Smart Girls Think Twice (13 page)

“They have coupons,” Sue Ellen said. “Special discount coupons for their grand opening this week. That’s why Mom picked this spa.”

“Which should have been our first red flag,” Leena said.

Emma defended Maxie. “That’s not fair. Mom is trying to do something nice for us before the wedding.”

Leena shook her head. “There’s always trouble when Mom tries to do something nice. Do you remember the Christmas that she put reindeer antlers on the roof of that green Pinto we used to have?”

“They weren’t real reindeer antlers,” Sue Ellen said. “She sewed them herself. And made the big fuzzy red nose on the hood.”

“And drove us to school in the Christmas-mobile.” Emma shuddered at the memory.

“Have you seen Sue Ellen’s car?” Leena asked Emma. “The pink Batmobile isn’t much better.”

“At least it doesn’t have antlers,” Sue Ellen said, thumbing through an
In Style
magazine. “I saw on the Internet that there was a big fashion show in China where all the dresses were made out of condoms. Did you hear about that, Leena?”

“No.”

“But that’s your specialty.”

“Condoms?”

“No, fashion.”

Emma inserted herself into the conversation. “Just so you both know, I love you guys, but I am not wearing a condom dress for any of your events.”

Sue Ellen tossed the magazine aside and focused her attention on Emma. “Change of subject.

What were you and Jake doing before we came to your studio apartment last week?”

Emma felt her face go red. “Nothing.”

“Did he kiss you? He did!” Sue Ellen said triumphantly. “I can tell by the look on your face.

Come on, dish. We want all the details. Where did he kiss you? Cheek? Lips? Chaste?

French? Good?

Bad?”

Emma tried not to look as mortified as she felt. “I am not discussing this when our mother could walk in any second.”

“Why not?” Maxie demanded as she joined them. “Do you think I don’t know about kissing and sex? Your father and I—”

Sue Ellen and Leena put their fingers over their ears and started saying, “La, la, la.”

Emma couldn’t help herself. She joined them. “La, la, la.”

“What a bunch of prudes.” Maxie shook her head. “Come on, let’s get this spa stuff going.”

Fifteen minutes later the four of them were seated in chairs getting their manicures done.

“Emma, I bet Leena you’d get a French manicure,” Sue Ellen said. “No bright colors for you.”

“The bridesmaid’s dress is bright enough,” Emma said.

“And that florescent flamingo polish I showed you would have matched just fine,” Sue Ellen said.

Emma scrunched her face in disapproval. “I don’t want my nails to glow in the dark.”

“Emma likes French stuff,” Sue Ellen said. “French wine, French chocolates, French kisses.”

“I hope you’re not giving away the milk for free, Emma,” Maxie said. “You’re never going to catch a man that way.”

“I’m not trying to catch a man,” Emma said.

“Well, that’s obvious by the way you dress. And your hair.” Maxie did an eye roll. “If you’d just let me help you.”

“With friends like you who needs enemies?” Emma muttered.

Maxie frowned. “What, hon? I can’t understand you when you mumble like that. It’s not attractive.”

“I’ll tell you what’s not attractive,” Emma said. “Those Pepto-Bismol bridesmaids’ dresses.

I’m going to look ridiculous.”

“You’re exaggerating. Tell her she’s exaggerating,” Maxie instructed her manicurist, who ignored them and focused on her job.

“I dreamt last night that someone stole the dress,” Emma said.

“Who’d want it?” Leena said.

“Hey, at least it’s not made out of condoms. Change of subject,” Sue Ellen declared with a wave of her hand. “Oops, sorry about that,” she told her manicurist as her nail polish smeared. “New topic. Did I tell you that Dad is going to walk me down the aisle? I need a strong arm to hang on to in case I feel faint or something. I faint a lot,” Sue Ellen told the manicurist, who was looking more panicked by the second. “Not right here, not right now.

Probably. Anyway, Dad seemed okay with the idea.”

“Okay? He was thrilled, I tell you. Absolutely thrilled,” Maxie claimed.

Sue Ellen wasn’t buying that. “Yeah, right. I could tell that by the way he said okay and then went right back to watching his ball game.”

Maxie defended him. “You know how your father is about expressing his emotions.”

“Yeah, I know. He doesn’t express them at all.”

