Sociopath? (25 page)

* *

He picked her up at the airport.

“Do you want to go get something to eat,
Lane?”

“No.”

“Do you want to take a ride around the
campus?”

“No.”

“Do you want to go to the beach?”

“No.”

“To a movie?”

“No.”

He put his hand on her upper thigh.

“What do you want to do, Honey?”

“You know what I want to do, Rafe.”

“Yes, Lane, but I want to hear you tell me.
While we’re driving to the motel, tell me exactly what you
want.”

“First, I want you to take my clothes off,
kissing me as you go. Then I want to take yours off. I want to
touch you and lick your nipples and see you hard. I want you to
kiss me all over and suck my breasts and down my stomach. I want
you to kiss and lick me between my legs until I come.” Her voice
was getting husky, “I want to feel your cock inside me every place
it can go. I want to go to sleep with you next to me, then, I want
to wake up in the morning and start all over again. I just want to
love you, Rafe, for two days I don’t want to do anything but love
you.”

He looked over at her and grinned. “Thy will
be done, Sweetheart.”

*

“So are you going to be okay with Cal gone,
Lane?”

“Oh, you know, it’s going to be hard but I
guess I’ll get through it. I like him a lot but it’s not that kind
of

love, Rafe, although I think it might be for
him. In a way, I’m almost relieved. He’s such a good person. He
deserves someone who cares for him wholeheartedly like I care for
you. Sometimes I feel really guilty for being so dishonest.”

“I wish you could be more of a
compartmentalizer, Lane, like me.”

“I know, but I can’t. My heart is just one
whole thing and you fill up every bit of it.”

“It’s not good to be so dependent on one
person, Sweetie,” he said gently, “especially when that person is
me. I’m not always that dependable. I’ll only ever be able to give
you a small part of what you want.”

She sighed. “I know, Rafe, but I guess that’s
just the way it is.”

* *

Raven died in April. God, she hated to tell
him.

*

Rafe, I’m so, so sorry but Raven died. We
didn’t think you’d want an autopsy done but Doc said it sounded
like his heart just stopped. He was asleep in his bed. I know how
much you loved him, Rafe. Are you going to be okay? We buried him
under the dogwood tree on that little hill closest to the stables
where all those Lilacs are against the fence. I tried to call your
cell but it was shut off. Call me if you need to. I don’t know what
else to say. I love you, Lane.

*

Lane - no, I wouldn’t want an autopsy. What
does it matter why he died? Fuck, Lane. Next to you, he was my best
friend. Sounds like you guys picked a nice spot although to tell
you the truth, it doesn’t make me feel all that much better, lilacs
or no fucking lilacs. I wish I’d been there with him. Yes, I’ll be
okay. No, I probably won’t call. I don’t think I want to talk about
it but thanks for the support. Love, R

*

Well, Lane, tell Dad I bickered (Christ, just
saying those words makes me cringe!) and I’m an Ivian now, for what
that’s worth. I guess its worth something to Dad since he made such
a point of ordering me to do it. The eating clubs offer food and
social interaction, neither of which are especially high on my list
of priorities but anyway…..R

*

“Dad?”

“What, Laney?”

“I got an e-mail from Rafe. He said to tell
you he bickered and he’s an Ivy member now. He said he thought that
would please you.”

“And did your brother seemed pleased about
that too, Lane?”

She hesitated.

“It’s okay. I can guess his reaction. I was
just curious to know how he expressed it.”

“He said saying the words, ‘I bickered’, made
him cringe.”

Renny grinned. “Yes, I can see him thinking
that. I’m a father though so every now and then I get to throw my
weight around just to prove I can. Even your brother needs to feel
the bit in his mouth on occasion.”

Laney just looked at him in puzzlement. She
totally did not understand the relationship between Rafe and their
father.

~ ~ ~

Two down, two to go - yes! The Corvette flew
down the highway with the speedometer registering in triple digits
and the cd player as loud as it would go - some classic George
Bad-to-the-Bone Thorogood. He couldn’t believe he’d never gotten a
ticket, fast as he always drove. The Highway Goddess must love him.
“Home, sweet fucking home, here I come!”

