Authors: Kate Welsh
Henry pursed his lips. “Never thought of it. Could be that hangdog expression you get. Or could be that trench you’ve worn in the hall, pacing from the kitchen to the study and back again.”
A helpless grin pulled at Josh’s mouth, and he ducked his head to hide it. Understated—that was Henry. “Point taken. I’ve been a little edgy.”
“So what’s up, son?”
“Cassidy Jamison.”
“Now there’s a surprise.”
“I can’t do what you asked me to, Henry. I’ve tried but I just can’t do it.”
“You two have another spat?” the older man asked.
Josh thought of the tussle by Maria’s drive. He nearly laughed aloud until he remembered looking down into her eyes and feeling very
un
pastorly emotions toward her. The mood between them had gone from carefree to serious in a heartbeat.
Nothing would ever be the same again for him. He could no longer drift from day to day and pretend there wasn’t something basic missing from his life. He feared that something was and would forever be Cassidy Jamison.
“Son?”
Josh felt Henry’s hand settle, shaking and frail, over his and give it a squeeze that, though not full of power, did not lack strength.
“I want her to be more than a passing ship in my life—and that’s why being her spiritual advisor feels wrong. It feels like a…I want to say a conflict of interest but that isn’t really right. Of course I want what’s best for her, and turning to the Lord certainly is. But she’s vulnerable, and to advise her spiritually when I want more just
has
to be wrong. My feelings get in the way. Like the other night,” he began, and relayed what had happened between them when she’d come to the study to see him.
Henry nodded. “I think I understand. You’re afraid you’ll hurt her in some way.”
Josh, still working out his confusing mix of worries and feelings, continued, “And then if she’s turned to the Lord under my guidance, she might turn
from
him because I hurt her.”
“Okay, son, I’ll talk to Cassidy and let her know that if she has more questions about spiritual matters she should come to me.”
“Thanks,” Josh said, and started to stand.
A surprisingly strong tug on his arm pulled him back down. “You’ve had your say. Now it’s my turn,” Henry told him. “I agree that with these feelings you have for her, stepping aside on spiritual issues is in all probability a good idea. But I disagree with this obsession you have about remaining unattached. You have too much love to give, boy. You’ve got to give it or it’s going to eat you alive. You don’t have the gift of singleness. You take a good look at what Paul’s saying to you in 1 Corinthians 7:7-9. Then you ask yourself if you don’t
burn
when you’re near Cassidy Jamison.”
“But I’m not—”
“Didn’t ask what you are, but what you feel. Read it. Just read it and search your heart.” Henry stood slowly. “’Night, son.”
Josh let his shoulders sag and his head hang as he braced his elbows on his knees. He didn’t have to read it. He already had. The trouble was, he knew married life was for him.
He was just very afraid he might already be married.
C
assidy saw Josh’s pickup turn in to Maria’s long drive and her heart sped up. As she stood anxiously at the studio window, she watched him jump out of his truck and turn back to Bear, who bounded out the door behind him. The dog jumped and frolicked his way across the wide expanse of grass toward the front door with Josh laughing that wonderful carefree laugh of his. He had become so dear to her in such a short span of time.
She admired how tirelessly he worked, whether it was making repairs to Maude’s home or the Tallingers’. She was in awe of the ease with which he’d managed to get Stephanie and Larry Tully to talk out their problems. According to Stephanie, without his guidance and near Solomon-like wisdom, the couple might have wound up in divorce court instead of joyfully celebrating her birthday.
In the past couple of days, she had come to understand that it was Josh’s deep faith that allowed him to give hope and comfort to those in need. She’d come to understand that faith in God had given Joshua’s life a solid foundation because it was built on the Rock of Jesus Christ. The success she’d sought, however, had evaporated, giving her no foundation at all because her life was built on the sands of transient worldly accomplishments.
He’d shown her that what she was running from wasn’t disappointment or anger at her grandfather, but a life that was wrong for her. He’d even managed to give her back her art. But those things were also temporal and fleeting. More important was the knowledge of the Lord that he’d brought to her. It had produced in her a yearning after the Jesus of the Bible that had led to a decision to ask Him in to her heart and life.
Josh had given her a gift that was eternal.
She looked away to the painting before her, as he and Bear moved out of her line of sight. She smiled. Josh had opened the floodgates of her creativity by bringing her to meet Maria. It had happened the minute Maria opened the doors to her studio. The smell of the oils had grabbed her first, but then she’d spied a bin of watercolors, and the memory of crisp clear hues had burst in her mind and she’d wanted to use those, as well.
Maria’s studio was an artist’s playground and, oh, how Cassidy had played. Josh had been right. She had cut herself off from this important part of her inner self for too long. And according to Maria, who wanted her to put a portfolio together for her agent to see, Cassidy’s grandfather had been wrong. Professor Kent had been wrong. Maria said she had no doubt that Cassidy could earn a decent living from her artistic talents.
