Small Town Girl (14 page)

I left my mom’s house and went back to
the comfort of my apartment. It was almost as if a weight had been lifted, and
I felt like I knew exactly what I needed to do. The second I climbed under the
covers, I had to call Hudson. I owed him an explanation. I still wasn’t sure if
I wanted to go back to LA or not, but I wanted to talk to him. I owed it to him
to give him the benefit of the doubt.

Hudson picked up in the middle of the
first ring.

“Brynn,” he slurred. “Brynn, what’s going
on?”

He was drunk out of his mind, and it had
only been an hour or so since we last talked. Hudson was never really a big
drinker. He had to have been more upset than I’d realized.

“I’m sorry I ended our conversation so
abruptly earlier,” I said.

“Brynn,” he slurred again.

I wasn’t sure if I should have a
conversation with him. I wanted him to be coherent and to remember what we were
going to talk about.

“You’re drunk, Hudson,” I sighed.

“No, I’m not,” he slurred again.

“Yes,” I said, annoyed. “Yes, you are.
I’m going to let you go and talk to you tomorrow when you’re a little more
clearheaded.”

“No,” he said. “Don’t let me go, Brynn.”

I sighed. I couldn’t hang up on him
again. Who knew what self-destructive measures he would take then? The last
thing I wanted was for him to drink himself into a coma.

“I was looking forward to seeing you
tonight,” he said. His words washed over me like smooth silk and I instantly
remembered why I fell for him. “I had flowers for you. And Flor made this
amazing dinner for us. I couldn’t wait to get my hands all over you.”

His words tickled my spine. I just wished
he wasn’t drunk out of his mind.

“And tomorrow,” he said. “Tomorrow I was
going to fly us to Cabo for a few days. I wanted to take you away from here for
a little getaway before I left for my next shoot.
Just you
and me and the sand and the waves and Coronas and really amazing Mexican food.
And you in a bikini.”

Good to know he still had a way with
words even in a drunken stupor.

“Please come back, Brynn,” he said. “I
need you. I can’t be without you.”

Hudson was fighting for me. Maybe he did
cheat on me. Maybe he didn’t. I’d never know. All I knew was that he was
fighting for me. He wasn’t giving up. Not yet.

“I love the idea of being with you,” I
said. “But the reality of it is hard, Hudson. You understand that, right?”

He sighed a long, drunk, exasperated sigh
into the other end of the phone.

“So you only do things that are easy for
you?” he slurred. “Is that the kind of person you are?”

“No,” I said, quickly realizing he was
pretty
spot
on.

“It’s not going to be easy being in a
relationship with me,” he slurred. “But I promise to make it worth it.”

“That all sounds great,” I said. “In
theory.”

“God damn it, Brynn,” he heaved. “I can’t
win with you.”

My mother’s words echoed in my head. He
wanted to be with me. He was a man worth fighting for. I didn’t understand my
resistance. One on hand, I wanted to be with him. Sometimes I wanted him so bad
it hurt. But on the other hand, I didn’t want to get hurt. Hudson had the potential
to hurt me. Badly.

I wanted to be with Hudson, but the truth
was, I was scared. I was scared to have an amazing life with him and have it
all pulled out from underneath me. I was scared that someone prettier or more
together or more decisive might come along and sweep him off his feet. I was
scared he’d leave me in the dust if things got too familiar or boring.

I clearly wasn’t capable of making good
decisions. I couldn’t win at this stupid game of life no matter what I did.

“Let me think about it,” I told him.
“It’s late here. I need to go to bed.”

Hudson sighed. I knew he didn’t want to
let me go.

“Don’t drink anymore, okay?” I pleaded.
“Please just sober up a bit and get to bed. We’ll talk more tomorrow.”

“Fine,” he said. “Please, Brynn. Just
reconsider this thing we have. It was pretty amazing.”

“Goodnight, Hudson,” I said as I ended
the call.

Monday morning I marched straight into
the coffee shop to have a word with Piper. I didn’t care that the shop wasn’t
empty that day.

“Piper,” I said as I stomped her way. The
rampant bitterness in my voice was hard to contain.

The fear on her face said it all. She
knew I was ticked. She knew she had it coming.

“What the fuck is going on?” I asked her
with my shoulders square.

“Brynn, keep it down,” she said as her
eyes scanned the handful of patrons enjoying their morning cups of coffee and
newspapers. “I’m working. Why are you still here? I thought you were going back
last night?”

“Yeah, plans changed,” I said. “We need
to talk.”

“Now?” she asked.

“Yeah, now,” I said with an eye roll.
“Luke came by last night.”

“Really?” she said. I had her undivided
attention all of a sudden.

“Yep,” I said. “He told me to leave him
alone. He also told me to stop asking you about him.”

“Oh,” she said as her cheeks reddened.

“Exactly,” I snipped. “Why would he say
that, Piper?”

In all our years of being best friends, I
couldn’t remember a single instance where I spoke to Piper with this tone, but
I felt that this was well deserved. I couldn’t have been more upset with her.