*

He ordered a stone for Raven. Nothing
sentimental. Just a smallish polished black oval stone with his
name and a paw print engraved into it. Then, he went to the kennel
and bought himself a black and silver German Shepherd puppy. (Not
another black one, he wasn’t trying to replace Raven). He knew it
probably wasn’t the best time with him gone so much at school, but
Laney would take care of it for him when he wasn’t home, and he
couldn’t stand not having a dog with him when he was outside at
Heron Point. He named it Hawk. It followed at his heels adoringly,
just like Raven always had.

*

Rafe was glad Renny and Magdelene would be
leaving for Florida soon. They were thinking of buying a house
there. Magdelene had wanted to do it for years but Renny always
resisted. Heron Point was home and he said that was the only house
they needed. Rafe figured his father was probably the only one on
Forbes list of richest Americans who didn’t own more than one home
but he liked being footloose and just traveling wherever they
wanted to go. Renny always said when you walked away from a hotel,
you turned over the key and you were done. But Maggie was hot to
check out Florida real estate and Rafe guessed his dad was humoring
her.

Rafe needed to spend some quality time Laney
and that was easier to do with the folks gone. She seemed to be
rather at loose ends since Cal had left.

“Have you got your eye on anyone else you
might want to date, Lane?”

“Justin Delaney asked me to go with him to
Dawn’s party. I told him I’d go with him but I didn’t want to
consider it a date. I hope I’m more loyal than to start going out
with other guys practically before Cal has had time to get to
California. Anyway, Rafe, I think I just won’t date this summer
while you’re here.”

“I’m going to race again,” he warned, “and
I’ll be traveling a lot.”

“I know but, well, I’ll start thinking about
dating next year when school starts.”

* *

“Goddam, I’m glad to see you, Kid. You know,
I’ve had sponsors calling me about you? That’s unheard of at the
level you’re at as a driver. Usually, it’s the other way around. I
think the fan club is part of it. That story made the rounds in
racing circles. Jeri is turning out to be one hell of a publicist.
When you’re a rich professional driver, you need to put her on your
payroll.”

“Slow down, Chet. I’ve got two more years of
school. I just want to spend this summer and next doing what I’ve
been doing. Maybe after that, we’ll start talking about what comes
after I graduate.”

“No, Rafe, we’re going to start moving you
on. We’ll keep you driving sprint cars this summer but next year,
I’m going to try to get you a ride in at least a few Busch series
races. We’ll see how that goes and then if you want to shoot for
the big time when you’re out of school, you’ll be ready.”

“You worry about all that, Chester. In the
meantime, you just point me to a race car and I’ll drive it.”

“Good enough, Kid.”

*

The girls were, of course, thrilled to see
him. He had Jeri pass the word through e-mail that he was reserving
a room at one of the most elegant restaurants in Baltimore and any
of the members who wanted to come were invited. By the time, they
all RSVPed, there were 112 of them. He chose prime rib and baked
potatoes and salad for the menu. It cost him a pretty penny but he
thought they deserved it. Besides, that year he took off, between
racing and playing music and handling Laney’s funds, he’d piled up
money instead of spending it the way he thought he would. And he
always saved a big part of his allowance because there weren’t that
many things he really wanted, so his bank account had grown
significantly.

Jeri sent out a press release about the
Appreciation Dinner and it must have been a slow news cycle because
in addition to a couple of print reporters, Channel 5 News sent out
a crew to film them going in. They interviewed several of the
women, not dressed in Fan Club tee-shirts now, but in their
dress-up best. They, of course, expressed nothing but adoration for
Rafe. Mostly the media people wanted to talk to Rafe himself to get
a feel for what this was all about and he didn’t disappoint them.
Everyone who works in film knows that there are certain people with
whom the cameras simply fall in love and they could tell right away
that Rafe was one of them. The lenses seemed as if they wanted to
wrap themselves around him, enhancing his lean, chiseled
handsomeness, capturing the quick gleaming smile and the enigmatic
dark eyes, dwelling on the lock of black hair that fell so
appealingly across his forehead.

