Songbird (33 page)

“You don’t like my apartment?”

“I like your apartment just fine. We just might want to buy a house someday. Something with a yard.”

“Oh.”

Do I
want
a house?

Yes, I think I do.

Happiness fills me as Devin tosses various baby products into the great big blob of pink that’s become our shopping cart.

Poor Uncle Owen’s going to be so upset. He really had his heart set on a nephew.

“Umm . . . Devin, I don’t think we need teething rings just yet.”

He just grins and keeps tossing stuff into the cart.

“What do you think about breast feeding?” he suddenly asks, nodding toward a pump.

“I think it sounds incredibly painful.” I wince as I examine the contraption.
Do I even want to breast feed?

Devin must sense I’m feeling overwhelmed, because he puts the pump back on the shelf and points the cart toward the cribs. My eyes brighten when I see that each “nursery” is arranged by theme, complete with bedding, furniture, and decorations.

“That’s a lot of pink.”

“You don’t like pink?”

“I . . . not really. Are there rules in Babyland? Does everything have to be pink just because she’s a girl?

Devin looks around. “You’re right. We need help.”

The salesgirl must’ve heard him, because she’s immediately by our side. When Devin asks her to show us something girly but
not
pink, she steers us toward some mint greens and lilacs that I love immediately.

“This is my favorite theme, and this crib is a great choice,” she says. “It’s convertible. As the baby gets older, it converts into a toddler bed and then to a twin. It comes in cherry, oak, and pearl white.”

While Devin quizzes her on the safety stats of the crib, I glance at the price tag on all the furniture and nearly faint.
Are we seriously buying all this stuff today?
I mentally calculate how much it costs and quickly compare it to my bank account balance.

Holy crap. It’s just wood, right?

“Do you like it, Callie?”

I blink. “Yes, but—”

Devin notices my apprehension and asks the girl to give us a few minutes.

“What’s wrong?”

My eyes ghost over the nursery. “It’s all beautiful. I’m just a little overwhelmed, I guess. I thought we’d pick out some clothes, some diapers . . .”

“And I’ve gone overboard. I’m sorry, Callie. We don’t have to do all this today.”

I sigh with relief. “Thanks. I love it, honestly. I just can’t afford it all. Not today.”

His forehead creases with confusion. “Is that what you’re worried about? The money?”

“Well, yeah. I’m just a reporter, Devin. I live paycheck to paycheck like most Americans. I have some savings, but—”

With a grin, Devin leads me toward the nursery’s rocking chair. He sits down and pulls me into his lap. “Sweetheart, I didn’t expect you to pay for any of this. I’m happy to do it.”

“But . . . we’re partners in this. Equals.”

“Of course we are, but don’t you see? Everything I have is yours.”

“Including your money?”

He shrugs.

“Devin, that’s not true at all. And if it is, it shouldn’t be. It’s not like we’re married.”

“An issue I would be happy to rectify. Just say the word.”

“Don’t try to change the subject.”

“I’m not trying to change it. I’m trying to figure out what you’re so upset about. Are you mad because I’m offering to buy bedroom stuff for our kid? Or are you mad because we aren’t married?”

I take a deep breath. “I’m not mad. I’m just . . . not used to this. I don’t like not being able to afford what I need. And I
can
afford it. I just can’t afford it all today.”

I can tell by the look in his eyes he doesn’t get it, and that’s not his fault. Devin was raised with money. Now he’s a successful lawyer. My dad was a paramedic. Mom didn’t work until after they divorced. Growing up, I had everything I needed, but there wasn’t a lot of money left over for frivolous things. My salary’s decent, but I can’t just spend thousands of dollars in one day without charging it, and I really hate to use my credit card unless it’s an emergency.
This
isn’t an emergency.

Devin sighs softly and kisses the side of my neck. “Callie, I want to do this. I love you. I love our daughter. I know you have this independent streak, but we’re a team now. Partners, like you said.”

Tears sting my eyes. “I love you, too, but it’s too much, Devin.”

“Nothing is too much. Not when it comes to you and our baby.”

“I want to pay for half.”

Devin chuckles. “God, you’re so stubborn.”

