Someone To Believe In (40 page)

“Yeah, but she’d be safe. Worth it, I
think.”

“She’d never forgive me...you...your wife
wouldn’t forgive you, I mean, if you went against her like
that.”

“Maybe she would, maybe she wouldn’t. Who
knows?”

Suddenly it hit Clay. Aidan knew. Had guessed
somehow. Before he could say more, her brother started talking
again. “Of course, finding the right time to tell her would be the
trick.”

“The right time?”

“Yeah, you couldn’t tell her now. When she’s
so bereft. You’d have to wait. I imagine that’d kill me in the
interim, deceiving her like that.”

“You got that right.”

“But I’d do it. I’d put off confessing my
guilt, dumping it on her, until she was stronger.” He swallowed
hard. “Especially if she was pregnant,” he said. “The baby’s
welfare might be at stake.”

“You really think that would be the right
thing to do, Aidan?”

He zeroed in on Clay. “I know my sister,
Senator. I’ve never seen her so distraught. So dependent. She
wouldn’t talk to anybody about this, and only let go with you. You
gotta help her through it, man.”

“Of course I will.”

“Without dumping the other stuff?”

“The
hypothetical
other stuff?”

“Yeah, sure, that.”

Clay sighed. He’d listen to Aidan. Clay was
too close to this and her brother knew her so well. Maybe it was
best to get her through these few days, then to tell her what he’d
done.

Not to mention you’d get time with her,
before she found out you betrayed her

No, he wasn’t thinking about himself. Aidan
was right. This would be best for Bailey.

Clay just hoped he could do it.

TWENTY-ONE

“HOLY FATHER, OUR God, I commend now, the
body of your child Tazmania, into the ground.”

The November wind picked up, blowing open
Bailey’s coat and stinging her cheeks. At Father Tim’s words, she
sucked in a breath and leaned on Clay, as she had since he came to
find her at the pub two days ago. Clutching his arm, she drew
strength from him to endure this ordeal.

Father Tim looked over at her and gave her a
sad smile. She nodded, picked up one of the roses off to the side,
and placed it on the pretty white casket. Rob, Joe, and Suze
followed suit. Taz’s father hadn’t attended. He’d been contacted,
but the man asked Rob why he should come, saying that Taz was no
good to him now. She’d never had a chance.

Well, she’d had one chance, and gave it up.
No one knew why Taz had left the Conklins and come back to her home
girls. But the reason didn’t matter. She returned to the city and
now she was dead.

After Suze, Joe, and Rob all stepped forward
to place a flower on the casket, Clay did the same. He looked
haggard with deep grooves around his mouth. The bump on his temple
had gone down and the bruises were fading, but his color wasn’t
good. Though he’d been her rock for two days, he seemed so
breakable right now and incredibly sad. He loved Bailey so he
probably just hated seeing her suffer; and she knew he truly felt
bad about Taz.

When the service ended, Bailey crossed to the
casket one last time. She felt Clay come up behind her. Leaning
over, she kissed the simple box, and whispered, “I’m so sorry,
Taz.”

She drew back, pivoted, and looked at Clay;
there was moisture in his eyes. God, she loved this man. As she
moved in close, she glanced over his shoulder. Behind him stood her
brothers, all dressed in suits. Oh, God, she hadn’t seen them
before. She burst into tears, then went to each one and hugged him.
“Thanks for coming.”

They murmured their regrets and held her
tight.

“Come back to the pub,” Aidan said when
things broke up. “We already asked your colleagues from ESCAPE.
Have a little lunch, a beer. Be with the people you love.”

Her gaze swung to Clay. “Shouldn’t I get
Rory?”

Pat answered before Clay could. “Brie’s
bringing him over to the pub after school.”

Again she looked to Clay. He said, “It’s a
good idea, honey.”

“All right.”

They’d rented a car again, and she and Clay
found the gray sedan and climbed in. The warmth of the interior
felt good after being outside. “Thanks for that,” she said, her
hand on the knee of his dark navy suit. Her suit was navy, too, but
she’d needed Clay’s help picking out her clothes this morning.

His smile was warm and loving. “I told you
I’d be here for you.

“I know. It’s the only thing holding me
together.”

“I love you. I hope you’ll remember
that.”

