Authors: Kathy-Lynn Cross
While the fires burned, I found myself putting the child first and everything else second. Tonight I was looking at our situation differently. As long as we shared an entwined future, she would remain unharmed. A silent vow drifted in thought from me to her. My clan would never use our harvesting weapons to claim her soul. At least she was safe for now.
From the canyon’s entrance, the sirens pierced my ears. I had always hated that sound. Help for this lone survivor was on its way. Bellowing toward the stars helped me detach from my corrupted emotions as I stepped on Alexcia’s left arm and broke it.
Pretentious
Mortality takes my hand
I sense the weight of acceptance
Why must I have to bear to stand?
Alone
My hand now empty
Acceptance is discarded and rejected
The whys no longer matter when the future
Repeats
~Alexcia
I drifted, cold and exhausted. Immersed in darkness, I was disoriented and chilled to the bone. The sensation made me think of water… somewhere. I sank deeper into the inky whirlpool where the voices coming out of the pool’s center were nothing but static. With the current sucking me deeper, I couldn’t tell if they were calling out to me or if I should try to swim away from the distorted sounds.
Surely, I was broken as I tried to push away from whatever was calling out to me. Bad idea. Crap, this was beyond agonizing.
New plan, move to the voices and hope for the best.
I was already dead, what did I care?
I was shocked to find out there was an afterlife. Mine wasn’t at all like fuzzy kittens with automatic weapons or unicorns barfing up Skittles. Was this my punishment, to swim through this ink for all eternity? Feeling a bit jaded, I had always been told I would burn in hell, not drown in it.
If I thought I had been hurting before, nothing would have prepared me for what was coming. Kicking through the thick liquid pain took its sweet time to finally greet me with vigor. It crept up my neck while I pushed deeper toward the voices. Twisting to see what was gnawing on my collar bone, I realized both arms were stuck to my sides. Straightaway the gnawing turned to scalding as bits of flesh burned down my right leg. Whatever held my left arm in place had jaws made from molten iron and the pressure was about to snap it in two.
Several nerves were firing into my brain that I was in trouble. I bucked forward as pain followed every movement. It swam around, flowing from neck to leg with the same burn and pressure. What the F was attacking me in the dark? How could I fight against something I couldn’t see?
Pain and Panic, from the movie
Hercules
, kept me company. Blood pounded in my ears, the heart’s response to my brain telling me someone’s dread was one of the voices calling out to me. Anger was next to arrive unannounced to this little get-together. All too familiar with its presence I tried to make the jaw muscle work to grind out the emotion.
A thick, metallic taste pooled instead of salvia. I tried to cough, but something pressed down on my tongue. Dry, cool air trickled down my throat, and I made out a soft, rhythmic beat along with the static. It sounded mechanical, and I heard air being pushed into something hollow.
My consciousness was about to be sentenced to do hard time. The pull to give in to the darkness was strong, but somewhere deep in the abyss I was stronger than this creature which I assumed was trying to drag me into death’s hold. Seizing these emotions, they formed into a pinpoint of light. I screamed, “Get your ass moving.” A solid presence began to obey the demand.
Both eyelids fluttered faster than a hummingbird’s wings. Mentally, I placed cognizant in one corner and spirit in another.
Ding.
The conscious part of me came out swinging, grabbed my spirit and punched the crap out of it. The physique responded with eyes snapping open. Imaginary strings yanked my upper body forward while a free hand grabbed something foreign protruding between dried lips. Startled, I wrenched out the breathing apparatus, the scream that followed the plastic tube shredded my throat.
Awestruck, I had survived. Now I really was in hell.
Forcefully making my lungs accept air again, I coughed violently. My left side was weighted down by something heavy and thick. Shrilling alarms filled up the room with whistles and screams, followed by a voice shouting through a speaker. Someone was coding nearby. Blinking through crusted tears, trying to focus on my surroundings, stillness soon filled the air as I struggled to breathe.
