Solace (19 page)

“I don’t want this to go any further,” Shell said suddenly, drawing his attention squarely toward her.

“I’m not just gonna drop this. I can’t.”

She shook her head. “No. But I am.”

Shane just stared at her, not daring to breathe. Could she really mean…?

“We’ll figure it out. I already told my lawyer we don’t need the judge to intervene. We can draw up a shared custody agreement between us.”

Shane let out the breath he’d been holding in a shaky exhale. “What about your job?”

“I’ll see if they’ll let me do it remotely, and if not, I’m sure there’ll be other opportunities.”

He wanted to celebrate. He wanted to drop to his knees and thank a God he hadn’t talked to in years. But some tiny part of him was terrified of taking that leap.

“…Why?”

Shell smiled softly. “Your friend’s testimony. He’s right. You’ve made a lot of progress, and I’m proud of you, Shane.”

He could see the tears in her eyes, and if they hadn’t left things under such shaky circumstances, he might have hugged her. Instead, he touched her arm briefly, though his gaze moved to Aaron who was watching their exchange with a hopeful expression in his beautiful brown eyes.

“You can’t be serious.”

Shane tensed, his teeth grinding together just at the sound of David’s voice. Christ. Why was he still here?

“I already told you I was leaning this way,” she said, and Shane knew her well enough to know she was losing her patience.

“What if it happens again, Shell? You really think it’s safe for him to be around Becca? Look at the facts.”

Shane caught himself before his hand tightened around Buttercup’s lead. It wasn’t worth it. He was going to get to see his daughter, no matter what this asshole said.

“I think I know what’s best for
my
daughter, and it isn’t keeping her from her father.”

For a moment, it seemed like David was going to say something. His jaw worked, but words never left his mouth. Instead, he just shook his head and stalked off.

“I’ll be in the car. Come find me when you feel like talking about this.”

Shell rolled her eyes so far back into her head Shane could practically hear them. He couldn’t help but laugh.

“Jesus, Shell. That guy is a tool. You deserve way better than him.”

“I’m starting to realize that,” she said with a sad smile.

Shit. The way she was looking at him, did she think…? Maybe he’d wanted that once, when he’d been deployed. There was a time when he would have given anything for the three of them to be a family again.

But now…

She jarred him out of his thoughts by smacking him firmly on the arm.

“Stop looking at me like that. I know you’re already taken.”

She looked over Shane’s shoulder and, in her not-at-all-subtle way, gestured to Aaron.

A month ago, he would have denied it. But now he didn’t bother trying. Why should he? His heart belonged to Aaron, even if Aaron wouldn’t take him back.

“Yeah, well. I’ve got a lot to set right.”

She squeezed his arm, smiling up at him. The sadness in her eyes returned, but he saw it for what it was this time. Just regret.

“I’m so sorry, Shane.”

“It doesn’t matter,” he said honestly. His voice grew hoarse as he continued, “I’m just glad you trust me with her.”

“You’re the person I trust most with her. And actually… I have a feeling I’m going to be spending the afternoon gathering up all of David’s shit. Why don’t you take Becca to the park or something?”

He felt his whole being light up in an instant. “Yeah?”

“Yeah. Drop her off at the house in time for dinner, though. And don’t buy her ice cream or anything. If she doesn’t eat what I cook because of you, I’m sending you my grocery bill.”

Shane laughed, a hearty sound that rumbled through his chest. “Fair enough.”

Shell patted his arm one last time, then moved past him to talk to their daughter. He couldn’t hear what she said, but he saw Becca’s big blue eyes light up. Shane took a few steps closer, but before he could even say anything, Becca practically flung herself at him, her arms wrapping around his middle.

Buttercup didn’t seem concerned over the attack. She wagged her tail fiercely, hitting Shane with it.

“I missed you, too, baby girl,” he said, tears beginning to well in his eyes.

He closed them, savoring the moment. He’d earned this. He’d fought harder for it than he’d ever fought for anything in his life.

There was only one thing missing to make it perfect. But when he opened his eyes again, he saw Aaron walking away.

Buttercup whined, tugging a little on the lead. It was so unlike her that Shane couldn’t help but untangle an arm from Becca to keep his dog from chasing after Aaron the way Shane himself wanted to.

But he couldn’t. He couldn’t leave his daughter. Not now.

