Ben stared down into her eyes and wanted to kiss her senseless right then and there. “Indeed we have,” he said, leaning down to kiss the side of her mouth, and whisper, “Thank you.” Then he leaned down again, nipped her earlobe and added, “You so own me right now.”
She let out a delightful little giggle that was so adorably not anything she'd ever do, he almost laughed out loud. He was grinning down at her as she swatted him. “Now behave. You're the host here. There will be plenty of time for that later.” She turned and shot Annalise a bright, cheerful smile. “I promised his folks that I'd give them a call, to confirm our holiday plans. So why don't I go take care of that and you two can get your calendars organized?” She glanced at Ben, feigning a look of confusion. “Though I was pretty sure you told me you'd already mentioned to Annalise about not being available for the holiday onslaught here in Rhode Island, what with our obligations this year and all?” She looked at Annalise. “He's so sweet, trying to squeeze in every little thing. I swear, and then that magazine came out and, wow, he's Mr. In Demand. But he can't do everything, which I'm sure you understand. Anyway, I'll let him take care of all that.”
“Yes,” Annalise said, her smile looking a lot more clenched at the moment. “Why don't you run along then? I'll take care of this directly with Ben.”
Fiona lifted up on her toes to kiss the side of Ben's neck, and she whispered, “My fantasy list just got longer.”
“Done,” he said, his smile growing wider still as he leaned down to give her a quick kiss. “Thank you.”
“Anytime.” Fiona stepped away from him, then smoothly placed her hand on Annalise's arm as she went to step around her. “So lovely to meet you. Ben has such dear old friends.” If she put a hint of emphasis on the word “old,” well, maybe Ben imagined it. But probably not.
Ben watched her as she ducked around the display and even shifted slightly so he could see her cross the room and join Paul and Stephanie, already laughing a moment later.
“You grew up with her? How come I've never heard of her?”
“You weren't particularly interested in the life I had in Maine. It was âold history,' I believe you said.”
“And she's close with your parents?”
Ben glanced at her, his attention and thoughts still on the amazingness that was Fiona. “Our families have known each other for a very long time.” He finally looked directly at Annalise and grinned. “They love her.”
Annalise paused, then shifted gears and the smile returned. “You told her about me.”
“We share our day-to-day, so yes, I mentioned that you came by the farm, and that you invited me to your parents' holiday event.”
Annalise moved closer. “Does she know we were together?”
He nodded easily. “She does.”
Annalise didn't have a ready response for that.
“So . . . who is she?” Annalise demanded.
“Fiona McCrae, award-winning interior designer and middle daughter of the Blueberry Cove McCraes, one of the founding families on Pelican Bay.” That was what Annalise wanted to know. Fiona's pedigree.
“I meant, who is she to you? You seem rather . . . chummy. I mean, we've barely broken up andâ”
“You've been with Dr. Biff for what, a year now?”
She folded her arms. “That's ended.” She waited for him to ask what had happened, and when he didn't, she added, “I expected us to move forward and he . . . waffled. As you know, I have no patience for a man who can't make up his mind.”
Yes
, Ben thought. She'd tried every way she could to get him to put a ring on her finger. He should have mentioned that sleeping with other men didn't really lead to success in that endeavor.
“So, I suspect this little . . . fling, will end when you come back to Portsmouth for good?”
He turned to look once again at Fiona, laughing with his friends, fitting in so effortlessly, like she'd been part of his life forever. Because, in all the ways that mattered . . . she had. “Not if I can help it,” he said, meaning every word, even if he hadn't the first clue how he was going to accomplish it. He glanced at Annalise, who was following his gaze. “I'm sorry things didn't work out with Biff,” he said, meaning it. “I'm sure it is only a matter of time before you meet the right guy.” He turned to look at her directly again. “But that guy isn't me, Anna. I'm sorry.”
“Benâ”
“I love her,” he said, simply, honestly. If he hadn't already been certain of it, her hilarious little performance just now with Annalise would have sealed it. Most women would have had an entirely different reaction to seeing someone who looked like Annalise trying to step in as she had. Fiona was not most women. Thank God.
