So Much to Learn (58 page)

I knew that
soon enough I would become crippled with anxiety and nerves, but at
that moment, I was ready.

~*~

I twirled back
and forth in front of the full length mirror in my parents' bedroom
watching the flirty hem of my dress lift and spin. Simone sure knew
her stuff, that much was obvious, the dress was soft green with a
low peasant neckline and cute puffed sleeves. It flowed down
smoothly over my stomach, flaring out slightly from my hips and
ending a little bit above my knees. After finding the dress, Simone
had quickly embroidered a little sunflower onto the bottom left
hand side of the skirt so that a cheerful yellow flashed every time
I moved. The dress was flattering and sweet and, with my
blondey/brown hair curled into loose loops and my face glowing with
both excitement and carefully applied make up, I was looking the
nicest I think I had ever seen myself. I fastened a delicate silver
chain around my neck and centred the absolutely miniscule diamond
pendant that hung from it before slipping on a pair of slightly
heeled Mary Janes and giving my hair on last tweak.

I took a deep
breath then turned to face my mother.

"What do you
think?"

My mum stood up
gracefully and smoothed her long dark, purple dress down over her
hips. "Very, very beautiful." She kissed me gently on the cheek
then wiped the resultant lipstick mark away.

"You too," I
smiled.

There was a
soft knock on the door and Simone slipped into the room, stunning
in a white, floaty empire waisted dress.

"Tonnes of
people have arrived, it looks amazing down there." Looking at the
pair of us properly for the first time she broke into a wide grin
and added, "Wow, it looks pretty amazing up here too! The three of
us are going to knock their socks off tonight!"

"I sure hope
so." The nerves were hitting me in a big way.

Simone gave me
a tight hug and I was gladder than ever that we were working to
combat the issues that had pushed us apart, she'd always been a
great comfort to me during times of stress. Mum and Simone left
then to go downstairs and welcome the guests but I stayed behind to
try and calm my nerves.

Eventually I
realised I couldn't hide away upstairs any longer and, checking
myself out in the mirror one last time, I went out onto the
landing. I was just about to start descending the stairs when I
looked down and felt my whole body freeze. Standing at the bottom
of the staircase, looking more incredible then I’d ever seen him,
was Jack. He wore a black suit with the jacket open to reveal a
crisp white shirt with the top button undone. His hair was sexily
dishevelled, a couple of dark strands falling into his brilliant
light blue eyes. Upon looking up and seeing me standing there,
unable to even breathe, I saw something spark in those beautiful
eyes and my heart sped up in response.

"Jack." It was
no more than a breathy whisper but I could tell he'd heard me. "You
look…" I trailed off, unable to find the words the describe what it
was like seeing him looking so amazing after a week apart.

"You too." Jack
made a move as if to come up the stairs towards me then suddenly
seemed to realise who he was talking to and hesitated. Before I
could ask him not to go he turned sharply and marched off. Still,
I'd seen that look in his eyes, the yearning and the desire which
was so obvious in my own when I looked in a mirror, and it
convinced me, more than ever, that all was not lost.

Feeling
positively light-hearted, I made my way outside to the marquee,
greeting various family friends along the way. Simone had been
right when she'd said it looked amazing. The huge, white tent was
erected on the lawn in front of the house with flaming torches
lighting paths up to the house and into secluded little grottos
which I'd spend most of the day hanging fairy lights in. It was
obvious to me that the effort had been truly worth it as they
transformed the bushes into little secret caves where I could
already see people stealing away to even though it was still
dusk.

Following one
of the paths inside the marquee I stopped for a moment and
marvelled at the impressive décor it had taken a whole team of us
to create throughout the day. The fairy lights were in full force
in here as well; woven through the chair backs, looped along the
walls and artfully twined around bunches of twigs standing in pots
dotted around the room. There were 10 large round tables covered in
crisp white tablecloths each with 10 white chairs placed at regular
intervals. The cutlery was shining and a beautifully ornate
candelabra stood on each table, the flames of the candles
flickering gently in the soft breeze which blew in from the open
flaps. Silver glitter was sprinkled across every table and glinted
here and there in the grass underfoot, representing the silver
wedding anniversary of my parents.

