So Sick! (5 page)

Cal sat quietly, munching his pear and saying nothing.

Daniel frowned. ‘What’s the matter?’ he asked. ‘Is something wrong?’

Cal sighed and looked at his friend. With a wistful voice he said, ‘I want to go in the flipper race with Heaven, I mean Hayley. I want to take her to a movie.’

‘Rumour has it she might be interested,’ said Daniel. He leaned forward and in a conspiring way whispered, ‘Why don’t you ask her?’

‘No!’ said Cal, flinging his pear core at a bin. And with that he curled into a tight ball, his knees tucked under his chin.

‘She might say, yes,’ Daniel persisted. ‘Ask her.’

Cal snorted saying, ‘Hayley wouldn’t go in a flipper race with me.’

‘Scared?’ asked Daniel. ‘Scared she’ll turn you down?’

Cal shook his head. ‘No, you moron. I’m scared she’ll say, yes.’

‘So?’ asked Daniel with a shrug, ‘What’s the problem, then?’

‘My feet!’ Cal dropped his voice to a whisper. ‘Footrot feet, remember?’

Daniel scratched beside his nose and wore a vacant expression. He was being particularly thick. ‘So?’ he said, again.

‘So, Hayley will see them if I have to wear flippers.’ Cal prised off a shoe and peeled down his sock exposing a raw expanse of angry-looking skin. The area between the toes was red and weepy. Thick crusts had built up around the nails, which looked like they were about to fall off.

‘I see what you mean,’ said Daniel, trying not to flinch but looking like someone who’s discovered they’ve sat next to a fresh cow pat. ‘You’re right,’ he said, shuffling to move away. ‘You can’t ask Hayley
for a flipper race with hoofs like that.’

‘It looks like leprosy,’ said Cal, reaching down and flicking off a cluster of scales from the top of his foot.

The playground developed dandruff.

‘I read that the nine-banded armadillo is a carrier for leprosy,’ said Daniel.

‘Gee-e-e, thanks for the info,’ said Cal. Then, seeing Daniel’s face drop he added with a smile, ‘Don’t tell me I have to stop playing with my nine-banded armadillo!’

Daniel went on, nodding his head to look knowledgeable and saying, ‘They spread it by their snot.’

Cal laughed. ‘I knew I shouldn’t have let that armadillo …’ From here his voice became singsong, ‘wipe his nose, on my toes.’

Daniel frowned, then finally he twigged that Cal was having a joke. ‘I know we don’t have leprosy in our country …’ he began, trying to regain his dignity. ‘I was trying to cheer you up.’

Just then a ball landed at Cal’s feet. A hand appeared to retrieve it.

Cal looked up. Hayley’s hand!

Cal grabbed the first thing he could find and threw it over his exposed foot. Yoghurt splashed from his heel to his ankle and over to his toes — up, up, right up Hayley’s arm. ‘Yuck!’ she exclaimed, launching herself backwards and giving Cal her most scathing of looks. ‘What did you do that for?’

Cal could feel the heat creep up his neck and into his face. ‘Sorry,’ he said, reaching over and trying to scoop the yoghurt off Hayley’s arm. ‘It slipped out of my hands.’

‘Next time don’t be so clumsy!’ said Hayley, whirling around and heading for the tap.

‘Phew!’ said Cal, watching her stalk off. ‘That was close.’ Sitting on his haunches he took a tissue from his pocket and began to clean up the mess.

‘Too close,’ agreed Daniel. He looked at Cal’s exposed foot, at the angry red patches and the scaling skin. Before he could stop himself Daniel blurted, ‘Looks almost alien. Like the final stage in evolution, the one before we get to self-destruct.’

At the sight of his rotting feet Cal had to agree. ‘They do look like they’re mutating,’
he said. He buried his face in his hands moaning, ‘Wish you could swap skin.’

‘There’d be no takers,’ answered Daniel, putting his arm around Cal’s shoulders. ‘Don’t worry,’ he said, ‘this afternoon we’ll go to the shops and buy something to clear it up.’

For the first time that morning Cal smiled.

‘Y-e-e-s?’ A large woman loomed over the counter of Snowpetal Pharmacy. ‘May I help you?’

Cal jumped, bumping a stand and knocking several pairs of sunglasses to the floor. As he bent to pick them up he didn’t need a mirror to know he was blushing. ‘Sorry!’ he said.

