Authors: Elaine Coffman
“I was at first, but now I understand why you did it.”
“And why is that?”
“Because you love me and wanted to protect me from all the painful details.” She paused a moment. “Of course, it could have been because you were afraid you would lose me.” She paused once more. “On the other hand, it could be because—”
“Susannah, my love, will you shut up and untie me?”
“Why? So you can be on your way?”
“So I can tell you properly how much I love you.”
“Well, why didn’t you say that to begin with?”
She untied his feet, then his hands, and stood up, placing her hands on her hips. “Okay. Talk!”
He laughed and stood up, then his arms came around her and he kissed her mouth softly. When he drew back and looked down into her face, he shook his head and said, “For this, I gave up a perfectly good rib?”
Susannah and Reed used the gift of their wedding money to fix up Dr. Bailey’s old office, and they bought a small farm that adjoined Violette’s land. Although there was a house on the property, it was in disrepair, so they spent most of their spare time getting their future home in order.
A week before their wedding, the house was ready, and Susannah took her aunts over to help her with the finishing touches by hanging the curtains over the shiny new glass-paned windows. Two days before the wedding Reed and Susannah moved their clothes. That evening, Reed said he would sleep in the barn to keep an eye on things.
“You can’t sleep in the barn,” Susannah said. “That’s ridiculous. Sleep in the house. There are sheets on the bed. Everything is ready.”
“Love, I wouldn’t dream of sleeping in our bed or our house without you. I’ll sleep in the barn until we are married, and then wild horses won’t be able to drag me out of that bed.”
“I wish your parents could be here for our wedding,” she said.
“I do, too, but my father isn’t up to the trip. My mother is afraid it would be too exhausting for him.”
“Do you think we could go to Boston to visit them afterward?”
“I don’t see why not. If there’s anything I’d like to do, it’s show off my beautiful wife. My parents will adore you, by the way.”
“I know I’ll love them.”
“How do you know?”
She stood on the tips of her toes and put her arms around his neck. “Because they raised you and helped to make you what you are, so I give them credit for all your
good
qualities.”
“And my bad ones?”
“I’m afraid you will have to take credit for those yourself.”
“I love you. Do you know that?”
“Yes, and in case you’re interested, I love you, too.”
They were married in the First Methodist Church by the Reverend Pettigrew, who announced to the congregation, “I think it is only fitting that these two be joined in holy matrimony in the very building where they both worked so tirelessly to save so many lives. It was here that they began to fall in love, so that makes this place even more special. So, it is with much pleasure that I pronounce them man and wife.”
“Well, it certainly took him long enough to move in for the kill,” Dahlia said to Violette, in tones that were whispered a bit too loudly. This sent everyone in the congregation into peals of laughter. And why not? Laughter was not a bad way to begin a marriage.
The newlyweds settled into their new home, and Reed, true to his word, did not spend another night in the barn. Everyone in town talked about how happy they seemed, but no one had any way of knowing that their newfound happiness wasn’t destined to last.
They had been married two blissful months when Susannah became concerned. There was something wrong, something that made her wonder if Reed regretted taking her for his wife. She did not know exactly what the problem was, but something bothered Reed—something that made him troubled and distant after they made love.
This particularly fine morning, when the weather was clear and surprisingly warm, Susannah watched Reed leave for town after breakfast, then she busied herself with cleaning the house and putting everything in apple pie order.
She was attacking the furniture in the parlor with the feather duster. Reed might be sorry he married me. Reed might not find me desirable. Reed might not want to make love. Reed might not be able to make love. It’s been so long, Reed may have forgotten how to make love.
She shook her head and slapped the lamp with the duster. None of those were the problem. She decided the problem with their lovemaking might be because Reed was tired when he came home at night. And that gave her an idea.
It was almost time for him to come home for lunch. Perhaps if they made love earlier in the day—say, after lunch, things might be different.
Different or not, Susannah decided as she set the table, it was worth a try. She cooked Reed’s favorite, fried chicken, and served him a big helping along with collard greens and mashed potatoes. Her sourdough bread was piping hot, and the butter was the freshest Peony had to offer.
Reed ate as if he had been starved for a week. When he pushed back from the table and rubbed his stomach and groaned, Susannah sat on his lap and kissed him on the mouth. “You didn’t eat that much, Reed Garrett, so stop your groaning.”
He kissed her nose. “You’re going to make me as fat as Miss Lavender, if you aren’t careful. How come you feed me so well? You keep that up and you won’t be able to get me out of the kitchen.”
“You know what they say about the way to a man’s heart being through his stomach.”
He kissed her, a long and lingering kiss. “Is that what they say?”
