Someone Else's Fairytale (45 page)

I stared at the closed door for a minute, trying to make sense of what I'd just seen. Something was definitely wrong, and I was lost. I patted my pockets for my cellphone. Surely if I called Jason, he'd explain, but out of the corner of my eye, I saw Kyra standing in her doorway.

“Care to tell me what that was about?” I asked.

“I heard what you asked him.”

“What? When?”

“When you wanted to know if there's anything he'd change about your relationship.”

“Right. And?”

“Well, he's been doing a lot of thinking.”

“And?”

Her eyes looked very big and very lost right then. “We're friends, right? No matter what happens with Jason?”

“What exactly do you think is going to happen?”

“I just want to finish out the summer here. Things are going good.”

“Why wouldn't you?”

Her eyes stayed big and round. “Why don't you ever spend the night with him?”

“Um...”

“Is it because you don't love him?”

“No. I do love him, very much. Look, if you have some personal reason of your own to ask about my sex life, like something you're going through with Nate, I can talk about this, but if you're just being nosy, it's none of your business.”

She fell silent for a moment, then said, “I don't think you're gonna like his answer to your question. Promise me you won't get too mad about it?”

“Are you going to tell me what it is?”

“No way.”

“Okay, well, then I can't answer you. But we'll still be friends, okay?”

She nodded.

“I'm gonna get ready for bed, but you know where to find me.” I went to my room.

Kyra stared after me.

Once in my room, I sat down on my bed and rubbed my temples. I'd known what his answer to my question was going to be. Of course he wanted to sleep together after seven months of dating. A part of me wanted that too. But my other issues wouldn't leave me, and he and I both knew it.

I was twenty-two, way older than the average virgin. I was with my best friend who'd stayed devoted to me for seven months and never complained. A guy who could have any other woman on the planet, literally. Was I just being selfish? The thought of letting go of my chastity felt like breaking a solemn promise to myself. I wasn't where I wanted to be in life before I re-evaluated my feelings on that. I didn't feel ready. I wondered if there was something wrong with me.

The next day, Jason was working when I arrived on set. Right afterward, he had an interview with a reporter out in front of his trailer. I didn't get a chance to talk to him until after nine, after we'd gone back to his place, and he was in a foul mood. But I was confident we could talk things through anyhow. We communicated well. One good sit down and everything would be okay.

“Jas,” I said.

“Hmm?”

“Can we talk?”

He looked up. “Yeah, sure, of course.” He went to sit on the couch and pulled me down to sit next to him. “What is it?”

“I talked to Kyra last night.”

He tensed up at once. “What did she say?”

“That she heard me ask you if there's anything you'd change about our relationship. And that it made you think about a lot of things.”

“It did.”

“Do you have an answer for me yet? Because-”

“I'm still working on it.”

“Jas, be honest. Do you want me to spend the night? I won't be at all offended if you do. If you're getting frustrated with me, I want to know.”

“I'm not... just.. enough about that, okay?”

He'd never snapped at me before. I did my best to pretend like it didn't knock me off balance, though it did. “I love you,” I said, “and I want you to know that and I... I don't want to lose what we have, okay? So be honest with me.”

“Do you think sleeping together will prevent our relationship going in a direction you don't want?”

“Um... Well, yeah.”

"It wouldn't change anything, all right? Not with..."

"With what?"

"What else did Kyra tell you?”

“Nothing.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, really.”

“You look like you're dreading something.”

“Should I be?”

He didn't answer that.

Well, now I felt dread. “Jason, I really love you. Seriously. If there's something wrong and you're considering anything drastic-”

“Chlo, I'm under a lot of stress at the moment and this conversation is pushing all my buttons. I know it's probably not intentional, but I don't know how to respond right now. Let's just... just watch television or something, okay?”

I felt like I was being strangled, my throat was so tight. “Okay,” I whispered.

Jason turned on the TV, but didn't watch it. He put his arm over his eyes and lay back instead. I stroked his chest and he patted my hand, absently.

But my fear grew, like a yawning chasm in my heart. Our conversations
used
to solve our issues.

