Authors: Cameron Jace
“What kind of a demented song is this? Why would you tell it to a baby?”
Suddenly, Axel grabbed Loki’s shoulder even harder. “I got it. We’re here to get Baby Tears. This man is called Cry Baby, and the nursery rhyme is about babies. It all makes sense now.”
“What makes sense?”
“All these people around us are Boogeymen,” Axel said. “They visit children at night and scare them, only they don’t do it because they like to scare children and take their cereal like it happened to me. They are doing it to collect Baby Tears.”
Loki’s eyes sprung wide open as the crowd bellowed. Georgie Porgie gulped another drink down then smirked at Cry Baby showing his yellow teeth.
“So Boogeyman scare children to collect their tears?” Fable considered. “Why do they need those Baby Tears?”
“I have no idea,” Loki said. “It seems plausible, though, even if it’s just plain awful to make a living from scaring children.”
“Since you need the Baby Tears, I don’t think you should complain,” Lucy said. She couldn’t take her eyes off Georgie Porgie. She was fascinated by the man, leader of the twisted pirate-looking Boogeymen, even though he was at least ten years older than her.
“Your turn,” Georgie Porgie howled at Cry Baby amidst the crazy shouting crowd. He looked a bit tipsy from the drink now. His voice was gushy, and he was full of himself, laughing at everyone around him. “Who calls themselves Cry Baby?” Georgie Porgie laughed at his opponent. The crowd shared his laugh instantly.
Cry Baby’s last shot made him dizzy. Georgie Porgie gave him a choice to continue and pass out eventually, or give up now. Cry Baby decided he’d give up, waving his heavy hands in the air. Georgie picked up his pudding pie and slammed it into Cry Baby’s face, declaring himself a winner. The boogie band started playing louder now, the singer squeezing harder on the Giraffe’s neck, spilling out his lyrics. Everyone went back to their tables or started dancing.
“All drinks are on me tonight,” Georgie Porgie announced with two pirate girls in his arms.
“I’m going to tell you something that none of you will like,” Axel said to the rest. “You know what they were drinking in the competition?”
“What? Whiskey?” Lucy asked.
“Nope,” Axel said. “Baby Tears.”
“No way,” Fable said.
“Those tiny glasses were filled with Baby Tears,” Axel nodded.
“So this is what Baby Tears is?” Lucy wondered. “That’s why Loki didn’t like it when I offered it to him in the Deadly Ever After party.”
“I can’t believe that,” Fable said. “Are tears like their fuel or something?”
“We missed a great opportunity,” Lucy said. “We could’ve just picked up a glass before they cleared the table.
We’ll have to go talk to Georgie Porgie now, so we can get the Baby Tears.”
Georgie Porgie pushed the groupies clinging to his arms away and walked to the bar. It looked like he was about to make a speech.
“To all my fellow, creepy, ugly-looking, baby-scaring Boogies,” he shouted as the music stopped again, making a toast. “I salute you for your hard work, sleepless nights, and sacrificing yourself, being away from your wives, husbands, and children for the cause of Boogism. It’s a lost art that no one cares for anymore.”
The crowd roared.
“Yeaaaaah!” Axel picked an empty glass and hailed with them.
“What are you doing?” Fable sneered at him.
“We have to fit in, and pretend we belong,” Axel explained. “Besides, Georgie is so cool.”
“People these days are only interested in vampires—” Georgie continued his speech.
“Overrated—“
“And ghosts,” Georgie said.
“Stupid—”
“And the silly moon demons who call themselves werewolves,” Georgie Porgie added.
“Too hairy!”
“I hate werewolves,” Georgie Porgie said, and everyone agreed. “They’re pretentious, good for nothing, and it surprises me that humans are scared of them when all they need is a barber to shave their long annoying sideburns,” Georgie gulped down his drink and ordered another one instantly. It wasn’t Baby Tears anymore, or Loki would’ve snatched it and ran away.
Georgie burped out loud, and the crowd burped back.
Loki and his friends clipped their noses with their fingers. It was going to be a whole lotta smelly, and they couldn’t take it anymore.
“Things like these confuse me,” Axel commented with his fingers clipping his nose, sounding like a broken trumpet. “Do I clip my nose for the smell, or cover my ears to mask the unbearable roar these guys are creating?”