He loved her. Everything inside him seemed to lift up . . . and settle perfectly into place. It was the easiest thing he'd ever done in his life. Which made him grin. Because he had a feeling nothing else about loving Fiona McCrae was ever going to be easy. “And if she'll have me,” he added, “I'm going to marry her.”
Chapter Twenty-Two
Fiona slid gingerly onto the bar stool in the Rusty Puffin and waited while Kerry finished serving another customer.
Her younger sister sidled down to the end of the bar where Fi sat, eyeing her with a speculative grin. “Gosh, never knew train rides could leave a person so . . . tender. I mean, I know they're bumpy and all . . .”
Fiona smiled sweetly. “You should be so . . . tender.”
“Truer words,” Kerry said with a wistful smile. Then she shot Fi a sharp wink and a grin. “So . . . how was our Ben?”
“Oh, no, that's not going to happen,” Fiona said, then sighed wistfully. That much wasn't feigned. “What happens on the fantasy train stays on the fantasy train.”
Kerry pulled two glasses and filled them both with ginger ale. She slid one to Fi. “That good, huh? If I didn't think of him like a brother, I'd actually be jealous. But since I do? Ew.”
“For you.”
“And for Hannah,” she said.
“Lucky for me then that I'm the one who gets him.”
“Well, you have me there.” She lifted her glass toward Fi, who, surprised, lifted hers and tapped it.
“What are we toasting?”
“Seriously? I thought no one could emit a glowier glow than Alex and Hannah, but they've got a reason.” She eyed Fiona, then stilled suddenly, before reaching out and grabbing Fiona's hand. “No ring.”
“Of course there's no ring.” Fiona snatched her hand back. “Don't be crazy.”
“Well, pardon me. But apparently there's some gene thread in our family pool that makes us up and get married to the first person who looks at us sideways.”
Fiona was all ready with a retort, then stopped. Now she was the one with the speculative gaze. “Hmm. Sounds like sour grapes. Because no one has looked at you sideways? Or because you looked and they didn't look back? Which, if you ask me, good riddance. Because, have you seen you?” She made an up-and-down gesture with her hand. “You're the one other women fear will look at their man and steal him away. Well, other than maybe, Annalise Manderville. I don't think I've ever met aâ”
“Whoa, hold the phone. You met Annalise? Where? At Ben's party?”
“You know Annalise?” Fiona asked, surprised.
“Know her? No. Know
of
her, of course I do.” She frowned at Fiona. “For the sister who has been googly-eyed over Ben Campbell since birth, how is it you're the only one who didn't know about his every life move? I mean, his parents can't shut up about him. I didn't even have to ask.”
“Yeah, well, maybe it was easier not knowing, okay?”
Kerry stared at her for another long moment, then polished off her ginger ale and simply said, “Okay.” She turned to the sink.
“Wait, what is that supposed to mean?”
She turned around and looked at Fi. “I know you're not used to me agreeing with you, but yeah, I can see where if you're hung up on a guy, even if it was in the past, and you were just a sad, sad, pathetic little girl, and all, still you don't really want to know who he's involved with. Ever.” She turned back to the sink. “So, what I meant was, okay.”
Fiona decided to change the subject. “How's Gus?”
Kerry snorted as she stacked the glasses she was washing on the shelf above the sink to drain. “How do you think? A major pain in the ass. He assumes he's already fine, just fine, thank you very much, and if we would all just get out of his hair, he could get back to running the world.”
Fiona smiled and sipped her ginger ale. “Sounds just like him. That means he's getting better.”
Gus had been allowed to come home from the hospital the day before Fiona had left for Portsmouth with Ben. She'd seriously considered not going, but Hannah had all but personally shoved her all the way to the train station. She and Logan both felt that Fiona had taken on the lion's share of coordinating and handling everything while Gus had been in the hospital, which was true, but she'd been the one without pressing daily work demands. So, it had made sense. While she'd been away with Ben, her three remaining siblings had hired an in-home nurse who came daily, and had set up his physical therapy sessions, which, frankly, having heard about the fuss he put up before going to the first one, Fiona was thankful she hadn't had to witness.