“Piper, why would he say that,” I
rephrased my question. “Huh?”

She shrugged. She didn’t want to give me
an answer.

I slammed my hand down on the counter to
get her attention again.

“We’ve been talking,” she said in a quiet
mutter. “Ever since you left town, he’s been confiding in me.”

“Why? Why you?” I asked. “Is something
going on between you two?”

“No,” Piper said as she looked up and
stared me straight in the eyes. “It’s not like that at all.”

“Why would you tell him that I ask about
him?” I said. “Where’s your loyalty?”

“You didn’t just leave Rock River, you
know,” she snipped. “You left us. I guess we talk because we can relate. You
were his best friend. You were my best friend. We both feel like we lost you.
We both talk about it.”

“Luke hates to talk about his feelings,”
I said. “I don’t buy it. Why would he open up to you like that? He rarely ever
opened up to me.”

“People change?” she replied. “I don’t
know? I don’t have an answer for that.”

I tried to soften up a bit. What Piper
was saying made sense, and maybe I was too hard on her?

“I’m sorry for snapping,” I said as I
reached for her hand. “I hate fighting with you.”

Her eyes shifted nervously.

“You’re still my best friend,” I said.
“Whether or not you accept that.”

She cracked a cautious smile.

“So are you back for good now?” she
asked.

“I don’t know,” I said. “I honestly have
no idea what I’m doing. Everything’s just up in the air right now.”

“Oh,” she said. I could sense the
disappointment.

“I think I should try to make it work
with Hudson,” I said, bracing myself for her opinionated response.

“You probably should,” she said.

Her answer was nothing short of
unexpected. I thought she would rather me stick around Rock River.

“Well, I still don’t know what I’m going
to do,” I said. “All I know is I’m going to head out to the diner and ask for a
few shifts. I need to make some money.”

I waved goodbye to Piper and headed out
to the diner to beg for my job back.

***

My heart pounded as I stepped foot into
the diner. I’d abandoned my job almost a month ago by slipping a hastily
scribbled note under the door and leaving town the next morning with Hudson. It
was hardly professional. I’d left them hanging. They didn’t owe me anything.

“Brynn!” I heard Sarah squeal from behind
the cash register as I walked in. Thank God she didn’t hate me after what I’d
done.

I didn’t realize how much I’d missed her
until I saw her smiling face. She was genuinely happy to see me. Out of
everyone I’d run into since I’d been home, Sarah had easily been the most
excited person to see me. It was both sweet and depressing.

I ran up to her and hugged her tight. She
was about ten years my senior and a single mom with two small children. We had
absolutely nothing in common besides working together at the diner, but I
didn’t realize how good of friends we’d become until that moment.

“It’s so good to see you,” I said.

“I know,” she said. “We were all
wondering about you. There are so many rumors going around. And of course we
see the pictures on the
internet
sometimes.”

I smiled and rolled my eyes. “I hope you
guys don’t believe everything you hear.”

“Nah,” she said as she swatted her hand.
“Don’t worry. We know how you really are. We don’t believe any of the bullshit.
Trust me.”

“Good,” I said. “Is Marge here?”

Marge was the owner of the diner. Our
boss. She wasn’t the warmest or friendliest person in the world, but if I
wanted to get my job back, she was the only person who could make that
decision.

“You want to talk to…Marge?” Sarah said
as she bit her nails.

Marge was a very intimidating person. She
was a rather large woman with big gray curls and frequently wore red lipstick
and blue eye shadow. To anyone else, she’d appear comical, but we knew how she
really was. She was ruthless and scary and domineering, which was ironic since
her husband, Marty, was the chef. Marty was one of the sweetest people I’d ever
met. I always wondered why he settled for Marge. She didn’t deserve him.

“I was thinking about seeing if she’d let
me pick up a few shifts while I’m back,” I said. “I don’t know how long I’ll be
back, but if you guys need help, I’m here.”

Sarah looked apprehensive before nodding
back towards Marge’s office. “She’s in there. Have at it.”

I walked to Marge’s office, swallowed the
lump that was forming in my throat, and knocked on her door. She was either
going to be happy to see me or she was going to kick me out on my can and tell
me never to return.

“Marge?” I called out softly. I cleared
my throat.

She spun around in her swivel chair, all
three hundred pounds of her, and looked me up and down. She didn’t recognize me
at first, but the second she did, she stood up and braced herself on her desk
and looked me square in the eyes.

“Brynn,” she said. “What brings you
here?”

“I just wanted to say that I’m sorry for
quitting before,” I said. “Sorry for doing it the way I did it. With no
notice.”

She said nothing, which made me feel even
worse. I couldn’t get a read on her. I never could.

“Everything just sort of happened so
fast,” I said. “I had to make a choice, and the plane was leaving the next
morning.”

She sat back down and leaned back in the
creaky chair that was about to give out beneath her. She pursed her red
lips
as she looked me up and down.

