Something Like Lightning (28 page)

Allison frowned. “You’d be surprised how often I hear the same thing, usually from women. They didn’t fulfill their husband’s needs or take his feelings into consideration or blah blah blah, and
that’s
why he was forced to hit them.”

“It was an accident,” Kelly stressed. “William isn’t abusive. I’m not a battered woman!”

“So the only way William could have reacted that day was to jerk the wheel and send you both spiraling into traffic? He couldn’t have ignored you, or told you to shut up, or pulled over until he got his temper under control?”

Kelly sighed. “My mom got to you, didn’t she? They hate William, and you’re supposed to make me feel the same way.”

“Nope,” Allison said. “I’m not trying to break you guys up. Believe me, I know how impossible it is to talk sense into a lovesick heart. But I 
am
trying to make a point. You blame yourself for what happened, right? Well, what if the situation was reversed?”

“Like if I had been driving that day?”

“And lost your temper, turned the car into oncoming traffic, and cost William his leg. Just think how that would have affected his life.”

Kelly’s head spun as he considered the implications. “No more swimming. At least not like before. And definitely no Coast Guard. William wants to be a rescue swimmer, and it’s one of the most physically grueling programs out there. Hardly anyone graduates.”

“In other words,” Allison said, “a shattered dream. How would you feel if you had done all that to him?”

“Awful.”

“And who would you blame. Him?”

“No!” Kelly said instantly.

“But he made you so angry! While you were driving! He pushed and pushed and—”

“Okay,” Kelly said quietly. “I get it.”

“You want to know why you harbor so much anger?” Allison asked. “Maybe it’s because you haven’t allowed yourself to be angry at the right person. You keep blaming yourself, and honestly, I’m not asking you to stop and blame William instead. You both made mistakes that day. You shouldn’t have argued with someone who was driving. He shouldn’t have reacted in the way he did. Even the rain is to blame, or the truck that collided with you. Maybe the driver could have done something differently—more sleep, coffee, or who knows what else. There are more factors at play than we can ever count, but the only finger of blame you’re pointing is at yourself. That doesn’t seem fair to me.”

“So what do I do?” Kelly said. “Go home and yell at William?” “There’s been enough yelling,” Allison said, “but maybe it’s time to sit down and talk. Tell him what you’re sorry for and what you regret about that day. If he’s a good man, he’ll do the same. He broke your trust. He was supposed to drive you safely. An accident is forgetting to check your blind spot and sideswiping another car. Wanting to scare someone just to shut them up, that’s no accident.”

“But he didn’t want—”

“I know,” Allison said. “He didn’t want you to lose a leg, but he should have known the risk he was taking with your safety. Does William blame himself?”

“Yes,” Kelly said. “Even though I wish he wouldn’t.”

“Let him accept responsibility. You denying he did something wrong when he knows he did can’t feel good. You both messed up. Better acknowledge that before it tears you apart. You boys need to talk.”

Kelly stared at her. “God I love your brain!”

Allison sighed wistfully. “Gay men always do.”

“You’re alive!”

Kelly spun around to face the parking lot—at least as quickly as his crutches would allow—and made sure to put on a suitably guilty expression. “Sorry,” he said.

Bonnie shook her head. He wouldn’t be forgiven so easily. She pulled out her phone, rested her weight on one hip, and read from the screen. “Last text message I got from you says, and I quote, ‘Oh Jesus, oh Jesus, oh Jesus!’ That’s it. I’ve spent the last two days wondering if you were having an orgasm, or if you saw Godzilla just before getting eaten.”

“I’m sorry,” Kelly repeated. “You know all that stuff I’ve been talking about with my counselor?” He lowered his voice as two guys from the youth group passed them on the way into the church. “William and I finally had the talk.”

“You did?” Bonnie dropped all pretense of being angry. “How’d it go?”

“Good,” Kelly said. “William actually cried.”

“For real?”

“Yeah, but more like he was relieved. We both accepted blame for what happened. Then we took turns expressing what we were angry about before we forgave each other. It felt... cleansing.”

Bonnie snorted. “Cleansing? Please tell me you’re not getting too deep into this self-help stuff. Pretty soon you’ll be lighting incense and asking everyone to hold hands while sharing their positive energy.”

“Laugh all you want, but William and I are enjoying our second honeymoon.”

