Someone Else's Fairytale (27 page)

Do the right thing, I thought.

I dried my face, squared my shoulders, took a deep breath, and walked back out into the main room.

Jason was back on his feet, by the counter, eating ice cream. At the sight of me he put the lid back on the carton and began to fidget with the spoon.

“I am really sorry,” I said.

“You want me to leave.”

“I should want you to leave, so I'm going to ask you to leave.”

“You should?”

“Okay.” I wiped my eyes. “One, I'm on the rebound right now, so as much as I want to kiss you, it's a mistake, and how stupid would it be for me to give in and regret it, given what just happened with Matthew?”

Jason blinked a few times, processing this.

“Two, this was amazing of you. I am overwhelmed with guilt that you did this for me and I shouldn't have called you.”

“I'm glad you did.”

“I shouldn't have. I feel like an-”

“Don't insult yourself. Please.”

I felt like I was going to fly to pieces, this was so difficult. I folded my arms across my chest as if I could physically hold myself together. “This is like a fairytale. Everything with you has been like a fairytale. You've been Prince Charming to a T. You've been attentive and caring and taken me on amazing dawn rides to the top of Sandia and been there for me with Chris and you've got a wonderful family...”

He looked down. “But,” he prompted.

I leaned against the counter. “It's not my fairytale. It's not anything I ever wanted. It's the last thing I've ever wanted. I hate crowds. I don't want to be the envy of every other woman on the planet. I never dreamed of being with a guy with flawless good looks. This is someone else's fairytale.”

“Yeah,” agreed Jason. “I know.”

Relief unfolded in me. “You do?”

“It's mine.”

Ouch. It would've been easier if he'd just jammed that cold spoon he was holding right through my sternum.

“First time you looked at me, I knew what you saw. A jerk in a t shirt eating ice at four in the morning.” He chuckled.

“You're not a jerk.”

“You're the most literal person I know.”

“Jas...”

“I know that if you like me, I must be a decent guy.”

“You are a great guy,” I agreed.

“I love you.”

Okay, now I definitely wished he'd just end me with that cold spoon. Tears of shock welled up in my eyes. “I'm sorry. Really. I'm so sorry.”

He nodded. “Honest to the end. That's so you.”

“Jason...”

“Bye, Chloe.”

“Bye.”

He turned and walked out the door. I shut my eyes and listened as it clicked shut. A moment later I heard his car start up. Three seconds later, I assumed he was gone. His Pruis was silent, so I didn't hear it pull out.

I wiped my eyes again and looked around. I felt a million times worse than I had at the beginning of the evening. The only consolation was knowing deep down, that I'd done the right thing and dodged another bullet.

Still, a part of me wanted to pick up the ice cream and slam it against the wall, or throw it away. Instead I dumped it in the freezer, locked the front door, and went to bed.

The next morning I considered sleeping in, but my routine was a source of comfort. I got up, showered, got my things from Val's, and went to class. Matthew was in Media Studies, but he sat at the front and I sat at the back. At
noon
, I called Victims Services and learned that Chris was still in jail. Apparently Dr. Winters still hadn't bailed him out.

Lori was at the house when I got back. “Chloe,” she said, “I want to talk to you.”

I seated myself on the couch and waited.

The light from the window framed her silhouette. She stood, hands on her hips, head tilted to one side. “Um, you look like you expect me to chew you out.”

“I'm listening.”

“You didn't ruin my floral dress, did you?”

I shook my head. “I haven't touched your stuff. What do you want to talk about?”

“Are you feeling okay?”

I took a deep breath. “You were right about Matthew, and I'm sorry. Really. I was stupid.”

“What happened?”

“He wasn't actually interested in me. We went too far.”

“Ouch.”

“My fault.”

“Yeah, I can't really imagine you throwing yourself at a guy,” said Lori. “Not your style, so I'm betting it's not your fault. But now I feel really bad.”

“Why? Did you hook up with him too?”

“No.” She laughed. “No way. Chlo, I'm moving in with Charles for good. We talked it over. I'll pay up the rent on the rest of my share of the lease-” She held up a hand to cut off my protest. “I'm really not ready to explain all this to my parents yet, so this is easier. Charles's used to paying his full rent, so it'll be cool. I just... I hope you're not mad at me?”

“Why would I be?”

“Be-cause... I'm leaving you alone to deal with your psycho brother. But things are going really well with Charles. They're perfect. I love him so much and living with him has made us so much closer.”

“Well, I'm happy for you.”

“You sure you're okay?”

“I'm fine.”

“Not feeling abandoned?”

That was exactly how I felt, but telling her that meant explaining what I'd done to Jason, so I just shook my head and smiled.

I thought the worst was over, I really did, only three weeks later, I walked into my Media Studies class and heard the professor announce, “Well, the big event is here.”

I didn't know there was a Big Event.

“The reason many of you ladies signed up for this class.”

I glanced around the lecture hall. Several of the girls were giggling. Matthew, sitting in the front row, lounged back. I couldn't read his expression. He never so much as looked at me.

“Today, we begin the
New Light
series, the biggest blockbuster of modern times. Okay people, these movies are long so I'm not going to open with a lecture. Let's just get started.” He switched off the lights, and started the movie.

All right, I thought. No worries. I can handle this. I settled myself in my seat and resolved to watch.

The very first shot was of Jason, with shoulder length hair, shirtless. He was working in a corral, or whatever the Roman equivalent was, with white horses. It was an absurd, Hollywood shot, and he looked so young. He'd been what when the movie was made? Twenty four? Twenty three? Not all that much older than me.

What hit me, though, wasn't how stupid and generic this opening shot was, or the stilted dialogue when Gladius's slave owner yelled that he wouldn't ever amount to anything. It was Jason's steely eyed, cover of a million magazines, perfect pose response. Jason looked... well... fabulous. My knees felt weak and my palms started to sweat.

I missed him. A month with no one to talk to was killing me. I'd thought Matthew was my best friend, but when it had really mattered, it was Jason who'd come through. Now I could hardly remember anything Matthew and I talked about from day to day. I could, however, remember that Jason ate celery after a visit to the gym and that he'd known what a Golgi apparatus was. I remembered how he'd sit, rubbing lotion on his arms while we talked, and explain how much the lights on set took their toll. I remembered how eager he'd always been to talk to me. I remembered how he'd wanted to kiss me after dinner at Tia Anita's, and his hugs. I couldn't forget his hugs. I wondered how many women he'd charmed with his hugs alone.

I too, was now a fangirl. Great. Against my better judgment, I got swept up in the absurd plot of the movie. I watched Gladius earn his name (though my mind kept inserting the word “sword” whenever anyone said it), saw him catch sight of Caesar's beautiful daughter and become smitten with her at once. I went with it as he dreamed about kissing her and I broke out into a cold sweat as I imagined what it would have been like to kiss him myself. I refused to notice how disturbing it was that I was watching him stalk a woman who'd never met him. He sneaked into her camp at night and peered into her window to watch her sleep. (If any guy actually did that to me, I'd get a restraining order
so
fast.) I wanted him to go into the gladiator ring and earn enough money to buy his freedom so that he could pursue her. He had me convinced this was a love story even though the woman didn't know about him, let alone love him.

We got as far as his second major challenge in the ring, and then class was over. The lights came up and everyone gathered their things. I needed a moment before I could get to my feet. My heart was still pounding. I was still afraid for Gladius, that he might get killed, even though I knew this was the first in a three movie deal for Jason.

I shook myself and gathered my books. A walk outside would help me return to my senses, I was certain.