Something Like Lightning (42 page)

Nathaniel laughed bitterly. “No one ever thinks they will. The guy who hurt me made a lot of promises. We both did. All the pain we put each other through started as love.
That’s
why it’s so dangerous. The most powerful forces always are. Curiosity and passion drove Rutherford to split the atom, and I have no doubt that in his giddy success, he saw nothing but the potential benefits to mankind. Do you think he ever dreamed of Hiroshima?”

Kelly crossed his arms over his chest. “As bombastic as you might be in bed, I’m pretty sure we won’t be blowing up any cities.”

Nathaniel shook his head. “You don’t understand. Maybe that’s for the best. Or maybe I’m crazy. But I hope I’ve convinced you by now that I’m the problem here. It sounds cliche, but it really is me, not you.”

Kelly clenched his jaw. “So because someone broke your heart, you’re going to spend the rest of your life alone?”

“Why not? I know Hollywood tries to convince everyone that it’s not an option. A movie isn’t complete without an onscreen kiss, apparently. But that’s bullshit. Trust me when I say I’ve given this thought. I even told you when we first met. I don’t need anyone. Neither do you. Nobody does.”

“Then why am I sitting here?”

“Because I still like to have fun, and I really enjoyed hanging out with you. If I were a betting man, I’d wager you’ll never talk to me again once you leave this office. But if there’s any chance of us being friends...”

Kelly dropped his arms and sighed. “Who broke your heart? I’m assuming he has a name.”’

“Caesar.”’

Kelly snorted. “And if I find this Caesar person and beat the living hell out of him, would it make you feel any better?”’

“Nope.”

“What if I bring you his severed head?”’

Nathaniel appeared to mull it over. “Nah.”

Kelly shook his head slowly. “What happened between you two?”’ “The past is the past,” Nathaniel said. “While it might affect the present, there’s no sense dwelling on what can’t be changed.”’

“Right. There’s no way of escaping the past. I get it. But have you tried getting really drunk, or having a good cry in the bathtub? Or doing both at the same time?”’

“Kelly.” Nathaniel said.

“Fine.” He rolled his eyes. “You’re a broken man and there’s no hope for you. Anything else you want to tell me?”’

“I want to know if we can still be friends.”’

Kelly looked him over. Past the handsome face and awesome body, he found plenty to like in Nathaniel. At times they felt like kindred spirits. At others Kelly saw a person he wished he could be more like. Nathaniel had his shit together. Maybe not emotionally, but Kelly admired his unapologetic strength. And his naughty side, which he could only imagine would come out in full force in the bedroom. The most calm, collected guys were always freaks behind closed doors.

Heart, body, and mind, Nathaniel was his kind of guy. Being his buddy and nothing more would only be a constant reminder of what he wanted but couldn’t have. Even just sitting here was torturous. Kelly would gladly give up a year’s wages in exchange for just one kiss.

“I don’t know,” he said at last. “I need to think.”’

Nathaniel’s features became strained, but he nodded. “Let me take you to lunch. We’ll see how that goes.”’

“No,” Kelly said, pushing himself up. “I’d rather get this photo shoot over with. And afterwards, no matter how stale it has become, I’m eating that goddamned piece of cake.”’

“He’s such a jerk.”’

“Most people don’t sigh dreamily when saying that.” Allison Cross peered at him. “Or get a little sweaty and flustered.”

“I’m not flustered,” Kelly countered. “It’s the heat.”

They both paused, listening to the air conditioner steadily blowing cool air through Allison’s office.

“Maybe it’s menopause,” Kelly tried. “Hot flashes?”

“If that’s the case,” Allison said, “then you need to see a medical doctor, not a counselor.”

“Okay, so he’s a jerk and I love it. I used to be dating the nicest guy in the world. Then he exploded with pent-up aggression and sent us spiraling into traffic, so I think I’ll take my chances with someone who openly vents. Or at least I would if he’d let me.”

“Mm-hm.” Allison’s pen scribbled on her yellow pad of paper.

“You sure are taking a lot of notes this time.”

“Oh, I’m not taking notes,” she said. “I’m doodling.”

“You’re doodling?”

“Yup.” She glanced up, appearing shameless.

“I’m paying for this session, you know. Not my parents.”

“You can afford it,” Allison said. “I saw one of your magazine ads, by the way. Very sexy.”

“Thanks,” Kelly said without sounding grateful, “but maybe you can set aside your artistic impulses and give me some advice.”

