasn’t going to produce enough pressure to squeeze out an answer. It began to show.”

“Oh, it did,” breathed Dr. Poole.

Merrihew said, “I don’t for a minute believe that Lasvogel consciously realized why he then did what he did. Which was to go out and get himself another chick.”

The waiter came, puttered, chuntered and ultimately went away, during which whole time Dr. Poole frowned unseeingly at the puttering and chuntering.

“I suppose,” he said when they were private again, “that he needed to get his mind off the—”

“He got a new chick without getting rid of the old one,” said Merrihew. “There is in all the world no more certain way for a man to get himself into trouble than that. There’s no more efficient method for a man to complicate things for himself, to face more unpredictable and unmanageable hassle.”

“And you were able to stop it.”

“Haven’t you been listening? My God, you know him better than I do or ever will! Lasvogel has total confidence in his ability and he had total devotion to the West Ecuador problem. I mean he knew the answer was in there somewhere and he knew he wasn’t getting enough pressure out of the work. Even if it was about to squash him flat it still wasn’t enough to make the answer come. So he just went out and bought more pressure.”

“Without knowing why?”

“I really don’t think so,” said Merrihew. “Consciously knowing it would make it game-playing, not real—and the pressures then wouldn’t be real either. Which is why playing tricks on yourself never works.”

“Incredible. So—what did you do?”

“Nothing essential. What happened was inevitable, so in a way you didn’t need me at all. On the other hand, I did make the inevitable happen a hell of a lot sooner, which is why you got your problem solved when you did.”

“Why we got it solved, period,” Dr. Poole asserted warmly. “Lasvogel was at the bitter end, believe me.”

“You’d know,” conceded Merrihew. “I don’t—I never saw the guy. Or the chicks. That was the only real trouble I had—making it happen without touching anybody. So I just did what you scientist types called bringing in a force or factor which is necessary and sufficient. I saw to it that the two girls got to know each other. I knew your Miss Szabo was due home before Lasvogel, and that she would sit down and brood a bit, that she would get mad and barge into his place—and that she would not only see the evidence I left for her but would snatch it up and take it away with her.”

“What evidence?”

“The other woman’s name and address.”

“But how would that guarantee—”

“It was guaranteed, if you know Miss Szabo.”

“You seem to have gotten to know her quite well.”

“Never saw her,” said Merrihew, watching, behind his eyes, a succession of careful blue triangles, lines of strong, angry, devoted, injured handwriting. “But in a way you’re right. I knew she’d go straight there and have it out.”

“What happened?”

“We’ll never know. Whatever it was, Lasvogel walked in on it.”

“That must have been the night he limped into the lab with the scratches on his face and the big bruise on his cheekbone.”

“Language of love,” said Merrihew. “One of ’em.”

“And by morning he had the new formulation.”

“Pressure enough,” said Merrihew, spreading his hands in a Q.E.D. gesture. “Necessary and sufficient.”

“Oh, dear,” said Dr. Poole thoughtfully.

“What is it’?”

“I can’t complain, I suppose. I said before—you heard me—that if Lasvogel solved this one he could retire with honor. In effect he
probably has—and we won’t be getting much from him from now on.”

“Why?”

Dr. Poole leaned forward with his I-don’t-gossip-but-you-should-know expression. “This wouldn’t be a Miss Ruth Gordoni?”

“No,” said Merrihew. “Ruthie.”

“Ah. Well, Lasvogel has moved, you know. Taken a house. And according to my sources Miss Szabo has moved in with him. And, ah, Miss Gordoni also. They seem to have become fast friends, all three.”

And Merrihew really did laugh, this time. “Friend,” he said, putting his hand on Dr. Poole’s shoulder, “You’re going to get work out of Lasvogel like you never got before. And he’s still got a lot to do if the totalitarian principle of physics inherent in this mess is to be kept permanently at bay. It goes something like this: ‘Anything not forbidden is compulsory.…’ He’s found a way to keep the pressure on and an environment that won’t even let him get sick. Beef Stroganoff with Vitamin E sauce—” and he dissolved into laughter again and wouldn’t explain.

CONFIDENTIAL:

AUTHORIZED EYES ONLY

ETHICOLOSSUS INC.

Office of the Director of Research

Interoffice Memo

An examination of requisitions on file indicates the use of equipment and materials not readily explained by the nature of projects under development in your laboratory. I am, of course, quite certain that these requisitions are justified, but a word of explanation would be appreciated. Should you wish more specific information as to which requisitions are referred to, I shall supply it.

Geoffrey Quest-Profitte, M.D.

Director of Research

P.S. by hand.
Prexy’s boy Uriah Legree (did you know he always calls our president Prexy?) has been snooping, hence the copy to the Old Man. Sorry. But what the hell are you doing with a hard-vacuum still? I’ll try to cover for you but you cover for me—for not keeping an eye on you
. G. Q.-P.

ETHICOLOSSUS, INC.

