Songbird (25 page)

My voice starts to break, but it feels good to talk about it. To actually say it out loud when I’ve kept it bottled up for so long.

“She died two years after her diagnosis. After that, our entire family fell apart for a while. Owen started picking fights at school. Dad stopped working. Mom cried day and night.”

Callie holds me close. “And what about you?”

“I became the asshole you met that night in the hotel bar. Arrogant. Cold. Unable and unwilling to have any kind of normal relationship because I was too afraid of loving someone and losing them. I think Shy knew how low I’d spiral, so she made me promise to graduate from college. It forced me to focus on something besides my grief. Otherwise . . . I really don’t know what would have become of me, because I simply did not care about anything.”

Callie looks up at me, her eyes filled with tears. “But your family’s so strong now. So are you.”

“It took a long time, but yeah, we’re better now. They say time heals. I don’t know if that’s true. Maybe you just get used to the pain. I’m still a mess, in so many ways. That’s why I
dated
—if you can call it dating—women like me. Professional women with their own money and their own lives who were perfectly content with no strings attached.”

She smiles softly. “You sure got more than you bargained for with me, didn’t you?”

“In the very best of ways, Songbird.” I kiss the top of her head and slide my fingers through her hair. “I’m still afraid, Callie. I never wanted to be close to anyone, but I don’t have a choice now.”

“Devin, I don’t want you to be with me out of . . . obligation.”

“That’s not what I meant. I don’t have a choice because I’m so crazy about you, and I’ve felt that way even before I knew you were pregnant. I couldn’t get you out of my head, no matter how hard I tried. I couldn’t even look at another woman without thinking about you. So please, never think I’m here just because of the baby. I want to be with you.”

“I want to be with you, too.”

I brush her lips gently with my own, letting my hand drift down to the small of her back. Before I can stop myself, I’m pulling her on top of me, groaning when the heat of her body collides with mine. In the back of my mind, I think about the baby and my fears, but the house is empty, and she’s so warm, and she’s grinding against me.

There’s only so much temptation a man can take.

Suddenly, a noise in the hallway makes us both jump.

“What was that?” Callie whispers.

“It’s your father.” Greg laughs from behind the door. “Someone owes me a hundred bucks. I’ll be expecting my money, along with bacon and eggs, first thing in the morning. Goodnight, you two.”

We wait until we hear the slam of his bedroom door before throwing the blanket over our heads and laughing hysterically.

I
t’s still raining when I wake up the next morning, but the storm has passed. Devin’s still asleep, and I hate to wake him, so I gently kiss him before wiggling out of his arms. He mumbles my name, which makes me smile because I am
such
a girl, and then I head to the shower. Dad’s probably still asleep, but I want to get breakfast started. After all, penance must be paid for our sleeping arrangements. Interestingly enough, the make out session in my childhood bedroom wasn’t the highlight of my evening.

Last night, Devin bared his soul to me.

His sister’s story certainly explains his family’s devotion to cancer research and the Children’s Hospital. And now, I know that Devin’s protective streak isn’t about controlling me. He’s truly afraid of losing me, and now I understand why.

I get dressed and make my way downstairs. Dad’s usually an early riser, but he’d had a late night. I start the coffee and grab what I need from the fridge. While I cook, I can’t help but wonder about my baby. I can’t even imagine having one newborn, but two? Devin’s a twin. Could I have twins, too? And what about leukemia? Is that genetic?

I make a mental note to google my questions later.

I’m so lost in thought that I don’t hear Devin sneak up behind me. I jump when he rests his chin on my shoulder.

“Does your dad like extra, extra crispy bacon? Because it’s black.”

I quickly look down at the pan. “Crap!”

With a groan, I toss the charred strips down the garbage disposal. Thankfully, the eggs look much better. Devin laughs and offers to set the table while I start a new batch of bacon.

“Something smells . . . scorched,” Dad says as he makes his way into the kitchen.

“You know what? Both of you can kiss my—”

Devin silences me with a kiss.

“Good morning. Isn’t it a beautiful day?”

I shoot him a glare and turn my attention back to the sizzling pan.