“Donkey with a jet pack!” Allison said, holding up the drawing. Then she tossed the pad of paper on the coffee table and grew serious. “Listen, the reason I’m not hanging on your every word is because men like Nathaniel are a dime a dozen. They all have a different sob story or some bulletproof reason for not settling down, but it all boils down to them not wanting to commit. You came here for advice, but I already know you aren’t going to take it.”

“Try me,” Kelly said.

“Run away,” Allison said. “Turn around and run so far in the opposite direction that you never have to see him again. Find some smoking-hot boy without all the baggage, fall in love, and never look back.”

Kelly bit his lip. “What’s Plan B?”

Allison reached for her paper. “Donkey with a jet pack gets a space helmet.”

“Please!”

“Fine.” Allison looked at him squarely and shook her head. “I’ll tell you what you need to do, but you also have to listen to what I
know
will happen.”

“Deal,” Kelly said eagerly. “So what’s the magic spell?”

“He was willing to sleep with you, right? I’m assuming that hasn’t changed. You’ve shown him it’s all or nothing, but what you should do is ease him into the idea. Be his buddy, keep being eye candy, take things further than you would with any ordinary friend, and when you have him more hooked than ever, reel him in.”

“You think I should sleep with him?”’

“I think you should get him in a relationship without calling it that. We spend time with our friends, we confide in them, we rely on them. Love is certainly there too, but when you add sex to the equation, everything changes. Usually. Some people can be casual with their bodies without consequence, in which case, you’ll end up hurt.”’

“Or maybe he’ll wake up one day and realize he’s already in love with me,” Kelly said.

“Could be. If so, it’ll probably be your last day together.”’

“What? Why?”

“Because guys like him get spooked.” Allison’s expression was sympathetic. “I’ve seen it happen to one of the dearest people in my life. Not being able to have what you want hurts, but I promise you, getting what you want and losing it hurts more.”’

“So you agree with Nathaniel? We should avoid taking risks just because we could get hurt?”’

“No, but we should weigh those risks, especially when we see danger ahead. And maybe—just this once—you should listen to someone who has more experience in such matters.”’

“Okay, so what happened to your broken-hearted friend? Never left the house again? Became a man of the cloth? Lives a life of celibacy?”’ “No.” Allison’s expression softened. “He lived happily ever after.”’ “See?” Kelly said. “There’s nothing to worry about. I can handle this.”

Allison sighed. “For your sake, I hope you’re right. If you’re not, you know where to find me.”’

Kelly stood in front of the apartment door, heart racing. This would lead to rejection. His hand had been played, his intentions made known. Nathaniel’s scowling eyes would see through his ruse in an instant, stripping him bare, and not in the way he desired. But oh that hunger! If Nathaniel shared even a tenth of this desire, he wouldn’t be able to turn Kelly away. Not tonight. The air pressure was thick, a thunderstorm having come and gone, but the tension remained. The water evaporating off the streets only added to the humidity, the very air sweating in anticipation.

But Kelly no longer perspired. His pulse steadied with new-found certainty. They both wanted this. He knocked on the door, just a few raps, hard enough to draw attention. Light appeared through the peephole, footsteps approached, and then shadows covered the tiny round glass. When the door swung open, Nathaniel stood there wearing a maroon bathrobe that sat crooked on his shoulders, as if thrown on in haste. Kelly could see fine straight hairs near the top of his chest where it hung loose.

“Kelly?” Nathaniel blinked a few times. A moment later his leg shot out to prevent Zero from escaping. “Back to bed, mutt.” The dog grumbled and retreated down the hall, Nathaniel watching him go before turning forward again. “Any idea how late it is?”

“Two in the morning,” Kelly said. “I finished thinking. What we talked about, I reached a decision.”

Nathaniel’s brow furrowed. “Oh yeah?”

“Yeah.” Kelly took a step forward. “Just friends. Nothing more.”

Eyes searched his. “Strictly platonic?”

“Strictly?” Kelly leaned forward. “I don’t think so. How about no strings attached?”

Nathaniel’s gaze intensified just before he grabbed Kelly’s head in his hands, bringing their lips together. No tenderness, no hesitation. Their tongues touched moments after their lips did. Nathaniel tasted of toothpaste, his breath a little stale from sleep, his upper lip salty from the night’s heat. Kelly didn’t care. He loved it. The combination should be bottled into some sort of cologne or artificial flavor and be labeled
hot guy stirred from sleep.