I was instantaneously greeted by my mother, two men in white lab coats and three or four people wearing scrubs. Everyone frantically worked on or around me, checking vitals and comparing them to the machines I appeared to be hooked up to, then discussing medical issues with my mother.
Rae-Lynn stood absolutely still in silence as the doctors and nurses spoke about protocol and what to expect with future recovery. One of the nurses explained to me how the morphine drip pump worked. She finished her show and tell demonstration by placing the pen-like device in my open hand and clicking it. Her doe eyes held sympathy as she patted my shoulder with reassurance.
It wasn’t difficult reading about twenty different emotions, all passing within seconds, as Rae-Lynn dabbed at the dampness around her lashes with dad’s black silk handkerchief. I knew it was his when I spotted the gold monogrammed MS in the corner.
I froze.
It was up to me how I handled this situation… with a grain of salt and lemon if my mother were the only one handling it. If Max were involved, it meant I was in a serious predicament. Either I had died and was brought back or I was on the verge of dying. More than likely, by the time he was done with me, I would wish I had.
Cautiously scanning the hospital room, I narrowed my gaze and made out a towering figure leaning in the corner… my father. The darkness seemed befitting of his aura. With or without the black slice of cover, I knew he was dressed in one of his dark, Italian business suits.
With the silver glint of his company cell phone resting against his face, he fit the part of a villain in a thriller movie. Eyes set in a winter vex stare, fear frosted over thoughts. It whispered against the nape of my neck saying I was going to be his next victim. The instant, warm sensation between my legs indicated he had literally scared the piss out of me. No matter how bad I wanted to crumble, I would never express to him how much he intimidated me. Rae-Lynn, I could handle. Max was a completely different story.
My eyes rolled as I failed to prevent the weight of being alive from knocking me backward in the hospital bed. I was alive but feeling a lot like road kill. As soon as the laugh escaped, reality killed it. I was alive… but how about the others? Where were they? What had happened to them? Whatever the outcome, memories from before the crash would replay as a nightmare for the rest of my life.
The questions rushed out in a gritty whisper, “Where is everyone? When can I see Tod? Did anyone come for Melanie or Brad?” Tears slipped down the sides of my nose and cheeks. I had known the answer before Mom rushed to the side of the bed. Rae-Lynn’s eyes were rimmed red and her irises spun pink spider webs attaching themselves to each corner.
She cleared her throat, attempting to stay calm, and forced the sound of reassurance with her reply. “I’m sorry, honey. Everyone was gone by the time the EMTs and fire trucks arrived. It was a miracle you survived. They said you were thrown about hundred and fifty feet away from the crash.” Her voice trailed to a small quiver. “Tod didn’t make it, Lex-Cee. None of them did. Not even the truck driver who fell asleep at the wheel.” She shook her head slowly and reached for the hand with the IV attached to it, motioning Max to bring her a chair. Rae-Lynn patted my hand while emotions exploded within me. The dam holding back the river was now raging rapids. Remaining bound in bed by guilt, I let the tears consume me until I drowned in the pain of realization. I had killed them. The winged creature was nothing but a fleeting wish of a dream for hope my friends had been saved. I had asked for their forgiveness. More than ever, I needed a smoke and a drink.
Max slapped his cell phone case shut while carrying a chair over for my mom, then he walked to the opposite side of the hospital bed. Today, his eyes were deep blue with the onyx threatening to overcome it. They were telling me he understood what I was feeling, but I still had some explaining to do.
“Alexcia, I know it’s too soon to ask you about details, but the officers have been checking in every hour or so to see if you were going to pull through. They want to speak with you, child.” Like always, his discussions started out sincere but ended putting me in my place. I went from a person to a possession within two sentences. It was comforting to see my near death experience had brought us so much closer. I turned away to face Mom for reinforcement.
I could never hold my own against Max in a fight, but I knew Rae-Lynn could. He was wrapped around Mom’s little finger and hated it with a passion but knew better than to fight it. Whenever he tried to beach himself, my mother’s feelings for him always pulled him back out to her personal sea. I loved that Max and Rae-Lynn got along, but why did they have to be on opposite sides of my compass? She was the sun; he was the moon, the dark side of it.