“We are the Boogeymen!” Georgie announced as if he were saying, ‘We are the champions.’ “We’re the scariest, most primitive monsters on earth…and we’re proud,” Georgie watched the crowd nod their heads. “Oh, boy, we’re proud of ourselves. We were here before any other monster. We’ve been here since man invented the amazing closet and wardrobe. Thus, man invented us by his own will,” the crowd agreed. “And then they started calling us names, making movies about us, and belittling us.”
“But we scare the boogie woogie out of their babies,” someone replied from the crowd.
“Stupid humans, stupid babies,” Georgie said. “If they only knew how hard our work is…”
The crowd nodded agreeably.
“We work hard, and we work at night, the time everyone else is resting and dreaming,” Georgie said. “Each Boogeyman spends the whole night trapped in a closet until the right moment comes when the child is alone in the room, so he can do his job and scare it,” Georgie’s eyes scanned all his fellow Boogeymen. “Obnoxious children!”
“Yeah!” someone said.
“Human children are horrible!” another said.
“I really should’ve caught this on camera,” Axel said. “I could win the Noble Prize posting this on the forum.”
“Those human children are our real pain in this world,” Georgie explained. “They never go to sleep on time like their parents tell them. They love to sleep with the light on, and we can only work our scary charms in the dark. Nowadays children aren’t easily scared, having watched all those gory movies. So we have to build up the suspense all night, making creepy sounds, whispering from the closet, creaking the closet doors—”
“Even those tactics hardly work anymore,” a Boogeyman interrupted Georgie. “They have all closet doors oiled these days.”
Everyone agreed with him.
“I feel ya,” Georgie drummed on his chest with one hand. “All that hard work we go through, and for what?” Georgie said, pulling out a small glass full of Baby Tears. Loki and the rest tiptoed, looking at it, thinking they could snatch it and run away. But could they outrun a Boogeyman? If they did, revenge would follow every night for the rest of their lives, unless they lived in homes without closets.
“And why do we still do it? We do it for this!” Georgie raised his glass of Baby Tears in the air, staring at it as if it were the Holy Grail. The rest of the crowd raised other glasses of Baby Tears in the air. Georgie’s eyes were teary for a moment, and the atmosphere in The Closet was intense. There were a couple of Boogeymen sobbing somewhere.
“Now that’s a lot of Baby Tears,” Axel said.
“More than we could ask for,” Loki followed.
“I wonder why Boogeymen are so big,” Lucy said. “Wouldn’t that be awful for someone who lives in children’s closets?”
“I wonder why they need those Baby Tears so much,” Fable said.
“But we get our tears in the end,” Georgie’s face changed, and his pirate attitude returned. He made a toast and everyone clicked their glasses again. “Always remember our motto,” Georgie said with happy eyes. “Spooky Woogy Boo!” he said and gulped the Baby Tears.
“Spooky Woogy Boo!” the other Boogeymen cheered and gulped.
“What a waste of tears,” Axel mumbled. “Shouldn’t they ask us to join?”
“We’re too short for them to notice us, I think,” Fable said. “Spooky Woogy Boo!” she shouted, tiptoeing, but no one heard her.
“That was so boo,” Georgie said, slamming the glass against the bar.
“I guess boo means fantastic or something,” Axel speculated.
“What a night! Let the music play again,” Georgie ended his speech.
It was time for Loki and his friends to go talk to the Boogeyman.
“Hi, are you Georgie Porgie?” Lucy approached him. She was the tallest of them in her high heels. “I’m Lucy,” she said eagerly.
“But of course, you are,” Georgie flirted.
“Lucy Rumpelstein.”
“Oh,” Georgie said. “I didn’t know Rump had a beautiful daughter like you.”
“Thank you,” Lucy blushed. It was the first time Loki saw her like that. ”I need some Baby Tears. My father said I could ask you to give me some.”
“Baby Tears,” Georgie muttered suspiciously. “Why would a beautiful girl like you need those? Do you want to join Boogism?”
“Me, no,” Lucy talked softly.
“Good, because you’d be horrible at it,” Georgie commented. “So why do you need Baby Tears. We work hard to get them, and we don’t give them away easily.”
“I was told they would help me enter someone’s dream,” Lucy said reluctantly, expecting Georgie to make fun of her.
“I assume it’s a controlled dream then,” Georgie spoke seriously, and it surprised Loki that he knew about it.
“Yes,” Lucy said. “I didn’t know you knew about…”
“Dreamhunting?” Georgie said. “Not so much actually, but I’d love to. The last time someone asked me for Baby Tears to enter a dream was a hundred years ago.”
