Someone to Love (30 page)

Suddenly, I heard a crunch, followed by slight, almost imperceptible footsteps. When I turned, I couldn't conceal my surprise.

“Mum…” I stammered.

Of all the places I would have expected to meet her, the cemetery was the last. She had never been particularly close to her parents, and finding her in front of me was totally unexpected.

She wore a linen summer suit and a pair of elegant black pumps. Even in those circumstances, she always looked perfect, from every point of view. Hair perfectly styled and flawless makeup.

She was holding a bunch of brightly coloured flowers in her arms. “I never expected to find you here,” she said, placing the bunch on a small stone step.

“I could say the same thing,” I said drily.

She glanced at me questioningly. “You're right, but there are still many things you don't know about me.” she shook her head and sighed. “Can you go and fill this pot with water? The fountain is on the left,” she added absently.

I raised an eyebrow, annoyed. “It's not the first time I've come here. You don't need to give me directions.” I grumbled, going to fill the vase. “Where's Daddy?” I asked, looking around, upon my return.

My mother arranged every single flower with meticulous care and put the pot on the ground, in front of the tombstone. “He's outside. Didn't you see him?”

I shook my head. “No, I didn't recognize the car.”

“The car park is so big that it's easy to get lost. He couldn't come in with that beast. I don't know what got into him… getting a puppy at his age, it's crazy.”

I smiled, amused. “Why, can only young people have a dog?”

“I didn't mean that. Now that he's retired he could do such fun things, instead, he's always running after that hairy thing,” she said, pointing her finger at me. “She ate a piece of the living room tapestry. Do you have any idea what that means? That fabric is impossible to replace.”

“I would have loved to have seen your face!” I giggled, holding my belly with my hands.

“Yeah, right. You always like to make fun of me,” she said, annoyed.

I composed myself instantly. “Me? But, you made every choice in my life hard. Only my grandparents understood me,” I snapped, full of anger, pointing at the photo.

She narrowed her eyes. She could have said anything, but nothing was going to change the fact: she had never been a mother to me.

“It's complicated,” she said simply.

Complicated? To love one's daughter? A child is not a mathematical equation that you may attempt to solve and if you can't, you forsake it, crumpling up the paper and throwing it in the rubbish.

“Of course, for you it was always easy to dump me on my grandparents and enjoy life,” I growled, sitting down and holding my knees with my arms.

My mother stared into the distance, turning her pearl necklace with her fingers. “I loved my parents very much…” she said, sighing, while the first tears rolled down her cheeks and gathered at the corners of her mouth.

“You never showed it. I never noticed a great chemistry between you.”

She let out a sarcastic moan. “And what do you know? You limit yourself to see what you like to see. I made many mistakes in my life, but I always tried to make amends. You, Mia, you were one of the best things that ever happened to me…” She stopped for a moment and then continued. “But I wasn't ready. I've always loved you, always, but I wasn't ready! You were a curious child with an enormous need for attention, and I couldn't give you what you deserved. I made a choice and now I'm trying to pay my debt to them.”

I wondered what she wanted to say. “What debt, Mum?”

“To have raised you. I entrusted you to them because I knew they would raise you to be that magnificent person you are today. You were different from other children, you loved animals and nature. And what mother could I ever be? I would have killed your curiosity, your will to live.”

I felt lost and helpless, everything I was sure of was crumbling. “And Lucy? You worship her, you always put her a step above me. Why?” I asked, clenching my fists to control the wave of mixed emotions I felt.

“She was like me. It's easy to raise a child when you're similar and you know that they can't have more than that from life. Mia, you had to follow your heart…” Her voice broke and only barely managed to continue. “Forgive me if I hurt you, I did it just for you,” she said, coming closer and taking my face in her hands. “I am proud of the woman you've become. If I don't admit it, it's because I don't want to upset Lucy, not to make her jealous of something that she will never become. Mia, you are my masterpiece.”