Kelly leaned into him so much that he almost stumbled forward when the kiss broke. They panted a few times, eyeing each other. He noticed that Nathaniel’s bathrobe was now starting to tent toward the waist. The feeling was completely mutual.

“You’re not going to make me drive home, are you?” Kelly said. “Any idea how late it is?”

“Two in the morning,” Nathaniel said with a grin. “I should be in bed.”

“I was hoping you’d say that.”

Nathaniel stepped aside so Kelly could enter. He stopped in the doorway to kiss him again. Nathaniel reciprocated. For a moment, at least. Then he murmured against Kelly’s lips. “The dog.”

“Oh, right.” Kelly entered the apartment, praying Nathaniel wouldn’t offer him a drink or sit at the kitchen table expecting conversation. He didn’t. Instead he walked down the hall to the bedroom door and stopped there. Good.

“You’re sleeping on the couch tonight,” he said.

“You’d better be talking to Zero and not me,” Kelly replied.

Nathaniel looked him over. “That depends on how you do.”

“Challenge accepted.”

Kelly headed into the bedroom as Nathaniel struggled to get the dog out and the door shut. The sheets were tangled up, like the former occupant hadn’t been sleeping well. Kelly considered taking off his clothes and diving in, but he felt Nathaniel’s breath on the back of his neck first. Lips kissed the spot that had just been warmed before Kelly was turned around. They kissed as Nathaniel wrapped an arm around Kelly’s waist and lifted him, leaning back so far that Kelly was almost on top of him. He let his crutches fall to the sides, freeing his hands to touch Nathaniel’s hair, stroke his ear, caress his neck.

Then Nathaniel tossed Kelly gently onto the bed, where he landed on his back and sat up to enjoy the view. And what a view it was! Nathaniel slowly untied the robe, something thick and hard flexing as the fabric fluttered open. Kelly didn’t look directly at it. Not immediately. He was too transfixed by the gorgeous pecs that stretched as Nathaniel shrugged off the robe completely, revealing powerful shoulders and arms thick with veins. His stomach had a slight paunch—a gentle curve rather than a beer belly—but even this was undeniably masculine. If Kelly wanted to see six-pack abs, he could look in the mirror. What he wanted was someone who made him feel slight, and right now he wanted Nathaniel’s weight pressing down on him.

First Kelly admired the light covering of hair on Nathaniel’s chest, which gave way to smooth skin beneath his chest. This resumed again just below the belly button in a wisp that led down to—

He sighed. Some guys were like art, and should be cast-molded and kiln-fired into sculpture for the entire world to see. Not that he’d invite his grandma to this exhibition. Nathaniel’s cock was just as thick as the rest of him, and judging from the bunched-up skin just past the proud ruby head, uncut. If that weren’t delightful enough, he had the most amazing set of balls Kelly had ever seen. Heavy and pendulous, they would probably slap against Kelly’s butt and all sorts of other places, depending on the position. Sure, the solid thighs were nice too, and that chest was demanding Kelly’s attention again, but he couldn’t tear his eyes away.

“You’re making me feel like a piece of meat,” Nathaniel said, dropping forward and placing splayed palms on the mattress to either side of Kelly’s head. “And I mean that in a good way.”

He dodged a kiss so he could reply. “Just as long as you don’t expect me to compete with that thing.”

“It’s not a contest,” Nathaniel said, “but I wouldn’t mind judging.”

He kissed Kelly, pressing their chests together before lifting up again, their stomachs touching next, then their hips before the motions were repeated, like the world’s sexiest wave. Kelly’s brain was overwhelmed with choice as Nathaniel gyrated against him. So much he wanted to touch and taste and cling to. How could he possibly decide? Luckily Nathaniel seemed comfortable taking the lead. After a few more kisses, he hopped up and kneeled, sitting on Kelly’s crotch. Please don’t let him be a bottom!

Nathaniel started working on the buttons of Kelly’s shirt, but after the first, he grabbed fabric in both fists and tore it open. “I’ll buy you a new one,” he said before Kelly could complain. He tugged the remaining scraps off his arms, then relaxed his weight onto Kelly’s hips while tracing a finger around each nipple, down to his belly button, back up along one arm. Nathaniel’s eyes were glazed, already high from the rush of hormones. When he leaned over to kiss Kelly again, warm balls brushed his stomach, while further up, something hard and wet poked at him.