What an odd thing to say. But she was too
tired to figure it out. She laid her head back on the seat. “That’s
not what I meant, though.”

“What did you mean?”

“Thanks for paying for the funeral.”

“How...”

“How did I know? I went to take care of the
bill after the arrangements were made. The director said an
anonymous donor had already covered it. “

“How do you know it was me?”

“Because I know you. You’re a generous,
honest, wonderful man.” Her throat closed up and she fingered the
wedding band on her finger. “I was so wrong about you.”

“Oh, honey.”

She shut her eyes and sank farther into the
seat. After a moment, Clay reached over and pressed his hand into
her stomach. “How’s our girl?”

“Girl, huh?”

“Yep. And she’s going to look just like
you.”

“You’re a sap about this kid.”

“Hey, I owe her. It’s the only thing that
saved me from your mother’s wrath.”

They’d told her parents and Rory, of course,
since Clay was staying at her house, that they were now husband and
wife. Her mother had started to cry until Bailey said she was not
only married, but pregnant. Then in typical grandma mode, she’d
hugged Bailey and was a little warmer to Clay. Her father, given
his own past, had been more accepting, and beamed about the baby.
The verdict was still out for the guys, though Aidan and Clay
seemed on good terms.

By the time she and Clay reached the pub,
Bailey was spent, but she felt better being encompassed in the
warmth of her friends and family. Around noon, Brie arrived with
Rory, and Patrick asked her to stay. She looked hesitant, then
agreed. The lunch was pleasant and homey and lulled Bailey into a
calm state. By two, the ESCAPE people were ready to leave.

Hugging her tight, Suze said, “Chin up, girl.
We’ll get through this.”

Rob and Father Tim both offered their
counseling expertise.

Joe Natale enveloped her in a big bear hug.
“We’ll take care of you kid,” he said gruffly. He still wouldn’t
speak to Clay.

When they were left, Bailey yawned.

“I think you’ve had enough,” Clay told her.
“We should go home.”

Linking her arm with his, she laid her head
on his shoulder. “I need a nap.”

Rory slid off the bar stool where he’d been
drawing, and tugged on Clay’s pants. “No nap, I’m too big.”

“A nap for Mommy,” Clay said and ruffled
Rory’s hair.

“You take me to the movies.”

Bailey stiffened. Clay hadn’t left her side
in two days. She’d even accompanied him to his town house to pick
up some clothes. She touched her son’s arm. “Um, not today
Ror.”

“Wanna see
Spider-Man Three
.” His words were spoken with
typical five-year-old whininess.

Panic welled inside her. Her heart rate
speeded up and she felt clammy all of a sudden. Clay sensed it.
“Maybe when Mommy gets up we all can go.”

“I’ll take him and Kathleen to the movies,”
Patrick offered, having overheard the conversation from behind the
bar.

Seeing Rory balk, and sensing what
Bailey needed, Brie stepped forward. “I’ll go too.” She knew Rory
loved her like a second mother. “Come on, buddy, it’ll be just like
when the four of us saw
Spider-Man
Two
.”

“ ’
Kay.” He stared at Bailey. “I like
having Clay with us.”

“I know, sweetheart.”

“You’re my mommy,” he said, hugging her.

“Yes, love, I am. I’m just sad now. I need
Clay to take care of me.”

“Me, too.”

When Bailey and Clay arrived back at her
house, he took her coat and hung it up. Grasping her shoulders, he
said softly, “I’m going to tuck you in, then I have some calls to
make.”

She grabbed his hand and kissed it. “All
right.” In her room, he unzipped her dress from behind. Then, in a
totally possessive gesture, he leaned over and kissed her
spine.

“Hmm, feels good.”

He pushed the dress off her shoulders; it
fell to the floor. She turned around, wearing only a slip. “Can you
sleep in that?”

“Yes.” She nodded to the bed. “Lie down with
me.”

“All right. After my calls.”

Bailey lay in bed and waited for him. She
cuddled in the soft cotton sheets and blanket, and thought about
her life. No decisions had been made, but one thing had become
crystal clear since she’d found out Taz had died: Bailey was
through at ESCAPE, and by extension, Guardian. Her family knew
about her and Clay, and soon they would tell Jon and Clay’s parents
they were married. Then it would become public. She could no longer
work incognito. In any case, her drive to do that kind of
intervention was gone, buried in a grave in the cemetery they just
left. She refused to think about what she was going to do with her
life from now on. All she wanted was her family around her and Clay
by her side.

