Snare of Serpents (28 page)

I could not answer. All I could hear was that shattering cry of “Miss Davina!”

Lilias looked shaken. She was standing beside me and she took my arm.

“How are you feeling?” she asked. “What a nasty shock! What happened?”

“He just moved in the wrong direction, that’s all,” said Roger Lestrange. “You shouldn’t have let him do that, you know.”

“Miss Grey has only just learned to ride,” said Lilias.

Roger Lestrange was looking at me intently, his eyes more blue than I remembered them. “You’ll have to look on it as an experience, Miss Grey. It’s lucky we were here and the horse didn’t gallop off. That could have been … well … let’s not think of it. You’re not hurt … that’s the important thing. It was just a bit of mischief on the part of the horse. He knew you
weren’t up to all the tricks he could play … so he tried one. They’re like that sometimes, aren’t they, John?”

“Aye, sir, they be that,” said John. “You make sure when you mount him, Miss. Look, like this. He couldn’t have done it then.”

“All’s well that ends well,” said Roger Lestrange. “Do you feel like mounting again, Miss Grey?”

“I must.”

“That’s the spirit. Never give up. At least you won’t do that again. Just give him a pat to show he’s forgiven and he’ll be friends again. That’s so, isn’t it, John?”

“Aye, sir, that be it.”

Rather shakily I mounted the horse; but I was not thinking of the danger I might have been in but of the shrill penetrating cry of “Miss Davina!”

Lilias and I rode back to the vicarage in silence. We had no need for speech. Each of us knew what was in the other’s mind.

I went straight to my room, and sat staring out at the graveyard.

“Davina,” Ninian Grainger had said. “It’s an unusual name.” What if Roger Lestrange had noticed? What if he remembered that I came from Edinburgh?

There was a knock on the door and I knew it was Lilias. She came in and stood for a few seconds looking at me.

“He must have heard,” I said.

“He probably didn’t notice.”

“It was so loud and clear.”

“Only to us because we understood. I am sure Kitty was very upset about it. It came out involuntarily. It’s understandable. She was worried about you. She looked so … penitent. She didn’t mean any harm. That’s the last thing. But she thought you were going to be hurt and it slipped out naturally. I don’t think anyone noticed. We were too concerned about you.”

I said suddenly: “I’m going to write to Ninian Grainger to ask him to put me in touch with Mrs. Crown.”

“Well … I suppose you might go and hear what she has to say. There’s no commitment in that.”

“I think I have made up my mind. It’s what I’m going to do.

I can’t stay here … on edge, as it were … just waiting for something to come up … like this morning.”

“I think you have been more upset by that than by the accident. If that horse had started to gallop you could have been very seriously hurt.”

“I know. But it’s showed me that when Kitty called out my name like that, it’s the sort of thing that could happen at any time. I am going to explore this possibility.”

Lilias said slowly: “I see.”

She left me and I sat down and wrote a letter to Ninian Grainger.

Dear Mr. Grainger,

It has taken me some time to make up my mind, and I cannot be sure that I have done that yet, for this is such a big step I have to take. There was another incident today and this has decided me that at least I must see Mrs. Crown and discuss a few details with her.

It is so kind of you to take so much trouble to help me. I do appreciate that.

With grateful thanks,

Sincerely, D.

The letter was posted. I had taken the first step.

I was preparing for bed that night when there was a knock on my door. Lilias came in wearing a dressing gown and carrying a candle.

“I thought you might have been asleep,” she said.

“I shan’t sleep. I have too many things to think about.”

“This is only the first step.”

“Yes, but it’s an important one.”

“I’ve been thinking …”

“Yes?”

She paused for a moment and then she said quietly: “I might come with you.”

Joy swept over me. This would change everything. That which I had contemplated with fearful apprehension could be planned with excitement. Two people together could face difficulties so much more easily than one alone; and if that person was the best friend one ever had …

“Lilias!” I cried. “Do you really mean that?”

“I have been considering it ever since I heard of it. The Society … it sounds interesting to me. You see, I feel this isn’t what I want to do … visiting people like Mrs. Dalton, being directed by Mrs. Ellington. I suppose I get through … as anybody would, but it’s not what I want. I want to be teaching. I really feel I have a vocation for that. I want to get back to it.”

“Lilias … this is so unexpected. You didn’t tell me …”

“No. Like you, I couldn’t make up my mind … but I have been thinking more and more of it.”

“If we went together … it would be so exciting. If I could believe you were coming with me, it would be so different.”

“We both have something we don’t want revealed.”

“Oh, yours wasn’t like …”

“No. My ordeal was not so horrific. Yours was carried out in the light of publicity. But I have a slur on my character. I’m in a quandary. I don’t know whether it’s the right thing or not … but if you go, I want to go with you.”

“Oh, Lilias, I can’t tell you how much I want that, too. Have you really thought about it … deeply?”

“From every angle. Alice could come back. She is much more useful at what I am trying to do. She doesn’t like teaching in any case, though she pretends all is well. I know her, and I sense this is not entirely the case. If I went, she could come back.”

“There’s Charles Merrimen,” I reminded her. “Have you thought of him?”

“I’ve thought a great deal about him. It’s over really. It seems we were just trying to keep something alive … something which isn’t really there. I go and read to him. Several people could do that for him. We talk about the books I read to him. We could go on like that till one of us dies. I am beginning to realise that if there had been deep love between us we should have married. It’s rather like you and Jamie. There is something for a time … but it’s a fragile plant.”