“You look different,” she said. “Good,
but different.”

“Thanks,” I replied. “So as I was saying,
I’m sorry for the way I ended things here. I’m back in town for a bit. I don’t
know how long I’ll be back, but if you need help, I’m available to pick up any
extra shifts you want to throw my way.”

She cocked her head back and scratched
her
chins
as she looked deep in thought. She probably
didn’t want to rehire me but I was sure she needed the help.

“We are short staffed,” she sighed. “I
guess you can pick up a few shifts this week if you want.”

She pulled the schedule book out from
under the mess of papers that polluted her desk.

“Can you work tonight?” she asked.

“Uh, yeah,” I said with a smile. I wasn’t
expecting to work so soon, but I was glad to take it.

“Why don’t you work tonight, tomorrow,
and Wednesday,” she said. “We’ll take it one day at a time.”

“Thanks, Marge,” I said. I could’ve
almost hugged her right then.

“And Brynn,” she said to me as I turned
to walk out. “Don’t ever leave me hanging again.”

“I won’t, Marge,” I said.

I ran off to tell Sarah that I’d be in later
and she was thrilled. She had to work a double that day, and now that I was
coming in, she wasn’t so upset about it. I said hi to Marty before I left as
well. He was also thrilled to have me back. Luke and Piper may have given me
the cold shoulder, but at least I had Marty and Sarah.

I headed back to my apartment to take a
quick nap. I set my alarm and caught a few hours of sleep before my shift
began. I knew I’d be on my feet all night, and I wanted to be as alert and
refreshed as I could be.

Before dozing off, I realized I hadn’t
heard from Hudson all day. It was very odd. I figured he’d have been blowing up
my phone from the moment he woke up. Panic spread throughout my body as I
wondered if he’d
drank
too much the night before and
something horrible had happened.

I sprung up from my near-slumber, grabbed
my phone, and called him. His phone was off. Either it was dead or he was
intentionally avoiding me. I had no other choice but to wait for him to call
me. I didn’t have time for his games.

***

I slipped on my black work pants, which
were a couple sizes too big, and cinched them with an old belt I had lying
around. They were baggy and frumpy, but I didn’t care. I had no one to impress.
I just needed to make a few bucks and get back on my feet.

I pulled a Brown Bag Diner t-shirt over
my head and finger-combed my hair up into a
top knot
.
I opted for a fresh-faced look, as most of my makeup tended to melt off my face
during work anyway. I didn’t want to waste the last of the good Chanel stuff
Hudson had gotten me. I knew I’d never be able to afford that kind of makeup
ever again on my own. I wanted it to last as long as possible.

The diner was bustling for 4:00 on a
Monday. The special on the board said beef stroganoff and a free slice of pie
with every entrée. No wonder.
The locals and their pie.
We did have the best pie in town
,
I
had to admit
. Our French Silk was to die for, and Sarah and I would
always hide pieces in the back of the refrigerator for
ourselves
to enjoy at the end of those pie night shifts.

“This place is nuts tonight!” I said to
Sarah as I tied on my apron and checked my pen.

“Yeah, it’s only going to get busier,”
she said. “Should make the night go by fast though.”

Sarah was always such an optimist. In all
my years of working with her, I had never seen her upset before. Even when
customers would talk down to her or complain about her, she never managed to
lose her smile and sweet nature.

“You have a table,” she said as she
nodded to a booth in the corner.

I ran out to take the order for a family
of six. The parents had to have been in their early thirties, and judging by
their kids, had them one after another. The children, two girls and two boys,
were out of control. They were already making a mess on the table with the
sugar packets and
pepper shaker
, and their parents
were doing nothing but looking defeated.

And to think, I once dreamed of having
five kids with Luke.

“Hi, my name is Brynn,” I said with a
smile. “I’ll be your server tonight. What can I start you off with to drink?”

The mom mumbled something, but I could
barely hear it over the screams and yells of her kids.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t get that,” I said as
I leaned down.

“DIET COKE,” she yelled, frustrated.
Though I knew her frustration wasn’t directed towards me. She was shooting
daggers across the table at her husband who was trying to wrangle a rogue
two year old
boy.

“I’ll take water,” he said. “Water for
the kids too.”

“Okay, I’ll get those and be right back,”
I said. I couldn’t have gotten away from there any faster.

The last month I’d grown accustomed to
dining at
child-free
establishments. I’d never
realized what a luxury that was until then.

I returned with their drinks and took
their orders before Sarah told me I had another table. A crotchety, middle-aged
man popped down into a booth. His gruff expression told me has going to be a
real peach. My first day back and I was zero for two.

“Hi there,” I said to him. I plastered a
huge smile on my face in hopes that he’d return it but he never did. “How are
you doing tonight?”

“Hungry,” he said. “Haven’t eaten all
day. Been on the road.”

“Oh, yeah? Not from here?” I asked,
though I already knew the answer. I knew almost everyone in town and had never
seen this guy before.