Snake Charmer (Rawkfist MC Book 2) (21 page)

Donovan

T
he hotel empties out around one in the
afternoon. Most of the guest plan to enjoy a guided tour through the dense West
Virginia woods. Journey and I already walked earlier in the morning, and we’re
in no mood to do it with a crowd of strangers.

“I bet they gasp at the sight of
squirrels,” Journey says as we enter the hotel’s empty sauna.

“People act strangely on vacation.”

Journey flips her hair dramatically. “I
don’t. I’m perfectly normal.”

“You did take a walk this morning.”

“During Otto’s summer break, we walked
every morning.”

“I didn’t know that,” I say, settling
into a spot across from her.

Journey’s skin quickly shines from the
heat. Beads of sweat appear on her forehead. One drop slides down her temple
and cheek before dropping between her tits hidden behind a towel.

“Do you regret taking in Otto?” I ask
as the heat instills courage into my normally closed off heart.

Journey’s relaxed expression twists
immediately into a frown. “No.”

“Do you worry he’ll grow up and be an
asshole like his mom?”

Blinking a few times, Journey considers
my question. “Yes. I also worry about him growing up to be an incorrigible
shit. Will I have to ditch him with is a grandmother who can’t handle him now?
I even find myself wondering if I’ll only manage to keep him in check until
he’s old enough to end up in juvenile hall. It breaks my heart to think of Otto
turning into Becca with a dick.”

Journey crosses her arms, comforting
herself after admitting ugly truths. I think to soothe her. If I touch her
sweaty skin, no doubt passion will distract me from asking and answering tough
questions.

“Do you worry you’ll turn the kid into
a model citizen before his shit mom gets out of prison. Then she’ll take him
back and fuck up his life?”

“Why are you asking me this?”

“I worry about those things. I want to
know if I’m just a negative asshole or if you worry too.”

“It’s always in the back of my mind. I
even find myself keeping him at arm’s length because I know I’ll lose him.
Isn’t that messed up? I’m punishing a little boy to save myself pain later.”

“Not messed up. You’re human. I’ve been
keeping you at arm’s length for our entire relationship for the same reason.
Well, that and I don’t know how to be close without feeling suffocated or like
I’m suffocating you.”

“I never meant to suffocate you.”

“It’s never you. When we’re together it’s
comfortable, but it’s not just you and me. It’s your family. It’s my family.
It’s my job and expectations. It’s what you want out of life. I can’t imagine a
better woman to have a baby with, but then I think of me being a dad and it
feels all wrong.”

Journey considers my words for a long
time, and I wonder if I’ve pissed her off. Finally, she nods.

“That makes sense. What could you
possibly know about being a dad? Growing up, you had caretakers more than
parents. They ensured you lived, but that was about it. My mom talked to me
about everything. She made me feel safe and important. My dad wasn’t around
much, but during our visits, he only saw us. I always felt as if nothing in the
world was as important to him as Justice and me. Growing up and feeling that
way made me strong, but I still get weak and scared. You didn’t have any of it,
so I do understand why you don’t jump at the chance to be a husband and
father.”

Journey shifts on the sauna bench, and
I know she wants to join me. She doesn’t, though, because I’m what makes her
weak and scared. I’m this superwoman’s kryptonite.

I do what she can’t and leave my bench.
Kneeling before her, I rest my hands flat on her lap. I don’t caress her
delicious flesh or kiss her pouty lips.

“I need you to promise you won’t destroy
yourself for me,” I say, holding her gaze. “I want you to stay with me, and I
need you to be patient while I get the hang of showing how I feel. But I also
want you to promise if it comes down to you being miserable to make me happy,
that you’ll ditch me and save yourself. I can’t trust myself to do right by
you. I need you to demand it. Can you do that?”

“Yes,” Journey says, after a long
pause. “I know I get sad about us, but I also feel more alive since you asked
me out that day. I like seeing this new side to myself even if it’s scary.”