“You were away from him all those years when you were with me.”

“And when I come to think of it, those were the most rewarding years of my life so far. One has to be realistic. We have our lives to lead. I want to teach. I think I have a vocation for it. I do believe I want that more than anything. Also I want to get away from the past … just as you do. Yes, if you go, I am coming with you.”

“Oh, Lilias, I feel so much better. I know I can face whatever there is to come if you are there.”

We talked far into the night. We both knew that sleep was impossible; and for the next few days impatiently we awaited Ninian’s reply.

At length it came. Mrs. Crown was writing to me and I should be hearing from her very soon.

And in due course the letter arrived. The heading was The Female Middle Class Emigration Society with an address in the City of London. Mrs. Crown would be pleased to see me round about three o’clock in the afternoon of the fifth of June.

This gave us a week to make our plans to go to London and this we did without delay.

W
E HAD BOOKED
into a small hotel recommended by Ninian which was not very far from the Society’s premises; and at the appointed time were mounting the stairs to Mrs. Crown’s office.

She came to the door to greet us—a fresh-faced middle-aged woman with a kindly smile.

“Miss Grey … Miss Milne … Mr. Grainger has written to me about you. Do sit down.”

When we were seated she went on: “You want to emigrate and take posts as governesses, I understand. This is the usual profession ladies such as yourselves undertake. Our Society deals with all kinds of employment, but governesses are the most usual because so many of our people are ladies of education and small means. Let me tell you something about the Society. It was founded by a lady who believed that women should be given more chances of employment. The lower
classes have been engaged in domestic service for centuries, but she felt that the educated woman should be brought more into public life. She discovered that such ladies were badly needed in the Colonies and she believed that women of strong character and high moral sense should take charge of the young. So she formed this Society to help people like yourselves who want to go abroad for some reason. So many people in these circumstances cannot afford the fare and they need something to enable them to support themselves until they get settled. The object of the Society is to help them over this difficult time. It is, you might say, a philanthropic association, kept going by voluntary subscriptions, and the object of our members is to be of assistance in helping the right people to start a new life in another country.”

She then asked us for our qualifications. I could see she was impressed by Lilias’ experience, but, as she said, I was a young lady of obvious education and she thought we should have no difficulty in finding employment.

“So many of our colonists deplore the fact that they cannot get a good education for their children. The Society does what it can to find that employment, but it is difficult being so far away, and many of our people go out and find employment for themselves. The most popular countries are Australia, America and New Zealand. South Africa, too.”

“Mr. Grainger has given me some idea of the Society’s methods,” I said.

“Ah yes. Mr. Grainger, Senior, has a very high opinion of us; and has indeed been very benevolent towards us. I understand, Miss Grey, that you have a small private income.”

“That is true.”

“And you would not be needing financial help from us for your passage?”

“That is so. Does that mean … ?”

“It means that we will help in arranging your passage just the same. Now, Miss Milne …”

“I’m afraid I cannot afford to pay my passage,” said Lilias.

“I want to help Miss Milne,” I said. “But I fear I am not rich enough to pay for her passage as well as my own.”

“That’s perfectly easy. We will advance what is needed, Miss Milne, and you can pay us back gradually, when you are in employment.”

“I don’t care to be in debt,” said Lilias.

“I know how you feel. But you will pay back when you can. We have always found that most of our clients in time meet their obligations. We have no fears … nor need you have. You have to decide to which country you wish to go.”

“We heard that Australia is more like England,” I ventured.

“In the towns maybe. It depends where you are employed. However, would you like to think about it? If you know someone who is connected with Australia … then that would be good. But of course there is the difficulty of finding employment when you arrive.”

“That could be a little daunting,” said Lilias.

“It is an undertaking, of course,” agreed Mrs. Crown. “I will show you some of the letters we have received from people that will give you some idea of the difficulties and the rewards.”

She took us into a small room, the walls of which were lined with files, and she gave us letters to read from people whom they had helped. The letters were from Australia, South Africa, New Zealand and the United States of America.

They were very revealing. The majority of the writers had found posts fairly easily, but some had not been so fortunate. There were very few who regretted their decision to leave England.

We spent more than half an hour reading those letters before Mrs. Crown came back to us.

“It gives you an idea of what you may find,” she said. “How do you feel now?”

Lilias was more practical than I and therefore perhaps less certain. But perhaps she did not feel the same urgent need to escape as I did. I could not stop myself going over Mrs. Dalton’s words and hearing that sudden cry of horror from Kitty when she used my real name. I was sure I had to get away.

There was another point. Lilias was not very happy about borrowing the money, even though it was lent by philanthropists. I wished that I could have afforded to pay her passage; but she would not hear of that. I consoled myself with the fact that my money would be a bulwark against absolute destitution.

It was Lilias who said: “May we have a little longer to think about this?”

“But of course. It is your decision.”

“We shall have to think where we should go. It is very difficult to make up one’s mind when one knows nothing, or very little, about such places.”

“You are right to make absolutely sure that you want to go,” said Mrs. Crown.

“We could make up our minds in say a week,” said Lilias, appealing to me.

I said I thought we could do that and it was a good idea.