Solving For Nic (20 page)

Nic had always considered himself self-made. No one had ever done a damned thing for him. He’d taken the miniscule amount of money his uncle had been forced to give him at eighteen and turned it into his own Empire. Nic Maretti did not need anyone’s help. He didn’t need anyone.

He sank down on the nearest seat and brooded. He sipped his drink, then brooded some more.

He might not need Lizzie feeling sorry for him, but if he was brutally honest with himself it didn’t feel as awful as he expected. He downed the rest of his drink, pushed to his feet, and tried to shake off the crazy.

Except, the crazy felt kind of good. He might be losing his mind but there was a lightness to his chest and skin. The air around him felt sweeter. He groaned. He wasn’t losing his mind. He’d already lost it.

He couldn’t believe he’d told her that Andreas wasn’t his real father. Hell, Pam didn’t even know that. The words had slipped out of him and it didn’t matter that some of the weight he’d carried for years had lifted off his shoulders too. He should have kept his mouth shut.

As far as Nic was concerned, tomorrow couldn’t come fast enough. The sooner he got Lizzie back to New Orleans, the better.

Pain squeezed his chest hard.

He didn’t want to take her back to New Orleans. He didn’t want the week to end. He wasn’t ready to give her up. He wanted more time with her. He did want to take her to Italy and show her where he’d been born.

He had no idea who he was anymore. Lizzie had him in a complicated tangle of emotions. She made him feel all sorts of things he had no desire to feel and as a result of the web she’d spun him into, now he was feeling pain and rejection he’d refused to feel since he’d stood at the warped glass window of an ancient dorm room and watched Andreas Maretti get in a taxi without once glancing back.

He remembered feeling cold that day but not really caring as the taxi pulled away leaving him in a strange place for an indefinite period of time. His beautiful mother was dead. She was not coming back so there was no point in being homesick for the house she no longer filled with laughter and music. He remembered the last time she was able to speak to him. She told him to be strong and not cry. So he was and he didn’t. When the winter break came, most of the students returned to their families while Nic was left to spend his first Christmas after his mother died alone.

When a large box had arrived postmarked from Italy, Nic had refused to open it. He’d given it to the staff that had stayed behind at school for the few students who had not gone to be with their families.

With far more maturity than a six-year-old should have, he decided he didn’t need Maretti, or the De Santis family. They had ceased to exist for him until he broke his arm playing Rugby and Claudia had arrived, her heart in the right place but unaware of what she set in motion when she took Nic to Texas.

He’d stuffed all those memories away years ago and had avoided feeling anything about his childhood for over two decades. He wasn’t about to start now. He didn’t like the way Lizzie was laying waste to the well-ordered calm he’d created when a grieving six-year-old boy had decided he didn’t need or want anyone.

But he liked Lizzie. He liked spending time with her. Her sense of humor. He liked never having to tell her something twice. Most of all, he liked the way she wanted him. She trembled with need every time he got near her. She came alive when he touched her and never held back anything. She gave him everything she had to give and didn’t ask for anything back. She didn’t want anything from him. Hadn’t complained about a thing.

Lizzie didn’t seem to care about his money, his name or his family connections. No, she wanted him. Just Nic. Not Nicolas De Santis Maretti. He wasn’t sure if he’d ever met anyone who was interested in him and not what he was worth. He’d been more relaxed and more himself this past week than he’d ever been.

He dreaded tomorrow. He didn’t want to be alone. Feeling exposed for the first time in years, he decided the trip to Hong Kong needed to happen. He could get some distance and clear his head.

He found her where he’d left her. She was leaning against the railing staring out to sea. She was lovely in the fading light as she scanned the horizon. An ache started inside him again and he forgot everything he decided minutes ago.

“Ready to go back in?” he asked, when he joined her at the railing.

“No.” She shook her head. “Everything is so peaceful here. How can you stand to leave this place?”

Warmth spread through him at the sigh she released. He couldn’t stand to leave this place. He loved it here. He loved it more with her. “Sometimes I can’t stand to leave.”

She nodded, but kept her face turned away.

“Lizzie.” He was about to break every single rule he had about women. “Tomorrow—”

“This week’s been great, Nic.” She spoke quickly so he couldn’t. “Let’s not ruin it with messy goodbyes.”

He should have been struck dumb by his good fortune. A woman who didn’t believe in messy goodbyes? A few weeks ago that described his perfect woman. Now, watching Lizzie walk away from him, it pissed him off.

So he went after her, throwing all his rules overboard. They were his rules. He decided when and if they mattered. He caught her arm and pulled her back around. “What if I’m not satisfied with a week? What then?”

“What?”

“What if it’s not enough?” The rules didn’t apply to Lizzie.

Not enough?

The words bounced around inside her.

“Lizzie, tomorrow is not goodbye.”

She backed away. “Yes, but I don’t think…” She forgot what she was going to say in the middle of the sentence.

Concentration was impossible while he focused on her with such intensity.

“You don’t think…what?”

She was so tempted to give in but the longer she stayed with him the more it would hurt when it was over. “My life is kind of—”

“Complicated? You’ve said that already. Mine is too. Try again.”

“We hardly know each other.”

“All the more reason I want more time with you.

“For what, exactly? Sex?”

“Sex? You think this is about sex?”

She backed up when he moved. “Isn’t it?”

A darkness seemed to roll over him like a thunder cloud. He lowered his face until they were eye to eye. “We have never just had sex, Lizzie.”

He kissed her then, teasing the corner of her mouth, tasting the slight swell of her bottom lip before sliding his tongue inside to tangle with hers. “You feel that? Like you’re drowning and it’s not happening fast enough?”

She nodded, tears burning at the corners of her eyes.