As much as she wants to put a cheerful
spin on the last month, I need Journey to accept that something inside me might
never be right. Unlike Otto, I don’t have a decade to grow into the man I want
to be.

“But if I become toxic, can you promise
to save yourself? If we have kids by then, can you promise to save them too?
I’m afraid you’ll suffer to keep me, but I don’t want to be your destruction. I
need you to promise to ditch me if I make your life shit.”

Struggling against tears, Journey
studies my face. “If you became a bad man, you wouldn’t be my Donovan. The man
I love is honorable and loving. If you changed into another kind of man, I
wouldn’t stay. I don’t believe you’ll ever become anyone except the good man
before me. But if something happens to change you for the worst, I do promise
to walk away.”

“Good,” I murmur, giving into my desire
by kissing her covered stomach. The cotton towel taunts me with what hides
underneath. I look up to meet Journey’s uncertain gaze.

“I don’t trust myself,” I whisper. “If
I open up and get closer to people, I need to trust that you’ll keep me from
doing anything fucking stupid. I mean, what if caring about everyone makes me
crazy? Or weak? Or most likely, what if it makes me stupid? I can’t trust
myself, but I trust you to hold my leash.”

Journey’s fingers dance around my hair,
afraid to commit to touching me. She’s nervous. I make her feel like she’s
alone even when I’m holding onto her.

“I love you, and we’re staying
together. You can’t get rid of me,” I say, pressing my forehead against hers.
“I won’t leave, and you’re not strong enough to make me go unless I’ve lost my
shit.”

“I’m pretty strong,” she whispers. “I
could probably bench-press you.”

“Strong but not strong enough to keep
me away.”

Journey’s worried expression fades, and
she smiles. “I’ll be a responsible master and never pull your leash too tight.”

“Liar.”

“Well, if you're a big chunk of feces,
I might tug a little too hard. I’ll be careful most days, though.”

My lips caress hers. Before I deepen
the kiss, I mutter, “I’m an asshole for not doing right by you on day one.”

“Yeah, but I was a bitch not to make it
easier for you.”

“Wouldn’t have mattered.”

“You don’t know that.”

“Let’s not argue over who’s the bigger
fuck-up here.”

Sliding her fingers through my hair,
Journey grins. “We might not have the sauna to ourselves for much longer.”

“All right, but I’m only having sex
with you to make a baby. We fuck for the future, not to distract from all of
these deep feelings.”

“I like when you say deep,” she
murmurs. “I like when you go deep too.”

My fingers slip between her sweaty skin
and the towel keeping me from the view I crave. A quick tug and Journey’s body
is mine to savor.

Journey

O
ur out of town trip changes Donovan.
For those few days, no one cares about the Mooney family name. He’s just a
guest in a place full of them. The anonymity gives him the power he needs to
make big moves once we return home.

Donovan decides to put his house on the
market. The realtor warns autumn isn’t the best time.

“I’ll rent it out if no one wants to
buy it,” he says, determined to tell the place goodbye.

I help him box up his things over the
next few weekends. By Halloween, everything except his essentials is stored at
the Lipmann Storage Units. He moves what he needs daily into my house. Though a
tight fit, no one complains. Not even Otto, who isn’t happy about Donovan
joining the family. The boy is thrilled about Kitty’s presence.

Donovan and I look at prefab home specs
to figure out what we need for the future. The only time he loses his
confidence is when pulling the trigger on a home. He can’t choose, and I feel
him digging back inside his head where problems go to fester.

“We can’t do much in the winter, and
it’s already so late in the year,” I tell him one night while we rest in bed.
“We have plenty of time to decide.”

Donovan says nothing, but I swear I
feel the tension fade from him in an instant. He wants so badly to be a
decisive man, but no one changes overnight.