None of them knew if Georgie was joking. He gulped another drink and raised his glass, saying, ‘Spooky Woogy Boo!”
“So can I get the Baby Tears?” Lucy wondered. “I think just one of the glasses here would do.”
“Nah,” Georgie said. “Baby Tears for dreams are different. They have to be a hundred years old at least. I have some in my room. Follow me.”
They all followed him to a side room that he locked from inside when he got in. It was full of souvenirs and bottles that they assumed were filled with Baby Tears. Some bottles had dates on them—they went back as far as 1812. And some bottles were labeled ‘boys’ or ‘girls.’ Then there was a set labeled with the craziest words, ‘obnoxious,’ ‘sad,’ ‘cry happy,’ and ‘hardest to get.’
There was also a closet set against one wall. It was open and empty.
“So what’s the closet for?” Lucy was curious.
“It’s where I sleep,” Georgie said. “Vampires sleep in coffins. Boogeymen sleep in closets.”
Fable inspected the room with her curious eyes until she saw something that upset her greatly. There was a toddler in a crib in the room. It was a girl and she was asleep.
“Who’s that?” Fable asked.
“Someone’s daughter,” Georgie said. “I stole her for training purposes.”
“Training purposes?” Loki frowned. “You mean—“
“Yes. Yes,” Georgie said, searching for the right Baby Tears bottle for them. “A Boogeyman has to practice.”
“That’s horrible—”Fable was about to yell before Lucy cupped her mouth with her hand.
“But of course, you have to practice,” Lucy said.
Loki and Axel exchanged looks, torn between taking the child back to her parents and getting the Baby Tears.
“So you just scare the child once in a while?” Axel said. “Is that what you mean by practice?”
“You haven’t seen my Georgie Porgie’s scary face yet, right?” Georgie said.
“Of course we haven’t, but we’d definitely like to,” Lucy said, almost suffocating Fable.
In a flash, Georgie gripped his fists and his face turned into a monster, breathing out that awful smell of his. At first, they were all taken aback while his face was transforming, but then Fable started laughing. Georgie’s monstrous face was more funny than scary. It was truly disfigured with one eye bulging out from under his eye patch and dangling like a yoyo, his nose crumbled into something like an empty ice cream cone, and his cheeks bubbled like they were balloons. But he wasn’t scary at all. The only awful thing about him was the bad smell.
“Fable!” Axel yelled at her, afraid they’d upset Georgie. Even if he looked funny to them, maybe he did really scare babies—and he certainly still scared Axel.
Georgie wasn’t upset with Fable’s reaction. He was sad and frustrated. “You don’t think I’m scary?”
Fable shook her head no, her hands folded in front of her.
“Then watch this,” Georgie said. “I’ll show you scary.”
Georgie walked over to the child’s cradle and screamed into its face, transforming into that ugly monster again. The child woke up from its sleep and stared with horrified doe eyes at him for a moment. It took a while but then it broke off into a lovely laugh, wiggling its feet.
“No!” Georgie shook his head, returning to normal form. “I can’t believe this.”
“You’re such a loser,” Lucy said, disappointed that the evil man she’d liked was not as scary as he pretended. “Do the other Boogeymen know about you?”
“Please, don’t tell anyone,” Georgie turned into a weak, childish man, begging Lucy on his knees. “They shouldn’t know about the real me. They think I’m the most evil thing on earth, and I have to keep it that way. I don’t know why I’m like this. I inherited the Leader of Boogeymen title from my father, but I have always failed to scare children,” he looked back at the child in the cradle. “Those damn obnoxious children.”
The child wiggled its feet again and smiled when Georgie stared at her.
“You shouldn’t be sad,” Fable patted him, happy that she could talk straight to his face since he’d knelt down. “You should be really happy. The child loves you dearly. I mean look,” Fable tried to get the child’s attention but it had its happy eyes focused on Georgie. “She’s fond of you. You don’t scare her at all.”
“But that’s a curse to me,” Georgie complained, standing up. “I tried all I could. I read all the books on evil. I practiced so hard and all those children do when they see me is laugh.”
Loki and Axel omitted a chuckle. In fact, Loki thought that there had been nothing worth laughing at in the past two days as much as laughing at the Boogeyman. This definitely wasn’t the Boogeyman who stole Axel’s cereal when he was a kid.
“You’re a good man,” Fable insisted and held his hand.
“Pathetic,” Lucy folded her arms. The man of her dreams turned out to be laughable and goodhearted.