Lori didn't answer her phone when I tried to call, and I tried six times. I had other friends, but no one who knew about Jason. I'd kept him secret. Well, except for one: Matthew. That was a crazy idea, and I was desperate.

“Howdy?” he answered.

I burst into tears.

“Something wrong, Chloe?”

“I really, really need a friend right now.”

“What happened?”

“I think the Talk broke us up.”

“Jason dumped you cuz you won't sleep with him?”

“Not yet, but soon, I guess. I shouldn't have called you.”

“Well... I dunno if I can help here. I'm just... you know. Just a religious hick. But did you hear about Lori? She's expecting?”

“Yeah, I already knew about that.”

“You're making the right decision. I know Lori's all happy and jolly, but sheesh.”

I ignored his judgment. “I thought we'd moved past the issue. We had the Talk months ago and he was fine with it, but then I asked him if he was really, truly, honestly happy with our relationship, and he won't answer me. He's gotten all quiet and-”

“Aw, why did you do that?”

“I thought it was only fair.”

“What are you, nuts?”

“Matthew!”

“Sorry. I'm just sayin', though, you don't ask that. You trying to torture the man?”

I sniffled. “How's Michelle?”

“Naw, we broke up.”

“Oh. Sorry.”

“It's okay. I got me a teaching job in Houston and she doesn't wanna go there. Breakups happen. I'm good.”

I cried even harder.

“Look, you sit down with Jason and you tell him you love him and you just be you. If he dumps you, he's the world's biggest idiot. Which... maybe he is.”

“I always said he was someone else's fairytale. Maybe it's literally true.”

“Chloe...”

“He always planned ahead for us to see each other, in Vancouver, and Albuquerque, and New York, but he hasn't said word one about New Orleans.”

“Did you seriously ask him whether he was okay with your chastity?”

“Well, kind of.”

“You'll push a guy to crisis that way. Seriously. What did you think would happen?”

That Friday, I was alone in Jason's hotel room. Jason was on his way with Kyra. They had supposedly left the set forty minutes ago, but there was no sign of them. I'd seen one of the producers in the hotel lobby, and she never left while anything was going on, so I knew everyone was done for the day. Jason and I hadn't had a serious talk in almost a week. I was petrified that would prompt him to tell me that, as much as he loved me, it was time to move on. And who would blame him? If anyone in his circle knew that we weren't sleeping together-

And then I realized, everyone in his circle knew that. His assistant, his stylist, his security guys, they all knew his schedule, and they knew mine too. They knew where I was spending the night. He probably had half a dozen other men wondering why he was in a long term relationship with a nun. All he'd have to do was mention that he was having doubts, and it was obvious what they'd tell him. They'd point out that this was the twenty-first century, and what I wanted wasn't normal. If he broke up with me, he'd have an instant support network of people who wouldn't blame him one bit. They'd think he was noble for hanging around as long as he did.

No, I thought. Stop. He had Monday off. We'd talk Monday. I'd turn this around, somehow.

My phone rang. “Hello?” I answered it.

“Hey, Chloe?” said Jen.

“Yeah, hi.”

“I am really sorry about this. We've got a family crisis on our hands.”

“What's wrong?”

“It's Kyra. I need you to bring her home as soon as possible. I've got a flight booked for Sunday.”

“Is everything all right?” A wave of guilt went through me. Kyra was my responsibility, and here I was worrying about myself.

“No.” Jen sounded flustered. “We just need her home aaand, she and Kyle just had a really bad conversation. I hate to impose, but I'm begging you, can you fly back with her and make sure she gets home?"

"You think she'd run?"

"I think she'd stall. Miss her flight and hold out for a while. Things are worse than ever. We can fly you back the next day. I know it might screw up your work schedule and all that.”

“Actually, it won't. I already had Monday off, because Jason does.”

“And we'd make you miss that. I am so sorry. Really I am.” She sounded more desperate than I'd ever heard her sound though, which was saying something.

I couldn't turn her down. “No, that's fine. I just, I'm really sorry about Kyra. I thought things were getting better.”