Something Worth Saving (41 page)

What brings that back?

Tragedy. Unfortunately, it does.

With tragedy comes an understanding. An appreciation for what you have right in front of you.

Death and tragedy teach us so much about ourselves that we would have never known under any other circumstance.

We had a closeness now I never thought was possible. And it was brought to us by tragedy.

“What are you doing?” I asked when Jace grabbed me, wrapping me in his tight embrace.

“I’m making an honest woman out of you. Right now.” He swept me off my feet and carried me back to his parents’ house.

We no longer had a home. We had no belongings. Nothing. All we had were memories, our beautiful children, and this right now.

Something beautiful.

Dispatch to command . . . all firefighters are accounted for.

10-4. Companies return.

Aubrey

Monday, December 31, 2012

W
HO GETS
married on New Year’s Eve?

We do.

Today he made an honest woman out of me. December 31, 2012.

The day we symbolized our unbreakable bond.

Once Jace proposed, what was the sense in waiting any longer?

Time is never on your side. We knew that.

I think my friends needed something to do, because they had an entire wedding planned and organized within a week. Pinterest worked wonders for us.

Invitations?

Who needs them? Facebook got the word out, and anyone I really wanted there was in my life every day and already knew Jace had proposed.

That week Jace was a changed man, so to speak. Worked only two days, still didn’t cook, turned down overtime, and put in for vacation time for after the wedding.

We were living at his parents’ place in a camp trailer. I’m amazed that with two kids and us in that tiny space, he didn’t call off the wedding.

I hadn’t been back to work, as the burns on my neck were still healing and covered by thick white gauze.

Speaking of burns, I was slightly worried about getting in a low-cut dress with them, but who really cared anyway?

I didn’t. After everything, I really didn’t.

Besides, I was convinced the left side of my body was thinner than the right. So I turned sideways, revealed the thin side, and covered the bandages.

“It’s a pretty dress,” Lauren said, watching with admiration and serenity, blinking slowly. As I looked at her hand, she had a bottle of water in it, as opposed to a drink.

I was proud of her.

We’ve had a life full of choices and decisions we never thought we would have to make, and today the meaning behind this held significance for both of us.

“It’s more than a dress,” I said.

And it was. We both knew that.

Lauren sensed my nerves. She always did. “Are you okay?”

“I think I’m a little nervous, actually,” I admitted, smoothing my hands over the white dress I never thought I would be wearing.

“I want this for you more than anything,” Lauren said, pink-cheeked and adorable. “You deserve this one day to be happy and forget about our hypocritical dysfunctional family.”

I’ll never get this day again. I won’t.

I have this day.

I have this day to remember why I fell in love with Jace.

And the day had finally arrived.

I married Jace Ryan today.

I wore a dress. Jace wore a tux. Gracie was our flower girl. Jayden was our ring bearer.

Wade gave me away.

Jace clutched my hand tightly, lacing his warm fingers through mine. He gave them a squeeze, as if to reassure me that everything was right in the world, and I squeezed back.

“Take my hand. Take my heart. It’s yours. I promise that whatever fire we have to walk through, I will guide you.” I exhaled a deep breath, promising my heart to him forever. “I do.”

“Take my hand. Take my heart. It’s yours.” His gaze was intense as he slid the ring on my finger. “I give this part of myself to you.” He smiled, so sweet, so
him
, breaking the intensity of the moment with a goofy grin. “A part that bleeds only for you, believes in and belongs to you. I do.”

I was relieved when the minister finally pronounced us husband and wife.

“You may now kiss your bride,” the minister said.

Palms framed my face, and he leaned in with no hesitation. “Finally an honest woman,” he breathed. “Mrs. Jace Ryan.”

The night fell into a comfortable pace when it was time for our first dance. He knew I liked the song, and the opening notes to Duffy’s “Cigarette’s and Honey” flowed out. He knew me. So well.

Taking my hand, he smiled and bowed slightly, taking my hand like Prince Charming, and then led me to the middle of the dance floor.

“There’s a chair over there. We could give this wedding party a nice surprise.” Jace tipped his head toward one of the chairs nearby. “Show me what you got.”

“That was one time.” I rolled my eyes.

“I don’t think so. I had them put a chair in our suite.”

“Why am I not surprised by that?”

He leaned in, his lips touching mine as he whispered, “Because you know me better than anyone.” And then his voice dropped as he sang a part to the song, causing shivers to run down my spine. “Baby, baby, baby . . . ”

As we swayed, I didn’t think my groom could ignore his dirty mind much longer.

Leaning down, he brushed his lips over mine again, the kiss building gently, but we both felt where it could go. “Speaking of a suite . . . ”

It was our wedding. We made the rules. So we sneaked away to our suite after our first dance.

I had a surprise for my new husband.

Two days ago I had boudoir pictures taken by a friend of Shanna’s for Jace.

Given the photos had to be taken at certain angles to cover up the bandages, but they made it work. With Jace’s turnout coat and helmet (courtesy of Denny and his sneaky ways), red bra, and lacy panties, there I was all sexy and on display for him.

I looked good. At least I thought I did.

Jace was speechless when I handed him them.

When his frantic needy lips found mine and my wedding dress was ripped off, I knew I had done well.

As he pinned my arms over my head, his weight pressed into me. My neck arched, giving the rest of my body to him. “My wife . . . ” He seemed honored to say those words to me. “There’s was no saving that dress. When I saw you coming down the aisle, I knew there was no hope for it.”