I'm wary of telling him about my
possible pregnancy. The test I took in secret a week earlier came back
negative. Knowing everything that can go wrong at the beginning of pregnancy, I
decide to keep my mouth shut about my suspicions. Secrets aren’t easy for me.
Heck, I announce to my family when I have a larger than normal crap. Now I’m
bloated, and my boobs hurt, but I keep my mouth shut just in case they’re
impending period symptoms.

Today, I peed on another test and got a
different result.

Afraid to say anything before I've let
the news register with me, I take Otto to school and call in sick at work.
Donovan has a late shift again. I want to find the right words to tell him, but
every time I think to say something, I imagine the day he bailed on the barbecue.

I sit at the kitchen table in the house
with only Donovan nearby, drinking coffee. Soon, the kids will return, and
Justice and Court will arrive. Christine might work late or join Jared for
dinner. I only have Donovan to myself for a little bit longer, but I haven't
been able to say the words. Only when I see him set down his coffee cup and
know he's mentally preparing for work, can I act.

"I'm pregnant," I say without
any fanfare. "I had a positive test this morning."

Donovan stands behind me while I stare
at my hands and hope he doesn't freak out. I want to be happy about this news,
but if he's miserable, I don't think I can celebrate.

"I knew it wouldn't take
much," he whispers in my ear before nipping at the lobe. "My goal was
to sperm you the hell up."

My laughter morphs into moans when his
lips slide up and down my throat, sucking and licking. I'm startled by his
passion. All day, his mood remained low-key. I'd been so afraid of a negative reaction
that I hadn't planned for this more passionate one.

His hand grips my left tit when I hear
his phone alarm ring.

"Shit. I need to get ready."

"Are you really planning to get my
panties soaking wet and then leave?" I ask, half kidding and half stupid
from arousal.

Donovan pinches my nipples and kisses my
forehead. "I want to see those wet panties."

Before I can respond, he steps back and
retrieves his phone. I'm disappointed to think I’m left with only a vibrator to
celebrate my big news.

"Vickie, this is Donovan. Can you
tell my grandfather that I've resigned my post and won't be showing up for my
shift tonight?" he says, pausing for the woman's response. "Tell him
I'll be in tomorrow to make everything official and drop off my gear."

Donovan hangs up, sets the phone on the
counter, and pulls me to my feet. "Show me those panties, Mommy."

Wrapping my arms around him, I kiss his
jaw. "First, I request you never fricking call me that again. Second, did
you just quit your job?"

"First, your request is denied.
When my dick is hard, my mouth says random shit. Second, you know I quit my
job. Third, I want to see those panties before the house is full of people. And
fourth, you're going to be the most amazing mom."

Tears burn my eyes. "You had to
say that last part and make me cry."

"Don't worry," he says,
maneuvering me toward the bedroom. "I'll get you worked up again. Now that
I'm unemployed, I have nothing else to do besides service you sexually."

Wiping my eyes, I relax in his arms.
Donovan isn't freaking out. Not about the baby or quitting his job. I almost sense
he's been waiting for me to get pregnant as an excuse to finally cut loose his
family and the sheriff's department. Our baby gave him the courage to be his
own man. I can't wait to see what Donovan wants next.

Donovan

C
ourt shows me where he wants to pour
concrete and install a basketball hoop next to the detached garage. The guy has
a lot of plans for the property to make it more child-friendly. He wants a path
crisscrossing through the acreage, so the kids can ride bikes and make it
easier to take the dogs for a walk during crap weather. The man has everything
planned out.

“How’s the recruitment going?” I ask
while we walk around the property with Hal and Kitty following nearby.

“Good. Floyd settled down once his
woman and kid were moved into a small place. He's not bad at understanding the
supply side of things. Knows a lot of the local dealers. I think he’ll work out
fine.”

“And the other one?”

“Emmett’s big and talks a lot, but he’s
scared the shit out of a few assholes in Rockwell already. I don’t know how good
Joe can control a guy like him, but Emmett wants to stick around. He’s already
found places to eat and hang out. I don’t see him leaving.”

“So Joe will let him stick around
because no one can get him to leave?”