Interoffice Memo

SEALED: PERSONAL

Damn it, Geoff, of all times for you to be away at The Ethical Drug Convention! All I can do is write this informally and hope that when you get back you’ll come straight down here and let me show you the biggest breakthrough in the history of the company. Company, hell—the biggest thing since the scalpel was invented. Hang tight, boss. Fend off Prexy and his snooper for a little while longer while I get it written up and he’ll forgive you—and therefore me—everything.

Just to whet your curiosity, though, let me tell you that my latest requisition is for more mice, lot A64 and L073. In case it’s slipped your mind what these are, the first is Malignancies, inherited, and the second is Carcinoma, induced. The previous three lots of each group are cured—remitted—normal. I mean 100%, Geoff—and I mean overnight, every time. And the seven litters I have so far from the first lot—and one from the second, check out normal.

I know as well as anybody does how careful everyone has to be, and how much time and cross-checking we have to go through, but I’m telling you—this stuff is a one-shot, overnight cure not only for lesions but for systemic metastasization. You don’t believe this as you read it and I don’t expect you to, so get down here and I’ll show you.

And by the way—before you get to polishing up a medal for me—this isn’t my discovery. All I’m doing is repeating the procedures of the guy who did discover it and I’m going to see to it that he gets the credit for it. My results-of-record extend back three months. His go back four years. So hurry back and get your thing down here.

Al

P.S. It also cures warts.

P.P.S. The discoverer is Max Orloff. He’s a neighbor and a friend of mine.

P.P.P.S. On second thought, I’ll include photocopies of my results.

Did I mention what the raw materials cost? Nothing.

P.P.P.P.S. If I sound a little manic—wouldn’t you?

A.V.

Last and ultimate and blockbusting P.S. because
I’ll
bust wide open if I don’t tell somebody, even if I put my life in your hands. Aunt Mollie gave a party last Saturday and cooked one of her legendary feasts—for thirty people. She spent the whole day before—and most of the night—cooking. And the day before that shopping.

A.V.

ETHICOLOSSUS, INC.

Interoffice Memo

Just a word to acknowledge your efforts during my visit to your laboratory. You will of course assign my lack of response to a deeply ingrained caution—the caution so necessary to all of us in the ethical drug trade. Above all the stature and reputation of the firm must be maintained and I am sure you will observe the same kind of caution. As I predicted, the requisitions in question are quite justified. Hereafter, however, it would be appreciated if you would report any new directions in research to this office before the fact. Keep up the good work.

Geoffrey Quest-Profitte, M.D.

Director of Research

P.S. by hand.
You recognize this as a slap on the wrist, very light because of the results. For God’s sake don’t talk about this on the outside—it could start riots. Matter of fact, don’t talk about it on the inside either. As for your Aunt Mollie—I almost fainted. That I don’t want talked about again—even to me. You took a terrible chance there and I for one am going to forget it. Sometimes you scare me, Al. A good thing I can be trusted
.

G.

ETHICOLOSSUS, INC.

Office of the President

CONFIDENTIAL

I very much appreciate your sending me your interoffice correspondence with Dr. Verity. It was no more than your duty. I suggest to you—knowing it is hardly necessary—just what you suggested to Dr. Verity. We’d best keep this in the family. I am certainly going to keep it to myself. By the way—I fail to comprehend the reference to “Aunt Mollie.” Can you elucidate’?

Endorsement:
I totally agree with you, Dr. Rebate, that the Verity file falls into my province as Director of Security.

In response to your request for suggestions, I think that first of all, Dr. Verity must be isolated—without his knowing it. I would suggest a security examination of his laboratory and papers each night after hours—and that the mailroom be alerted so that his correspondence interoffice and outside (God forbid) can be examined. His telephone can easily be put on delay—as is done on radio talk-shows—and monitored so that before an incautious word gets out of the building it can be cut. I think that to stop his work or to divert it would only alert him. Meanwhile I think an outside investigation of this Orloff person (that name has a bad ring to it, Doctor) is indicated, together with the nature of his relationship with Dr. Verity.

Who is Aunt Mollie?

Howlan Beagle, Col. (Ret.)

Director of Security

Endorsement:
The one thing that strikes me is Dr. Verity’s statement that the raw material “costs nothing.” Can you get me a nontechnical description of this “nothing”? I don’t believe it, of course, unless it’s a figure of speech. But it worries me. Makes it too easy for the competition to undersell us once they analyze the product.

Tip Turner

Director of Sales

Endorsement:
I appreciate a look at this file. I wouldn’t say that at this stage the matter is in my department, but unless we are extremely cautious it might well be—and a nightmare to boot. I, too, very much doubt that this Orloff has anything—or Dr. Verity either—but the matter should be investigated. I will be glad to go with whoever investigates this person. He may require some handling. Let me know.

Genteel Flack

Director of Public Relations

ETHICOLOSSUS, INC.

Interoffice Memo