My head lolled forward against the pillow, feeling everything he was providing again, savoring that sweet bliss. Hot breath and a tender kiss fell on my shoulder, shiver-spiked goose bumps coated my skin with the warmth.

And to think, I would get this for the rest of my life.

“Should we return?” I asked, trying to make my dress work, but it was useless. I settled on another dress I had chosen for the reception, a simple white satin cocktail dress that clung to my curves.

Jace moaned slightly, lying naked on the bed. The thought wasn’t lost on me that this was our day. We could stay right here if we wanted to.

Jace laughed, sensing my conflict. “Or you could try out that chair.”

I gave my husband one more little wedding gift. Another lap dance.

W
HEN WE
returned, Jace walked over to the DJ and watched Brooke standing off to the side, holding Amelia’s hand as they swayed to the music.

He picked the song “Simple Man” by Lynyrd Skynyrd and asked Brooke to dance. It was Logan’s favorite song. And though it was our wedding, and not a day about Logan, we were here right now because of him.

Hand in hand, he led her to the dance floor as I watched from my place in Kasey’s arms. It was a beautiful moment seeing them together, knowing both of them held such important roles in my life.

“I’m glad she has Jace still,” Kasey said, watching them.

“Me, too.”

I could see Jace’s chin quiver slightly when she said something to him, her hand placed on his cheek with the other over his chest.

It wasn’t intimate. It was sweet. A moment shared between two friends. Friends who’d been there for one another.

I don’t know what was said, but I didn’t need to know. It was between them.

After their dance, we wanted to show our appreciation for everyone who’d worked so hard to put the wedding together in a short amount of time, so we gave a few toasts.

The one that stood out the most was to Brooke.

“I’ve been thinking about it a lot lately, and the truth is, I don’t know where I’d be without you,” Jace said, his voice wavering as he spoke into the microphone and then handed it to me. He was about to start crying, and he didn’t want to at our wedding.

The truth was, I’m not sure we would have been here today if it hadn’t been for Logan and Brooke.

“You made us . . . ” I paused, because in reality it was more than Brooke. Logan had more to do with this, but regardless. “You and Logan made us see what we needed to see.”

Her tears couldn’t be helped as she held her hand to her heart and whispered
I love you
to us.

She surprised me when she stood and requested the mic. “If my husband dying had even one influence on the way someone lives their life – and the way they love another – then he would be smiling right now. He was a lover. His charm, the magic within him, touched a lot of people, and well, I’m okay as long as I know his memory continues to live in others. The world will always be different with him gone. But . . . I thank him for every second he was in my life because he made it better. He made me believe in love — the kind of love you feel in your bones — the kind that has you smiling for no reason at all but for the simple fact that you felt it. You two” — she gestured to Jace and me, hand in hand — “have that. He’s smiling tonight. I know he is.”

I started crying immediately. Actually, I don’t think there was a dry eye in that hall.

As the night progressed a little further, we danced, we loved, we laughed . . . things we had forgotten how to do, but on this day, we remembered.

The night was perfect.

What could go wrong at a wedding, right? You honestly have no fucking idea.

My mother showed up.

Like clockwork, to turn any good situation into something Georgia-like, she showed up despite Jace’s warning for her not to.

Apparently she was leaving town.

“I’ll give you two minutes,” Jace warned her. “That’s it.”

With a possessive stare, for good reason, he watched as both Lauren and I stepped outside to speak to her. Never far, he stayed right by the door but wasn’t within earshot.

Georgia came back because she needed money. As usual. And she left because finally she understood why we needed her to stay away from us.

She was destroying us.

Despite her, we were becoming adults. If not from our own will, but from the shitty example she was giving us.

As we stood outside, she said one thing to us I’ll never forget.

“Believe what you want to believe. Trust who you want to trust. Love who you want to love. See the truth where you will, but be one thing above all else in this world. Be honest with yourself. Believe in yourself. Love yourself. If you have that, you can give it to another.”

Never in my life did I think someone like my mother would say something like that. Ever. I was actually surprised she did.

I damn near fainted with shock. I wasn’t expecting it.

Here’s the thing — my mom hadn’t experienced anything in her life but her own shit. Never had she thought about what her crap might have done to us. And it didn’t matter to her. Nothing did but herself. That would never change for her. Maybe she meant what she said, maybe she didn’t. I was past the point of caring.

“I hope both of you live beautiful, less complicated lives than I did.”

My mother never said anything nice. I’m almost positive she was incapable of it.

On a day when I’d given myself completely to a man who truly showed me unconditional love, she surprised me.

She was incapable of changing right now. Maybe ever. But that was her shit, not ours.

You know that old saying, when life hands you lemons, make lemonade? There’s obviously some truth to that. Life is what we make of it. Our relationships, the people in it, are what we make of it. When someone crosses you, there’s nothing that says you have to retaliate against them. There’s nothing that says you have to love them, either. It’s up to you and how sweet you want that lemonade, or, in some cases, how sour it is.

A
T A
special time of the night, Jace walked me outside to see the snow-covered streets and bright white twinkle lights. We had our first kiss of the new year at midnight.

The first kiss of husband and wife at a new beginning. A new year.

We’re never anything more than what we are right now, wrapped around this moment as we become husband and wife.

It was a weird feeling seeing Jace wearing a ring. My eyes were drawn to it. I wasn’t sure if it was because it was new, or maybe because it was as if I’d found something I’d been looking for. No. Marriage wasn’t the key. He was right about that. I didn’t need to be married to him. I needed to accept that I wanted to be married.