Cassidy wasn’t sure she believed that, but she was at least willing to give it a try. And the best part was that she could pursue a career in art from anywhere. Even a beautiful, simple place like Mountain View.
It had come like a bolt from the blue in that blinding instant on the ground when her eyes had met Josh’s. In that moment, she had seen something in his eyes—a longing for more than friendship—and she had known that she wanted that, too. She knew it was too soon for such feelings. She had only met Josh a week ago, but she couldn’t deny that she wanted to stay by his side and build a new and better life for both of them.
“Excuse me. I’m looking for a corporate executive named Cassidy Jamison. Have you seen her?” Josh asked as he entered the studio.
Cassidy turned from her painting and laughed. “Nope. I haven’t seen her in a while and I doubt I’ll ever see her again. But I’m Cassie. Will I do?”
“I see you’re not letting any grass grow under your feet. You look like a real artist.”
“You know what?” Cassie said as she looked down at her paint-smeared shirt and jeans. “I am a real artist, Josh. I always have been. And do you know what else I am?”
Josh raised an eyebrow. “No. What else are you?”
“I’m saved. I asked Jesus into my heart last night.”
“You did?”
Josh seemed not only surprised but worried, when she’d thought he’d be elated.
She had to be wrong. This was what he’d been trying to encourage her to do, after all. “Yeah. And it was just the way you said it would be. I felt this incredible peace just fill me!”
“That’s wonderful,” he said, and smiled. But Cassie thought it looked like a nervous smile.
“It really was. I was a wreck. When I walked into this studio, I realized I’d made a big mistake by cutting everything artistic out of my life. By the next morning, Maria had already offered to show my work to her agent, and I’d realized that a career in art was what I wanted.”
“And you were imagining your grandfather’s reaction,” Josh said.
Cassie nodded and smiled. “And worrying. And pacing. Then I remembered what you said about the peace giving your heart to Jesus gave you. I decided that if He could do that for you, considering the circumstances you found yourself in, then I’d be a fool not to turn to Him. And you were right. He’s going to work this out with Grandfather. I know He is. But I have lots of other questions and—”
Josh frowned and cut in. “Cassidy, I really am happy about your decision for Christ, but I think you should talk to Henry if you have questions or concerns. I’m not the person to ask.”
“Don’t be silly. You’re who I want to talk to.”
“Cassie I’m not—” This time it was Josh whose thoughts were interrupted, as Maria swept into the room full of smiles and praise.
“So, Joshua, what do you think of this one? I may have spiked my own career by discovering her.”
For the first time Joshua’s eyes flicked toward the watercolor taped to the easel board. And stayed glued there. He whistled at the study of the faded old barn and landscape beyond it with the sun setting against a salmon and azure sky. “Oh. That’s beautiful,” he said, his tone full of wonder. “It looks so real. Cassie, you were hiding a searchlight under that bushel of yours. Don’t you ever stop painting!”
She laughed. “Don’t worry. I don’t intend to. In fact, I’m going to stay in Mountain View and paint for the rest of my vacation. I already called Irma. She said it was fine with her.”
Josh’s eyes widened. “You’re staying? How long’s your vacation?”
“Five more weeks, officially, but I’m never going back to work at Jamison. I’ll contact him eventually, but I’m not ready to talk to him yet.”
“But isn’t your grandfather worrying all this time? You said he really loves you. It doesn’t seem fair for you to have disappeared the way you did.”
Cassie was grateful now that she hadn’t blurted out her feelings for Josh. He seemed to want to be rid of her. She felt a pain deep inside but tried to ignore it. “You’re the one who’s been telling me to stay here and think about what’s wrong with my life. You sound as if you want me to go home.”
“That isn’t what I meant.”
“Of course it isn’t. Joshua doesn’t want you to leave,” Maria said, glaring at him. “Do you?”
Joshua blinked. “I don’t. Really.”
He’d made his denial, but Cassidy was afraid it didn’t extend to his heart. “That’s not the way it sounded from here,” she said, trying to pretend anger rather than show her distress and expose her feelings.
“I was just concerned for your grandfather.”
Cassie resisted the urge to roll her eyes at that excuse. “I contacted his secretary and she promised to tell him that I’m fine, but she won’t tell him where I am. Honestly! The last time we talked, you were ready to tar and feather the man!”
“Do you two always squabble like a couple of misbehaving children?” Maria asked, her tone droll and amused at once.
“Yes!” Cassie all but shouted, exasperated beyond measure.
“No,
we
don’t,” Josh growled, then added sheepishly, “unless I make a simple comment and
she
takes offense.”