“Yes, and do you know what they say is the best way to a woman’s heart?”
“No, what is the best way to a woman’s heart?”
Susannah stood and pulled him to his feet. “To get her
out
of the kitchen.”
She led a laughing Reed out of the kitchen and into the bedroom.
As Susannah began removing his clothes, he said, “What do you call this?”
“Dessert.” She finished taking off his clothes, shoved him into the bed, removed her own clothes, and joined him there. She rolled over on top of him and kissed him soundly. “I’ve decided to take matters into my own hands,” she said. “Don’t even think about putting up a show of resistance.”
“I would never be so vile.”
She straddled him and he moaned.
“Love, I think I’d better take matters into my own hands on such a full stomach,” and he rolled her over and put her beneath him. Susannah did not argue but welcomed him as he came hard against her. A moment later she felt him enter her, and she did not think about anything else, save the way she felt each time he did this, as if it were the first time.
She moved with him, knowing when he was coming dose to losing control, and she prayed that it would be different this time, that he would not withdraw and spill his seed on her stomach.
She wanted a child. His child. Their child.
The sadness she felt must have reached out to him for he asked, “Susannah? Sweet love, what is it?”
“Oh, Reed,” she said, and threw her arms around his neck.
“Honey, what’s wrong?”
“I know, Reed. I realized it a moment ago.” She could feel her eyes filling with more tears with each word she spoke. Soon, it would be impossible to hold them back, and in all honesty she wasn’t certain she wanted to.
“What do you know, love? What did you realize that is making you so upset?”
“I know what you think, even though you don’t believe I know. I do know, Reed. I truly know.”
“What? Tell me, Susannah. What is it?”
“I know you don’t want me to have a baby because you feel you can never replace the one you lost, that I’m not capable of giving you a child you could love. Is it because you loved your first wife so much, or because of my past?”
At first, he looked dumbfounded, but then his eyes began to twinkle with humor.
Susannah felt no such humor, however.
If he laughs, I’ll choke him.
“Oh sweetheart, it’s neither of those reasons, believe me.” He kissed her face, her neck, her eyes. “I love you, Susannah. Only you. The rest is in the past. You are my present, my reality, my life. You’re all I think about, all I want.”
“Then why do you pull away before you can give me a baby? What’s wrong with me?”
He released a long and heavy sigh. “It isn’t you, Susannah. It’s me.”
“What is it?”
“I’m afraid.”
“Afraid? Of what?”
“I lost a wife in childbirth once. I cannot bear to lose you. I won’t risk it. Not even for children. You are my life. I couldn’t go on without you.”
Susannah started crying again. “Oh Reed, you aren’t going to lose me, because I’m not going to turn away from you the way Philippa did. I want you to deliver our child…all of our children, and I know whatever you decide to do when the time comes will be the best decision that could be made. I trust you.”
“I don’t deserve you,” he said, kissing her again. “And you don’t deserve the cruel way I’ve treated you.”
“I know, but that’s a whole new discussion and I want to stay on this one for a bit longer.”
She ignored the fact that he was limp with laughter and poked him in the chest. “You don’t deserve the cruel thing I’m going to do to you if you stop before we finish this time. It’s showdown time, Reed.”
Reed was laughing so hard Susannah wondered if he would be able to finish what he had started. She needn’t have worried. Her husband, she learned, never left anything undone. This time, when Reed made love to her, he stayed with her, and when he came inside her, Susannah knew, somehow, that Reed had given her the greatest gift of all, his child.
“That isn’t fair,” Susannah said.
“What isn’t fair?”
“That you should know before I do.”
“The important thing isn’t who knew first, but the fact that we’re going to have a baby.”
At the sound of those words, a dozen different emotions jammed in her throat. But of all the things she felt, the one that touched her the most was the sorrow that her mother wasn’t there to see the happy ending. When she told Reed how she felt, he put his arms around her. “I have a feeling she knows,” he said.
“Do you really think so?”
“Believe me, she knows.”
And, oddly enough, Susannah knew that Reed was right.
She sat back with a satisfied sigh and thought about her mother. Like a snake that sheds its skin and emerges a different color and texture, she was a new being. She opened her heart to the woman who had gone before her and marveled at the power of healing.
When he first discovered Susannah was going to have a baby, Reed was elated, but that night, when the dreams of Philippa and their dead child came back to haunt him, he awoke in a cold sweat. No matter how hard he tried, he could not shake the memory of what had happened. He could not forget the sight of his first wife’s dead face, or the weight of the stillborn son he held in his arms for such a brief time. The dreams continued.