“Well, in that case I’m glad.” Bonnie shot a wink at Lisa, who blushed before hurrying on her way. “Love those shy girls. So how did you get here without me giving you a ride?”

“That’s one of the things we discussed,” Kelly said. “William and I both feel uncomfortable around each other’s parents, so to minimize that, no more bumming rides from them. We’re trying to be more independent, which means taking buses as much as possible.”

Bonnie shrugged. “I’m still available if you need me, but I think I understand. So you spent the last couple of days in bed together?”

Kelly grinned in response.

“I’ll take that as a yes. Let’s head inside and see if there are any new girls looking to do the same with me.”

Kelly didn’t keep tabs on the girls much, but all the faces seemed familiar. After grabbing a sparkling water from the refreshments table and deciding none of the snacks appealed to him, he took the seat William had reserved for him. Bonnie plopped down on an old love seat farther along, the space next to her empty, like she was tempting fate.

Keith was wiping down the marker board he adored writing on while lecturing them, a sure sign that the meeting was about to begin. Before it could, two late arrivals entered the room—a guy and a girl who were holding hands like Hansel and Gretel on their way into the dark spooky woods. Kelly resisted a chuckle, remembering how nervous he’d been his first time. Unless they were actually a couple. If so, he couldn’t imagine what they were doing here. The girl—heavyset with a face more handsome than pretty—shook off the guy’s hand. With a flick of her sunshine brown hair, she strutted into the room like she owned the place. This made the guy appear alarmed before he hurried to catch up with her. They went to the refreshments table and poked around, the entire room growing silent as they were observed.

“It’s like an AA meeting in here,” the girl muttered.

Layne, who was casually inching toward them, responded with, “You’ve got that right, honey, but it’s not booze we’re addicted to!”

Most people laughed. Kelly rolled his eyes, noticing how the new guy’s shoulders tensed before he spun around, as if he intended to leave. Probably a closet case. Like a shepherd sensing one of his flock about to go astray, Keith blocked his path and offered a hand. When it became clear that the guy wasn’t going to make a break for it, Kelly turned his attention to William, who was staring at the newcomers with his mouth hanging half-open. Kelly playfully put a finger beneath his chin and closed it.

“Someone you know?” he asked.

“No,” William said, blinking before flashing a smile. “It’s just been awhile since there’s been anyone new.”

“I know,” Kelly said. Then in his best imitation of Dracula, he added, “Fresh meat! ”

“Okay!” Keith said, taking a seat next to Bonnie. Kelly stifled a laugh. If she was hoping for a hot new love affair, it was off to a rocky start. “Today we’re going to talk about relationships. But first, let’s do a round of introductions.”

Kelly groaned. He wasn’t alone. Bonnie shot him a glare and mouthed “self-help” as if this was all his fault.

“Now, now!” Keith said. “Some new people are here today, and I could also use a reminder of who’s who. Tell us your name and one thing about yourself.”

Kelly daydreamed through most of this. He knew everyone in group so well that he could have done the introductions for each person. Layne wanted to be a makeup artist. Sarah was crazy about boy bands—which was weird since she dug chicks. Lisa wanted to establish an animal shelter for injured wildlife, and Bonnie loved her cello. Everyone had their thing. Then it was Kelly’s turn. He opened his mouth to talk about his Olympic dream or his love of photography, before he remembered what Allison had said. He was mourning his lost dream, but he hadn’t found a new one yet. His voice nearly caught in his throat until humor came to the rescue.

“My name is Kelly,” he said. “And I’m very disappointed Lisa didn’t bring brownies this time, since I skipped breakfast.”

“Sorry!” Lisa replied from across the room.

Kelly smiled at her. “It’s okay.”

“I’m William,” his boyfriend said, “and I’m glad there aren’t any brownies since I ate way too much this morning.”

Kelly was about to smile when the new girl cried out like she’d been struck. “Nyyyah!” Did she have Tourette Syndrome or something?

“Oh, go ahead!” Keith said.

“Sorry.” The girl twirled a lock of hair around her finger. “All this talk of food got me excited.”

Layne guffawed and slapped his knee. Even Kelly couldn’t resist a smile.

“My name is Emma,” she continued, “and I was born to love you. Unfortunately I can only love one of you, so let’s keep things civil. No cat fights, please, but I do accept bribes.”