I let myself go with a stifled cry. For the first time I breathed the scent of my mother's skin and I could feel her fingers stroking my back soothingly. It was a gesture almost completely unknown to her, mechanical, but I didn't care. It was nice because it was ours.

I leaned my head on her shoulder. “You never told me any of this.”

Her warm breath blew on my hair. “I was ashamed. Perhaps I would never have told you, if we hadn't met here today. I always try and come when I know you're at work, to avoid bumping into you. This is the least I can do to thank them for what they did.”

I looked up and met her gaze. I saw her eyes veiled with tears, but I knew they were of joy. “Go on,” I said, sighing. “Whatever you think, tell me.”

“You haven't known him very long. It must be only a few weeks?” she exploded in one breath.

I scratched my face, amused. That sweet moment had lasted too long, but that was fine. I loved her in spite of everything. “I've known him long enough to be convinced of my choice. But you'll never like him, you just want to see me with a rich man.”

“Don't start with that nonsense again.”

“Every time, we always fall back on the usual discussions and I'm sick of it. Will you never learn that it's more important to me to have a man that can take care of me, than one that just has a lot of money?”

She let out a giggle. “Forgive me if as a mother I care about your future. Even though you could keep yourself with your work alone.”

“That's not the point, Mum. I built it all by myself and that's how I've always wanted it. Why can't you just be happy for me? Without too many complications.”

Our fights were never productive and only ended up hurting both of us.

She put her hand on mine. “If Diego manages to find my daughter, the Mia that I lost after the accident, then, I'll know that he's the right one. I'll just need to see that enthusiasm and that light shining in your eyes, because I miss it very much.”

“Thanks, Mum…” I whispered, hugging her once again.

The air was getting electric, charged with the sweet and pungent smell of an approaching storm. At any moment rain would start pouring down on us.

She pulled away from me. “I'd better go back to your father, or he'll think I'm lost. We'll see you at the clinic, because now we have a dog. It's crazy!” she exclaimed, leaving and muttering to herself.

“And now shopping!” suggested Fiamma. “I have to go downtown to look for a dress for my niece's christening and I need your help.”

“Ok. But I'll give you an hour, not a minute more.”

“All right,” she snorted.

As we approached the exit of one of our client's stables, Fiamma asked, “Isn't that Lukas's mother?”

“Gemma?”I called her.

She wore a smart suit and had her hair in a ponytail. She was leaning against the wall of the building and had a suitcase with wheels and a backpack at her side.

“Hello Mia, everything all right? I wanted to ask for your phone number to call you. We haven't seen you in the hospital lately and Lukas wanted to hear from you.”

I took my wallet from the bag and pulled out a business card. “Yes, just this morning I went to visit Martina, but I didn't see you, and now I have to go and do some errands in the centre. Here, there's the clinic's number and my cell phone. Anyway, I have some personal problems that I hope to solve as soon as possible and be able to continue the pet therapy activities in peace. That's all that's important.”

Gemma nodded. “Whatever it is, it will work out, and I say it not only for you, but also for Lukas and all the other children who might still have this wonderful experience.”

“I'll come back very soon,” I re-assured her. “And you, how come you're here? Are you leaving?” I asked.

“My mother-in-law lives in this building, and I came to see her before leaving. She has bad flu and needed some medicine,” she said. “But yes, my flight's soon, but it will be a short trip. I can't leave Lukas alone for too many days.”

She looked at me, and I saw discontent in her eyes. A red car pulled up at the kerb and turned on the automatic forecourt lights.

“They've come to pick me up, I have to go,” Gemma said, looking at her watch again.

“If you need anything, call me. I promise to keep an eye on Lukas.”

I watched her walk away. “You know you have ten minutes less now?”

“But that's not fair!” moaned Fiamma

I took her by the arm and dragged her away. “Let's hurry up then.”

Just the sound of a word, a name was enough to make me turn round. My enthusiasm vanished instantly.