“I don’t know about beautiful, but it’s certainly calmer than it was last night,” Dad says, pouring himself a cup of coffee.

“How’s the neighbor’s house?” Devin asks as he joins him at the table.

“They’ll need a new roof, but luckily no one was hurt.”

I bring the rest of the food over to the table. That’s when I notice the crisp one hundred dollar bill next to Dad’s plate.

I still don’t know what that’s about.

After breakfast, Dad heads to the living room to watch some football game. Devin offers to help me clean the kitchen, but honestly, I’d rather he spend time with my father. It’s scary how comfortable they are around each other. It makes me wonder if Dad feels like he missed out on anything by not having a son. Now that I’m older, it’s easy to see why my parents’ marriage didn’t survive because they are completely different people. Sometimes opposites attract, and while the attraction was probably there in the beginning, that’s not enough to sustain a relationship, especially when they were forced into their marriage vows. It makes me sad . . . for both of them, and it makes me wonder if Devin and I stand any chance at all. We’re not talking marriage, but we’ve made the decision to raise this baby together. What if things don’t work out between us? Will my child grow up like I did—splitting time between two homes until he or she finally picks her favorite parent?

I don’t want that for my kid.

“You’re very quiet today, Songbird.”

I drop the frying pan in the water. “You have got to stop sneaking up on me like that.”

“Sorry.” He wraps his arms around my waist and presses a kiss to my neck. “Want some help?”

“I’m nearly finished. I thought you were watching the game? And what’s with the hundred bucks?”

He laughs. “I’ll tell you later. I think your dad would like to spend some time with you, without the boyfriend around. I’m going to invent an excuse to drive into town.”

I grin. “The boyfriend, huh?”

“Is that okay?”

I dry my hands before turning around in his arms.

“It’s great.”

“Really?”

I nod.

Suddenly, the most beautiful smile stretches across his face. He looks so happy and boyish, and all I want to do is kiss him until I can’t breathe. Unfortunately, my father chooses that moment to refill his coffee cup, effectively derailing my plans.

“So, you’re making me a grandpa.”

I curl my feet under me and get comfy on the couch. “I am. How do you feel about that?”

Dad grins. “I think I’m way too young to be a grandfather, but I guess I’m not. The more important question is how do
you
feel about it?”

“A little freaked out. A little excited.”

He nods. “That’s normal. I hear your mother was less than supportive.”

“Would you expect anything less?”

Dad reaches for the remote and mutes the television. “Cal, when you were a kid, I always tried to say nice things about your mom . . . because she’s your mom. But you’re an adult now, and I think it’s important that you understand some things about our marriage.”

“Such as?”

“Kim loved you.
Loves
you. It’s me she resents. Always has. She blames me for getting her pregnant. For marrying her. For turning her into a housewife. I didn’t ask her to give up the idea of college and a career, but the truth is we couldn’t afford for her to go, and we couldn’t afford daycare. I had to two jobs and we were still barely making it. She wanted more for you. So did I.”

“But my situation is so different.”

“It is, absolutely. But to your mom, you’re still her little girl. I’m not saying it’s right. I’m just saying I’m not at all surprised by her reaction. And I’m not defending it. I just . . . I don’t know. I guess I hate to see you completely cut your mother out of your life. She’ll come around. Once the baby gets here, I bet her tune changes.”

“I don’t know if I even want her anywhere near my baby.”

“I understand that, too.”

We spend the rest of the afternoon in the living room watching movies on cable. It’s a true testament to his love for me that he’s willing to sit through
The Notebook
. He doesn’t really know what to do when I bawl like a baby as the credits roll.

I must cry myself to sleep, because my phone’s ringtone jerks me awake. Groggy and blurry-eyed, I find Dad fast asleep in his recliner. I reach for my cell on the end table and try to focus on the screen. It’s a message from Devin.

Do you know how happy you make me?

And just like that, I’m bawling again.

I could blame my crying jag on hormones, or the sappy movie, or the great weekend with my dad. I could even blame it on the fact that, last night, Devin shared a side of himself with me he’d never shared with anyone else. But I know I’m really crying because I’m happy. Genuinely, totally happy for the first time in my life.