Daniel poked him in the ribs.

‘Ju-just looking!’ Cal stuttered to the chemist shop assistant, trying to put the sunglasses back but only succeeding in getting their arms tangled in the stand.

The woman’s nostrils swung together like doors slamming in Cal’s face, then she parked her nose a centimetre away. ‘Looking for what?’ she asked. She took the sunglasses from Cal’s nervous fingers and plonked them on the counter. She would deal with the tangle of glass and plastic later.

‘Er, um, nothing,’ Cal said. He gave a shrug, trying to appear casual, when his elbow knocked over a row of nail polishes. Every colour of the rainbow cascaded to the floor and landed with a
clatter. Cal looked up with horror. This trip to the chemist was turning into a nightmare.

‘You can just as easy look for
nothing
outside, then,’ said the woman. Making a point of high-stepping over the nail polishes, she grabbed the offending elbow and went to steer Cal towards the door.

Cal refused to budge. ‘I
am
looking for something,’ he said. ‘I’ll know it when I see it. It’s for a gift,’ he finished lamely.

‘Gift?’ asked the woman, as suspicious as a sniffer dog at an airport. ‘Gift of the gab if you ask me!’ She let go of Cal’s elbow and stood back, her body poised. ‘Who’s the gift for?’ she hissed.

‘Mum, er, Dad,’ said Cal, wishing that he’d never come and wondering how he could escape.

‘Cal!’ interrupted Daniel from the next aisle. ‘I’ve found it!’

Cal backed towards Daniel, muttering a barely audible, ‘Excuse me,’ before ducking down an aisle, knocking over a tower of toilet paper in his haste. ‘She’s onto us!’ he squeaked as he reached his friend.

‘Never mind,’ said Daniel, holding up a jar and beaming. ‘I think I’ve found what we’re looking for.’

Cal could hear the woman picking up the toilet rolls and muttering under her breath. He stood peering at the yellow jar in Daniel’s hands. Cal could just make out the label. On it was a picture of an elephant, it’s trunk raised to the heavens.

The elephant was smiling. Above it were the words … ‘Elephant oil!’ exclaimed Cal, ‘What do I want with that?’

Daniel’s eyes danced. ‘It’s got healing powers,’ he whispered. Pointing to the label he said, ‘It says it’s a
Cure-all.’

‘That’ll do me,’ said Cal, taking the jar from Daniel. ‘I need all the curing I can get.’ His voice trailed off as he started to read from the label. ‘Rashes, burns, blisters, plantar warts.’

‘Hello.’

Cal almost dropped the jar. He found himself staring face to face with … ‘Hayley!’ he gasped.

Hayley was frowning. She pulled a face. ‘Have you got plantar warts?’

Crash and burn, thought Cal, quashing his plan to take Hayley to a movie. At that same moment he felt a familiar prickle.

With her eyes on the jar Hayley read,
‘Elephant
oil.’ She shot a look at Cal. ‘Animal liberationist’s would have your neck.’

They can have it, thought Cal dying a thousand deaths, as long as they take my feet too!

The next day at school, the children worked on their projects for the fair. Some were making signs, some wrapping lucky dips and some sorting through prizes. Everyone was busy.

Including Cal.

With the precision of a beachcomber Cal was searching in the bushes. He carried a bucket with a textbook as its lid. Already the bucket was filling nicely. Snails slunk along the plastic floor. Snails hid under leaves. The intrepid ones scaled the slippery walls.

Cal was not sure how many snails he’d need. Twenty? Fifty? It was impossible to tell. He was still searching when he came across a beauty — the Hercules of all snails.
A snail so big and strong it would trample the others as it raced. ‘I’m going to call you Helix,’ whispered Cal, tracing the shell pattern with his finger. He beamed at the snail saying, ‘Helix, you’ll be the best racer, ever!’

‘Talking to yourself?’ interrupted Daniel.

‘No,’ said Cal, quickly covering Helix with his hand. ‘I mean, yes.’ Now was not the time to reveal his secret weapon, not even to Daniel. Pointing at the bucket he used diversionary tactics, ‘There’s enough snails in there to start my own French restaurant.’

‘Gross!’ said Daniel, easing away.

‘Snails are considered a delicacy in France,’ said Cal.