Gemma passed her trolley to a man who placed it in the trunk. Their hands touched and I couldn't conceal my surprise.

“What's wrong?” complained Fiamma, following the direction of my gaze. “Oh shit!”

I strained to hear what they were saying, with the traffic noise I couldn't make out a single word. I was overwhelmed by emotions: frustration, anger, jealousy, confusion. And too many questions.

Diego looked up and saw me. The smile I was used to didn't appear on his face. He stopped and, while retaining a certain self-control, a shadow clouded his eyes.

I went closer. I expected explanations.

Diego didn't speak, and it was what he didn't say that silenced me.

“Diego, you should…” began Gemma a little uncomfortably, but he cut her off.

He shook his head. “Not now, we have a flight. I don't want to be late.”

I was pale. I thought I wouldn't be able to stand up. I had taken things for granted. But the story repeated itself.

“You know what?” I added, trying to give the impression of being serious. “You can keep him for as long as you want, because I don't need him any more. Have a good trip!”

I blinked to fight back the tears, but my eyes were dry. I had done nothing but cry for years.

Gemma stepped forward, shocked. “Mia, wait…”

My anger disguised the pain. Diego retreated further and gave me an undecipherable look. “We have to go.”

I couldn't speak. A heart breaks in silence.

I climbed into the car and wrapped my hands round the steering wheel. “I just want to go home and forget this day. In fact, I want to forget everything.”

Could it be really possible that I had made such a colossal mistake?

Fiamma seemed to read my mind. “You have to forget him, Mia. He didn't even have the courage to face you.”

I forced myself to smile. “If these are today's men, I'm better off single for life.”

“You're a beautiful woman, strong and intelligent. You'll fall in love with another man and you'll forget him.”

At those words, I felt a tremendous sense of emptiness. Before meeting Diego I hadn't realized how much of my life was empty; he had awakened a part of me that had remained dormant.

“And how can I forget him?”

The days had slipped away quickly and I continued to live my life as if the lawsuit had never existed. Diego hadn't even called me once after he left and his phone was always switched off. I felt so stupid for having shared my feelings with him, but I wouldn't give him the chance to ruin my life. There were moments when I seemed to feel well and others when time seemed to pass very slowly. I went on like this for days, and the pain I felt had become all too familiar.

Nothing could dispel the gloom that I had fallen into.

“Do you want another cup of tea?” Fiamma interrupted my train of thought, approaching the table.

“No thanks, I'm not very hungry,” I said with a grimace.

Fiamma toyed with her elastic hair band, and suddenly, her expression changed “Of course! That's where I saw her…”

I looked puzzled. “Who are you referring to?”

“That day I didn't give any importance to the fact that I saw them together, but now everything is clear,” and she burst into incredulous laughter. “Do you remember the blonde full of plastic surgery? The one who abused us because we brought the dog inside the hospital?”

I nodded. “And how could I forget her.”

“She's a doctor! Mia, she's a doctor,” she repeated. “I saw her in the hallway talking to Patty and their relationship didn't seem just professional. Indeed, they gave me the impression of being accomplices because, as soon as I passed in front of them, they stopped talking and each one took a different direction. I can bet that it was her that wrote the medical certificate.”

“Can I be honest? I don't know who's helping her in this war. I just know that it's all absurd,” I sighed impatiently. “Every morning I wake up convinced that it's all a terrible nightmare, but every time that document and Diego's empty house remind me that it's all real.”

“It'll be all right…” muttered Fiamma. I was surprised how much she believed in me. She had the power to re-assure me.

I let the vision of the children resurface in my memory. Feeding on those smiles, so pure and genuine, was the only thing that awakened within me the desire to fight.

“I know you will be strong and not crushed by this situation. Patty will have to apologize on her knees for everything she's doing to you. I'm sorry for her illness, but she and her son must get out of your life!” she snarled in anger.