Someplace to Be Flying (58 page)

There was something… .

She began to walk in its direction, feeling as though she were stepping on clouds, the surface underfoot having the give of soft down. It would be so easy to stretch out and nap, but she knew she shouldn’t. In this place a nap seemed too likely to last forever.

There was no way to tell how long she walked until the spot of color she was aiming for became a recognizable shape. A reclining figure. Red-haired. The features as familiar as her own. She might have been looking at herself, finally having succumbed to the lure of the yielding surface underfoot, but it wasn’t of course, because she was standing here, only … only …

As she drew closer, she saw there was not one red-haired woman sleeping there, but two. The second had been hidden behind the first and she was wearing the same dress that Kerry had put on this morning, the same one she was wearing right at this very moment.

This is strange, she thought. How can I be in two places at once?

But even that thought wasn’t as troubling as it logically should have been. All it managed to wake in her was a faint itch of curiosity.

“Kerry?”

She turned to find her sister sitting cross-legged nearby, regarding her with obvious surprise. Katy wore the same yellow jeans and sleeveless purple top that her sleeping double did. Her hair was an untidy red tangle. Kerry found her gaze drawn to her sister’s tattoo. She remembered what Paris had told her, that the symbol meant “little sister” in … was it Japanese?

Katy stood up and smoothed down the fabric of her jeans where they had bunched at her thighs.

“What are you doing here?” she asked.

“I … I’m not really sure. I was in the junkyard, sitting in the back of that car where you’d been staying and wishing I could make things right between us, and the next thing I knew I found myself here.” Kerry paused for a moment, then added, “Where are we anyway?”

Katy didn’t reply to her question. “What do you mean, you wanted to make things right?”

“I don’t want to chase you away anymore,” Kerry told her. “I don’t know exactly what’s real anymore, but even if you’re not real the way the world judges real, I know that I’d rather be crazy and have a sister than not have a sister at all.”

Katy sighed and sat back down. Kerry hesitated a moment before joining her.

“You’re spoiling everything,” Katy said.

Not even the soothing qualities of their surroundings could stop the sudden stab of hurt that went through Kerry when she heard those words. Her lower lip began to tremble and tears welled in her eyes.

“I … I guess I deserve that,” she said. “I’ve been so awful to you, haven’t I?”

Katy shook her head. “No, your reactions have been pretty normal, considering. I mean, what’re you supposed to think when I don’t let people see me and whenever you try to say that I really do exist, they lock you away and dope you up until you finally start seeing the world the way they want you to? I’m the one who should be sorry. And I am, Kerry. I truly am. That’s why I came here.”

Kerry wiped her eyes on her sleeve. “What … do you mean?”

“It gets pretty complicated. Do you know about the corbæ?”

“Not really. I mean, I’ve heard people talking about them but it’s all kind of confusing.”

Katy nodded. “I guess magic is, when it all comes flooding down upon you.”

“But it’s real, isn’t it? Just like you are.”

Katy smiled. “You’re here, aren’t you?”

Unless I’m dreaming, Kerry thought.

Her gaze went to the two sleeping figures, each of them curled up, the head of the one at the feet of the other. They looked like some curious yin-yang symbol.

She returned her attention to Katy as her sister began to talk, telling her about the corbæ and Cody and Raven’s pot and all.

“So that’s what I’m doing here,” Katy said, finishing up. “The pot’s always causing trouble, but Jack said if you could really understand it, then you could destroy it, or send it back to where it came from. And that’s what I’ve been trying to do. I was trying to understand it, but instead it swallowed me.”

“We … we’re inside this pot?”

Katy nodded.

“But how big
is
it?”

Katy held out her hands about eight inches apart.

“Magic,” she said in response to the confused look that came over Kerry’s features.

“I guess.” Kerry looked at the sleeping twins. “Are they us? Are we sleeping somewhere in the real world and only spirits here?”

“I don’t know,” Katy told her. “The pot’s way more complicated than I thought it would be. It’s not so much an object as an idea-or an object holding an idea-and it’s really hard to figure it out. You remember those Chinese puzzle boxes we used to have?”

Kerry nodded. She’d had a set of them that Katy had loved to play with, putting a precious something in the smallest, a pebble, a braid of grass, a piece of jewelry stolen from their mother, and closing it up in box after box, each one larger than the next.