The room laughed, all except Kelly, who leaned forward to look down the row at Bonnie. She was smiling appreciatively, her eyes half-lidded. That dry spell was about to come to an end.

“And who did you bring with you?” Keith asked.

Oh, this should be good!

“Jason,” the new guy said. “And I... uh... heeeee.”

That last bit was a wheeze. Kelly clenched his jaw to keep from laughing. These two couldn’t be real! This was some sort of prank, or maybe they were clowns, here to announce the circus was in town. Or maybe not, since Jason’s face had turned bright red. Was he still breathing? Maybe he had swallowed a piece of gum and was choking on it.

“That’s okay,” Keith said. “How about you, Lisa?”

Kelly kept his attention on Jason, who must have felt it because the guy made eye contact. And stared. Kelly stared back. Jason’s hair was a mess and his cheeks still sunburn red, but those blue eyes were intense. And so penetrating that Kelly forfeited the staring contest, turning his attention to Lisa.

“—much more challenging than taking care of domesticated animals, since a wild animal doesn’t want to be petted or comforted. In fact, the wildlife rehabilitator has to approach each rescue with—”

Kelly leaned back and got comfortable. Lisa was shy and quiet, but when she got going on this subject, she was assertive and wordy. Once she was finished with her micro-lecture and the rest of the introductions were made, Keith got started on the theme of the meeting. He began by challenging the assumption that men and women wanted different things, asking them what they desired in a mate. Kelly already knew that in a room full of gay people, traditional gender roles were null and void, meaning the answers would be interesting. Bonnie went first.

“I want to be understood,” she said.

Kelly felt like rushing over to give her a high-five. Nothing was more frustrating than being with someone who didn’t seem to understand you. He still felt that way with William occasionally, especially when he reacted to Kelly’s anger like it was unreasonable instead of natural.

Keith wrote Bonnie’s answer on the board. “What else?”

One of the circus clowns, Emma, went next. “I want to feel appreciated,” she said, looking across the room. At Bonnie. There would be some fast and furious texting tonight! Assuming Bonnie wasn’t preoccupied by then.

“Excellent,” Keith said, marker squeaking across the board. “Let’s hear from the boys too.”

“He has to be hot!” Layne called out.

“Goes without saying,” Sarah replied.

“So,” Keith said, “both sides want someone they are attracted to. Everyone has their own definition of hot, so this can be anything. What else?”

William raised his hand, causing Kelly to feel defensive. What if William named a trait he didn’t have much of? Patience or kindness or something along those lines. “Commitment,” he said. “Loyalty is important.”

Kelly had that in spades, so he relaxed. “Trust,” he said. “You should be able to trust the person you’re with.”

He looked at William, who appeared wounded. Kelly was trying to reference their recent conversation, not the accident, but even now it still loomed over everything. He wished it wouldn’t. Regardless, William placed a hand over his, Kelly surprised to find his own balled up into a fist. He forced himself to relax so their fingers could weave together. Obviously they still had a few issues to work out, but they could get there if—

“Humility,” Jason said, his voice clear and strong.

Keith’s marker stopped squeaking as he turned. “Humility?”

“Yeah,” Jason said. “I don’t want some guy I have to impress or one who feels like he needs to show off. I just want someone who loves me that I can love back. Simple as that. That’s all it takes.”

Humility. God, if there was one thing Kelly didn’t have, it was humility. He relied on his pride, depended on it to get him through life’s rough patches. It even motivated him. Kelly wanted to be the best, and he was willing to work his ass off for it. That had nothing to do with humility. If this had been William’s answer, Kelly would be in a blind panic right now. The current situation was nearly as bad, since William was nodding as he listened.

“I don’t really care about honesty,” Jason continued, “or being totally understood or any of the other stuff, because being human is all about messing up and breaking trust and telling lies. I wouldn’t want to be with someone perfect. Just some humble, totally normal guy will do.” Jason looked from person to person, those eyes blazing. He’d been shy before but this... this was something different. Forget circus clown. As Jason’s fierce gaze locked with Kelly’s, he wondered if he wasn’t meeting the devil incarnate. How else could he have chosen the one trait Kelly felt devoid of? When Jason looked at William next, Kelly nearly leapt in front of him, just to break the spell.