She waited for him for fifteen minutes. Where
was he? For the past two days, she hadn’t been able to sleep
without him next to her. Rising, she left the bedroom and found him
at the kitchen table, with his back toward her. He’d removed his
suit coat and his broad shoulders stretched tight the light blue
shirt he wore. “I know, Ned. I feel bad. I just don’t have any more
information.”

Ned? As in Price? Why would Clay be talking
to him?

“Damn it, Ned. I’m dealing with my own
feelings about all this now. Let it—” He moved slightly in the
chair and saw her. “Listen, I have to go. I’ll call you.” He
clicked off.

“Was that Ned Price?”

“Yes, he, um, wanted some information...”

She shook her head sharply. “I don’t want to
know if it’s about Taz.”

He looked surprised. “What
do
you want?”

“I want you to come and hold me while I
sleep.”

“I said I would.”

She held out her hand. “Let’s go.” She
glanced at his cell phone on the table. “Leave that there. I don’t
want anything to intrude.”

He seemed pained, then his face blanked; he
stood and took her hand. “All right. Let’s go to sleep, love.”

CLAY HAD WORRIED over several things about
Bailey’s behavior in the past week, not the least of which was her
completely-out-of-character clinginess. He loved being with her
24/7, and had told Thorn he needed a few days off. Since Congress
was on Thanksgiving recess, things were slow anyway. So it wasn’t
that he didn’t have the time or inclination. But this dependence,
this need of Bailey’s to be with him was so unlike her. She didn’t
want to let him out of her sight.

The second concern he had was her refusal to
talk about ESCAPE, about Guardian, or Taz. So he was shocked one
night at about seven, when they were watching TV on her bed, that
she said out of the blue, “Why do you think she came back here,
after she was settled in Rochester?”

He gripped the remote, unprepared for the
question. “I...um...Does it matter?”

“No, I guess not. It all boils down to the
same thing.”

Since she seemed inclined, and he thought it
would be good for her, he shut off the television, stretched out
his legs, crooked his arm, and braced his head on his hand. He had
on comfortable pj pants and a green long-sleeved polo and she wore
a baby pink sweat suit. Her hand rested over her belly, as if she
was protecting their child. “What does it boil down to, love?”

Her face paled. “I was wrong about my
approach to youth gangs. My stubbornness caused her death.” Bailey
turned her head to him. “Maybe if I’d let you contact her, when you
wanted to...” Tears moistened her eyes and she bit her lip. “Maybe
she’d be alive.”

“That’s crazy thinking, honey. I don’t know
as though anything was going to keep Taz alive.”

She shrugged.

“But since you brought it up, Suze and Rob
and Joe have called me several times. So has Father Tim. They’re
concerned about you.”

“I’m sorry. I’ll get in touch with them
soon.” She started to get up.

He grasped her arm and pulled her back. “What
are you going to do about ESCAPE?”

Big blue eyes rounded, as if she expected he
knew the answer. “Nothing. It’s theirs now. I want no part of
ESCAPE or Guardian.” Her mouth set in grim lines. “That’s a given,
Clay. I can’t work with gang kids ever again.”

“Bailey. Taz’s death was not your fault.” He
knew he sounded desperate, but he couldn’t let her take the blame
for this.

“Of course it was. You were right all along
about my methods.”

He swallowed hard. He had to tell her, he
knew it, if for no other reason than to get rid of her unwarranted
guilt. But of course, there were other reasons. There was no way
they could build a life together based on a lie. He just wasn’t
sure if she was strong enough to hear what he’d done.

Noise sounded on the steps, eliminating the
opportunity for Clay to come clean. Aidan had taken Rory and
several of his nieces and nephews to a pre-holiday event at
Rockefeller Center. The kid appeared first in the doorway; fully
clothed in his jacket and jeans, he dove for them. Clay reacted
fast and caught him. “Hey, slugger, watch out for Mommy’s tummy.
There’s precious cargo in there.”