“He’s not into all this girlie stuff like weddings and emotions,” Maxie said.

“Maybe we should have invited Dad along to get his nails buffed.” After making the suggestion, Sue Ellen giggled so hard she snorted, which got them all laughing so hard tears came to their eyes.

And they couldn’t wipe them away, because of their just completed manicures.

Emma loved moments like this. It had been a long time since they’d had a group gigglefest.

She missed having her entire family close by.

True, they could and often did drive her nuts, but they shared a special bond that couldn’t be duplicated. This was why she was willing to wear the nightmare pink dress for Sue Ellen.

Because she was her sister.

Emma tried to remind herself of those reasons two days later on Sue Ellen’s wedding day as she stared into the full-length mirror at her reflection. “I hate you,” she told Leena, who stood behind her. “How can you look good in something this awful?”

“It takes years of training,” Leena said. “Trust me, I’ve modeled in worse.”

“I find that hard to believe,” Emma muttered. “Maybe if I took the stupid sleeves off . . .

and removed the butt bow . . .”

“There’s no time. We have to get Sue Ellen out of the bathroom and into her wedding dress.”

“Maybe she should have put the dress on first.”

“She was afraid she’d throw up on it.”

“I thought the morning sickness was doing better.”

“It is. She also had to pee, for the tenth time in the past fifteen minutes. Do you know how hard it is to pee wearing a wedding dress?”

“No, and I’m not real eager to find out,” Emma said. This was her first time as a bridesmaid, and it was turning out to be more complicated by the second.

Their mother joined them to wail, “I look like I’ve got the measles!”

“You look fine.” Emma patted her mom on the back, careful not to dislodge any of the colorful silk butterflies Maxie had strewn in her upswept hair.

Leena showed no sympathy. “I told you not to try a facial with new products right before the wedding.”

“Where’s your sister?” Maxie demanded. “Where’s the bride? She’s not leaving Donny at the altar, is she? You girls are going to be the death of me yet!”

Sue Ellen stepped out of the bathroom. “Let’s get this show on the road.”

“You need a dress unless you plan on getting married in your slip,” Emma said.

“Right.”

“Don’t mess up her hair,” Maxie warned them. “It took me two hours to get those silk birds placed in those curls just right.”

Somehow, someway they were able to get Sue Ellen put together. She looked lovely in the elegant white satin princess-style dress with the full bustle skirt.

Leena consulted her list. “Something old? Mom’s pearls. Something new? Pearl earrings from Donny. Something borrowed? Gold bracelet from Donny’s mom. Something blue?

The garter belt from me. Check, check, check. Okay, I say we’re ready to go.”

“Wait.” Emma handed Sue Ellen her bouquet of pink and white roses. “Now we’re ready.”

Chapter ine

Fellow
bridesmaids Skye and Lulu were waiting for them in the Tivoli Theater’s lobby.

Like Leena, they made the ugly bridesmaid’s dress work for them. Lulu cheated by chopping off the billowing sleeves. Emma wished she’d thought of that. Unfortunately it was too late to rip them off now.

“Father of the bride, reporting for duty,” Bob Riley said.

Emma had to admit that her dad looked great in his blue Marine dress uniform even though it was decades old. She was surprised it still fit, but their mom had admitted that he’d been watching his weight for the past six months just in case he would be “called upon.”

This was it. The time had come. Emma was eager to get things started . . . until someone opened the door to the theater auditorium and she saw the crowd inside.

Had every man, woman, and child in Rock Creek come here today? There had to be at least three hundred people here. And the aisle looked as long as ten football fields. Panic, panic, panic.

Stay calm. Remember you spoke to a large crowd at that conference for sociologists
, her inner academic diva reassured her.

ot wearing pink ruffles and butt bows
, her inner geek pointed out.

Emma didn’t even realize she’d done an about-face until Skye said, “The wedding is that way,” and turned her back around.

“No deserters,” her dad ordered. “Get a move on up there.”

Leena had already started her walk with Donny’s best man. But Donny didn’t have as many groomsmen as Sue Ellen had bridesmaids so the remaining three of them were supposed to walk alone.

Which was normally fine by Emma. She didn’t need a man’s arm to lean on. She could stand on her own two feet.

She just couldn’t seem to
walk
on them at this precise moment.