Hannah had given her the recap over the phone the night before on the drive back from Snowflake Bay. She and Ben had gone straight there from the train station so she could drive her car back to the Cove now that the roads were well clear. She still had his dad's truck at the cottage, too, but he said one of his guys at the tree stand could drive it back out to the farm, or she could just hold on to it in case it stormed again, which, of course, it would.
“Hannah told me his facial paralysis has continued to improve,” Fiona said.
Kerry stopped washing and dried her hands on the towel tucked into the apron strings she'd tied around her waist and knotted in the front. “He still has a little droop at the corner of his left eye, but his mouth and cheek are almost back to where you can't tell. And I have to say, if anything was going to self-correct, I'm really glad it was his mouth, because not being able to speak properly was the thing that really sent him around the bend the fastest. Of course, his left hand is still not functioning right and I know his left hip and knee aren't 100 percent in sync, either.” She looked at her sister and said more quietly. “I don't know if that will improve or not, Fi. And he needs it to, in order to run the bar.”
“He has you,” Fiona said, then added, “And when he doesn't have you, he can hire someone. Your doing what you have has already proven to him that he can use the help. I just hope whoever he gets can live with his temperament.”
Kerry nodded, and Fiona wanted to ask her what her plans were for after the wedding, but decided to stick to the topic of Gus. “How's he doing cognitively?”
“He still gets confused. He forgets words sometimes and he has gaps in the things he remembers and the things he doesn't. His therapist said that might improve, or not. Time will tell. He doesn't seem to have fully lost any mental capability, which is the most wonderful thing.”
“And his health otherwise?”
“Other than what I've already mentioned? Oh, he's fine. Fit as a fiddle. Just ask him.”
Fiona smiled at that. “He's not down here helping you at the bar, is he? I thought the doctors said he was to rest and focus on the PT for his hand, and his leg, and the cognitive parts they're working on.”
“Well, all his body parts might function okay, but he wears out really fast, so while he talks a big game, he still sleeps a good part of the day.”
“Good,” Fiona said. “I think that's good.”
Kerry nodded. “Hannah and Calder are going ahead with the wedding for sure. I guess she already told you that.”
“Actually, we just talked about Gus, but I figured when he came home and wasn't too debilitated, that they would.”
“So, you haven't talked to her about the one change she did make?”
Fiona was pushing her glass toward Kerry so she could wash it, too, then paused midpush. “What other change?”
Kerry rolled her eyes. “Figures. Call her. I'm not getting in the middle of it.”
“Oh, just tell me. Doesn't matter who I hear it from, if it's happening, it's happening. So what is it?”
“They're still getting married here in the Cove, but instead of the church in town, they want to keep it more intimate, have it out at the house like Logan and Alex did.”
“It was summer, so of courseâwait, you mean inside the house? Where will we fit everyone?” Her mind immediately went into full wedding-planner mode until Kerry snapped her fingers in front of Fiona's face.
“Hold up,” Kerry said. “You must have missed the part where I said it will be more intimate. Just immediate family. Which actually solves more problems than it creates.”
Fiona brightened. “No Hatfields and McCoys?”
“Correct. Just McCoys. Or McCraes and Croix River Blues. With everything else that has happened, they decided that a clan reconciliation is a bridge they can work on building later. And I agree completely.”
“Here, here,” Fiona said, lifting her ginger ale, relief filling her to the point of making her want to laugh. “Is that why they changed it?”
“That, and for Gus,” Kerry said simply. “Hannah wants him to walk her down the aisle, and that was one way to keep the aisle short and also keep things comfortable for him.”
Fiona's expression softened. “That's really sweet of her. And perfect, really.”
“I thought so, too.” Kerry leaned her elbows on the bar. “So, enough of the family drama. Back to the good stuff. When are you seeing Ben again? I assume he's coming to the wedding. And I guess he's staying here, then? In the Cove? How did it go in Portsmouth? You met Annalise, so I want to hear all about that. Is his place great?” She smiled. “Pick a question, any question.” She leaned more heavily on her elbows, her grin widening. “But make it the one about Annalise.”