“Is it always like this? Do you feel like you’re falling off the earth when the blue-haired boy kisses you?”

“No,” she whispered, her lungs stopping when he smiled with smug satisfaction.

He kissed her again. Her arms went around his neck and she ran head first into the blaze.

“The others?” he asked, not lifting his mouth from hers as he teased her.

“What others?” She kissed him back and it took a second to realize he’d pulled back from her. Not physically. He stepped right back behind his stoic façade. She wanted to fall through the deck straight into the ocean and never come back.

She opened her eyes and froze at the darkness in his expression. “What are you saying?”

The chill in his voice told her she didn’t need to say anything. “What were we talking about?”

“I knew you were inexperienced but…”

Lizzie shivered as the chill leaked out of his voice and straight into her. She pushed away from him, but he didn’t let her go. “Why are you making this a thing?”

“You’re twenty-one years old. How is this even possible?”

Stunned he was angry, she felt her own temper start to sizzle. “Not that I owe you an explanation, but well, I…I told you we switched high schools after Katrina. There wasn’t anyone…”She wrenched away from him and he finally let her go.

“Not even blue-haired boy?”

Lizzie sucked down the outrage and resisted the urge to slap him right across his beautiful smug face. “He’s a friend, okay? I didn’t meet him until after…”

“After?” He prompted.

Lizzie shook her head. Not for all the tea in China was she going to tell him that he was the reason she’d never been with anyone else. She injected as much artic freeze as she could in her tone. “None of this is any of your business, Nic.”

“None of my business?” He shook his head in disbelief. “Are you serious? You had plenty of opportunities and time to tell me. You rode up that elevator with me knowing I had no idea it was your first time. You should have told me, Lizzie. I could’ve hurt you.”

His last words were like a bomb going off between them. Lizzie looked away. “I was afraid you’d stop,” she admitted, shattering the eerie silence between them. “I didn’t want you to stop.”

He pushed his fingers through his hair and backed up to the railing. “I can’t believe this. That’s your excuse? You didn’t want me to stop?”

She nodded. It had made sense at the time.

“So you used me?”

“What?” Her attention snapped back up to him. “That’s ridiculous.”

“You were ready to get rid of your V card and I was convenient?”

Her jaw dropped. “Seriously?”

He shrugged. “Explain it to me then. Why did you lie to me?”

“I didn’t lie!” she exploded back at him. “Not telling you something so personal is not lying.”

“Lies by omission. Same thing.” He shoved his fists into his pockets and turned away from her. “How do you know I would’ve stopped?” he demanded, but most of his anger had drifted away. Now it was worse. He was disappointed.

“You would have stopped,” she said softly.

“I’d like to think I would’ve stopped, but the truth is I probably wouldn’t have. You’re not that easy to resist,
bella
.”

“Oh.” She didn’t know what else to say.

“But I would’ve handled it differently.”

“It was perfect.”

“You ran the first chance you got.” He pulled his hands out of his pockets and gripped the railing.

“I told you what happened…”

“Yeah. You panicked.” He swung back around to face her. “Has it occurred to you if I’d known it was your first time, and I’d taken things slower, you wouldn’t have panicked? You would’ve stayed the night and things would be very different right now.”

“No, I still would’ve left. I had class on Monday.”

Genuine surprise, then doubt flickered across his face. “I could’ve flown you back to school and we could’ve spent Sunday together. Possibly the next weekend too.”

“Flown me? What do you mean you would have flown me?”

His expression closed down and Lizzie knew.

“You have a plane too? Of course you do.” She threw her arms up before he could respond. “Why not? You have a Ferrari, two helicopters, of course you have a plane.”

He crossed his arms again. “A jet.”

“What?”

“It’s a jet, not a plane. I need an aircraft capable of international flights.”

She nodded, hysterical laughter bubbling up her throat. “Oh sorry, my bad. A jet.”

“That’s right. The same jet that is flying you back to New Orleans tomorrow.”

She shook her head in disbelief. He couldn’t be real. None of this seemed real anymore. “You really do make Tony Stark look destitute, don’t you?”

If she’d thought he was shut down before, she’d been wrong. Now he was a fortress. A complete stranger stood in front of her and said, “I honestly don’t know what I’m worth but if it’s important to you, you can ask Pam.”

“Believe me,” she assured him, “I don’t want to know.”

“Can I believe you? I’m trying to decide.”

Her breath caught as the knife went deep into her chest. “Why wait until tomorrow? Let’s go back today. I can be ready in an hour.”

He was right behind her before she could move. Arms went around her and she fought him off, but he was bigger and stronger and he had her trapped tight against his chest. “I’m sorry,” he rasped.

She was stunned because from what she’d learned about Nic, he never apologized. “I don’t care. Let me go.”

“You think I can let you go now?” He loosened his hold when she stopped struggling. “There’s been no one else?”

“No.” She lowered her eyes in defeat, once again unable to lie to him.

“And you didn’t sleep with Adam because?”

Her fingers curled into fists. “Sometimes I really hate you.”

“Answer the question, Lizzie.”

She closed her eyes tight and took a deep breath. “Because I’d already met you. Okay? Are you satisfied?”

He turned her around, pressed her back against the wall. Dark eyes swirling with anger searched her face. “Say that again.”

“I didn’t want anyone else after I met you.”

His palm pressed against her cheek. The incredulous expression on his face breaking her apart and putting her back together at the same time. She was in so far over her head that she knew she would never make it back. This thing she had for him was insidious. An addiction. A weakness she couldn’t afford. A brass ring she knew better than to grab for.

But she was going for it anyway. She had no choice. The instinct was in her genetic code.

“We’re not done.” The words grated across her skin as his head dipped toward hers, hovering over her trapped lips. “We may never be done.”