“Mom.” I caught the first sobs and reined them in, hiccuping through tears. “Can I talk to them tomorrow? Can’t you explain to them I just heard about my friends? Please, please, it hurts so badly.” I hiccuped again and didn’t know if I could deal with it so soon and relive what happened that night. The knowledge of loss swam in pools of emptiness. A quiver of air slipped out. “How long have I been like this?” My eyes started to sting again from the pressure building up behind them. Rae-Lynn’s face took on an uncharacteristic expression. Whipping her face away from me to make eye contact with Max, she motioned back at the bed never directly making eye contact with me. Instead, Rae-Lynn chose her words guardedly. Max had an air of concern about him, but his eyes stared at the wall, the floor, the bed. That was all, never at me.
“Lex-Cee, I know you’re upset. It has been about three days since…” She let her words trail off into silence for a moment. “Don’t worry about anything else right now. I will talk to them and see if we can make an appointment. Baby, do you have a headache? Want me to call a nurse to come in here and give you some pain medication?” Her fingers pulled lightly on the sheet.
“Mom, I was in a life-threatening accident. I
f-ing
hurt all over. I have a cast on my arm and a brace of some sort on this leg. Plus, my neck itches whenever I turn to look at you. I must have stitches somewhere on that side too. My skin is getting itchy and hot. A case of welts is about to be delivered to me. I just found out my friends are dead. Everywhere outside and inside hurts, so a headache is the very least problem. Plus, all I have to do is press this little button.” I was holding out the arm with the cast on it, dangling my salvation line. I heard pain medication was better than drinking. I’d test the theory out later if the nightmares came back.
“Still, I have to ask. Can you bear with me? Did you see anything that night that might raise questions? Or maybe something… out of place… in here, possibly?” She sounded far away. Mom was normally so grounded, so sure of herself. The concern in her voice sent shivers up my spine and even hurt. Damn.
Surely, I would have sounded insane blurting out about the demon coming to save me and in turn, dooming everyone else. All I needed was to tell them about the winged creatures that came out every night to visit me in my sleep. They would never believe me anyway. My eyes were really beginning to burn. Crying must have dried them up and now they were disintegrating into volcanic sand. The lights in the room were adding to the pain. When I held up my right hand, it pulled the tape around the IV drip, but that didn’t stop me from placing it over my eyes.
I wanted to see Blakely, Dee, and Ghost… to hold them and tell them I cherished their friendship. The lump that refused to dislodge in my throat reminded me how raw it was. That was it. I couldn’t take how broken I felt. I knew it would mend, but my heart was slowly dying. The demon had cursed it that night. I assumed it was my payment for beating death at its own game.
In a flash, memories from that night passed behind mental eyes. I was wearing Tod’s jacket and wondered if I still had it on when they found me. While turning away to get Rae-Lynn’s attention, I asked, “Mom, this may be a weird question, but was I wearing a jacket when they found me?”
She drew in a small breath. “Ah, yes you were. They gave us a bag with all the belongings. Your father took it home. Most of your clothes were ruined, but I do remember seeing a sports jacket, it was in fair condition.” She looked confused.
Biting back sobs because his jacket made it and he didn’t was insane. He would never wear it again. I wanted to see Tod and fight with him, telling him to quit being a jerk. What I wouldn’t give to laugh at his stupid jokes or reach up to kiss his lips, stare into his eyes and tell him I would always care for him.
Realizing even in death, I still couldn’t say I’d loved him. I didn’t think it would be right for me to keep the jacket since I had been thinking of giving it back to him at the end of the night anyway.
I was pathetic.
The lump in my throat turned into a jagged rock stabbing me every time I tried to swallow. My thumb fumbled with the medication button as I pushed it until I felt the coolness rush through the vein. I lay there, wishing I had Dorothy’s ruby slippers to transport me back to Oz because this reality held nothing good for me.