Fiona just snorted. “He's going to surprise his folks on Christmas, so no, he won't be at the wedding. The tree farm and satellite stands close up shop for the season around dinnertime on Christmas Eve; then he has a flight booked south. He's told his mom, but not his dad.”
“I guess he couldn't ask you to go with him what with your sister being a pain in the ass and co-opting Christmas to get married. So inconsiderate of her.”
“I don't know if he would have, but yes, that's moot. As to his plans after Christmas, I don't know.”
Kerry straightened. “What do you mean, you don't know?”
“Exactly what I said. I met his staff and saw the company he's built. It's really amazing, Kerry. And the people are wonderful. He loves what he does and he's built something really special there.”
“Okay. Well, you love himâyou have told him that, I'm assuming. So would you follow him to Portsmouth?”
Fiona had worked really hard not to think about a label for her feelings for Ben. They were all too mixed up, and complicated by how long the two of them had known each other. “I made the right decision coming back to the Cove,” she began.
“But you really haven't started anything yet, here. I know you bought Beanie's place, but that doesn't mean you can't turn right around and sell it. It's in good shape. And God knows you'd do great in Portsmouth, business wise. Better than here, that's for certain.”
“That's just it, Kerry. I don't want a city business, even one that's only the size of Portsmouth. That's why I came home.”
“So . . . what, then? He'll just go back to Rhode Island and thanks for the holiday fling? Is that all you wanted? Some freaky kind of closure to your childhood crush?” She held up her hand. “I'm not even bashing that, I'm not. I'd get it. It's just . . . you don't look like someone who has done what she set out to do and is ready to say see ya later.” She looked more closely at Fiona. “Did you tell him? That you love him?”
“Kerryâ”
“Because he needs to know that, before he decides. It matters, Fi. Has he told you how he feels?”
He hadn't told her he loved her, Fiona thought, but she didn't say that to Kerry. The train ride home had been a lot different from the train ride south, though. It had still been fantasy-level amazing, and the sex . . . well, she didn't want to think about it because she was too sore to feel all achy and needy at the moment. Which was what happened anytime she let herself think about the things they'd done together on that train.
But on the way back, while it had still been hot and amazing with over-the-top levels of pleasure . . . something had changed. And not just in her, though she'd had to watch herself, keep herself from getting too emotional, too serious. She'd kept it playful and fun, but she was pretty sure she wasn't the only one who'd been fighting stronger feelings. Ben had been . . . well, he'd been gentler, at times. Sweeter. She'd even held her breath on a few occasions, certain he was about to say those very words. But then he hadn't. So she certainly hadn't.
But that didn't change the fact that label avoidance or no, she knew quite well that those three little words were true. For her, anyway.
“It's not like that between us, Kerry,” was all she said. And tried like hell to ignore the resulting twinge in her heart. Because whatever it was or wasn't . . . she really wanted it to be just like that.
“What if it was?” Kerry asked. “Is that something you'd want?” She put her hand over Fi's, which was, well, sweeter than Kerry usually was. “Be honest with me.”
Fi looked at their hands, then finally glanced up at Kerry and answered her honestly. “I think so, yes.”
“Liar,” Kerry said, but she was smiling. “You know so.”
“It doesn't matter what I know,” she said. “His life is in Portsmouth, and while I might feel . . . how I feel, I don't want a life there, Ker. Even one that includes being with Ben.”
“You wouldn't even try?”
“I did try. And while New York is not Portsmouth, it's similar enough for me to knowâI don't want to go back to that. Loving someone isn't enough to make up for having to sell out what you need for yourself. It's not like it would be temporary, then I'd get to go do what would fulfill me. That I'd consider in a heartbeat.”
“Has he said what he's going to do with the farm?”
She shook her head. “I don't think he's decided yet. He'll get through the season, and then I think part of why he's going to see his parents for Christmas is so he can talk to them about it. He'll have done one season by then, and I guess he'll know as much as he can to make whatever decision needs to be made. One thing I do know, after talking to his employees and seeing all the pictures and pending contracts he has . . . he can't run both places for much longer. It's only because winter is the slow season for his business that he's been able to juggle this at all.”