“How do you account for the fan club
phenomenon, Mr. Vincennes? I mean, let’s face it, your stature
hasn’t really reached the point where this would be expected?” the
beautiful blonde reporter, asked, all professional on camera, but
thinking, “hell, I know exactly how to account for it, I’m ready to
sign up myself. Can anyone say sex appeal?”

Rafe’s quick smile acknowledged that he
probably knew that was the answer as well but of course, he didn’t
say it.

“I don’t know, exactly. There’s just kind of
a connection among us. I can’t tell you how much their support
means to me……”

When the recorders and cameras were off, he
told her. “I can’t really explain to you in words but I could
probably show you.”

“What time do you expect your party to be
over, Mr. Vincennes?”

“I’d guess before midnight.”

She gave him a business card with her home
address and phone number written on the back. “Call and let me know
when you’re on your way.”

* *

Linda Dee gave a little moan when she saw him
on the news. Her daughter, Chelsea, who was home from college
herself, began to cry.

“Oh, my, God, Mom, he’s even better looking
than he was in school.”

“Chelsea, I’m warning you. If you even think
about joining his fan club, I will disown you!”

*

Lane spent her summer in a low-grade
depression. She did all the usual things, parties and water-skiing
and barbeques with her friends, but she just couldn’t seem to get
into the swing of the season. Everyone treated her gently and let
her get away with it for the most part because they attributed it
to Cal leaving. And that was a part of the reason. She missed him.
If he wasn’t quite the man of her dreams, as everyone believed, he
was a wonderful friend, one she’d relied on a lot. A bigger reason
for her emotional slump included Cal in another way, because he was
involved in the deceit she had to engage in when she allowed
everyone to make their assumptions. If her eyes suddenly filled
with tears and Missy patted her on the back with sympathy for her
broken heart, she had no choice but to go along with the
misconception.

It was the first time she’d really faced what
her feelings for Rafe implied for her future. She flat-out loved
him and she didn’t think she could change that even if she wanted
to but if she didn’t, she realized she would live her entire life
protecting a secret. She had already spent ten years with the
dominating fact of her existence being locked away inside herself.
She could never, ever confide in anyone except Rafe himself, never
be honest with her friends. Like now, when they were being
supportive and compassionate, but for the wrong reason, and she had
to let it happen that way. She wanted and needed their concern but
it made her feel guilty that it flowed from a lie.

Laney had to put constant effort into being
deceitful because at her core, she was naturally drawn toward
openness and honesty. She knew Rafe wasn’t at all like her. He
constructed his public persona in the way he wanted people to
perceive it although it didn’t even come close to the reality of
who he really was. He simply told people what he wanted them to
believe and rightness or wrongness didn’t even enter into it. She’d
asked him about it once, how he could lie so easily and make his
lies sound so sincere.

“What great cosmic law convinces you that you
owe people “the truth”, Lane? I don’t even really think in those
terms. My truth is whatever I say it is.”

She knew too that they were direct opposites
in terms of how they felt about one another. For her, love was an
all-encompassing thing. It filled her world. She still remembered
asking him once if they couldn’t run away together and take new
identities so they could be together all the time. He’d laughed at
her then but she still knew she’d give up everything else if it
meant she could spend her life with him. When he wasn’t around, it
was almost like a part of her went into suspended animation,
waiting for him to return, even though she went through all the
motions of her daily routine. Her mental calendar was always
focused on when they’d be together - Christmas, for instance, and
then when that was over, she concentrated on her trip to see him in
February. The rest of the dates were like time-fillers in
between.

But the harsh reality, she admitted to
herself, was that he didn’t feel the same way about her. She didn’t
doubt he loved her in his own way but she was allotted only one
small section of his brain. She had once tried to calculate what
percentage that section took up, and even though it was impossible
to measure in real terms, she estimated it was maybe 20 percent, if
that much. And she thought out of sight was pretty well out of mind
with Rafe.