“I’m just—”

“Overwhelmed, I know.”

I nod. We just found out we’re having a daughter. And now, Devin’s talking houses and backyards and breast pumps and thousands of dollars of baby furniture. My life is just one big rollercoaster, and while most of it’s wonderful, it’s also scary as hell. Will I ever just feel settled and calm?

Devin kisses the hollow just below my ear. “And I didn’t help with an impromptu shopping spree to Babyville. I was just excited, I guess. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize. I’m glad you’re excited.”

“I am, but this stuff can wait. We have time.”

“No, you’re right. We’re already here. We might as well make a decision.”

He smiles. “I know it’s expensive. Let me buy this for our baby. Nothing would make me happier.”

I glance around us. I really do love it. It’s only the price—and my feelings of inadequacy—that make me hesitant.

“You can buy the furniture. I’ll buy the accessories.”

“Deal.” Devin grins brightly. “Look at that. Another compromise. We’re getting good at this.”

I kiss him sweetly. “We are. Thank you. You’re so good to me.”

“I love you,” he says simply, as if that explains everything.

Maybe it does.

After making the sales girl’s day, we decide to order take-out and spend a quiet night at home. We watch the local news, and both of us are disheartened to learn that Dominic now leads his opponent in the polls by nearly twenty percentage points. With the election less than a week away, it’s safe to assume I’ll be reporting on Dominic Barkley for the next four years.

Devin’s unusually quiet for the rest of the night, and while it’d be easy to blame his subdued mood on Dominic, I know I have to accept my share of the blame. I’d soured our happy day with my insecurities, and those insecurities were just a by-product of growing up with a mom like Kim. All my life, she’d drilled into my head not to rely on a man. To make my own money and my own life so that I’d never have to depend on someone else. And, more importantly, so I could support myself in case my relationships turned out just like hers.

I love Devin, and I know he loves me, but I also have to be smart.

When we finally climb into bed, Devin pulls me close to his chest. His soft rhythmic breathing against my ear nearly lulls me to sleep, but then he whispers my name in the darkness.

“Hmm?”

“Callie, I’ve been thinking about what we were talking about at the store. About being partners. Equals. You
are
my equal. I just don’t think being equal has anything to do with money. Money doesn’t buy happiness. If it did, my sister would still be alive.” His arm tightens around me. “I never thought I’d be this happy. You make me this way, and money has nothing to do with it.”

“I know. You make me happy, too. Happier than I’ve ever been. My emotions are just all over the place. So much has happened so fast, and it
keeps
happening. I wish life could be still for just a second, but that’s not going to happen anytime soon.”

“It’s been a crazy few months. We should run away. Take a vacation or something.”

That sounds nice. It’s also impossible with both of our jobs, but it’s nice to dream. I play along.

“Where would we go?”

“Where do you want to go?”

I laugh softly. “Surprise me.”

“I can do that.”

I smile.
Will I ever get used to his ability to grant my every wish?

“Devin, I’m going to have a very hard time letting you buy me things. I’m just stubbornly independent. I always have been. I’m not completely destitute, but news reporters don’t make bank. I have to manage my money. My savings account is decent, but it’s all I have.”

“I understand, but when it comes to the baby, I need you to understand something, too. I
want
to take care of her. That means I’m going to buy whatever she needs . . . and probably a lot of things she won’t need at all. She’s going to be spoiled, and I’m sorry about that, but I can’t promise I’ll be able to control it. And if
we
don’t spoil her, trust me when I say her grandparents will.”

I grin. “And don’t forget Uncle Owen.”

“And your dad. Remember when we called to tell him it’s a girl? He said he’d taken the hundred bucks he made off me and started her a college fund with it.”

We laugh.

“Callie, I don’t want you to worry about money. I’m a decent attorney and I’ve made good investments. Money should never be an issue for us.”

“But that’s just it. It’s your money.”

“It’s
ours
. What’s mine is yours, remember?”

“That’s a nice sentiment, Devin, but it’s not true.”

“It would be true if we were married.”

“But we’re not.”

We grow quiet, and just as I’m falling asleep, I hear him whisper against my ear.

“I want to marry you, Songbird.”