“Joe only sees Emmett’s size and age.
He doesn’t care about much else. The old man’s got this idea that I’ll control
Emmett, Floyd, and any other new guys.”

“He’s grooming you for president.”

“Maybe. Or he’s lazy and wants me to do
the work because he figures I have nothing else to do.”

I laugh at his tone. “Man, you’re
fucking lying to yourself if you think Joe doesn’t see you as the guy in line
to take over when he’s ready to retire. Who else is he going to pick? You’re
young, aren’t the sentimental type, and don’t hesitate with eliminating
problems. Hell, he’s already got you recruiting your future crew. Can you
imagine any of these new guys taking charge?”

“No, I guess, he’s probably thinking
about me, but I’m not thinking that far ahead. I only want to get through the
winter with my sanity intact.”

“Why wouldn’t you?”

“It’s my first winter with the Earlham
women. They spend so much time chasing each other around the yard that I can’t
imagine what they’ll be like when they’re trapped inside because of the snow.”

“I assume they’ll just put on boots and
a jacket and chase each other around the yard.”

Court grins. “Yeah, probably.”

“I’m willing to kill Becca if she
starts trouble,” I blurt out.

Startled by my words, Court asks, “Where
did that come from?”

“Journey doesn’t want to lose Otto and
the boy deserves to grow up with a good family. If Becca gets out and plays
nice, nothing bad needs to happen to her. If she can’t live her life without
ruining the kids’, I’ll do what you didn’t have the stomach to do. I just figured
I ought to tell you.”

“With Becca getting into fights and
attacking guards, I don’t know how soon she’ll get released. They’ve charged
her with attempted murder for stabbing some chick on the inside.”

“In the perfect world, Becca would get
out and start her life over. Walk away from her mother and kids who are better
off without her. She could be someone else without any responsibilities. We
know her, though, and she’ll get out and want to make everyone as miserable as
she is. If that happens, she’s gone. I have no malice for most people, but that
woman isn’t messing with my family.”

“It’s fine with me. I don’t want her
taking Matilda and Felix either, but we’ll wait and see if she ever manages to
walk free again.”

Nodding, I look back at where Kitty chases
a squirrel. Hal barks at the fleeing target but won’t run after it.

“He’s so lazy,” I laugh.

“Spoiled rotten is more like it.”

Court and I watch the dogs for a few
minutes. The squirrel reaches a tree, leaving Kitty on the ground to stare up
at it.

“You want to join the club?” Court asks
without looking at me.

“Do I have to kiss your ring?”

Court looks at his rings and laughs.
“Maybe.”

“I thought I might act as a go-between for
the sheriff’s department and local businesses. People here don’t like the cops,
but I think they like me. Everyone keeps fucking waving at me whenever I’m out
with Journey.”

Court laughs again. “This town is so
fucking odd. They celebrate the guy who quit the sheriff’s department but avoid
the woman who put away a menace like Becca. That go-between idea sounds good,
but it won’t pay the bills.”

“If I join, people will think I want to
be my dad.”

“People think a lot of shit. Doesn’t
mean you need to listen to them.”

“True.”

“Being a Rawkfist guy is like the
family business these days. You’d join Jared and me. Besides the girls, who
else has your back?”

Nodding, I know I’m already overwhelmed
by Journey’s family. They don’t let me put on my mask and hide from the world.
I can’t stand in the corner and expect to be ignored like with my family. The
Earlham women want me present even if I have nothing to say.

Joining the Rawkfist Motorcycle Club
means putting myself on display for more people. I’d be Chuck Hull’s son
copying his dad.
Was that any different than joining the sheriff’s department
to be like my grandfather?

Court and Jared don’t treat me like my
Mooney family. They want to know the real me, even if I’m an asshole. No
pretending for them any more than I can with the Earlham women.

I’m not my father or grandfather. For
good or bad, I’m just me. I figure it’s high time to prove to myself as much as
to everyone else that I’m my own man making my own choices.