“Oh, I can imagine your innocent comments,” Maria said. “Well, kiss and make up. You’re both giving me a headache. Cassie, I’ve packed up some supplies for you to use while your car is out of commission, and I found an old easel, as well.”
“But I can’t take your supplies. It’s too—”
“Joshua,” Maria interrupted, “load the supplies I left in the foyer into your truck. Cassidy, go back to Irma and Henry’s and get started on that portfolio.”
“But—”
Josh took Cassie’s arm. “It’s no use. I’ve seen her like this. You’ll never win. Just say thank you, and we’ll be on our way.”
Cassie yanked her arm out of his hold. “Maybe I don’t want to go somewhere I’m not wanted.”
Something in Joshua’s eyes dimmed, and he gazed over her shoulder rather than look her in the eyes.
“I didn’t mean to make you feel unwelcome. I was worried. That’s all. I’ll go load the truck.”
Staring after him, Cassie tried to analyze what had happened between them this time. There seemed to be only one answer; he felt burdened by her company.
“Now there’s a man well and truly hooked,” Maria said.
Cassie frowned. “Hooked. By what?”
“Not what. Who. Hooked by you. Hooked on you. How can you not see it?”
“No offense, but you’re a few bricks short a load if you believe that. Since I arrived, he’s been friendly one minute and short-tempered and standoffish the next.”
“That’s because he’s fighting what he feels every step of the way. Which means you need to fight back twice as hard. He’ll be worth it.”
“Maybe I don’t want a relationship with someone who doesn’t want to be involved with me.”
“Cassidy, have you ever thought how intimidating you and your family history could be to someone like Joshua? You’re an heiress. An old-fashioned concept nowadays, but there it is. And you’ve a family history and an important career to go back to if you want it. What has Joshua to offer you?”
Cassidy was decidedly annoyed at her new friend. “A lot! He’s a spiritual giant next to me. He’s good and kind and he has a strong character. And he’s funny and wise and wonder—”
“Okay!” Maria cut in with laughter in her voice. “So go convince him that you see all those sterling qualities in him, and that you don’t care about money or social standing or what he can remember of his past. Let him know that you know what you want and that you aren’t about to change your mind.”
“Oh,” she said, all anger gone. “I get it. He’s trying to push me away because he’s afraid to get hurt.”
Josh honked the horn then and Cassidy impulsively hugged Maria. “I’d better go get started. Thank you. Thank you for everything.”
Josh watched Cassie from the doorway of the tiny, virtually unused bedroom that Irma had given her to use as a studio. Last week he’d taken the twin bed down and stored it in the attic to make room for her to work.
Her hair shone in the sunlight from the tall northern windows as she concentrated on the painting before her. He’d been watching her paint for a while, but she had given no indication that she’d noticed his presence. Cassie seemed to lose herself in her art the way he lost himself in reading. And she was incredibly talented at the art she’d denied herself for so long.
Cassie had agreed to seek out Henry on any questions of faith and she spent quite a lot of time with the old pastor, learning about the God of the Bible. Her faith seemed to strengthen and grow every day.
She’d told them all at dinner one night that her parents had taken her to church regularly but that with their death that had stopped. Everything in her life had changed completely. A child who loved playing in the midst of nature during any season had been moved to a modern high-rise penthouse in the heart of the city. Concrete and traffic. Butlers and nannies. Boarding school. Parents whose love had been all-encompassing had been replaced by a brusque older man who’d preached duty to family and company above all else. Cassidy had confided that she’d felt the need to earn his love every day of her life. It was little wonder to Josh that she had turned so readily to a Savior who loved her just because she existed.
While she no longer asked him questions about faith, they did still spend time together. She talked a lot about her art, and her excitement and enthusiasm were catching. He waited each day to see what she would accomplish. She’d confided that money meant very little to her and that though she could have had anything she wanted growing up, she’d rarely asked for anything. People, not things, had always mattered more to her. She was a miracle—totally unspoiled by the kind of wealth most people only dream of experiencing.
And he loved her deeply.
She wasn’t working in oil paint today as she had been the last several days. Josh took a deep breath and was glad she’d switched media. Not because he liked her work in watercolor any better than in oil but because he could smell the delicate scent she wore from where he stood.
The age-worn table she’d had him set near the western window had her attention. The window was open, the breeze stirring the sheer curtains she had hung to filter the light for this particular work. On the table was an old rusted kerosene lantern and Irma’s grandmother’s sewing basket with a faded housedress of Irma’s tossed partly over it so it flowed across the table top. He knew she’d placed and arranged every fold, but it truly looked as if a woman from a day long gone by had tossed down her sewing chore to hurry off to another task. He couldn’t see the painting from where he stood, and the anticipation of seeing it finally outweighed his pleasure at silently observing Cassie at work.