It was Susannah who held him after he woke until he could fall asleep again. Susannah was the one who showed the strength now, but not even she could totally erase the fear of the past.
One afternoon, after Reed finished seeing patients in town, he stopped by Buck and Smith’s to pick up the mail. Mr. Truesdale handed him a few letters and said, “Hold on a minute there, Reed. I recollect there was a package in the back that I forgot to give you last week.”
Reed took the package home and opened it. When he saw that it was from Dr. Ledbetter in Boston, he remembered writing a long letter to his father after his talk with Violette about Susannah’s mother. So much had happened since then, he’d almost forgotten about it.
When he opened the package, he found the personal belongings of Captain J. D. Carpenter, CSN, a Bible, some military medals, and a few old letters. There was also a letter from Dr. Ledbetter.
Dear Reed,
Imagine my surprise when I opened the letter from you, surprise that doubled when I read your inquiry about Captain Carpenter. Although it has been a long time since the war, I am happy to report that I do, indeed, remember Captain Carpenter quite vividly.
I have enclosed the personal effects that were in Captain Carpenter’s possession when he died. Shortly before his death, he asked me to see that his things reached his wife. I cannot tell you how happy I am to forward these items to you and to put this longing to do the thing I promised behind me. I must tell you that after so many years, I feared the worst when I did not hear a reply to any of the letters I wrote to Captain Carpenter’s wife, Rachel. During the war, I normally did not have, nor did I take, the time to show such a personal interest in the life of a soldier, and certainly not a Confederate one, but Captain Carpenter saved my life and lost his own life in the doing of it. After his death, I felt I owed it to his family to do the right thing and honor his wishes to see that his personal effects reached them. Even when I did not hear from his wife, I was reluctant to dispose of Captain Carpenter’s belongings, so I kept them with me throughout the war. When it was over, I carried them back to Boston with me. I had forgotten all about them, I must confess, until I received your letter.
Captain Carpenter took a bullet that was meant for me. He died from infection when gangrene set in. During the time it took him to die from the infection, we had the opportunity to become quite good friends. When J.D. realized he was dying, he told me all about his young wife and the child they were expecting. He also told me of his fears for her safety, for he knew if anything happened to him, that his younger brother, who was “a greedy bastard named Warren”, would stop at nothing to get the family plantation and the vast inheritance that went with it. The problem lay in the fact that his wife and child were his legal heirs, and they would stand in the way of Warren having all that he wanted.
Captain Carpenter told me he was from a wealthy Mississippi family. At his parents’ deaths he was made the sole heir because his father considered his brother to be unfit. Warren evidently contested the will, but it held up in court. Not long after that, J.D. filed a will of his own, leaving everything to his wife and any unborn heirs, then left for the war. Just before J.D. left, his brother had become furious and said he would get the plantation if he had to kill the entire family to do it. Many was the time that J.D. expressed a fear that his brother would do exactly as he’d threatened.
I do hope the things I have told you are of some value to you and will help you in your quest. I see your family often and have kept in touch with your whereabouts through them. I know you will be pleased to hear that the tide is turning here in the medical community in Boston. Men of esteem who hold the same beliefs that you and Oliver Wendell Holmes held are growing in numbers. It is, I think, only a matter of time until you can return to Boston and the promising life you had when tragedy struck.
I trust this letter finds you in good health.
I am, as always, your friend,
John Ledbetter
Reed put the letter down and picked up the Bible. He opened it and turned to the page where family events were recorded. There he found the record of the marriage of Rachel Jane Bradford to James Dowell Carpenter.
Dowell… Now he realized where Susannah’s mother got the name she had given to her daughter. Reed closed the Bible and picked up the letters from Rachel to her husband. He read through three of them, finding the usual things a wife would write to her husband. But the fourth letter was significant, for in it Rachel revealed that she carried his child.
Reed looked at the date on the letter and compared it with the date of Susannah’s birth. There was no doubt that Susannah was the legitimate issue of James Dowell Carpenter. He also understood that out of fear for the safety of herself and her unborn child, Rachel had gone to New Orleans.
After reading Dr. Ledbetter’s letter again, Reed went to find Susannah. She was sitting in the parlor stitching a sampler for the baby’s room.
“Sweetheart, I have something here that I think you ought to see.”
She looked up. “What is it?”
He took a seat next to her. “Put your sewing away, because I don’t think you are going to feel like sewing after I show you this.”
Susannah put the sewing on the table next to her. “All right. Show me what you have in the package that has you acting so suspicious.”
He handed her Dr. Ledbetter’s letter and watched her face as she read. A few minutes later, he took out his handkerchief and began blotting the huge tears that rolled down her cheeks.