Somewhere in Sevenoakes (11 page)

”Oh. You never mentioned it.”

”He isn't worth mentioning. He certainly isn't comparable to you,” she said earnestly.

”Do you keep in regular contact then?”

”Actually I've not heard from him in about eighteen months. I have no idea why he's suddenly decided to get in touch.”

”Will you return the call?”

James hated himself for asking. He sounded clingy. He'd always hated clingy, needy women but it was somehow important to him that Maddy didn't contact Rick.

”No. I won't.”

He could see her struggling.

”But,” James encouraged.

”But I probably will pick up if he calls again. See what the problem is.”

”His problems aren't yours anymore.”

”No, thankfully. The biggest problem I ever had was with him.”

”What was the problem?”

”The problem was he couldn't keep it in his pants. I only found out a few days before the wedding. It was a very expensive lesson to learn. My parents had been saving for my wedding since I was a kid. Two years on and I'm still reimbursing them for the lost money. It wasn't as though they asked for it, but mum and dad aren't well-off. It was my mistake not theirs. For them wasting that money was a huge loss to their savings and the plans they had for me. They want to see their only daughter married and happy. We were trying to do the big white wedding thing. My parents couldn't save up that kind of money again, so I took it upon myself to pay them back. That way when it happens for real my Dad can feel proud he paid for the wedding.'

”I can't believe you didn't mention this.”

”It was two years ago. Besides my mind is on you, not some idiot I used to date.”

”But you didn't just used to date him Maddy. You were engaged to be married. That is kind of big.”

”It felt big at the time, but life goes on. Surely you've had serious relationships.”

”When I was a lot younger, but I was sowing my wild oats in my twenties. It's only now that I'm settled and ready for a stable relationship.”

”You never got engaged? Got a girl pregnant? Made any kind of mistake like that in your love life?”

”No,” his voice was distant and cold.

”This is silly,” said Maddy, trying to change the subject. ”It's not like I was trying to keep it from you. Naturally I've spent the week getting to know you, not dragging up the past about my ex.”

”Our pasts are what make us who we are today.”

”I appreciate that,” Maddy was on the verge of tears, ”I wasn't trying to keep it a secret from you. It just didn't crop up in conversation. If it had, I would’ve been fine discussing it; as I am right now.”

”Sure, whatever.”

”James?”

Maddy reached for his arm. He stared ahead in the mirror, straightening his tie.

”Do you need a lift to the station?” he asked.

”We can walk,” she said timidly.

”I think I'll take my car home first, then catch a later train in. If you don't need a lift I'll be getting on.”

He kissed her perfunctorily, closing the door softly behind him. Sick to the pit of her stomach, Maddy wondered how such a spectacularly brilliant start to the morning could sour in an instant. Of all the times to get in contact, why did Rick have to choose that day?  Maddy realised she had absolutely no way of contacting James to patch things up. Frustrated and hurt she locked her flat to head to the train station.

She'd missed her normal train, forcing her to enter the office at the same time as all her colleagues. Already she was regretting having asked Geoff for the early leave Thursday night. He'd be throwing all kind of questions at her this morning, to enlighten himself on her love life. With James in the house the previous two nights, her flat had seemed full with the cats rubbing themselves over the handsome new stranger. Maddy was already dreading returning that night. The cats would offer limited comfort tonight, given she'd woken in James' embrace that morning.

The thought of how hard and cold he'd been physically hurt her heart. It was as if her entire body was seized with grief. Maintaining her composure, she went to the women's toilets. Checking that no one else was using them, she sat in a cubicle, locked the door then cried. The tears soon became sobs and she felt unable to control them. Something had been stolen from her that morning. Hope.

After all she'd endured with Rick, after detaching herself emotionally from the world and focussing on the elements she could control and manipulate to give her a comfortable lifestyle, she'd somehow managed to hold onto 'hope'. When James spoke to her that Monday morning, the 'hope' that had been hidden away for years inside her had been released. That one introduction as she scrambled, embarrassed, on the packed train floor to capture the elements of her handbag that were scattered all over the floor, he had unlocked the box that held her 'hope'. She'd left the train happy, with hope. Her heart was alive. She'd deprived it from any kind of chance at love for two years but the heart was a powerful thing. Her head couldn't control it forever. Meeting James was wonderful, but rediscovering the wonder of love and relationships had given her so much in such a short span of time. Maddy trusted James; believed in him. Without warning he'd smashed any hope she had for a bright and loving future.