“That’s sort of what the pot’s like,” Katy explained. “Every time I think I’ve figured it out, I find a new, smaller box that I have to puzzle out.”

“But I don’t understand why you’re doing it,” Kerry said.

“See,” Katy went on, “I thought I could fix both my problems. Get out of your life and get rid of the pot.”

Kerry shook her head. “I still don’t get it.”

“I figured it out-from all of Jack’s stories. It costs big time to get the pot to do exactly what you want. The only reason no one’s ever gotten rid of it or sent it back is that no one wants to pay the price.”

Understanding began to dawn on Kerry.

“You were going to … sacrifice yourself?” she asked.

Katy shrugged. “I don’t think anybody knows if it’s actually dying that happens. I think you just go back to where the pot came from.” She gave Kerry a rueful look. “And maybe that’s a better place.”

“But-“

“And the thing is, of everybody, I’ve got the least to lose.”

Tears welled in Kerry’s eyes again.

“It’s all my fault,” she said. “If I hadn’t kept believing people when they said you weren’t real-“

Katy shook her head. “Don’t say that. I’m the one who doesn’t fit in. I should never have been born. I don’t think I was
supposed
to be born, or I would have popped out at the same time you did.”

“But you
did
get born … eventually.”

“And I haven’t been happy. And I’ve only brought misery into your life.”

“That’s my fault, not yours.”

“No,” Katy said, her voice gentle. “Who’s the one who always got you into trouble? Who’s the one who let you take the fall for everything? Who’s the one who let you spend ten years in an institution because I wanted to be a secret?”

“Why?” Kerry asked. “Why did you want to be a secret?”

Katy shook her head. “I don’t know. Maybe there’s too much crow girl in me.”

“That’s not a bad thing,” Kerry said. “I like the crow girls.”

“Me, too. Though I’ve only ever met them in Jack’s stories.”

For a long moment neither of them spoke. Finally Kerry asked the question that had made her forgo her first day at the university and eventually brought her into this strange place.

“Who were our parents?” she asked. “Who were they really?”

“You haven’t figured that out yet?”

“How could I?” Kerry said. “Everybody I talk to about it gets all vague and …”

Her voice trailed off. Behind Katy, a rich golden, amber glow was rising up around the figures of their sleeping doubles. Katy turned to look. Goose bumps ran up Kerry’s arms and she could feel the hairs prickling at the nape of her neck. The light reminded her of the glow Maida had shown her how to find inside herself. It had that same luminous, soothing property. But at the same time, its presence put an electric charge into the air. There was an untamed, almost feral quality to its presence that made her want to simultaneously celebrate its existence and hide from its view.

“What … what’s happening now?” she asked.

“I’m not sure. I’m just kind of winging it myself… .”

Kerry moved closer to her sister and gripped her arm when a tall, dark-haired man began to materialize on the far side of the sleeping pair. His arms were widespread, making his long black overcoat drape like wings. Under the brim of his hat, his eyes were so dark they seemed to swallow the golden light.

“Who … ?” Kerry began.

She felt Katy relax.

“It’s okay,” Katy said. “It’s only Jack.”

The man had been looking down at the sleeping figures at his feet. Now he lifted his gaze to regard Kerry and her sister. He’d seemed so scary when he first appeared, but now he only looked confused. Behind him, the amber glow intensified.

“You’re here?” he said, his attention on Katy. Then he included Kerry in his gaze. “Both of you?”

When Katy rose to her feet, Kerry quickly scrambled up to stand beside her.

“Hello, Jack,” Katy said.

“Tell me this isn’t where I think it is.”

“I can’t do that.”

“Did you bring me here?” he asked. “Are you the one who stirred the pot?”

“Is that what happened?”

Jack shook his head slowly. “There’s something seriously wrong here. I’ve never heard of…”

His voice trailed off. All he seemed to be able to do was shake his head. Kerry wasn’t sure if he was simply denying what was happening or trying to marshal his thoughts. She understood exactly how he felt.

“Jack,” Katy said. “This is Kerry-though I guess you already know that. Kerry, this is our father, Jack Daw.”

Kerry stared at him, wide-eyed. “Our … father … ?”

