Slowing Down (25 page)

Authors: George Melly

Tags: #Biography & Autobiography, #General

‘I’ll have a drink now and a fag and then fall up the stairs to bed’

‘Dorset’ but was itself based on a much older poem by Thomas Hardy celebrating the lives and final resting place of West Country agricultural workers.

Betjeman retains the shape and some of the imagery of the seer of Wessex: Mellstock Churchyard, for instance, and Tranter Reuben, the first of Hardy’s list of cadavers. But he substitutes the rest of them with his own contemporaries: T. S. Eliot, Edith Sitwell, Bryan Howard and so on, although he adds a note: ‘The names in the last lines of these stanzas are put in not out of malice or satire but merely for their euphony.’

Well, in my version not for euphony, but in celebration. Here then is my contribution. I have decided also to rename it ‘Melly’s Churchyard’ not for vainglory (at least I hope not) but because ‘Melly’ and ‘Mellstock’ are so close phonetically.

Melly’s Churchyard

George the Fifth, Lloyd George and Kipling, all alive when I

was born

Soon my pram would cast a shadow on my father’s father’s

lawn.

Happy at my kindergarten. Hated ‘Parkfield’ (hate it now)

While Alan Stocker, Maggi Hambling, Edward Burra, Tony

Earnshaw, Elda Abramson and Kezzie

Lie in Melly’s churchyard now.

In the grounds of Stowe were follies where we’d meet our

latest crush

While the war raged on in Europe, we slept sound in rural

hush.

In bell-bottoms, during training, Hitler stepped his filthy row

While Lady Stuart, Gloria Taylor, Robin Banks, and Jimmy

Rushing, Cleopatra and Django, dear Penelope and Alex

Lie in Melly’s churchyard now.

Growing feeble and less active, not much future, lots of past

Can still sing, if I am seated. Cannot wade, but still can cast

Watch them queue to leave the building (shall not hesitate to

bow)

While William Meadmore, D. Sylvester, dear Louisa, Michael

Woods, Jack ‘Butch’ Waring, Diana Melly

Lie in Melly’s churchyard now.

See you later!

Acknowledgements

With thanks to: Jo Bins, who managed to decipher my handwriting and type everything up; Diana Melly who, in her role as Wing Commander, faxed, printed and bullied me into finishing before my third deadline; Maggi Hambling, who drew the pictures; my editors Tony Lacey and Zelda Turner for waiting so patiently; Harry Borden, the excellent photographer who took the shots for the book jacket; and to Bela Cunha, John Hamilton, Laura Hassan and Bill Hamilton for all their help.

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