What hurt the most was that she had no one to blame but herself. She heard herself telling Helen that the one thing she learnt from Rick was to not rush into a relationship; take the time to get to know someone. One kind word from James and she'd fallen head over heels. The way he behaved this morning had been horrendous. She clearly knew nothing about him. To have allowed herself to hope they might develop a relationship had been foolish on her part.

Exiting the cubicle, Maddy washed her face in the sink. Her eyes were bloodshot and tear-stained. There was no way she could disguise the effects of her uncontrollable sobbing, other than to avoid eye contact with her colleagues. She trod, heavy footed up the stairs into the accounts department.

”Your phone's been ringing?”

For the first time ever, Helen sounded timid as she addressed Maddy. Maddy realised her mood was obvious to the entire department. They were clearly doing their best not to avoid her. She wanted it to be James, but knew it wouldn't be. As she saw another missed call from Rick her disappointment shook her. Just when she thought her hope had been crushed, she'd been so keen for it to be James she'd let herself believe he may have gone to the effort of tracking her work number. The fact that he hadn't hurt even more.

Furious at Rick, she snatched the phone to address her ex-fiancé.

”I'm going out for a breath of fresh air,” she announced to the accounts department; not a peep was heard from anyone.

Maddy approached the fire exit, fondly referred to as 'smokers corner'. Seeing three people waving cigarettes in animated discussion, she opted to make the call in the basement car park. As expected the car park was empty. She called Rick's phone, tapping her foot anxiously.

”Hello you,” greeted her ex-fiancé, as if he was in regular contact with her.

”Why are you ringing me Rick?” she hissed.

”Don't be like that.”

”Don't be like what?”

Maddy heard her voice jump up an octave.

”Shrill,” he laughed.

”What is it Rick?” she asked icily.

”Are you really going to speak to me like that after all we've been through?”

”After all we've been through Rick, I shouldn't be speaking to you at all.”

”It's water under the bridge Maddy. Forgive and forget and all that.”

”I don't remember you ever asking for my forgiveness Rick.”

”Didn't I?”

”No.”

”Then I'm sorry.”

”Well that only took two years. You'll get my response in another two.”

”Lighten up Maddy. I thought you'd be glad to hear from me.”

She was sickened that he thought he could charm his way back into her life. That she'd drop everything in pure joy at having heard his voice.

”You thought wrong. I'm sorry to disappoint you. Would you care to explain what's so important you've been bombarding me with phone calls?”

”Yeah okay.”

Maddy smiled. Her indifference to Rick had thrown him. He wasn't used to being brushed aside by women.

”I've moved into a flat, and the boys and I were talking about 'The Sopranos'. Turns out one of them hasn't seen it. I wondered if you still had my DVD box set. Thought maybe you could send it to me, so the guys and I could watch it all.'

''That's what was urgent. You and the boys want to watch 'The Soprano's'?”

”I didn't say it was urgent.”

”Rick, I've had twenty-seven missed calls from you in twelve hours. I assumed it was something serious.”

”Entertainment is always serious Maddy,” said Rick, sounding trite.

”Right well, I'll dig out the complete DVD box-set of 'The Sopranos' that I bought you so you and the boys can be seriously entertained.”

”Brilliant. If I text you my new address will you post it?”

”To clarify Rick, I'll send you a DVD box-set that I purchased and cover the postage costs.”

”Didn't you get it for me as a birthday present or something?” he asked.

”No, I bought it for us.”

”You don't really want it though, do you?”

Maddy stayed deathly quiet on her end of the line.

”The postage thing...I don't really want to run into your parents,” said Rick breaking the silence.

”Why ever not?”

”Don't be a bitch Maddy, you know why.”