“You knew?” Jack said. “How could you know?”

“C’mon, Jack,” Katy said. “Do you think you’re the only one who tells stories?”

“But the other
corbæ
said they wouldn’t-“

“Who said I only listen to corbæ stories?”

“But …” He looked from one of them to the other. “And you … you don’t hate me?”

Kerry was still trying to adjust to his being their father. But now she focused on what he was saying.

“Why would we hate you?” she asked.

“Because Jack carries guilt like a ‘pie steals treasures,” a familiar voice said.

They all turned to find that the crow girls were now here as well. It was Maida who’d spoken. Beside her, Zia nodded.

“It’s what he does,” she said.

“He can’t let go.”

“Not ever.”

“Not even when it makes things go worse.”

Jack was frowning at them, but the crow girls only smiled back, unrepentant.

“Oh, look,” Maida said, turning to Kerry and her sister. “Now there’s two of them.”

“Just like us.”

“Is that why you brought us here?”

Zia grinned widely. “This is so very much fun.”

“Be serious,” Jack told them. “We’re in a load of trouble here.”

“We’re always serious,” Maida told him.

“What gets confusing,” Zia added, “is that we’re often serious about different things.”

Maida nodded. “To what other people think is serious, that is.”

“But we don’t get confused at all,” Zia said. She pointed to the amber glow. “Oh, look. Isn’t it pretty?”

It rose up like a candle’s flame now, bright, burning, reminding Kerry more than ever of the glow she carried inside on such a smaller scale. Jack turned to look at it and retreated quickly, his eyes filling with wonder.

“The Grace,” he said.

“Oh, it is, isn’t it!” Zia cried.

Maida smiled. “What a good name for it, Jack.”

Jack shook his head, still retreating. “How can it be real?”

“What does he mean?” Kerry asked.

“There’s a place near where you were born,” Maida explained, “that’s Jack’s heart home.”

Zia nodded. “That’s what he’s seeing in its fire. The home of his heart.”

“Maybe even Nettie,” Maida added.

“My grandmother?” Kerry asked.

Zia gave her a sad look. “No. Your mother. We remember now.”

“My … mother … ?”

Kerry turned to her sister for help with this new revelation, but Katy’s gaze was locked on what Jack called the Grace. The crow girls fell silent, their own attention as riveted as Katy’s and Jack’s. When Kerry looked herself, shapes flickered in the Grace’s amber glow. It looked like a tree. A woman. A man. A bird. A dog, or maybe it was a wolf. A turtle. A spider.

And then a woman again. Sweet and fey, but oh so strong. You could tell that rivers changed course at her word. Forests would part before her. The wind would carry her hair. The sun and moon would stop for her. Mountains would bow to offer her fealty. The ocean would whisper her name.

Kerry was so entranced by the woman that it took her long moments to realize that behind her, one more dark-skinned figure was taking shape. He was an enormous Buddha of a man, the largest man Kerry had ever seen. She searched for and found her sister’s hand. Katy squeezed her fingers with as tight a grip as Kerry did hers.

“Raven,” she heard one of the crow girls say and knew from what Katy had told her earlier that this was her mysterious landlord.

He knelt with his immense weight resting on his legs, his eyes closed, his hands clasped loosely on his lap. His features were placid, almost expressionless. Kerry would have taken him for a statue, except when the Grace stepped toward him and touched his brow with a glowing hand, his eyelids nickered, then opened to reveal eyes so dark that the deepest night, the blackest raven wing, paled in comparison.

He looked upon them with deep curiosity before letting his gaze settle on the Grace.

“Is it time?” he asked.

His voice was so low-pitched and resonant Kerry could feel it vibrating deep in her chest.

The Grace made no reply. None of them spoke.

Raven looked slowly at each one of them, then spoke again.

“Has this world finally reached its end?”

They were maybe a half-dozen blocks from the waterfront when Hank noticed that they no longer needed the oil lamp Brandon was carrying. Out past the reach of its light, an amber-gold glow was creeping over the pavement and spreading across the sides of the buildings. The glow wasn’t exactly bright, but it continued to swell inside. At this rate Hank thought it would soon feel like dusk in the countryside, or that they were walking out under a full moon.