“Can I ask Mr. Hayes to come with us?” His daughter asked urgently.

Shane just stared down at her, blinked, and then nodded dumbly.

He opened his arms, and Becca went after Aaron, practically skipping down the hall. She spoke loud enough that Shane could hear, even from some distance away.

“Don’t go yet. You have to come to the park with us.”

Shane fought back a grin. God love her. She didn’t have a subtle bone in her body.

Aaron turned, looking completely helpless, and Shane found himself closing the distance, until he was standing right behind his daughter.

“I… I don’t really think that’s a good idea…”

“We’d really like it if you came along.” And when Aaron’s gaze met his, he held it, begging him to understand. “Please.”

Please give me a chance. Please let me set things right. Please don’t make me choose.

“Pleeeeeeeease,” Becca said, though not in the same tone.

For a brief moment, Aaron had that look about him—the same one he’d had when he’d first met Becca. The look that said he had no idea what he was doing, and wanted to find the exit as soon as humanly possible.

But that look softened, and a smile tugged at the corner of Aaron’s lips.

“How can I say no to that?”

H
e’d had
an amazing time with Becca.

They’d mostly just walked around with Buttercup, and stopped at one point to watch young squirrels playing what looked like a game of tag around three trees.

It had been simple. Easy. And just what he’d needed.

But still there was one thing wrong. Aaron had been distant the entire time.

He’d interacted with Becca and Buttercup, but whenever it came to Shane, things were strained. He knew he had no one to blame for that but himself, and Shane found himself grateful that they’d all piled into his truck to make the trip.

After he’d dropped Becca off, though, Aaron had been sure to scoot to the far end of the cab. And just a little bit down the road, he finally spoke.

“There’s a bus stop close by. If you just want to drop me there, I can make it back to the courthouse.”

Ouch.

“I deserve that,” Shane said quietly.

Silence stretched between them, then Aaron said, “I’m just not sure why you brought me along.”

“Probably the same reason you gave that testimony.”

“I doubt that,” Aaron said pointedly.

This wasn’t working. There was too much for Shane to say, and he wasn’t sure he could get the words out right before Aaron just jumped out of the truck while it was moving.

He’d only have one shot at this. He had to make it count.

Shane pulled off to the side of the road. It wasn’t sudden—he even signaled when he did it—but he saw the shocked expression on Aaron’s face out of the corner of his eye.

Shane threw the truck into park and, without saying a word, pulled out his phone and tapped at the screen.

Aaron’s phone chimed. “Shane…”

He continued

Aaron didn’t say anything, and so he shut off the truck, got out of the cab, and went around back to do exactly what he promised.

It took a few minutes, but eventually he received a text from Aaron.

Shane’s answer was automatic, his fingers tapping out the words before he even finished reading Aaron’s text.

This time the response was almost immediate.

Shane stared at his phone in disbelief, then he let out a crack of laughter. That had to be a good sign, right?

At least it was better than the silent treatment.

He started, being sure to emphasize the point.

Shane waited, but Aaron didn’t say anything in response. Scrubbing a hand over his hair, he considered what the hell he was supposed to say next.

Still no response. Shane shifted on the tailgate, the truck moving under his weight.

Shane paused before completing the text.

His phone finally buzzed with Aaron’s response.

And damn if he wasn’t right.

Aaron’s response was quick.

Shane drew in a breath. He knew that now. He’d felt the weight of it every moment of every day since.

Shane swallowed hard, looking out at the street and the cars that passed by.

Still Aaron didn’t respond. It was too late. He’d been too good at breaking Aaron’s heart, until the one person who’d always had faith in him just didn’t anymore.

He was about to give in; to put aside his pride and drive Aaron to the bus stop like he’d asked.

But then he felt his phone buzz in his palm.

Shane drew in a deep breath, reading it a second time. Slowly he stepped down from the tailgate and moved toward the front of the truck, his heart wanting to pound out of his chest.

Climbing up into the cab, he shut the door softly and set his hands on the wheel, but he didn’t start the engine again.

For the longest time, Aaron didn’t look at him. When he finally did, brown, tear-filled eyes seized Shane’s attention completely.

“You can’t do this again. You can’t push me away when things get hard. If you need time, I’ll always respect that, but—”

“I won’t,” he said firmly. “I don’t want to push you away.” And then, after a beat he added, “You see me. Even when I don’t see myself.”