“Come on.” Lulu came to her rescue, hooking her arm with Emma’s and tugging her through the door and marching her down the aisle.

The next few minutes were a blur for Emma. Certain things stood out, like the reverberations of the theater’s vintage organ playing the “Wedding March” and the fact that she didn’t trip walking up the steps to the stage where the ceremony was going to take place. None of it seemed real. The rehearsal the night before had gone so smoothly that Emma hadn’t expected that moment of panic at the size of the crowd.

She thought she caught a glimpse of Roy in the back row but couldn’t be sure. She wasn’t wearing her glasses for the ceremony. Maybe she needed those reading glasses more than she’d realized.

Why would Roy attend Sue Ellen’s wedding? If he thought he could grab Emma’s butt again as she walked back down the aisle, he was very mistaken. No, surely Roy wouldn’t try something like that. Not with her dad, the former Marine, present.

So what was Roy doing there?

Maybe it wasn’t even him. She shouldn’t be thinking about him during the wedding ceremony.

She should focus on positive things like Cheetos, Dr Pepper, and Jake. Was he out there somewhere too?

She’d asked him to meet her at the Serenity Falls Country Club for the reception instead of coming here for the wedding itself. But Jake wasn’t real good at obeying orders. Not that she’d ordered him per se. She wasn’t bossy, not when compared to her sisters.

It didn’t take long before the minister said, “You may kiss the bride.”

Donny did and the crowd applauded, hooting their approval. Then it was time to do the

“bow-butt walking” thing back down the endless aisle. This time Emma accomplished it without Lulu’s assistance.

I am kick-ass sociologist
,
hear me roar.

Before Emma could savor her newfound confidence, Sue Ellen grabbed her by the arm and frantically whispered, “Help me, I’ve gotta pee!”

At which time Emma reached the conclusion that while sociologists might rock, this bridesmaid stuff sucked.

Jake parked in the Serenity Falls Country Club parking lot and walked into the stately brick building. He wasn’t a country-club kind of guy, but this one looked pretty much the way he’d expected. The place was packed with lots of people hanging around the lobby, dressed up in their wedding duds. He automatically reached up to make sure he’d put on a tie. Suits weren’t his thing so he had to make do with a new pair of black pants, a black shirt, and a burgundy tie that was already choking him. Hopefully people would think that he’d ditched a jacket because of the unusually warm weather. Not that Jake normally cared what anyone else thought. But he didn’t want to embarrass Emma.

Several strategically placed signs listed the various wedding receptions. He finally found the one for the “Riley-Smiley reception” and set out to find the Crystal Room. A nun greeted him at the door. “Welcome. And you are?”

“Jake Slayter.”

“Right. Well, there is no formal reception greeting line so come on in. The bar is in that direction.” She pointed to her right.

“Do you know where Emma Riley is?”

“I saw her around a short while ago, but it’s hard to keep track of everyone. I’m sorry. I should have introduced myself. I’m Sister Mary.” She held out her hand for a surprisingly tough handshake.

Jake knew who she was. One of his possible maternal candidates, Nancy Crumpler, was the nun’s sibling.

“You’re the extreme sports guy. I’m sorry but I don’t know much about that subject,” Sister Mary admitted. “I’m more into field hockey. I broke my leg three years ago in the regional championships. Those nuns from Sacred Heart are sore losers.” She shook her head. “As for professional sports, I am a bit of a gearhead. That’s NASCAR, you know.”

“Right.” If Nancy Crumpler turned out to be his birth mother, that would mean this nun would be his aunt. Jake thought he could live with that—a nun who was a gearhead.

Awesome.

“You shouldn’t hog time with our guest of honor.” An older man joined them, directing his reprimand at Sister Mary.

“The bride and groom are the guests of honor,” Sister Mary said.

“Sure. Whatever. I don’t think we’ve been formally introduced,” the man said. “I’m Walt Whitman, mayor of Serenity Falls. No relation to the famous poet. I wonder if I could have a moment of your time to speak to you about a matter of importance to us both.”

“Certainly,” Sister Mary said. “I’m always available for those in need of spiritual consultation.”

“I was speaking to Jake.” The man tugged Jake aside. “We’re not so dissimilar, you and me.”

“Really?” Looking at the older guy with the receding hairline and definite paunch, Jake didn’t see any similarities.