It truly looked
incredible and, although a lot of the work had been done by us, the
tent, table, cutlery, chair, and decorations hire together with the
catering was costing a small fortune. When I'd commented on this to
my mother she'd smiled and patted my cheek saying, "Yes, I wouldn't
hold your breath for a large inheritance when we die, dear." Which
had made me grin. It was actually really nice to see my parents
doing something for themselves for a change, they weren't exactly
spendthrifts and this extravagance was the first I'd ever seen them
splurge on. Still, noting my dad's stunned expression as he entered
the tent, I was betting mum had been the one to organise the
financial side of things.

"Don't you look
pretty?" My dad asked as he approached me and I gave a little
spin.

"Yeah and you
look…uncomfortable!" I laughed and he pulled at the silver bow tie
he was wearing with a grimace.

"You know how I
hate men who wear bow ties," he grumbled. "But your mother's on the
warpath so I don't dare take it off. Anyway, how are you feeling?
Nervous?"

"Incredibly," I
answered truthfully, looking apprehensively at the small stage up
the end of the tent where I would be giving my speech. "How long
until my big moment?"

"Well," My dad
glanced towards one of the tent flaps where a whole stream of
people were filtering in, "we're all being rounded up so I'd guess
any minute."

"Talia." I
turned and saw Simone join us. "Tommo's got Jack and he's putting
him where you said you wanted him." She pointed over to where I
could see Tom guiding Jack into a seat right up the front. I
gulped, I know it had been my idea to make sure they were sitting
in clear view of the stage but now I was kind of wishing I'd asked
for Jack to be up the back somewhere amongst all the anonymous
people.

"Talia!" I
turned again and this time saw my mother approaching me.
"Everyone's in. Tommo's got Jack in position. Are we a go?" I
nodded and smiled slightly at the military air that the proceedings
had taken on.

"Roger that," I
replied, in keeping with the emerging theme.

"Well, maybe
not in front of everyone, darling, that might be just a tad
distasteful," Mum said vaguely as she smiled and waved at her
friends.

Simone
spluttered with laughter and my dad shook his head at his wife's
outrageous ways. I was getting too wound up with tension to find it
all that amusing. My mum took my arm and started guiding me through
the crowd of middle aged people; Dad and Simone trailing along
behind.

I was hauled up
onto the stage as my mum beamed around at everyone and picked up
the microphone Matt had wired up earlier in the day.

"Hello,
everybody," she said, switching on her 'gracious hostess' mode and
almost glowing with cheer and goodwill. "I want to thank you all so
much for coming to celebrate the silver wedding anniversary of Rob
and myself. It's been an amazing 25 years and we've been so lucky
to have known each and every one of you."

I had to
forcibly stop myself from rolling my eyes at this, honestly she was
taking the whole benevolence thing a bit far wasn't she? I saw that
Matt, who didn't have the misfortune of being up on stage in front
of everyone, was rolling his eyes enough for the both of us and I
bit back a nervous smile.

"Now," my mum
was continuing, "most of you know our two wonderful children,
Matthew and Natalia." Both Matt and I winced at the use of our full
names. "They have been a constant source of joy for us over the
last 20 years."

"I don't know about
constant
!" My dad interjected loudly
and the crowd tittered appreciatively.

"Well, they've
brought sporadic moments of joy anyway," my mum amended with a
smile. "And tonight we have a very special treat as my youngest is
going to present a speech. Now I've made her promise that it won't
get too mushy, but she's young and idealistic so I'm afraid you'll
have to brace yourself for at least a little bit of sap."