It was the truth. Aaron had always seen him. Straight past his bullshit. Past the mask he’d spent so long crafting.

That was what made it so easy to say the next words that left his mouth.

“I love you.”

Aaron’s reaction, the instant widening of his eyes, was almost comical.

“Is that really so fucking hard to believe?” Shane asked.

“I thought you didn’t do relationships with men?” Aaron’s question was just as incredulous. “Shane, if you want something we just keep between the two of us… I can’t do that. I’m sorry.”

Shane took in another steadying breath, and then, slowly, reached for Aaron’s hand. Aaron didn’t flinch or pull away, but his fingers didn’t immediately curl around Shane’s, either.

“That’s not what I want,” he admitted softly. “Nothing ever worked out with the guys overseas because they weren’t what I needed. You are.”

At that, Aaron’s fingers did tentatively grasp his in return. Tears shimmered more brightly in his eyes, and his jaw trembled in just the slightest way.

“…I love you, too, you know.”

Shane’s smile was instant, his heart soaring at those words. “I kinda got that from your testimony.”

Aaron smiled back at him. “I guess a part of me hoped… But I never imagined…”

Shane leaned closer, lifting his free hand to trace his thumb along Aaron’s cheek. He crept closer still, until he and Aaron were practically trading breaths, and his words were a whisper across Aaron’s lips.

“You’ve given me a lot more than I deserve. But am I worth a second chance?”

Aaron didn’t hesitate. “Yes. You’re worth everything.”

* * *

S
hane didn’t drive
him to the bus stop, or back to the courthouse.

Instead, he went straight to his home, parted from Aaron just long enough to get Buttercup settled, and then found him standing in the middle of the living room, his eyes hopeful, his gaze heated.

Shane crossed the room in just a few long strides, but instead of the pounce of a predator, he pulled Aaron to him with the desperation of a man who knew what it felt like to lose.

When they kissed, it wasn’t just a bruising of lips and teeth and tongue. It was the melding of emotions, fierce and real, coming together to form an explosive need.

Clothing was tossed aside, and Shane was pretty sure he’d broken one of the buttons on Aaron’s shirt, but when their bare chests touched, it didn’t matter.

Tension started to rise sharply in him, demanding release. This time it wasn’t pent-up frustration—not like it had been last time, at least—but all of the feelings he’d tried so hard to bury after pushing Aaron away.

It was almost too much to handle at once, and Aaron seemed to understand that.

He drew back from Shane, murmuring against his lips. “I’m not going anywhere.”

Shane heard those words with a clarity he’d never experienced before. Aaron was his. They had all the time in the world, and there really was no reason to rush.

From that point, things slowed down considerably. He led Aaron into his bedroom and carefully stripped the rest of his clothing. Aaron did the same, and they explored each other with hands and mouths, memorizing the planes of one another’s bodies.

Instead of going for the immediate tactic, this time when Shane dropped to his knees, he learned exactly what Aaron liked. His tongue explored thoroughly, and he found a rhythm that had Aaron moaning in soft concert with his own sounds.

And when Aaron took Shane in his mouth, he marveled at the tenderness and adoration of the act. Aaron focused on him completely, driving him crazy with every flick of his skilled tongue.

They’d brought each other to climax, and then lay together, still touching and kissing and exploring, for almost an hour afterward before going for round two.

Every encounter he’d had with men before this—even with Aaron—had been almost frantic. A desperate bid to seek a satisfaction he’d never really been able to find.

But this time, they made love slowly. Aaron straddled him, taking him inch by inch until Shane was fully seated inside of him. He’d rocked gently, just barely moving, his body covering Shane’s. And Shane held on to him, never pushing him to go faster.

When he did pick up the pace, both of them growing too close to release to push it aside any longer, Shane switched their positions, meeting Aaron’s body time and again with long, smooth thrusts.

The moment of release was as emotional as it was physical, and in that moment, Shane felt closer to Aaron than he’d ever been to anyone in his life.

They lay together for a long time afterward, just quietly enjoying one another’s company and the feeling of being in each other’s arms.

And as Aaron drifted off to sleep in his embrace, Shane knew one thing:

He might not ever be fixed. But now he was complete.