The sycophants
laughed again and I realised that I was going to have to relieve my
mother of the microphone soon or she was going to turn the evening
into an excuse for a one woman show- the mother monologue. I gave
her a little dig in her side to remind her that I was still
standing there and she put her arm around me and pulled me forward.
"So, without further ado I present to you Talia! Let's hope her
speech isn't too long so we can eat soon!"

She passed the
mic to me and glided down off the stage to the sound of applause,
joining my father who was sitting next to Tommo in the front row.
The clapping died down and soon almost 100 expectant faces were
staring up at me, a mix of strangers, friends and family members.
Matt and Kristin were sitting behind Tommo and Jack; Micky, Simone,
Holly, Sean and Mr and Mrs Coogan beside them. Looking further back
in the room I saw Tommo's mum with her new boyfriend and Mr and Mrs
Andrews looking faintly disapproving over near the, as yet
unopened, buffet. Seeing a movement by one of the entrances I
watched Alex slip out hand in hand with Grace and I smiled
slightly. It was kind of nice to remember that, although this
speech meant an awful lot to me, it was still deemed boring enough
for some to want to escape. It was a good reality check.

Taking a deep
breath, I allowed my gaze to fall upon Jack and my whole body
tingled in response. He was looking up at me just the same as
everyone else but there was something different, something that I
knew I would only be able to find in his eyes, shining back at
me.

"Get on with
it!" Matt shouted and I blushed and waved apologetically at the
crowd.

"Sorry," I
began, "I was just thinking how nice it was to see all you guys
here. Some of you I know and some I don't but I just think it's
fantastic to look out over this crowd and see that my mum and dad
have so many friends. I hope if one day I reach my twenty fifth
anniversary this many people would turn out to wish me and my
partner all the best." My hands started to sweat as I mentioned a
'partner' and I forced myself not to look at Jack again, not
yet.

"When my mum
asked me to give a speech I didn't really know what I was going to
say. I've never made a speech like this before and I wanted it to
be just right, you know? So, over the past week or so, I've been
doing research on love; quotes and all that kind of thing. I wrote
them out all so beautifully but then I suddenly realised this
morning that what other people think about love doesn't matter.
These famous poets didn't know my parents when they wrote their
stanzas and, as far as I'm aware, no musician has ever written a
song about their marriage so why should I or any of you guys care
what they had to say?"

I took a deep
breath and shifted the microphone to my other hand. "So I decided
to take a different approach. I thought it would be interesting to
talk about my parents' relationship; how they met, their first
date, their first kiss, their wedding and all of those kinds of
things. I was pretty chuffed with myself for coming up with this
idea, not that I'm saying it's particularly original, but then I
realised something a bit disconcerting. I don't know anything about
any of these occurrences! I don't know about the first time they
met or their first date or their first kiss or even their wedding
and this threw me. I mean they're my parents and I love them both
to bits, shouldn't I know about these things?"

I saw my
parents share a secret smile at this bit and was reassured that I
was exactly on track with where I was going with my speech.

"But the answer I realised is no!" I said, my voice ringing
clearly across the tent. "It really is none of my business. I don't
need to know about their special moments because they are
their
special moments.
None of us, no matter how close we are to them, can lay claim to
these memories. You know that saying: 'No-one knows what's really
going on in a relationship except the two people in it'? Well I
think that is exactly right. I'm not a big one for making a fuss
about the sacrament of marriage or anything like that but I believe
that some things are sacred to a couple."

At this I let
my eyes wander onto Simone and saw that her eyes were shining with
unshed tears as she clutched Micky's hand. She gave me a little nod
to let me know she knew and appreciated what I was trying to
say.

"What's sacred
is that tingle in your stomach that lets you know the one you love
is in the room even before you see them. What's sacred is that look
in their eyes that you know they can only give to you. What's
sacred is whatever that spark is between people that no-one, as far
as I can tell, has ever been able to properly describe even though
everybody, from poets to scientists, have tried. So you see I can't
really talk to you about these moments my parents had which, let's
face it, I'm kind of glad about because - come on! - they're my
parents!"